A Cut so Deep (Thornes & Roses Book 1)

by Dani René

  “I should’ve stayed. I should’ve kept you with me, but when I lost your dad, when he chose her over me, it felt as if my world had been torn apart. And, knowing I had you should’ve been enough, but I was young and stupid.” Her watery gaze locks on mine, and I see it, the guilt, the pain, the fear, everything. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes at that time. Perhaps I was overly harsh, maybe I’m too angry, and I should be more understanding.

  I don’t know.

  This is new to me.

  “I just… I need time,” I tell her. “I need to be free for a while, and I’m going to London.”

  A small smile plays on her lips, and she glances at Damien. When I turn to look at him, I find him leaning against the door jamb, his arms folded across his chest, those sparkling orbs regarding me.

  “Look after my girl,” she tells him.

  A parent should be there through your life to guide you when you’re unsure, hold you when you’re sad, and love you even when you’re not whole. I never had that. But I’m strong, and I know I’ll survive.

  “She’s a good girl,” Damien tells her. “And I’ll be by her side always. Even if she does push me away, I’m not giving up on her. I’m not her father,” he speaks confidently, which makes my heart skip a beat.

  I glance at Mallory again, taking in her expression, as she smiles at him and says, “Thank you.” And I know I’ve found a good man.

  42

  Damien

  Even though Nesrin told Mallory she’s coming to London with me, I don’t know how Dad is going to take the news. The fact that he’s holding my position in the company over my head is one thing, but he will threaten Nesrin’s education, just to get what he wants.

  Like I said, everything in life is a smokescreen. None of us are safe from a man who wields his power because of his fat bank account. He’s hated me, and I him, since my mother left. I blamed him, and he blamed me, but now that he’s replaced the first woman I loved, my mom, I know he wouldn’t think twice to break Nesrin and me up.

  “Are you deep in thought or just ignoring me?” Her voice breaks through the dark clouds that hover over me like a foreboding threat.

  “I can never ignore you,” I tell her, honestly, casting a quick glance at her. Turning my attention back on the road, I take a left, instead of a right because it’s time to tell her what I’ve decided. And she’ll have to accept it. Because I’m not leaving her.

  “Where are we going?”

  “The lake.” I don’t look at her. I know her doubts are settling in now that she’s heard how many people have lied to her, and I’m not going to be one of them. I put this off for so long, but it’s time to come clean. To tell her how I feel.

  When we reach the gravelly road, I pull to the side and kill the engine. She’s nervous, I see her hands shake. Her tremble is visible even as she attempts to come across as confident and sure of herself.

  “Come.” I push open my door and exit the car, waiting for her at the front. When she reaches me, I offer her my hand and lace my fingers with hers.

  We walk in silence the few meters to the large, silvery body of water. It’s so still here, silence hangs heavily like a thick storm cloud. Stopping at the edge of the water, I turn to Nesrin.

  My chest is tight with anxious energy, and my pulse is rioting wildly. I’ve never said this to anyone before. Not even Gen. And even when she craved these words from my lips, I could never offer them to her because I knew I wouldn’t mean it, even if I said it.

  “What’s going on?” Her whispered question is more than I can take, and I breathe deeply, before looking into her eyes.

  “I wanted to talk to you about something. When we get back to the house, I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I don’t know what my father is going to say when we tell him about us, about you going with me. He may want to strip my position at Thorne Corp.”

  “You can’t do that, Damien. That’s your legacy.” Her insistence for me is sweet, but she doesn’t get it, I’m not walking away from her because of this.

  “I want you. I’ve wanted you since I saw you in the church that morning. Seeing you stand up for your mother, as she said her vows, you looked like a fucking angel, while I stood like a demon in the shadows.”

  Her eyes widen, the gold shimmering with emotion. I watch as the tears collect in her eyes. I hate seeing her sad, seeing her hurt, even when she does it to herself.

  “When I told you I would be the one to break you, I meant it. I know I have that power, and I’m not saying that to be an overconfident asshole. But as much as I have the power to hurt you, you have that same hold over me.”

  “Damien—”

  “Do you remember what you felt when I walked up behind you at the reception dinner and introduced myself?”

  She nods, but she doesn’t elaborate. We stare at each other for so long, the silence becomes an entity between us.

  “Tell me, wild rose.”

  “Anger, jealousy, and attraction.” I can’t help but smile at her answer.

  “Anger?”

  “Yes, because you were an asshole.” Her lips pout, playfully, and there’s a whisper of a smile on her pretty face.

  “That I know.” I chuckle. “And why jealousy?”

  She drops her gaze to the ground, her focus shifts away from me for a moment, before those golden orbs lock on my blue ones.

  “Because I wanted to be the girl giving you pleasure.”

  That’s the answer I wanted. “And I wanted it too. I craved it so much, it drove me crazy. And, at first, I fought it, that need to have you. But when we got home, I gave in to my hunger and here we are.”

  “Here we are.”

  “I love you,” I exhale in a whoosh of nervous breath. “I love you, Nesrin. I don’t know how, or why, but you’re everything to me. And a job, a fucking legacy, it means nothing if you’re not by my side.”

  “Damien—”

  I interrupt her once more. “If you don’t feel—”

  “I love you, too.” This time, it’s her who whispers it to me, and, for a moment, I think I didn’t hear her right. “I love you, too.” Her voice, more forceful, and I pull her into my arms, my mouth trailing soft kisses from her forehead to her mouth, capturing her lips and tasting her, as if it’s the first fucking time.

  Her flavor intoxicates me, making my body tense with the need to be inside her. Her tongue swipes along mine, hot and warm. The duel has my cock hardening, wanting her, craving her, just like I’ve wanted since the moment I laid eyes on her.

  The delicate touch of her hands sears me when she runs them over my shoulders, locking around my neck, and I pull her up against me by the cheeks of her pert little ass. Her legs wrap around my waist, her heat at my crotch, tempting me to take this further.

  “I… I…” her whimpers tumble from her kiss-swollen lips. Reluctantly, I pull away from her, breaking the kiss to meet her gaze. “I can’t believe I love you,” she whispers.

  A smile graces my expression. I love her like this—innocent and shy—but I also love her fire. “I love you, so fucking much. You’ve consumed my every thought, and I can’t live without you. But I don’t want you to rush into something that you may regret later on.”

  I know she’s only eighteen. I can’t ask her to promise her life to me. But what scares me is that if I did ask her, I know she’d say yes.

  “We can take it slow,” she tells me, her shyness dissipating, and her confidence burning through. “Each day will be different, but every day, I’ll be with you. That’s all I want.”

  “And you’re sure you want to fly across the world with me?” I ask, knowing it’s a big change. Her life is here, well, most of her life.

  “I do. I’ve decided on my major, and I know I want to pursue my career in psychology.” I’m still holding onto her, as she tells me this. Her eyes shimmer with excitement at her admission. She’s going to do amazing things. I know she is. Pride swells in my chest, and I nod.

/>   “Then that’s what you’ll do.” I know if she puts her mind to something, she’ll accomplish it. “Are you ready to tell them?”

  Her pulse riots at the spot just under her ear. I want to lick it, taste her rhythm, but I wait for her response first.

  “Let’s do it.”

  The smile that graces her expression warms me from the depths of my soul -- the same one that I always believed was dark and broken. Somehow, this girl with golden eyes, has walked into my life and healed what I never thought would be mended.

  43

  Nesrin

  The house is quiet, but Damien leads me through to the office, where I heard the truth about who my mother was. The room is lit by the sun streaming through the window. His father is sitting behind his desk, and when those familiar blue eyes dart up, he notices our connection, our interlocked hands, before he even takes note of our expressions.

  “What can I do for the two of you?” he asks, as he leans back in the large, leather office chair that makes him look like a king rather than a man.

  “We need to talk,” Damien informs him, pulling me along behind him. We reach the two chairs that face the large, dark mahogany desk, and Damien turns to me, gesturing for me to sit. I do. My legs are weak as my heart pitter-patters in my chest, and my stomach is in knots. The anxiety that I’ve quelled easily, while beside Damien, is twisting painfully in my gut.

  “Then talk,” Bradford says, before laying his hands across his stomach. He’s not fat, but he has a paunch that’s evidence of his lavish lifestyle.

  Damien is silent for a short while before he sits down, his gaze on his father. “Nesrin and I will be flying out tonight. She wants to study in London, and I want to take over the England office.” His voice is confident, not even a hint at how nervous he must be.

  “Are you telling me that you want to live as a couple?” Bradford’s eyes widen considerably, and his dark brows lift to his hairline. Shock is clear on his face.

  “Yes, she’s not my sister, she’s not my blood.” My heart sinks when Bradford shakes his head. My stomach topples to my feet when he pushes to his feet, and I’m almost certain he’s about to lash out. But he doesn’t. Nerves have a hold of me, and as if Damien can feel my worry, he reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze.

  “I don’t like it,” Bradford says. “This is wrong. It’s not…. normal,” he speaks with authority.

  “What’s not normal, Dad? The fact that I found someone who makes me feel like I can finally be happy?” The strain in Damien’s voice makes my chest tighten. He wants me, as much as I do him. And he loves me. He told me so. I watch him fight for us, as he rises in one fluid motion and places his palms on the smooth top of his father’s desk.

  “Damien, I expected better than this,” Bradford tells him. “You were here to look after her, not get between her legs.” I can’t help but wince at the words. “If you leave, you will not be on the board of Thorne Corp. I cannot explain to them that my son is gallivanting with an eighteen-year-old child.”

  “I am not a child,” I bite out, pushing to my feet. I can’t allow Damien to fight for me on his own. And I need Bradford to see that I’m willing to stand up for the relationship that’s formed between us. “You may not think this is real and, who knows what will happen in five or ten years, but I want to be with Damien. I love him. And if that’s not something you can accept, then so be it.”

  He opens his mouth, then closes it, and I wonder, briefly, if he’s shocked that I just said what I did. Fire blazes in my veins, determination sinking into the marrow of my bones.

  “Love is love. It doesn’t matter who it’s with.” Those are my final words before he turns away. He looks out of the window, surveying the garden below, as he seems to ponder my retort.

  “I have a challenge for you both.” He glances at us. “If you leave, Damien, then you’re on your own. You’ll live together, and if you can survive a year alone, without the job at Thorne Corp, and still feel this way, I will allow it. And you will take over for me.”

  “That’s easy enough,” Damien tells his father with the confidence of a soldier racing into battle. “And when I prove you wrong on every count, I want an apology.”

  Bradford grins as if his son had just told him a joke. I’ve seen this man smile, but this isn’t an expression of happiness; it’s one of malicious satisfaction. He doesn’t believe we can do it.

  “And you,” Bradford says, meeting my gaze. “I’ll pay for you to attend Oxford. Even though you’re truly a Haven now, because of who your mother is, I will not have a woman who’s standing beside my son go to some underrated school.”

  “I can’t—”

  “It’s not an option.” He waves me off. “If you can’t accept it, then you can walk out of here without my blessing.”

  I want to argue and tell him that his blessing is nothing but his control over our lives. Even though his son is nearly thirty, he still treats him like a child. But I don’t. I accept it for what it is.

  “Thank you.”

  He dismisses us then, waving toward the door. Damien takes my hand. We make our way to the patio where we find Finn and Cass talking. They glance up, smiles on their faces. Finn stands, making his way toward me.

  “Little sis,” he says, pulling me into a hug. “You’re official now.”

  “What?”

  “You and D,” Finn tells me as if I should’ve known that he knew.

  “I’m happy for you both,” Cassian tells us, with a grin on his handsome face. His gaze lingering on Damien, and the happiness in his eyes sparkle playfully. Cass has always been the more reserved brother, whereas Finn was playful and almost immature.

  But I wouldn’t have them any other way.

  “I love you both,” I tell them.

  “See, D-man,” Finn says, “She loves us more than you.” We laugh, as we settle into easy conversation about moving to London and our future together. And I know everything is going to be okay.

  44

  Damien

  The private plane is quiet. The solace is welcome. Nesrin’s staring out of the window, and I have a feeling she’s about to start a conversation that’s been lingering in her mind for a while.

  Since the night of the party, I know Creed set this in motion, and it’s time I finished it. But I don’t know how to bring it up without her prompting it. I rise, heading to the bar to grab a bourbon. With my back to her, I can feel her eyes burning into me.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure,” I respond, not looking at her. This is it. The moment of truth.

  “What happened between you and Creed?” My chest tightens when I remember that night. When I recall watching my best friend take it a step too far, and the accident that caused us all to walk away.

  “One night, when I had just turned twenty-one, Creed and I wanted to challenge each other in the forest. It was a duel of sorts.” I speak, looking through the small window—which is black—forcing me to see my reflection. “We took Gen and her sister to the woods, gave them a rose each and told them to run. Creed wanted her sister, and I had Gen.”

  I finally turn to see her nose crinkle at my words. This isn’t going to be easy to hear, but I need her to know.

  “I ran, it was exhilarating, and I lost myself to the euphoria of freedom.” Golden eyes watch me intently. “Somewhere in the darkness, I heard a scream. It was piercing. I made my way toward it, following the sounds that came from deep in the forest.”

  Nesrin’s on the edge of her seat, her lips slightly parted, her chest rising and falling, and her hands twisting in her lap.

  “Creed was there, standing back when I reached a clearing. I didn’t see it at first, but when Gen came up behind me, she screamed so loud, the sound pierced the woods, and I realized what was lying on the ground.”

  Ice races through my veins. The memory still haunts me. I blamed Creed all these years. I walked away from that fucking life, but Nesrin took me right back. The only diff
erence is, I kept her safe.

  “Damien?” My girl is on her feet, making her way toward me. I swallow my drink before I look at her again.

  “Gen’s sister was killed that night. It could’ve been an accident, but I was still plagued by guilt,” I admit, as a gasp of shock falls from Nesrin’s lips. “And we watched it happen.” The words are out of my mouth before I have time to think. “Thorne Haven has far too many secrets, not even the people who live there like to talk about it.”

  “What happened, though?”

  “Do you remember when I told you the forest is dangerous?” She nods, and I know she’s recalling the threat I threw at her that night. “There are certain parts of the forest that have been set up by hunters to make sure we don’t get any wild animals, or anything like that out here. We know where they are, but someone not used to the forest can get themselves hurt, badly.”

  Nesrin visibly shudders. I don’t need to tell her what happened. “But you blamed Creed for it?” Confusion creases her brows, causing them to furrow.

  “The man who killed Gen’s sister is Creed Haven.” My admission has her mouth returning to a shocked O, and her eyes spark with surprise. “We had a fight that night. Creed told me it was an accident, that she took a wrong turn and he tried to warn her, but…” My words taper off into nothing, into the darkness. The memory of that night haunts me, every fucking day. “Creed told the police he had found her like that. They didn’t know about our game, and he kept it that way, telling them we were out for a walk and she got angry and ran off.”

  “What about you and Gen?”

  “We told them that we didn’t see what had happened, which is the truth. In the end they ruled it as an accident, since it was a trap set out by hunters. I blamed Creed for being a murderer. He hated me because I thought the worst of him. But there was nothing else that made sense. I didn’t see him do it, but deep down, I wonder if he ever did try to stop her.”