Can't Be Love

by Julie Trettel

  My wolf hated when I thought that, and images of waking up in his arms suddenly filled my head.

  “No, you were fine. Amazingly cool for a drunk,” she teased.

  I rolled my eyes. “I don’t even know why I did it. My wolf was just so agitated. Probably the foreign territory,” I lied.

  I was changing back into my clothes and had a pile stacked on the counter when the door chimed.

  “Be with you in just a moment,” Syd said, without even looking up. To me she asked, “Do you really want all this? You don’t have to feel obligated. I really appreciate you modeling them for me though.”

  “Are you kidding? I can’t get this in San Marco. I want it all.”

  She looked at me like I was insane. “Lily, there’s over three thousand dollars worth of clothes here.”

  “Don’t forget the shoes,” I reminded her. “I’m wearing them out.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “I never joke about fashion,” I told her honestly.

  Her eyes went wide in shock, but her excitement could probably be felt throughout the town. I guessed she didn’t get a lot of large purchases. She had already admitted most of her sales came through her online store.

  “Hey, Tamara,” Sydney said, finally addressing the woman that had come in. “This is Lily Westin.” We said pleasant hellos. “What can I do for you?”

  “Lynn’s birthday is coming up and I know there’s a shirt in here she’s been drooling over. Would you happen to know which one?” the woman asked.

  “Excuse me,” Syd said to me. “I’ll only be a minute.” I watched her walk around the counter and pull a blue flowered print shirt off a shelf and show it to her. They spoke and then moved to check out. “Do you mind, Lily? It will only take a second to ring this up, and then I’ll get you out of here.”

  “Oh sure, it’s fine. I’m not in any hurry.”

  I wandered around, checking out some jewelry she had near the register. I saw lots of nice things, but nothing I had to have.

  Once Tamara left, Syd turned to me and apologized as she started checking me out. Her eyes almost bugged out of her head when I didn’t even flinch at the price. I didn’t want to tell her she was underselling herself. I’d have paid way more for the same in the city.

  I smiled as I handed over my little black card, and she seemed to hold her breath as she ran the transaction, relaxing only when the accepted confirmation came through.

  She bagged up all my new treats and asked if I wanted help getting it all home. I laughed and confessed I was a professional bag-carrying shopper. We stood there chatting a little longer until the bell tinkled again, signaling a new customer.

  “You’re busy today. I’ll get out of your hair. Thanks for everything,” I told her.

  It wasn’t until I started to turn around that his scent hit me. He stared at me with a startled look that quickly turned paranoid as he looked back and forth between me and Sydney. Good. Let him suffer. The knowledge that he was there to see her and not me should have been a relief, not a punch in the gut. Still, I liked Sydney and didn’t want to see her hurt. I squared up my shoulders and raised my chin to exit, forgetting how that posture made my boobs stand out until his gaze dropped to stare at them.

  “Thomas,” I said in a polite voice, as I struggled with the internal battle of my wolf demanding we make our claim on the man right there for Sydney to see, and I quickly exited the building. Don’t do anything stupid, Lily, I told myself.

  Thomas

  Chapter 6

  I had spent the morning alone at home trying to get a grip on this new reality where I not only stood a chance with Lily, but Mother Nature was going to see to it that we ended up together. Now that the shock was wearing off, the idea excited me. She was Lily freaking Westin, my mate. I wanted to scream it from the top of the roof.

  Only one thing held me back . . . Sydney. How was I going to tell her about Lily? I worried about it all morning long, trying to work up the courage to talk to her. She had a right to know. It wasn’t like it was in my power here. I wasn’t choosing one over the other; that choice had been made for me. It was something every shifter sought after their entire lives, as natural as breathing. So why did it feel like I was cheating on Syd?

  I finally mustered up the courage to go and talk to her. It wasn’t like I could hide forever. Collier wasn’t that big, and my wolf was already fighting me for dominance. It was only a matter of time before I did something stupid that would alert the entire Pack to that fact I had a mate. She deserved to hear it from me before something like that happened.

  But when I opened the door, instead of the familiar fragrance of Sydney, I was smacked in the face with Lily’s scent. It was everywhere, and it called to me on such a visceral level that it took every ounce of willpower not to act on it.

  What the hell was Lily doing here?

  I caught sight of her loaded down with more shopping bags than I’d ever seen one person juggle. My instinct was to go to her and help, but then I saw Syd and froze. I looked back and forth between them. Lily nodded in acknowledgement and I could see my wolf happily wagging his tail as she said my name.

  Once the door closed I jolted back to the present. I wasn’t entirely out of my Lily trance with her scent so prominent in the room, but it was enough for me to begin to think clearly at least.

  “Hey, babe,” Sydney called. She came around the counter with a smile on her face.

  I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to sit her down and have the talk and watch her heart break before my eyes. I knew it was coming. She knew me too well. She’d know anyway because she was about to kiss me and my wolf was already growling in my head. I swallowed hard.

  “Syd, we need to talk.” My serious tone stopped her in her tracks.

  “Um, okay. Let me lock up and we can talk,” she said hesitantly.

  “Not here,” I said, and she turned questioning eyes my way. I couldn’t explain to her how the smell of my mate was too fresh and distracting for the conversation we were about to have. “Can you lock up for lunch?”

  “Yeah, sure,” she said with uncertainty.

  She locked up the store and we walked to my car. I held the door open, noticing she hadn’t tried to kiss me or even reach out to me. I hated that. Syd and I had been friends our entire lives. I had hurt her before, but she’d always been so forgiving and loving. She always took me back no matter how many times I strayed from her. It was common knowledge that we had looked to pursue bonding as compatible mates. We’d even gone through the Pack Council and received permission, but then word came of Maddie being alive. It had shaken me to my core and in the chaos that followed, we’d dropped the idea.

  What would have happened if we’d gone through with it? I’d never met a compatible mate who’d later found his true mate., never even heard of such a thing. What happened then? Would I have even recognized Lily if my wolf had already bonded with Sydney’s? Would Lily have spent her entire life alone, looking for me? I had never much considered such things, but given the circumstances it was all I could think of.

  “What’s wrong, Thomas?” she asked as I drove us out of town.

  I looked over at her sadly. I didn’t know how to begin.

  “Is it Madelyn?” she asked, sounding concerned.

  I shook my head but remained quiet until I came to a clearing and pulled into a field. It overlooked only a part of our vast open land. Cows were roaming the area. Sydney had always loved it. Would Lily? Could she truly be happy living in Collier?

  I turned in my seat to face Sydney, took a deep breath, and closed my eyes.

  “I met someone, Syd,” I finally said.

  When I opened my eyes, she was nodding and there were tears in her eyes. We had been here before. I could see on her face she thought I wasn’t ready to commit, that I’d changed my mind about being her mate so I didn’t have to settle down. That wasn’t exactly the same thing this time.

  “It’s not like that,” I told he
r. “I—shit, I don’t know how to talk about this.”

  She was openly crying now. “Just tell me, Thomas. You’ve never sugarcoated it before. Why start now?”

  “That’s not fair, Syd. This isn’t the same.”

  “It’s not?” she asked, sounding pissed. I could feel the anger bubbling up from her. She wasn’t one to lose her temper, and I had never seen her so furious. “Look around, Thomas. Same field, same story, just a new day. I can’t believe I was dumb enough to fall for it again. Which story is it this time? Huh? ‘I’m just not ready to settle down.’ ‘I’m seeing someone else.’ ‘Can’t you see you’re better off without me?’ Which excuse is it this time, Thomas? God, I can’t believe after all you’ve put me through over the years that we’re right back here. I love you. Don’t you know that by now? What do I have to do to show you that I’m worth your love, too?”

  I hated hurting her. It was tearing me up inside, but I knew this time it was final.

  “I love you too, Sydney, always have. You know that. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Well, take a good look around then, because that’s exactly what you’re doing.” We sat in silence for a long time. I felt her anger begin to subside and acceptance replace it. “I can’t do this with you again,” she sniffed.

  “It’s not the same this time. I met someone.”

  “She better be the one, because I’m not going through this with you again.”

  I nodded sadly. “She is,” I whispered.

  Sydney’s head whipped around in surprise. “What? She is what?”

  “The one, Syd. I met my one true mate.”

  Her mouth fell open and the tears stopped flowing. “You met your true mate?” she repeated. “When? Where? How?”

  “Yesterday.”

  “Yesterday? But you were here yesterday. There’s no one new around that you didn’t already know. How? Who?”

  I wasn’t ready to share details with her. I just needed her to know.

  “It doesn’t matter. It just happened and I’m trying to deal with it.”

  “Deal with it? Thomas, she’s your true mate, what’s to deal with? That trumps everything else in life. The world stops and your sole focus is now her. Why are we even having this conversation?”

  I laughed in spite of the situation. “You deserved to hear it from me first. I do love you, Sydney. Always have. This is just, bigger than me. Bigger than us. I don’t really know how to explain it.”

  She nodded like she could understand, but I knew that without having gone through it, there was no way she truly understood.

  “So, wow. That’s a lot to take in”

  “I know.”

  “Have you talked to her about it? Are you happy?”

  “Not really, and I don’t know. I think I’m still in shock,” I admitted. I’d never lied to Sydney before and I didn’t see the point in starting now.

  “So.” She grinned over at me. “Who is she? Am I going to have to take her down in the challenges, or will she actually make you happy?”

  I laughed. I shouldn’t have been surprised by her quick acceptance—it was just who she was—but it never ceased to amaze me how big her heart was.

  “I dunno how to answer that yet.”

  “You don’t know who she is?”

  “Oh, no, I know exactly who she is. Will she make me happy? I don’t know. I fear she has a great potential to hurt me. She’s not exactly thrilled with the idea of being stuck with me as a mate.”

  “Then she’s an idiot. Don’t ever think anything else. You’re an amazing man, Thomas, and you’re going to be a great Alpha someday. Any girl, who doesn’t understand that, isn’t worth your time. I’ll take her in the challenges.”

  I grinned. “You’re jumping ahead of yourself there. I’m not exactly confident it’ll go that far. I’m not her favorite person. When I say she isn’t thrilled about being stuck with me, that is putting it nicely. She hates me, Syd. She thinks I’m the biggest douche on the planet.”

  Her hands flew to her mouth as she covered a high-pitched squeal. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, Lily Westin is your true mate?!!!”

  “What?” I asked, shocked that she guessed correctly on the first try. “Why would you think that?”

  “You said douche. You said she thinks you’re a douche. That’s a very specific word and one that Lily used regarding you on more than one occasion last night.”

  “Shit,” I said. “I can’t believe you hung out with her all night. And why the hell did you let her get so drunk?”

  Sydney shrugged. “She said she had a rough day and really needed to get wasted. I’m guessing now that rough day started with you. Don’t worry, I watched out for her.”

  “Syd, I’m so sorry,” I started, but she cut me off.

  “No, you aren’t going to do that, Thomas. I like Lily. She certainly won’t put up with your shit the way I have, but I can see it. She’ll be good for you, and wow, your true mate. I won’t say it doesn’t hurt, but I can’t stay mad about that.”

  “Shit. I never even said she was . . .”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  Lily

  Chapter 7

  I wandered around town some more before heading back to the Alpha house to drop off my purchases. The thought of Thomas and Sydney together was too much for me to handle. I kept picturing all sorts of compromising things they were up to, and my wolf was more agitated than ever. I needed to shift and go for a run, but everywhere I went still smelled like Thomas. What I really needed was to just get away. Leave it all behind. Sydney was a good person. If she wanted that douchebag then who was I to get in her way? She deserved to be happy.

  With my mind made up, I made arrangements for a car to take me to the airport and I waited until the last second to let Liam, Patrick, and Maddie know. They knew something was wrong, but none of them dared to ask.

  “You’re sure about this? We’re only here a week,” Maddie reminded me.

  “I’m sure. I think it’s just being in a foreign territory and all the strange smells,” I lied. “It has my wolf on edge, and I just need to go home.”

  “I can escort you back,” Patrick offered.

  “No, I’ll be fine. I called Kyle and he’s arranging for someone to pick me up when I arrive. It’ll be fine,” I assured them.

  I hugged each of them goodbye, thanked Zach and Cora for their hospitality, and then I ran like the chicken shit I was. The further away from Collier I got the more I expected to relax. In truth, the more distance I put between myself and Thomas, the more miserable I felt.

  By the time my plane landed, I was an emotional mess. As I exited the airport, Cole Anderson stood by a car waiting. Cole was Kyle’s second Beta and he sat on our Pack Council. He ran a tattoo parlor in town and he was the sexiest thing to ever set foot in Westin Pack. I had been crushing on him for as long as I could remember.

  Every time I saw him, or caught a whiff of his scent, my heart would race. He was my idea of the perfect man, and he wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole. Oh, he liked to flirt, and I knew he hadn’t gotten his bad boy heartbreaker image for nothing, but he had always kept me at arm’s length despite my best efforts to change his mind.

  I had been barely seventeen the first time I got the nerve up to proposition him. He was older, more experienced, and I had told him that’s what I needed for my first time. He wisely turned me down, though seventeen-year-old Lily had been devastated.

  The pain of that rejection was only a fraction of what was settling in my heart the further from I got Collier. No—the further away from Thomas. I didn’t want it. I didn’t even want to admit it, but the pull towards him was far greater than I had been prepared for.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” Cole said, opening his arms to hug me. Any other time I’d run into them, ecstatic for even that brief moment of connection. Now, my wolf was already snarling in my head at even the thought of any other man, especially Cole, touching me.

  “Hey,” I said, walk
ing past him and putting my suitcases in the trunk.

  “Okay,” he drawled out before kicking into action. “Let me get those.”

  I left him to deal with my bags and settled into the front seat. I put my earbuds in and tried to tune out the world as he got into the driver’s seat and pulled out.

  “Wow, Patrick warned me something was off. I can’t believe he didn’t see it,” Cole said.

  I took out my headphones and turned to stare at him. I hated knowing they were talking about me, and even more that they were worried. They wouldn’t have warned him otherwise.

  “What exactly can’t you believe?” I asked, feigning disinterest.

  “There’s only one reason I know of that Lily Westin wouldn’t flirt with me anywhere, anytime.”

  “Sorry to bruise your ego, Cole. I’m just not in the mood right now. Not even for you.”

  “So why are you running?” he asked.

  “Running from what?”

  “Your true mate. You met him, right? He’s a Collier wolf? Maddie suspected, so Kyle asked me to come check it out. You’ve been flirting with me since you were just a little pup, and not even a second glance today? I knew the day would come eventually, but I always thought you’d be screaming it from the rooftops for the whole world to hear, not running away.”

  “Who said I’m running away? I’m just having a bad day and want to go home,” I lied, refusing to address the issue he’d just thrown in my face.

  “Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?” he asked, changing his tone and going all Alpha overprotective on me.

  I rolled my eyes. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a big girl now, Cole. I can handle myself.”

  “Oh, I’m fully aware of what of a big girl you are now.” He gave me a smoldering look that should have had my panties melting, but I felt nothing. He stared at me for a few minutes. “Nothing? You’re going to give me a complex here.”