Wishing for Us

by Sydney Landon

  Emma elbowed Lydia in the side with a big smirk on her face. “I don’t believe you answered Mia’s question about the size of Jake’s baby maker. There’s not a woman in this room who hasn’t wondered the same thing at some point. He looks fucking phenomenal in that tux tonight.”

  Ava, who had been fairly quiet up to that point, rolled her eyes at her future sister-in-law. “You are such a pervert. It’s bad enough I have to see you practically mount my brother at the office every day. Must you also know the dick size of every man who works at Danvers? I can barely keep it together in meetings because I know way too much about most of the men who attend them! Certain things about my brothers should have really remained a mystery to me. But nooo, apparently my straitlaced brother, Brant, likes to tie you up and spank you, and Declan likes to do a little mutual self-pleasuring. Then everyone wants to know what the GI Joes are packing in their cargo pants. I ignore the questions as long as I can before I finally break and say, Mac is huge, okay! He’s like a freak of nature or something. Are you happy now?” As if realizing what she’d said, Ava clamped a hand over her mouth and her face flooded with color. “Oh shit, I can’t believe I said all of that.”

  Suzy and Mia started clapping wildly while Emma cuffed Ava on the shoulder and made a clicking sound with her tongue. “You have been paying attention, after all, haven’t you? I could have sworn you were blocking me out during our girl chats, but you wild woman, you were not only listening—hell, you were also taking notes. I’m so flipping proud of you!”

  The other quiet woman in the group, Claire, surprised them next by adding, “Wow, Mac is a big boy, huh? I’m not surprised in the least. I’ll deny it with my dying breath if anyone mentions it to Jason, but Mac just has the walk.”

  Nodding her agreement, Suzy said, “You got that right, sister. If you ladies don’t believe me, then watch our guys walking at the office one day and you’ll see how they’re practically bowlegged. One of the saddest days for me was when I saw the new hunk they hired in advertising walk with his knees almost rubbing together.”

  “I noticed the same thing,” Mia agreed. “I knew immediately he was packing no more than four or five inches. Such a damn shame.”

  “But what about the saying that it’s not the size, but what you do with it?” Lydia pointed out, feeling as if she needed to defend the small guys of the world.

  “Bullshit,” Emma coughed out. “A big dick just gets you from point A to point B faster and with more fireworks. I don’t need a man down there trying to eat me to China and back because he can’t get me off any other way.”

  When a throat cleared behind her, Lydia jumped back a few steps, colliding with a hard wall. “Didn’t mean to scare you, babe,” Jake drawled in her ear. She looked over her shoulder to see his eyes were full of mirth. There was no doubt in her mind that he’d at least heard Emma’s last comment, if not more. “Ladies,” he added, greeting her now gawking friends. They were staring at him as if he were the last dish on an all-you-can-eat buffet. Lydia had to give him credit for not turning tail to run. In fact, he didn’t look uncomfortable in the least, which made her like him that much more. She wasn’t sure he could do anything at this point that she wouldn’t find attractive. Maybe she really had been without a man for too long.

  Chapter Three

  “I wanted to see if you were almost ready to leave? I thought we could go somewhere and talk,” Jake asked intently.

  “Um, sure,” she blurted out quickly. Way to sound too eager. Couldn’t I have at least pretended to think about it for a moment?

  When he gave her a pleased smile and took her hand in his firm grasp, she had to bite her tongue to contain her moan of pleasure at the physical contact with him. They wished her friends a good night and Jake led her toward the nearest exit. It seemed so surreal to depart as a couple with him that she almost wilted on the spot when he pulled his keys from his pocket and the sound of the doors unlocking on a Ford truck a few feet ahead filled the air. He opened the door, and then gave her a boost onto the leather seat. The move may have taken her by surprise, but she was grateful because otherwise she would have been doing an ungraceful leap since the truck was much higher from the ground than her car. He remained at her side while she carefully tucked her dress around her legs. When she was finished, he leaned across and buckled her seatbelt. “All set?” he asked sweetly.

  I could spread my naked body across the hood of your truck and you could take me right now, she thought. In reality, she replied with a simple, “I’m good. Thanks, Jake.”

  He walked around to the other side and settled into the driver’s seat. She was embarrassed to admit that even the loud throttle of the truck turned her on. “I really appreciate you agreeing to come with me,” he said as they merged into traffic. “We could go to my house, or if you’re not comfortable with that, then there’s a diner a few blocks down that has decent coffee.”

  The safe answer here is the restaurant, Lydia thought. But she wasn’t hungry and caffeine was likely to keep her up all night. Plus, if she was honest, she was very curious as to where he lived. Wouldn’t it be easier to talk without a bunch of strangers sitting close by? Like you really care about that. You just want to go home with him. “Your place is fine,” she replied, trying to sound casual. Truthfully, she hadn’t said those words to anyone since Brett died. Don’t go there. You’re doing nothing wrong.

  When he turned off the highway on the Garden City Beach exit, she assumed he lived in one of the nearby high-rise condominium buildings. But they passed by the last ones without slowing down. Instead, they rode for a few more miles until they passed through the gates of Sea Crest Village. The houses weren’t mansions like some in the area, but they were considerably out of her price range. She knew that Jake was a vice president for The DeSanto Group, and obviously, he made a good living if he was able to afford a home in this subdivision. He pulled into the driveway of a house with a stucco and stone exterior. He clicked a button on the bottom of his rearview mirror and the double garage door opened. “Home sweet home,” he quipped as he cut the engine of the truck and came around to her side once again to offer assistance. When she was out of the vehicle, he took her hand and led her toward a door to the left. He unlocked it and they walked in. She blinked a few times when he flipped on the light. They were in a kitchen with tons of dark cabinets and gleaming beige granite countertops. He pointed out a barstool, saying, “If you want to have a seat, I’ll get us something to drink. What would you like? I can make coffee or I have orange juice, Coke, and bottled water.”

  “I’ll just take water,” Lydia answered as she looked around the kitchen. The space was almost as big as her living room and kitchen combined. The taupe color on the walls made it appear warm and inviting. There were no pictures on the walls, nor any clutter, other than a loaf of bread on one counter.

  He opened the refrigerator and got two bottles out. He put one in front of her before opening his own, then took the seat next to her. She stifled her gasp of pleasure as the side of his muscular leg rubbed against hers in the close confines of the bar area. He cleared his throat before turning sideways to face her. “Lydia, I need to explain a few things to you, and I hope that you won’t be too angry with me.”

  When he paused, eyeing her expectantly, she murmured, “Okay . . . go ahead.” She couldn’t imagine what he had to say that might piss her off. Okay, sure, they had gotten married in some drunken moment of insanity, but otherwise, they didn’t even know each other well.

  He ran a hand through his hair, causing the scent of his shampoo to invade her nostrils. She was so busy inhaling his masculine fragrance that she jolted slightly when he began speaking again. “That night in Vegas, you weren’t the only one drinking too much because you were upset. I’d had some bad news just a few hours before my flight and I wasn’t in the best condition either.”

  Alarmed, Lydia put her hand on his arm, fearing the worst.
Was he sick? “Oh no, Jake, what happened? Are you all right?”

  He covered her hand with his, giving it a squeeze. Instead of removing it, though, he left his hand there as if grateful for the contact. She was stunned when he said, “I have a daughter. She’s six years old, and her name is Casey.”

  “Wow, I had no idea,” she exclaimed without thinking. “Are you married?” Rolling her eyes at her own stupidity, Lydia added, “I mean, obviously you weren’t already married, or you wouldn’t have married me—right?”

  Wonderful. I finally land a husband only to find that I’m part of a harem.

  Jake gaped at her before he managed to stutter a response. “What? No—God no, Lydia. Chris was just a one-time thing. I’ve never been married before. Hell, I’ve never had unprotected sex either, but that didn’t stop Chris from getting pregnant. When she told me, I didn’t believe her at first. I supported her through the pregnancy and went to the appointments, but I insisted on a paternity test when Casey was born. She’s my child, and I love her more than anything in the world. I’ve always been involved in her life and have continued to provide for Casey financially as well. Chris hasn’t worked since Casey was born.”

  Uneasy, Lydia glanced over her shoulder before asking, “Do they live here with you? I mean I know you said that you never married, but is this their home too?”

  Shaking his head immediately, he said, “No, they’ve never lived with me. Casey spends the night as often as Chris will allow, but that’s about it.”

  Confused, she asked, “Don’t you have a custody agreement or something like that in place?”

  Jake pinched the bridge of his nose, looking exhausted as he admitted, “No. We’ve never had a formal agreement through the court. I’ve always paid Chris well above what a court-mandated child support payment would be, and outside of occasional difficulties, she’s mostly let me see Casey on a regular basis. In the last year, though, that’s changed. She’s been using our daughter as a bargaining chip to get what she wants, and it reached a head the day I left for Vegas.”

  She felt as if she was intruding on his privacy, but since he’d brought the subject up, she felt at ease enough to ask, “What does she want from you?”

  Jake chuckled, although there didn’t appear to be much actual amusement in the sound. “Oh no, nothing that simple, I’m afraid. She is demanding either an absurd amount of financial support or marriage. The whole thing has really shown me how vulnerable I am in regards to my parental rights where Casey is concerned. So I’ve filed for official joint custody. Since then, it’s been nothing but threats from her. She wants to portray me as the absent, playboy father, while she’s the devoted stay-at-home mother. She’s filed papers requesting that she be granted sole custody, which is just her way of trying to get what she wants from me.”

  “Holy shit,” Lydia blurted out before she could stop herself.

  “Exactly,” he agreed dryly. “I guess there is a certain irony in the fact that I have one woman demanding I marry her and I actually tied the knot with another on the day she had me served.”

  Biting her lip as she mulled over his revelation, Lydia kept coming back to one thing. “If you were so against getting married—even to keep your daughter—then what could have possibly made you agree to a quickie exchange of vows with me? I know we were both drinking and not thinking clearly, but were you really so out of it that it suddenly didn’t seem so bad to be tied down?”

  He swallowed audibly before getting to his feet and pacing the tiled floors. After a few passes around the area where she sat, he halted and stared right at her. “Who am I kidding? You’re not just going to be angry with me; you’re more than likely going to loathe me when I tell you this next part. I can’t believe I did something so fucking selfish and desperate. You’re right, my judgment was obviously impaired, and I’d like to think that had something to do with it, but still, I knew what I was doing for the most part and that makes me a bastard. Lydia, I—”

  Dropping her head in her hands, Lydia choked out, “You married me because of Casey. You needed a stable image for the courts. And if you’ve already got a wife, then Chris can’t keep pressuring you to marry her.” His harsh inhalation told her that she’d hit the bull’s-eye. She heard him moving toward her, and seconds later, his hand was on her shoulder. She flinched away from his touch. “Don’t. Please go back to where you were so we can finish this conversation,” she snapped as she raised her head only to glare at him. He immediately backed away, putting some much-needed space between them. “I asked you earlier why you didn’t just marry Chris instead of me. At least she’s not a stranger to you. And you liked her well enough to sleep with her at some point.”

  “You already think I’m an asshole,” he grimaced, “so I might as well be completely truthful. Chris was nothing more than a casual dalliance. We never had any type of relationship outside of the bedroom. She’s a good mother but, otherwise, a vile person. That’s the problem, I guess, with not knowing who you’re sleeping with. It’s actually been surprising to me that she loves Casey so much because she’s one of the most self-centered people I’ve ever known. If she and I ever got married, everyone, including Casey, would be miserable. Chris and I can barely be in the same room together for five minutes without arguing. She thrives on drama and strife, and I don’t want to expose my daughter to any more of that than she’s already seen. I’ve thought about it countless times since she started pressuring me but I keep coming to the same conclusion that it would have been insanity to agree to her demands. We literally hate each other. The only reason she wants to be my wife is for some misplaced obsession with wealth and social status. I know I’m likely overreacting and I won’t lose Casey, but I can’t stand the thought of dragging her through a court hearing and I’m afraid that Chris will go through with it just to get back at me.”

  Feeling her heart squeeze in self-pity, Lydia asked, “So you what, listened to my pathetic story about losing Brett and wanting to be married and had a sudden bright idea? Kind of a kill two birds with one stone thing?”

  “Lydia, no,” he said imploringly. “We were both crying in our beer or whatever we were drinking that night. You were melancholy over losing your fiancé and your dreams of a life with him, and I was upset over the situation with my daughter. I was just drunk enough to think that it sounded like the answer to both our prayers. You’re a beautiful woman, and most men would jump at the chance to get close to you—me included.”

  Out of all the bombs he’d dropped on her so far tonight, that one was by far the most astonishing. Her heart skipped a beat at the sincerity she thought she heard in his voice. No matter how messed up this whole situation was, he seemed to genuinely find her attractive. You’re pissed at him, remember? Don’t go drawing hearts with his name written in the middle. She forced herself to take a hard line and said, “We need to speak with a lawyer about the best way to proceed with a divorce. You may think it’s the answer, but I don’t see our marriage doing anything but complicating matters with Chris. There is no way she’s going to believe that you fell in love and tied the knot just hours after she served you with legal papers.”

  “That’s the other thing I wanted to talk to you about,” Jake began uneasily. “I know you assumed in the hotel room that we’d had sex and I didn’t say anything to the contrary. But we didn’t have intercourse. We can file for an annulment if that’s what you want to do.”

  Lydia could only gape at him, opening and closing her mouth as she struggled to process his words. “I remember some of that night, Jake! You had your head between my—you know, below the belt—and I definitely had my hands on your—that area as well.”

  Leaning against the counter, he said, “I’m not going to lie, Lydia, we were all over each other when we got to the hotel room and it was damn hard for me to stop that night. But there is no way I could have sex with you without knowing for certain that you were one hundred p
ercent coherent and willing. Plus, I didn’t want our wedding night to be something that neither of us fully remembered because we’d had too much to drink.”

  Was she crazy to feel disappointed that Jake hadn’t gone all the way with her? Despite how bizarre the last few days had been, she’d felt a certain happiness and satisfaction when she thought about him being inside her. Sure, she hadn’t been able to recall that exact event, but she’d remembered enough to feel certain that it had been amazing. And now she was more than a little upset to discover that what she had assumed had happened actually hadn’t. Leave it to her to get married and have a wedding night that didn’t include the big moment. “Well, thanks,” she grumbled before she could think better of it.

  He quirked a brow as if baffled by the note of unhappiness in her voice. “At the risk of you slapping the shit out of me, can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure.” She waved a hand. She didn’t think things could get much worse so what did it matter?

  “Did you like the idea that we’d slept together that night? I don’t know you that well and I may be reading you wrong, but you seem . . . let down when I thought you’d be relieved.”

  Please, ground, open up and devour me. Don’t leave me here to answer this humiliating question. Of course, her silent prayers went unanswered and Jake stood there waiting expectantly. Oh hell, here goes nothing. “I wasn’t exactly unhappy about finally having sex again after three years—even if I didn’t recall sleeping with you. It made me feel as if I’d finally started to move on, away from the suspended state I’d been in for far too long.

  “I knew the marriage wasn’t real and that you’d want out as soon as possible, but still, you jarred me awake. Even with the uncertainty between us, I’ve felt more alive since Vegas than I have in a long time. So yeah, as insane as it may sound to you, I do feel as if a weight has been lifted off me.”