by Kim Loraine
16
Tamiel
"Don't you dare, Helena," I say, staring down the woman I love with desperation clawing at my chest. "There's nothing she can do to me that's worth your soul."
To her credit, my Helena holds her head up high. "That might be what you think, but you can do more good in this world than I. Remember, Fallen, my time is up. If giving her my soul means letting you free and keeping your power away from her, that's exactly what I'll do." She turns to face Calista, and I want to scream in frustration at the strength of my bonds. "Free him, and as soon as he's returned to earth, I'm yours."
The chains holding me fall away and I immediately see Helena's face blanch with pain. She gasps for breath, clutching her chest as though her heart is being crushed.
Calista's hand is extended, her clawed fingers clenching around the air. "Try to save her and she's dead." Her warning is cold steel. "Her soul is no good to me in purgatory. It will be good to have another powerful witch in my army."
I flex my hand and the heavy weight of Michael's broadsword fills my palm. "Her soul will be no good to you after I smite you."
Calista's eyes flare and for a moment, she loses her focus on Helena.
Helena relaxes, her cheeks filling with color and breaths evening out. Hand moving slowly, she pulls up the hem of her skirt and for a moment, I wonder what she might be up to until I see the glint of her dagger flash at her thigh. Oh, the beautiful, brilliant woman. I haven't left yet, so she doesn't have to give up her soul. If we kill Calista here and now, they'll all be free.
I charge forward, ready to take her down but three demons come at me, blocking her from my attack. In moments I've reduced them to ashes, but that was precious time which Calista used to change her position. She stands at her throne, a ball of sickly green and black energy held between her hands as her demons attack.
Grant changes into his wolf form, tearing into their skin with each charge, while Izzy and Gwen both manage to fight them off with small spells from their residual power.
"Helena!" Izzy cries out as a demon comes up behind her sister. It's just enough warning for Helena to sink her blade deep into his throat. She can't kill him like that, but the pain is enough to stop him in his tracks.
"Little bitch," Calista hisses, her attention fully on Izzy.
It happens in slow motion. The spell leaves Calista's hands, heading straight for Izzy. I see it, but can't stop the tragedy from unfolding in front of me. Until Helena throws her body in the path of the magic and absorbs the blow, saving her sister, but sacrificing everything else.
"No!" I roar, turning my anger on Calista. The cowardly woman has vanished, along with her minions. I rush to Helena's crumpled body, pulling her into my lap.
My brave witch shudders with agony, dark lines of poison running through her veins starting in her chest and spreading outward. I can't stop this. Can't save her.
"What did you do?" I ask. "You can't leave me now."
"Is Izzy all right?" Her voice is weak and soft.
"She's fine, love. You saved her."
"The baby?"
I nod. "The baby too."
"I'm sorry, Tamiel."
The damn tightness in my chest makes it hard to talk. And the way she's staring up at me, with such fierce devotion, brings a swell of emotion to my throat. "Sorry for what, love?"
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you until it was too late."
"It's not too late. It never is." I dip my head and press trembling lips to her forehead.
She whispers against my neck, "I'm glad you were mine."
Before I can respond, I feel her body relax and the final breath leave her lungs. She's gone. Again. I've lost my soul mate.
The room around us is painfully silent, the only remnants of our adversaries the ashes of demons I took out with Michael's sword. There's a tender touch to my shoulder, and though I know it's meant to comfort, I flinch away.
"Let us take her home, Tamiel." Gwen's voice is soft and even, the tone she might use when speaking to an unruly toddler rather than a millennia-old angel. "She needs…we need to care for her before she passes to the next life."
"Don't you get it," I snap, unwilling to relinquish my hold on Helena. "There is no next life for her. This was all we had. Here and now."
"That's not what I meant. I'm well aware of our final destination due to this curse. But there are things we do as a coven, important rituals to ease her passage…and to help us grieve."
I snort. "You mean anointing her with oils that smell like shit and chanting over her body? No. I have a better plan."
Izzy raises an eyebrow. "Can you bring her back?"
Can I? Not technically. I don't have that kind of power. But I know someone who does. "I'll do everything I can."
Both witches look uneasy. But what do they have to lose? She's already gone. If I fail, that won't change.
"Take her if you must," Gwen says, her knuckles white from the strength of the grip she has on Izzy's hand. "It won't help." Her eyes go a cloudy white and her voice changes to an eerie, almost echoing tone. "She will dwell in the mist until a brave knight aids her to her place."
I can't stop myself from growling in pure frustration. "Not another of your vague and completely useless visions. How in the bloody hell is that going to help us? She's dead. I'm not a knight. Her place is with me."
I tighten my hold on Helena and the two witches must realize what I'm doing because they grab my arms while Grant holds onto my shoulder. With a pulse of my power, I free us from Calista's lair.
My hands shake as I lie Helena across my bed, the only thing I can think of is to beg. I'll beg for forgiveness, for understanding, for mercy. I'll beg for her.
I sit next to her still form, able to feel her soft skin, tendrils of her silky hair, and I swear, if I look long enough, perhaps she'll take a breath. But she doesn't. "Gabriel," I whisper. "Bring her back."
I wait for my brother, my heart aching as I stare down at Helena's peaceful face. I know it's possible. Miracles have happened. Resurrection is the ultimate act of God. Proof of my Father's power.
"Gabriel!" I scream his name, unable to hold onto any semblance of composure. He can't ignore me. I've done everything he's asked, Helena followed his instruction, we risked our lives for the side of good. This can't be how she's repaid. "Brother, please." My voice breaks on the last, and I have to fight the sob of desperation clawing at my throat.
Why? Why is my brother turning away from me in my hour of fucking need? Then it hits me. Gabriel can only give her back to me if Father hears me. I'm asking the wrong person. I lower myself to the floor, falling to my knees and placing my hands on the smooth hardwood. Head bowed so low it touches the cold wood, I speak directly to my Father for the first time in far too long. "Father, please. She doesn't deserve this. Bring her back. I know you've done the same for Sariel. Helena has sacrificed her safety to keep Lucifer caged, she can't be rewarded for her aid by languishing for eternity in purgatory. Even if you don't give her back to me, give her back her life. Just tell me what you wish of me and I'll do it."
I can feel Izzy, Gwen, and Grant behind me. They're watching and waiting, tension rolling off them like waves in a storm crashing to the shore.
The air shifts and hope blooms in my chest at the feeling. Another angel is here. But this is not Gabriel. I feel his presence and rage builds across my body. This is the angel of death. Azrael.
"No, you can't have her." I don't look back at him. I can't.
"Tamiel, she's already gone. You know that," he says, his voice smooth and soothing.
"Bring her back."
"Look at me, brother."
I won't. If I see him, I'll have to admit the truth. She is gone. "You can return her to me. Her life is in your hands."
"I don't have that kind of power."
"Then why are you here? Did they send you to taunt me?" His hand presses against my shoulder sending a burning heat through my skin. I can't help myself. I sit up and st
are into eyes the color of molten gold. "What was that?"
"Your salvation."
I shake my head even as the full force of my angelic grace takes hold. I'm not fallen any longer. Not even close. But I don't want salvation. "No. What good is that when the woman I love is dead?"
"You'll see, brother. Helena was meant for this path. It's hers alone to travel." His hand is still on my shoulder and he squeezes slightly, trying to offer some comfort. "Faith isn't only for those who haven't seen the truth. You'd do well to remember. Take what time you need to grieve, but your place with us is secured."
He vanishes, the weight of his palm still echoing on my shoulder.
"Did that just happen?" Izzy asks, awe in her voice.
I don't answer. Instead, I stride past them, out the door, and spread my wings. I fly as far as they will take me without care for where I'm going.
Now I'm sitting on a cliff's edge in Ireland, watching the sunrise and listening to the soft twittering of birds. I wonder why they get to be happy. What have they ever done to deserve a carefree existence? Helena and I should have been together. We should be now. She was made for me and twice she's been ripped from my grasp for no reason other than fate.
I scream to the sky in hopes my Father will hear me and listen. But He has forsaken me because I did the same to Him. We failed in our mission. Helena is dead and Calista has the moonstone.
My fully restored wings itch to be used again. I need to escape the pain of this loss and the only way to do that is to fly. I'll do what they want. I'll let go of the part of me that yearns for Helena, bury my humanity. That's how most of us withstand the terrible things humans do to one another. We wear our angelic grace like armor, blocking all feelings and focusing on our duty over all else. I'm certain Gabriel would be completely different if he were to release his humanity, if only for a short while. But mine has run rampant for far too long and I don't know if I'll be able to control my heart.
The cold wind hits my face and I begin to wall off the part of me that wants her. I slowly hide my humanity, putting each memory of her away behind the protective barrier I'm building. There will be no more wanting her because I won't remember. I can't survive if I'm able to recall her lips on mine, her voice moaning my name, her scent. No. She has to stop existing in my heart if I'm ever going to recover.
I'm numb by the time the sun goes down. Numb and ready to move forward. I am an angel of God. Servant. Son. Soldier. Nothing more.
And there's one last thing I need to take care of before I join my brothers.
17
Tamiel
The first thing I smell is ocean water as I materialize on the dock outside of the Seattle Aquarium. Devin likes to hang around here after sunset. We'd spent weeks training in this city with my former fallen brother Sariel as I prepared to take his place and fight for the side of Heaven. Now, I'm in the middle of a crowd of overdressed people, the glow of the brightly lit Ferris wheel adding to their evening. What the fuck is this?
I glance around and see people milling around, champagne flutes in their hands and most of all, a bride and groom standing together chatting with people. The groom stares adoringly at his new wife, her long dark hair cascades over one shoulder, they are happy. I despise them. But this isn't why I'm here.
Pushing through the throng of people I stalk down the wood planked walkway until I reach the street. I sensed Devin was down here, but now I don't know where to find the vampire. It could be as simple as me making a phone call, that's true, but the element of surprise might be best when working with him. Devin doesn't like me much, doesn't trust me, not really.
It's then I see him striding down the sidewalk toward Pike Place Market—biker jacket, leather pants, long blond hair. Helena was right, he does belong on an episode of Sons of Anarchy. My chest aches at the thought of her. No. I locked her away. She's gone and my heart shouldn't be breaking for her again. Shaking my head, I take a long breath and cloak myself from sight.
Devin rounds a corner and heads into an alley of sorts. I follow.
"I know that's you, Tamiel," he mutters. "I felt the air shift the second you arrived. What's going on?"
Dropping my concealment, I stare at him, take note of the wedding band on his left hand. "I need you to help me."
He shakes his head. "Gabriel hasn't mentioned anything going down that you can't handle."
"Then Gabriel is keeping a great many things from you. Calista has more power than one person should wield. She's taken Hell." I swallow past the rapidly forming lump in my throat. "She killed my Helena."
His blue eyes widen. "Fuck," he whispers. "Feathers has been keeping a lot of secrets. Why didn't he come let me know?"
"I don't know, but I need you to come with me now. I can't involve the other witches in this. They're broken and far too emotional to get this job done."
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Where are we going?"
"To Hell."
"Hell is in a carousel?" Devin asks as we stand outside the SeaGlass Carousel in Battery Park.
I fight the flutter of nerves in my gut. The last time I was here I held my soul mate as she died in my arms. "Portals exist all over the world. This one happens to lead to Hell."
"There are others?"
"Many. There's a portal to Avalon in Las Vegas."
He cocks an eyebrow. "Avalon? Like King Arthur, the Lady of the Lake, and Lancelot? That Avalon?"
I nod.
"Fuck. I thought that was just a legend."
"All legends are based on truths. Avalon has been locked away since Excalibur went missing. There's too much power in that sword."
"How do you know all this?"
I shrug. "Once upon a time it was my job to oversee the guarding of the gateways to other realms. Before the fall."
"So, how do we get in here? I'm assuming we can't just go in, proverbial guns blazing."
Holding my palms to the door, I feel for the wards I'm sure Calista will have raised. Yes. There they are. Strong and sure. But I'm not a fallen angel any longer. I've embraced my grace. Grabbing Devin's katana from its sheath across his back, I slice my palm and press the blood to the doorway.
"Hey, man. Careful with that," Devin complains as I hand the Japanese sword back to him. He wipes it clean and puts the blade back while muttering, "Fucking angels. They think they can come into my life and do whatever the fuck they want."
I ignore him, focusing instead on the crumbling magic around the portal. The door opens and I step through, Devin right behind me. For all his whining, he's been spoiling for a fight. Things have been relatively quiet since they battled Lucifer nearly a year ago.
We walk through a darkened corridor, very different from the grand hall Calista brought us to the first time I was here. She'll have felt my breach of her protection, but that's not going to help her. Flashes of Helena, the life leaving her eyes, the last words on her lips, hit me square in the chest and I'm filled with righteous anger.
"Whoa, man. You didn't tell me you got your wings back. Can you turn down the light? I'm going blind back here."
I glance behind me and see my wings are on full display, glowing a bright white. Shaking my head, I let the force of my rage drive me forward. "Deal with it, Devin."
Michael's sword burns in my hand, the power vibrating through me. At the end of the long hall, we come to a large door. "She's in there."
Devin nods. "What's the plan?"
"Don't die," I say, pressing my palm to the door and blowing the fucking thing off its hinges.
Calista is unaffected. The bitch is draped across a chair with a book in her hand. "You'll be paying for that door, angel."
"You'll be paying for your deeds with your life, witch." My wings extend and the glow in the room is so bright the demons surrounding her cower and cringe.
A high-pitched giggle escapes her lips. Her eyes wild with insanity. Around her neck is the black moonstone, still glowing bright with the power of the siren coven. "Compensa
ting for something? You know, they say, the bigger the wings, the smaller the—"
"Enough with the pathetic jabs. Come down here and fight me."
"Put down your sword and I will."
"Only if you put aside the moonstone."
She taps her finger on her chin, the smirk on her lips making me suspicious. "Fine." Reaching behind her, she lifts the pendant over her head and places it on a velvet-lined cushion to her left. "This will be over shortly."
I hand the sword to Devin. "Are you sure you want to do this, Tamiel? She's off her damn rocker."
"I have to." I stare hard at him. "Take out as many demons as you can with that sword. We don't need them coming back."
He nods and steps forward, the power of the sword still working in his hands. He's worthy. That's good to know. It was a bit of a gamble with him, honestly.
"Go ahead, smite them. I'll only make more. There's always a human willing to trade their soul for what they want." Calista's sing-song voice grates on my nerves.
"Are you coming down here, or would you rather hide from me behind your minions?"
Her eyes flash a burning red as she tosses her book aside and, with an eerily fluid grace, rises from the chair. With the flick of her wrist, she throws her own guards across the room, making a path from herself to me. There's no fear radiating from her, nothing but power-mad determination.
"Tamiel, I don't like this," Devin says, his voice echoing my thoughts.
The dazed demons she'd discarded have gotten to their feet and Devin takes one down as it lunges for him. "Don't let them scratch you. Their claws are poison."
"I fucking know that. I'm not a newbie."
Calista's smile is calm and gentle, something reserved for a child who's throwing a tantrum. "Now, pet, don't make this harder than it has to be. You really should've left well enough alone after I killed that whore of yours. She's the reason you walked out of here the first time."
Swirls of red magic wind their way around me. Fuck, if I don't act now, I'll be exactly where I was the last time. Hers to play with. Her own personal supply of angelic grace.
