Wyoming Sweethearts

by Jillian Hart

  “That was some kiss.” He cradled her face in his hands with infinite tenderness. She wanted his tenderness more than anything. Sincere affection transformed him. He seemed taller, a bigger man in her view. The corners of his mouth hooked into a quiet grin. “I say we do that again.”

  “You, sir, have an inflated opinion on your kissing ability.” She had to let go of the moment. She had to step away from the closeness and she had to end things, but the very essence of her being wanted to hold on, to keep dreaming, to never let him go. “It was a perfectly adequate kiss.”

  “Adequate?” Humor danced in his tender blue eyes. Affection warmed the low notes of his voice. “That kiss was a good deal more than adequate. I’m a great kisser.”

  “I’m not exactly sure where you got that idea.” She smiled, fighting to keep things light but the grief inside her began to grow. She could not stop it. It wrapped around her in icy swirls.

  “I’m apparently misinformed. That means only one thing.” Unaware, Sean gazed at her with honest love, tall and stalwart and everything, just everything. She wanted his love so much, but her injury was a burden. He leaned in, his fingers feather-light against her chin. “Practice makes perfect. I’m going to need a volunteer to practice on. Interested in the job?”

  “That sounds like cruel and unusual punishment to me.” Just a little longer, she hoped. Maybe she could hold on to the gift of being close to him, laughing with him, just a little longer. She drew in a shaky breath, straightened her shoulders and grabbed hold so very hard to the moment. “You might have to find someone else.”

  “Sadly, there have been no other takers. I can’t think why.” Gentle amusement stretched his kissable mouth, softening the lean lines of his face. A face she could gaze on forever and never get her fill. A face she would never forget through the years. He leaned in closer still. “Are you ready for kiss number two?”

  Yes, her heart answered. No, her common sense insisted. No. Misery pulled her down and she felt smaller, shorter, diminished. Unable to hold on, the dream slipped through her fingers. This perfect moment shattered and time rolled forward again. She could not deny the past or wish foolishly for the future that the accident had taken from her. Gerald’s words rolled into her mind, no matter how hard she tried to stop them. No one wants a burden for a wife. No man can take that long-term liability. It’s too much sadness.

  She steeled her spine and took a step back. She had to do the right thing. She had to be realistic.

  “No more kisses, Sean.” She hated the shock that swept across him. He stared at her for a moment, blinking, as if not sure he had heard her correctly. His brows arched in confusion. Crinkles dug into the corners of his eyes in bewilderment.

  “I hadn’t thought. You’re right.” He glanced slowly from side to side. A soccer ball rolled with two grade school kids in pursuit. “This is a public place.”

  “A really public place,” she agreed.

  “What we feel for one another is private. Just between you and me.” The tenderness within him deepened with a strength he’d never known before. It bound him to her with a steadfast connection that would never break. “Why don’t we take off? Autumn is happily married, they are about to leave for the airport at any minute. No one will miss us if we don’t stay for the send off.”

  “I can’t go with you, Sean.” Her words were heavy with sadness. “That kiss was wonderful, but it never should have happened.”

  “Shouldn’t have happened? I don’t understand.” He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Maybe because he didn’t want to. The depth of devotion he felt for her was greater than anything he’d known before. How could something this powerful be one-sided? Didn’t she feel the same way, swept up by feelings too amazing to deny?

  “I shouldn’t have let you kiss me,” she confessed. “I should have stopped you.”

  “Just like last time?”

  “Yes.” She sounded as though she were strangling, as if she were breaking apart from the inside out, just like he was. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have let it happen.”

  “What do you mean? You kissed me back. I felt it. I know this is right.” He raked a hand through his windblown hair, frustrated. “I am in love with you, Eloise. More than I ever thought possible.”

  “Maybe you just think so.” Didn’t he know how his words were tearing her apart? With as much dignity as she could summon, she knelt to retrieve her cane. “You called off a wedding. Seeing Autumn get married today affected you.”

  “Sure it did. I was happy for her.” He straightened his spine, drawing himself up taller than ever. “The past is over. I’ve dealt with it. You are the one who affects me. Just you, Eloise.”

  She barricaded her heart so those marvelous words would not penetrate. He really meant it. He loved her. She took a step back, holding her cane so tight because her knees went shaky. His love was the one thing she wanted above all else and the one thing she couldn’t have. Agony sliced through her like a sharpened blade. Her dear, sweet Sean. He’d done what she hadn’t thought was possible. A man had fallen for her, cane and all.

  But it couldn’t last. She knew better than to believe.

  “This is the part where you say, ‘I love you too, Sean.’” He swallowed hard, tension bunching along his jawline. He towered over her, magnificent and vulnerable. He was all she could ever want, her most cherished of dreams, a prayer she dared not ask for.

  “I can’t.” Tears pricked behind her eyes. She would give anything to simply savor this precious moment, forget the past and lay her cheek against the unyielding plane of his chest. To know what it would be like to be enfolded in his strong arms and to feel the beauty of his love.

  But she had been down this road before. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she had to be honest. He deserved no less.

  “Sure you can,” he persisted, fighting pain that crept across his face and cut grooves around his failing smile. “You might add how you didn’t expect to feel this way for me, too. It’s overwhelmed you but it’s everything you want.”

  “I wish.” She wanted that more than her very breath. The words stuck on her tongue, the ones that would drive them apart forever.

  “Then we don’t have a problem.” His smile won out, driving away his hurt. Nothing was more dear to her than a loving smile on his face, than the amazing truth of his devotion twinkling like a promise in his eyes. “Now, about that kiss.”

  “There can’t be another.” How could she end this, if there was? No, she had to hold on to her resolve. She gripped her cane tightly, drawing herself up as straight as she could.

  Lord help me, please. Help me to do this the right way. She swallowed hard. Hurting Sean was the one thing she’d never meant to do. The notes of the string quartet wafted on the wind, the faint drone and laughter from the church hall, the merry sounds of a wedding party all reminded her of what she could never have.

  “Sure we can kiss again. It’s entirely possible.” He winced, as if he were in pain, but he was stubborn. He didn’t want to let go either. “You just lean in, close your eyes and we kiss. It’s that simple.”

  She wanted to fight for him. If she did as he asked, if she accepted his kiss and grabbed the wonderful lifeline of the love he offered her, then what would happen? What would their future be?

  She knew the outcome. She’d already lived it. She knew how hard he would try to love her over time, as her disability became a bigger and bigger issue between them. How could she hold a man like him? He was out-doorsy, he was always on the move, he lived a physically active lifestyle. His precious love for her would fade and so would the amazing love in his eyes when he looked at her.

  How could she survive that? Imagining it crushed her as if an essential part of her was dying. Ending this now was the only choice for either of them. If she rejected him now, one day he would have the happy future he deserved with someone whole, with someone who would never let him down.

  “I don’t want another kiss.” The wor
ds felt torn from her, leaving her raw and bleeding. She could not endure the flash of agony darkening his gaze. “Trust me, you feel this way now but over time that will change.”

  “Impossible. My love for you will never fade, never alter, never diminish.” So sincere. He braced his feet, mighty shoulders squared, looking like a Western hero to whom legends could never do justice. He was bigger than life and genuine to the core, everything she’d ever wanted, every dream she’d ever had.

  Everything she had to walk away from.

  “You say that now. You have the best intentions. But this is for the best.” She leaned on her cane and backed down the sidewalk. “From now on, I’m going to have Cheyenne help me with any horses that need rescuing.”

  “Don’t do this, Eloise.” He clenched his jaw until it hurt, until tendons stood out on his neck. “At least give us a chance.”

  “I can’t.” Tears swam in her eyes but didn’t fall. The silent plea pinched her lovely face. Silently, she begged him to understand. She wanted him to let her go.

  “Goodbye.” She choked on the word. Misery wreathed her features as she spun around, tapping down the sidewalk away from him with great determination. As if she could not get away from him fast enough.

  Crushing pain left him in tatters.

  “At least tell me why.” His call echoed down the sidewalk and she stiffened. Her shoulders straightened. She stopped, clutching her cane. The wind swirled the hem of her skirt around her slim knees and ruffled the straight fall of her glossy blond hair. Alone, a solitary figure on the empty sidewalk, she broke his heart. The pain he felt was nothing compared to hers.

  “Why do you think this can’t last?” He jogged to catch up with her. She could end this, push him away, never want to see him again, and all the resulting pain would be nothing compared to the torture of knowing she was hurting.

  “You know why.” She kept walking, the tap of her cane counterpoint to the strike of her low heels on the concrete.

  “I’m a man. I don’t know anything.” Humor had always worked with her in the past. “You have to clue me in.”

  “Look at me.” She tapped faster, chin up, jaw set, so tense she looked fragile, as if she were holding herself so tight because she was ready to crack apart. She might think she was hiding her despair, but not from him. Never from him.

  Tenderness deepened, becoming impossibly profound. In all the world, nothing could matter more to him than her. “I’m looking. I see a beautiful woman who has made me fall in love with her.”

  “I made you?” She stopped, faced him, her eyes dark with sorrow. “I did no such thing.”

  “Yes, you are completely to blame.” He brushed windswept bangs from her eyes, moving in close because he could not stay away. “You captivated me right from the moment I saw you at the drive-in. Then you roped me into helping you with the horses, and I was a goner. The least you can do is tell me why I’m not good enough for you.”

  “Not good enough?” Her face twisted. Concern for him layered her voice. “You are entirely too good. Don’t you see? The problem is me.”

  “How could you be a problem, darlin’?” He’d never seen anyone look so defeated, as if the sun would never shine again. His soul buckled and he fell harder, loving her more. Maybe he’d been so busy trying to be a lone wolf protecting himself he hadn’t realized that she had been doing the same. “Maybe now is a good time to let me know. So I can understand why you have shattered my heart.”

  “Oh, Sean, you already know the answer.” Tears pooled in her eyes, but they didn’t fall. Tears for him, he realized. “It’s because of this.”

  She tapped her cane.

  “I told you, I don’t see that. Eloise, I only see you.”

  “Yes, but you said that as a friend.” A friend was different from a boyfriend. She’d learned this the hard way.

  “I mean it always.” Stalwart, that was Sean.

  He didn’t know the truth about her injury. What if she leaned on him, opened her heart without reservation and gave him all the trust and devotion she possessed? All she could see were her fears that Gerald had been right. No man was going to love her enough to stay. She squeezed out the images of Sean growing tired of the challenges, of Sean leaving her for someone else, of Sean breaking her heart.

  Too late for that. She was already shattered. She had to tell him the whole story.

  “I remember the exact moment when Gerald fell out of love with me.” She hated the tremulous sound in her voice and the catch in her throat that she could not swallow or clear away. “It was when he came to visit me at the hospital as he’d been doing faithfully, but it was the first time he’d seen me using a wheelchair.”

  “You were in a—?” He didn’t finish. He looked startled.

  She nodded. Here was where Sean would see her differently. She straightened her spine, steeling herself for it. It had to be done. He deserved to know why. He would want to end this.

  “For how long?” he asked.

  “Six months. They were the hardest of my life.” She could not bear to watch the caring slide from his gaze, so she stared at the sidewalk ahead. She caught a glimpse of the main street and the Steer In, where the lot was empty. The bright sun tumbled over her with summer’s heat and light, but she felt locked in the shadows of the past. “Don’t get me wrong. I was deeply thankful to have survived the car accident. When I was trapped in the driver’s seat, terrified and unable to move, I thought I might die there. I thought it was the end.”

  “I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Sympathy layered his words. He didn’t sound distant, as if he was emotionally withdrawing yet, but it would come. She had to prepare for it.

  “So I tried to be positive when they told me my spinal cord injury was complete and permanent and I would never walk again. I fought hard, and I walked again.” She pushed away the crushing grief that had consumed her at the time and that was consuming her now.

  “But you were in a wheelchair for a while,” he empathized.

  “Yes.” The lazy summer breeze rustled through the leaves of the trees marching alongside the curb, and the world so bright and colorful and summery made her want to believe that a man’s love might be strong enough to accept all her imperfections.

  Except she knew better.

  “There’s no guarantee the paralysis won’t be harder to compensate for as I get older.” She squared her shoulders, ready for the rejection she knew was coming. She’d known it from the moment she’d met Sean and been attracted to him. She had plenty of experience with this moment, thanks to her grandmother’s fix-ups. “Over time, it is likely I may be a paraplegic again.”

  “I see.”

  No man, not even Sean, could love her now.

  She did her best not to let it show as she took a wobbly step forward. Her knees were far from steady. Any moment he would turn away. Since it was Sean, he would be kind, gallant, gentlemanly, but he would not look at her with love in his eyes. Never again.

  “This was the biggest reason behind your breakup with Gerald?” He dug his fists into his pockets. “He bailed on you when you were injured?”

  “He was a nice guy. He wanted to do the right thing. He wanted to behave the right way. He tried to be there for me, but it was hard. When I was in the hospital, the prognosis was so grim. When I was in a wheelchair, there were a lot of adjustments to get used to. There were logistical challenges like sidewalks and finding the wheelchair-accessible ramps instead of stairs, which is harder than you think. So much had changed between us, I had lost so much. The sadness was simply overwhelming.” She bowed her head, her hair cascading forward to hide her face. Now he knew the truth. He was free to go. He would be polite, he would be sympathetic, but he would leave.

  “You said there were other things wrong with the relationship.” He watched her carefully. His gaze had darkened, his forehead furrowed with thought.

  “Yes. Our relationship wasn’t as solid as it should have been, but nothing could have wi
thstood the strain. Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

  “Sometimes.” He had to agree with that. But at least now he knew what had wounded Eloise so badly she had lost her faith in the fairy tale. He had, too, until she saved his heart. “You would be worth all of that and more. My love for you is strong enough.”

  “What did you say?” She gazed up at him, disbelieving.

  “I love you now, I’ll love you then, I’ll love you forever. No matter what.” He towered over her, more breathtaking than any hero could possibly be. “Nothing is ever going to change that.”

  No, it couldn’t be true. She felt wrenched into pieces, wanting to believe. He was being chivalrous. Optimistic. He was such a good man, he was saying what he wanted to be true instead of what actually was.

  “Love is kind.” As if he sensed her reluctance, he bridged the distance between them and cradled her chin in his hands. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

  “First Corinthians.” How could she not recognize those words? They stirred her soul and lifted her hopes, but how could she believe? She had been through sadness and loss and had worked hard to rebuild her life realistically, so she could never be hurt like that again. How could she be sure?

  The truth was in Sean’s eyes. He gazed at her with endless, abiding love, more powerful than it had been before he’d known about her prognosis. He knew the whole truth and he loved her more.

  Joy rolled through her like a prayer answered and she leaned into his touch, savoring the warmth of his fingertips against her face, the bliss of this moment, knowing she was truly loved.

  “Now that I’ve bared my soul, that only leaves one question.” Vulnerability flashed across his rugged features. “How do you feel about me?”

  She laid her hand on his chest, remembering how gentle he’d been with the mare. How good he was to all God’s creatures. He would never hurt anyone intentionally. He was one man who would always cherish her.