Cruel Boundaries

by Michelle Horst

  I blink at her.

  She leans forward and at the same time a man rushes into the room. He takes hold of my other hand, and I’m confused as I watch them cry.

  “Angel, thank God you’re awake!” the man cries.

  I stare at them in confusion and a tinge of panic ripples through me.

  “Where am I?” As I ask the question, another woman and two men file into the room. Everyone looks so happy to see me.

  The youngest man starts to ramble, “Amy … I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry I didn’t listen!”

  His words confuse me even more and then a thumping pain starts to beat within my skull. Slowly my senses return to me and I start to feel pain all over.

  I gasp at the agony flaring hot through me. “What’s happening?” I groan in pain. “Who are you? Where am I?”

  ~*~

  Chapter Nineteen

  Noah~

  Oh Fuck! I stare at Amy, not believing my ears.

  Uncle Garrett runs by me and I hear him shouting for a doctor.

  Amy’s eyes find mine again and I see the pain and confusion in them. I also see something else that scares the shit out of me – no recognition.

  The doctor comes in and checks Amy over. It feels like I’m hearing him through a tunnel when he says, “Her memory can come back at any time. It’s difficult to say in cases like Miss Macht’s.”

  For the first time since we found Amy I feel something. I feel a deep rage start to burn inside my chest. If Amy doesn’t remember, then I can’t tell her how sorry I am.

  I won’t be able to ask her for forgiveness.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty

  Amy~

  I’ve lost all concept of time. I’m surrounded by people who call themselves my family, but to me they are strangers. I just… I can’t place them.

  I’m overwhelmed and it’s taking forever for my wounds to heal, so you can add a shitload of pain to the list of complaints, as well.

  The man who says he’s my father, has yet to leave my side. I can see the love he feels for me written all over his face. I can feel it every time he holds my hands, or brushes his fingers gently over my cheek. I can see he loves me, and I believe that I’m his daughter, I just don’t feel it.

  I feel lost within myself.

  Every time I try to remember, to search behind the curtain of fogginess, a sense of raw horror overwhelms me. It’s as if somewhere deep inside of me there’s a darkness behind that curtain ... and I’m scared of it. Panic overwhelms me until I’m nothing but a trembling mess, gasping for air.

  I tried only a handful of times, but it was enough for me to stop trying to remember. Now I take each minute as it comes, hoping I’ll never remember whatever it is that’s hiding in the dark parts of my mind.

  I hope I remember only the good one day, the love I must have felt for this family.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Noah~

  We were a pretty close-knit family before this happened, but now we’re even closer. We never leave each other’s side.

  I’ve taken some vacation time so I can be there for everyone. It’s guilt and not love that’s making me stay by Amy’s side. It’s my fault Brad almost killed her. I trusted him. He was my best friend for three years! I fucking trusted him, let him get close to my family, only to have him nearly succeed in killing Amy. My feelings keep going from one extreme to another, from the heaviest guilt to the darkest anger.

  I thought Uncle Garrett would beat me to death, too, but all I got was the same dark scowl Amy use to give me. I now know where she got it from. Uncle Garrett hissed one sentence to me, each word dripping with disappointment, “Family protects each other!” And that was the end of it. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way. I’ll never doubt anything Amy says to me again. I’ll protect her from now on, not because she’s my family, but because I owe her for putting her life at risk.

  ~*~

  The day Amy’s released from the hospital we all get ready to go to the beach house. It used to be Grandpa’s and Grandma’s. Dad, Uncle Garrett and Aunt Andrea inherited it equally.

  When we get to the beach house I hang back with Dad and Uncle Garrett to grab the bags. I watch Amy look around, clearly not recognizing the house. She stares at it for a long moment before she heads down the beach toward the same spot where weeks earlier she told me Brad had threatened and hurt her.

  It’s a sucker punch to my gut, one that rips open a hole of darkness, one that swallows me whole.

  The fear I saw in her eyes that day, comes back to me … and then it’s one blow after the other … her bloody body on the bed … her not breathing … Uncle Garrett’s cries … it’s one torturous picture after the other.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Amy~

  I wish I could walk into the ocean and just become a part of it. Let the waves take me, drag me to the peaceful blue deep.

  I listen to everyone talk, so comfortable with each other. When they look at me with love and worry, I smile. I try to keep to myself, not knowing what to talk about, or how to respond to them.

  I hate that they all treat me like broken glass.

  I hate that they are so close to each other, and I don’t feel like I belong with them. I’m an outsider looking in.

  I hate seeing the sadness that sometimes slips over my dad and mom’s faces. I can’t get used to thinking of them as my parents. Hell, I don’t even know who I am!

  Who is Amy Macht? What kind of person was she? What did she like?

  It’s just so hard, all of it.

  Noah is my cousin, sort off. While in hospital we talked a little. He told me we used to fight a lot, that I always reminded him that he was adopted and not really family – now I’m the one that’s not really part of the family, and he fits right in.

  A girl came to visit me a few times, Sharon. Apparently she’s my best friend. I should remember her of all people, shouldn’t I? I should remember the person I chose out of everyone to be my best friend!

  I keep staring at the ocean, a thousand thoughts running through my mind.

  Every day I feel a little more lost than the day before.

  ~*~

  Sitting through dinner with this family is hard. They pretend to be happy, talk about moments from the past, moments they all remember with fondness, moments that are as foreign to me as these people are.

  My mom brings out pie and I just can’t pretend to be hungry anymore. I get up and excuse myself, running from the house, the family inside … and into the dark night.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Noah~

  “It’s her favorite,” Aunt Kris murmurs, each word drenched in sorrow. “It’s like living with the ghost of my daughter!” She drops the pie on the table and leaves the room with quiet sobs wracking at her hunched shoulders.

  Uncle Garrett stands, and I can see he’s not sure who to go after, so I get up, too. “I’ll check on Amy.”

  He gives me a look, one that warns me not to fuck up again. “I’ll make sure she’s okay,” I promise.

  When I walk out the front door, I spot Amy’s dark frame down on the beach. I walk slowly towards her, not sure what to say once I get to her. This is all just awkward. It’s weird being nice to her. I always used to try and think up things to say to her, things that would hit the target – now I’m trying to come up with ways to say sorry for what Brad did to her.

  I stop slightly behind her and whisper, “I miss fighting with you.” It’s all I can think to say, because shit, I really miss fighting with her! It was our thing.

  Amy stands still for a while and then she slowly turns around. She has a really weird look on her face, her eyes wide. She lifts her hand and her fingers press hard into the side of her head. A pain filled look tightens her features.

  “I remember,” she whispers.

  Those two words slam into me. I grab hold of her arm, stepping closer. “All of it?”

/>   She shakes her head and the hope I had for a split second fades as she says, “I remember you saying those exact words,” her voice sounds distant. I can see it’s taking a lot from her to focus. “I can’t remember when it was, only that they filled me with hope, that I could trust you?” Her eyes meet mine and she breathes, “I remember you, Noah.”

  She throws her arms around my neck and hugs me tightly. “I remember you.” It’s a broken whisper and as I wrap my arms around her, I feel her tremble against me.

  She remembers me!

  But she only remembers a good moment we had, none of what happened, of how I practically handed her to Brad to be tortured.

  I feel torn in two. Part of me wants her to remember so we can get back to how things were, so we can fight again. The other part of me is so scared that she’ll remember and hate me, and that we’ll never get to fight again.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Amy~

  I remember Noah and those words he said to me. I remember the hope they made feel. They made me feel safe, and I’m clinging to that like a drowning person gripping a lifejacket!

  I don’t remember where we were, or what led to him saying that to me, and I don’t care. I just care about the feelings. It’s the first good thing I’ve felt since I woke up.

  I don’t care if I look as crazy as I feel, I throw my arms around Noah, hugging him, and then the tears come. “I remember you,” I whisper as the tears roll down my cheeks.

  His arms go around me, pulling me closer and it feels so good. I don’t want this moment to end. I want to stay locked in this embrace where I feel safe.

  I don’t know how long he holds me, allowing me to cry into his chest. After a long while he whispers, “This is the first time we’re hugging.”

  I start to pull away thinking it must be weird for him. After all, he said all we ever did was fight, and now I’m clinging to him. “I’m sorry for just…”

  He pulls me back to his chest, shushing me, “I like it. We should have just hugged it out much sooner and saved ourselves a lot of trouble.”

  I stand, locked in his arms and listening to the waves crashing to the beach, and for the first time since waking up, I smile.

  ~*~

  ‘You’ll get to see outside, but you’ll never be outside again.’

  I wake up screaming. I try to gasp in some air but I can’t stop myself from screaming, it just pours out of me.

  The light goes on and then someone grabs hold of me. I start to hit at the person and manage to crawl away, and then I’m up and running. I race down a passage, knowing there’s someone behind me. “Amy!” A man shouts, and it spurs me on to run even faster.

  I take the stairs two at a time, my foot slips and I tumble down the last two ending up on my knees. I don’t give up. I can’t let him catch me!

  I race towards the front door and struggle with the locks, my fingers fumbling, knowing freedom is just on the other side.

  I finally manage to unlock the door and yank it open. A cool breeze welcomes me into the dark night.

  I’m free! I made it!

  An arm goes around me, and I’m taken down to the ground by the full weight of the person behind me.

  “It’s me, Amy!” He shouts … and then, “It’s Noah.”

  He wipes the hair from my face and I look up at him. He’s panting for air, just like I am. His arm is tightly around my waist, and he keeps brushing hair from my face. “It’s me, Princess.”

  “Noah?” My voice sounds small and strangled even to me.

  He leans closer, his full body weight pressing into mine, as if he’s scared I’ll run again. “You’re safe, Princess, you’re safe.”

  There’s so much pressure in my chest, it hurts. I suck in a breath of air and it sounds strangled.

  “He said I’ll never be outside again!” I rasp the words out and then hot tears follow.

  “You’re outside!” Noah takes hold of my chin and turns my face into the night. “You’re outside, look at the ocean.”

  Through blurring eyes I see the moon reflecting far on the ocean. “I’m outside,” I repeat Noah’s words.

  He starts to get up and the full force of the panic attack slams hard into me again. I grab hold of Noah around his neck and cling to him. “Don’t go! Don’t leave me. Please, Noah!”

  His arms go around me and he holds me tightly to his bare chest. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Let’s go sit over there,” he whispers, and he starts to lead me to some lounge chairs on the deck.

  “I’ll stay with her,” he says to someone else. I don’t look to see who it is. I only focus on holding on to Noah. He’s the only one that makes me feel safe.

  I’m safe with Noah.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Noah~

  This sucks. I glance over to where Uncle Garrett is standing, a torn look on his face. I know he wants to comfort her, but Amy’s coming to me to be comforted. Holding her gives me some relief from the crushing guilt that’s been weighing so heavily on me. I made a wrong decision to not listen to Amy, and I’ll do everything in my power to never hurt her, or let her down again.

  “I’ll stay with her,” I tell Uncle Garrett and then take Amy to the lounge chairs. Before we get to a chair I feel something wet on my arm. I glance behind Amy and the second I see the blood, I yank my arm away.

  “Fuck, you’re bleeding.” I grab her hand and pull her towards the house. I see the questioning look on Uncle Garrett’s face and I quickly explain, “Her back is bleeding.”

  Uncle Garrett looks into the house and must be talking to Aunt Kris when he says, “Amy’s back started bleeding again.”

  I follow Uncle Garrett in, pulling Amy behind me. Aunt Kris has a worried look on her face when she says, “Can you take her to the bathroom. I’ll be there now. I’m just going to get a fresh bandage.”

  I take a silent Amy upstairs. When we get to the bathroom I put down the toilet seat so she can sit. “Your mom will fix that now.”

  I’m just about to turn around and leave when Amy grabs my hand. “Please stay?”

  It’s going to take some getting used to this new Amy. I nod and take a seat on the edge of the bath.

  When Aunt Kris comes in I start to panic. I don’t want to see Amy’s back. Once was enough for me!

  Aunt Kris looks at me as if she’s expecting me to get up and leave. I nod in the direction of Amy’s hand, still clutching mine in a death grip.

  Aunt Kris says, “Angel, Noah can stay but you’ll have to let go of his hand so I can clean you up.”

  Amy stares at her mom for a second before she pulls her hand from mine and gets up. She goes to stand in front of the basin and I’m just about to make a bee-line for the door when Aunt Kris steps in my way. She lifts Amy’s shirt to her shoulders and then starts to undo the bloody bandage. I look away, staring at the floor.

  I hear Amy gasp and my head snaps up. When I see her back, I’m struck with horror. Carved into her back is my name.

  I try to swallow the bile down. Sweat starts to bead on my forehead and I can’t take it anymore. I get up and rush past Aunt Kris. I race out of the house, my breaths coming fast and hard. I start to run down the beach.

  Minutes pass and I push myself harder. When my legs start to feel numb with pain, I push even harder.

  I try to run away from the image of my name being carved into Amy’s back.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Amy~

  Since the incident last night, Noah’s been avoiding me. I know it has something to do with my back. I haven’t had the guts to look at it myself, and judging by Noah’s reaction I don’t want to. The pain is enough reminder that I’ve been hurt, I don’t need a picture to go with it.

  I like Noah, and I’d rather spend time with him than to try and socialize with the rest of the family.

  When I hear the door open I turn to see Noah coming out onto the deck. He’s dressed in a
pair of jeans and a black shirt. He looks good.

  I feel a nervous fluttering in my stomach when his eyes just skim over me. “I’m going to the fair,” he says to Uncle Justin.

  “What time will you be back,” Aunt Riza asks.

  Noah just shrugs. “I’ll see you when I see you.”

  He takes the steps down to the beach and then walks in the direction of the town.

  He didn’t even bother to ask if I’d like to go with. Upset, I get up and stomp down the stairs. He could have at least asked me! I walk to the water’s edge and stare ahead of me, not really seeing anything.

  ~*~

  It’s while staring at the ocean that I make up my mind to go to the fair, even if it’s by myself. Just sitting around here will drive me nuts.

  I go up to my room and grab the first dress I see. The material hangs loose on me and the dress reaches to just above my knees. I grab a pair of boots and yank the brush through my hair.

  When I step outside, everyone looks at me. “I’m going to the fair,” I mumble, and start toward the steps.

  “Alone?” my mom asks. “You don’t want us to come with you? Will you be okay to go by yourself?”

  I tuck some hair behind my ear. “I’ll be fine. I’ll find Noah.”

  I’m a little surprised and a lot relieved when they let me go. I get that they worry, but I just need some time.

  Thumping music and hordes of people greet me. Everyone seems happy, either supporting one of the many stalls, or taking part in some sort of activity.

  The music gets louder and then I see the live band. Some couples are dancing and I stare a while at them before my eyes start to wander again. I spot a beer garden and make my way there. I might not be old enough to drink, but I want to see if Noah is there.

  The beer garden is packed with people already well on their way to being drunk. I find an opening at the bar and when the bartender looks at me, I order a coke.