When Sh*t Gets in the Way

by Ines Vieira

  “No, Tio. I want to know what he said!” I roll my eyes because although I love Tony to death, he’s one stubborn pain in the ass.

  “Cool it, Tony,” Mickey replies, and I see him stroke Penny’s back to comfort her. Yeah, I guess this was not on the agenda of ‘Meet the Family Christmas Special’ Mickey intended. All us Silva’s are hot-blooded as hell, well with the exception of dad maybe, so something like this was bound to happen. We bicker and fight as much as we goof off with each other. But when it comes to protecting our own, we all deal with it in different ways, some more vocally, others with clearer heads, but we all fight for each other like a dog with a bone. Relentlessly. Hector though is the anomaly, I guess. While my father is the epidemy of a good, selfless, honest man, his brother is his mirror image in reverse. Cruel, self-serving and malicious. It still makes me sick to think of all the things my Tia and beloved primo had to live through all these years without anyone of us even suspecting Hector’s depravity and abuse.

  “Boys, why don’t you help Penny and me in the living room, wrap up some Christmas presents I got for the little ones today? Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve and you know that if they don’t find their presents above the rest, they are going to knock down my tree searching for them.

  Matty and André take the hint, and Penny kisses Mickey on the cheek and follows my mother to the other room. Leaving me with my big brother, older cousin, who acts like my big brother and my father. All three sit closer to me, in order so that our conversation isn’t overheard by the rest of the family in the living room.

  “Start talking Jess,” Tony growls. I roll my eyes, but I do just that. I retell the whole encounter, from Candi’s bruised wrist to the haunted look in her eyes, to Hector’s parting threat on Aunt Evelyn and Isaac. When I tell them that I lost my cool and slapped Hector for all of High Street to see, Tony’s face shows nothing but pride, while dad cringes that I resorted to violence. In dad’s mind, there is nothing that can't be fixed with words. Violence shouldn’t even be considered as a last resort in his book. I wish I was more like him sometimes, believing that words can bring peace and that talking it out is enough to solve any problem. I wish I believed the way he did. But dad also taught me that I should practice what I preach, and it would be hypocritical of me to say that the pen is mightier than the sword when sometimes aggressive confrontation is the only way to get your point across. I’ve never been a believer in fairy tales, and sometimes I think my dad has such an idealistic notion of the world we live in, that just doesn't ring true to me. There is too much cruelty and suffering around us to expect that words are enough to make those nightmares disappear. And even though it shames me looking at my father’s disappointed gaze, I took true pleasure in getting under Hector’s skin with my blatant act of disrespectfulness. Even if he is my uncle, the man is a monster and he deserved all the wrath that I could muster up. Hell, he was lucky it was Quaid there and not Tony. Quaid protected me by stepping in; Tony would have jumped in with both feet and helped me bring the bastard to his knees. After I finish my story, even the air in the room feels too heavy to breathe in. Dad is solemn and quiet. Two things that are not in his nature to be.

  “Dad, what’s with the face?” Mickey asks also picking up on his mood. Dad lets out a small sigh and starts to stand up, putting his hand on my shoulder.

  “I guess it still pains me to hear how much my brother has changed. How he's become such a stranger to me.”

  “You sound like you miss him or something?” Mickey continues appalled at the idea.

  “It’s very complicated, filho. I may not like my brother, but that doesn’t mean I love him any less. Just because I loathe his actions and the person he’s become, doesn’t mean that the love I have for him has disappeared.”

  “But how can that be, pai? How can you hate someone and love them just the same?” I ask totally blown away by dad’s admission of his continued love of the prick.

  “Ha, my sweet, sweet Jessica, I hope you never learn or have cause for true hate in your heart. Hate is an ugly and dangerous word. It can consume you more than the object that holds that affection. To truly hate, someone means you would have suffered more at their hands than you should have. I hope that you are able to distance yourself from such situations that would enable you to know the full meaning of hate. If that was ever to occur, then I would be the one heartbroken. It would mean I didn’t protect my girl as a father should.” He gives my shoulder another light grip and starts making his way out the kitchen, but before he reaches the door, he turns around.

  “I do have one request for the three of you, though. My brother’s mind seems to be unstable which means I can’t predict what he will do next. Setting small fires and damaging the store like he did this year, I can live with, but harming anyone of my kids is another story. His whole family has turned their backs on him for due cause, but my brother somehow doesn’t see that his actions are what caused the rift in the first place. Which makes him all the more volatile.” Dad passes his hair through his short brown hair, and it's a tell that he’s worried.

  “If you see him at all in the future, I’d like to be sure that you wouldn’t engage with him at any cost. If you see him on the street, turn the other way; is what I’m saying. Am I making myself clear?” All three of us nod our agreement, and after making eye contact with each one of us to confirm that we understand, he leaves us alone in the kitchen. All three of us are quiet for a moment, thinking of what dad was implying. Hector is looking to get retribution against Isaac and Aunt Evelyn, and apparently, if he can't get to them, the family that no longer wants anything to do with him, is as good as substitutes go. Yeah, we got the message loud and clear, but it's not anything we hadn’t thought of before. The thing is that my little altercation with him this morning, probably just added more gasoline to an already blazing fire.

  “We all heard dad right? No one gets near Hector, no matter what.” Mickey eyes both me and Tony knowing full well that between the three of us we are the ones that have a knack for getting into trouble. Tony lifts his eyes off the table and looks to Mickey and nods his agreement, I do too, but apparently, we're not as convincing to him as we were to dad.

  “I’m serious, guys. It’ll be easy enough for us to keep clear of Hector since we’re going back to school in a week, but Tony, you still live here, so keep a good distance, yeah?” Mickey states as he too starts to stand up from the table. Tony nods again, so do I taking his silent cue as a signal to not open my mouth just yet. The second nod seems to do it for Mickey, and he goes off to probably see where his girlfriend is at.

  Once we’re sure that the coast is clear, we get up from our seats and start to clear the table in silence. I wait until all the dishes are in the sink to turn the water on. Tony is at my side to dry the plates, our backs to the kitchen door. With the water running and the apparent conversation that everyone else is having in the living room, it's safe to talk in our fabricated cocoon.

  “So what’s the plan?” Tony asks.

  “How did you know I had a plan?” I ask amused that my big cuz knows me so well. He cocks an eyebrow up as if to say 'Give me a little credit, will you'.

  “Fair enough. I don’t have a plan per se, but I do need to do something that might fall into the 'no Hector rule' dad just sprung on us.” Tony is still with me, so I continue, passing him yet another plate for him to dry off, but I still need to make sure that he’s cool with this and not run back to dad if he disagrees.

  “You sure, now? I don’t want you to say yes and find out later that you stabbed me in the back.” He huffs out his displeasure at my insinuation.

  “First of all, I’m no rat. You should know better for even going there. And second, I rather know what’s going to show up at my doorstep than be unprepared for whatever shit Hector can come up with.”

  “Agreed.”

  “So spill.”

  “You got your truck with you?”

  “Of course,” Tony replies with a little glimmer
in his eye.

  “Good,” I grin satisfied with his enthusiasm.

  “We’re going for a ride, then?” He cocks his eyebrow up, a full mischievous smile plastered on his face as I nod in agreement. “Anywhere specific in mind? Or anyone for that matter?”

  “Yep. We, dear cousin, are gonna find a girl.”

  ***

  Who would have thought that cruising all over Plymouth looking for the resigned blond would be so exhausting? I knew it wouldn’t be easy running into Candi again, but I couldn’t go back to school until I saw her. She needed to know that she had people who would help her out if things with Hector got more out of control. Tomorrow Tony and I would try again. Hector gives her some freedom at least, even if only to do grocery shopping, so all we have to do is hope we’d be at the right place at the right time to run into her again.

  I slump over to the bed after changing into my boy short pajamas and top and proceed to charge my phone. I got a few missed calls from Cass and Ronnie and decided to hit up Cass first. After five rings, I almost hang up, but then a very sleepy Cass answers with a drowsy hi.

  “Sorry babe, I didn’t know you'd be asleep by now.” I hear ruffling on the other side of the line before Cass sighs into the phone.

  “Well, it is almost one in the morning. Most people are asleep at this hour,” she states, but there is a hint of a smile there.

  “You’re right. Totally lost track of the time, I guess. Go back to sleep, babe. We’ll talk in the morning,” I tell her.

  “No wait, don’t hang up yet. I wanted to ask you something?” I settle my head on my pillow and pull up my covers getting myself comfortable.

  “Shoot. What’s on your mind?”

  “Quaid actually.” I immediately stand up on the bed, so not expecting that answer coming from Jess.

  “I beg your pardon? Why the hell are you thinking about Quaid at this ungodly hour?”

  “Well, not so much as Quaid, but more like 'you and Quaid'.” Again, I’m almost tongue-tied. Almost, since I got a whole huge vocabulary of words that I think of to say, but don’t want to hurt my friend's feelings.

  “Cass, you are in fact sleep deprived, because you are not making any sense whatsoever. Did you just put Quaid and me in the same sentence? Cause that’s just wrong on so many levels, babe.” She giggles a bit and every time I get her to do that I feel a little bit better. Cass has been so zombie-like, that any emotion that I can muster out of her feels like an accomplishment.

  “Stop being silly and just answer my question, will ya.”

  “Babe, you didn’t make one. See sleep deprivation is making you all batty.”

  “That’s because you didn’t give me enough time to ask it yet. Jeeze.” Another giggle.

  Win!

  “So ask away.”

  “Is there something going on with you and him? I mean you said that he brought you home but you haven’t said anything else and from what I saw today, you guys have some serious heated tension going on.”

  “Not heated, just tension. He doesn’t like me, and I don’t like him. See? Nothing to figure out. Just plain old animosity.”

  “You sure about that? It didn’t look like it to me.”

  “Trust me, that’s all it is.” I bite my lower lip and know that I’m going to regret asking. I place my arm over my eyes anyway and bite the bullet. “What did it look like, though?”

  “It looked like if you guys weren’t in the middle of the street with plenty of gawking witnesses, that you were ten seconds away from tearing each other’s clothes off.” Actual laughter. I finally get a real honest to god laugh out of my depressed friend, and I find myself wishing she stuck to her previous mood. Crapola, I’m a shitty friend for thinking this just because she’s laughing at my reaction to Quaid’s alpha attitude. I decide to move past her remark instead and divert her attention from Quaid and me to other venues. But Cass is having none of it.

  “I mean you could feel the sexual tension. Like, cut it with a knife sort of thing.”

  “Now you sound like Ronnie. Did you hear anything back from her? I’ve got some missed calls from her but haven’t got around to calling yet.”

  “Good deflection, Jess. She’s in Boston with her family. Remember she told you she was going to spend Christmas there this year.”

  “Yeah, she might have mentioned it.” Ronnie definitely mentioned it, but again I wanted to move the conversation away from midnight blue-eyed Greek gods.

  “It seems that this was the only way she could spend some time with Chloe. Apparently, she’s living in Boston now, and Ronnie hasn’t seen her for over ten months. It kind of struck me odd that she only said something to me now, though. I mean I know we’re all super busy but it's weird she didn’t mention that her kid sister is no longer living at home, right? Did she ever mention anything to you?”

  “Can’t say that I recall her saying something about it and you’re right, it is weird her not mentioning it. I mean we both now that those two were cat and mouse, but Ronnie has always been very protective of Chloe, even when they didn’t get along Did she say why Chloe is living in Boston, though?”

  “She said her parents thought a Boston prep school would be a better fit for Chloe than Riverside High. Supposedly it's one of those schools that colleges go gaga for. Ronnie also said that this way while Chloe is getting the best education and Ronnie’s in Virginia, her parents could focus more on their jobs or something”.

  “That doesn’t sound like Ronnie’s mom. She was so gung-ho about working from home so she could be present enough for her daughters. She would always go on and on about it to mom, asking how she could have a full-time job and still raise us four kids.”

  “I know, right?” Cass exhales also smelling bullshit in the water. “Well I guess people change,” she says not entirely convinced. I have a sudden flashback of our Christmas party and the altercation between a very pissed of Nick and an unimpressed Ronnie.

  “Hum, hey wasn’t Nicky close with Chloe? I remember them being stuck to the hip growing up. He must be taking it hard then, having Chloe living in Boston and all.”

  “God, I didn’t even remember that. It feels like a lifetime ago. Yeah, they use to be close, but since they started high-school, I guess they just drifted away. It happens you know? You think you’re going to be best friends with a person and then life just puts each of you on different paths. It’s inevitable in some cases. As much as you want to keep the relationship the same, time ultimately grows you apart.”

  I know she’s not talking about her kid brother anymore. I wonder if she’s trying to convince herself that with enough time, she’ll be able to move on from the one relationship that made the most significant impact on her.

  “Well if this is your way of telling me that this long distance relationship we got going is no longer doing it for you, well all I got to say is that you’re not getting rid of me that easily,” I joke trying to bring her back from those thoughts of lost love.

  I hear her demure laugh on the phone at my attempt to deflect the conversation from all things Isaac. I wish it was enough but this meek laugh didn’t have a quarter of what she gave me earlier in the call. It’s only natural that my mind goes to my cousin too. Is someone doing the same for him right now? Is there a soul out there who is also trying to make Isaac laugh and forget he left the love of his life back in a place he can’t return to? I pray that he does, but something tells me that he won’t be able to open up to anyone as long as the wounds are still too fresh. And just one look at Cass this Christmas break is proof enough that their bleeding hearts are still hemorrhaging away.

  Chapter 9

  Quaid

  It feels like déjà vu being back here on Jess’s street. The only difference is instead of leaving her at her doorstep; I’m here to take her away. Carlos is already outside waiting for me on his porch, so I get out of the car and make my way on over.

  “Quaid, my boy so good to see you again,” Carlos says with an honest expr
ession on his face.

  “You too, Carlos. Is Jess ready to hit the road?”

  “Almost, filho. She’s just finishing packing up some stuff and saying goodbye to her mom. The time sure did pass quickly, didn’t it? It’s going to be hard letting her go off again on her own.” Carlos says looking like he already misses Jess.

  “Well, soon enough it’ll be spring break. If Jess wants I can bring her back home then as well.” That seems to put a little life back into Carlos.

  “I also want to apologize for only being able to help out in the soup kitchen this year. I wish I could have done more this break, but I couldn’t neglect my studies too much.”

  “Perfectly understandable, filho. Are you doing anything similar up in New York though? I can only imagine that there are plenty of places that can do with a fine boy like you helping them out.” There is pride in his voice, and even though I know that I don’t do anything for the recognition, having a man like Carlos being proud of my work is humbling.

  “Yes, sir I am.” He raises an eyebrow, and I correct my statement. “I mean, yes Carlos, I’m keeping busy. I was able to volunteer at the Presbyterian Medical Center. They have a pediatric wing with terminally ill kids, so I go three times a week to do activities with them. Anything that can help them through their ordeal. Even if it's just a couple of hours that I can make them forget about cancer or whatever. You know, make them laugh at least,” I say bashfully. Carlos’s warm eyes take me in, and he places his hand on my shoulder reassuringly.

  “Don’t underestimate the power of laughter, my boy. Sometimes it’s the best medicine a soul can have.” He says understanding underlying his statement. Carlos is all too aware that as much as you want to ease pain and suffering, there are just some cases that all you can do is minimize it. I won’t say that it comes easily to me. It doesn’t. My first month there I would come back home every night cursing God at the injustice of it all. Kids shouldn’t have to go through that.