Can't Be Love

by Julie Trettel

  “Wait,” Maddie said just before I left the room. I slowly turned to face her.

  “I’m just nervous. Come back. It’s still kind of weirding me out a little seeing the two of you together, but Lily’s right. You’re her mate. You’re my brother, and while this isn’t necessarily any of your business, I know she’d never ask me to keep anything from Liam, and it’s not fair to ask her to keep this from you.”

  “Maddie, it’s okay. Whatever it is, I’m sure you have your reasons,” I told her, turning to leave again.

  “Thomas?” she said softly, and I turned to meet her eyes. There were tears in them and my instincts were split between turn and run, and go and comfort my sister.

  “Ah Mad, it can’t be that bad. Come here,” I said, crossing the room and wrapping her into a big hug. I hadn’t really had much contact with her. We’d made baby steps on eggshells back home, but this felt like the start of a new phase in life for us.

  “I’m okay. I’m okay,” she said with her face buried in my chest. I gave her a few minutes to gather herself together before pulling away. She wiped a tear from her cheek and motioned for me to sit, so I joined Lily on the couch.

  “This really isn’t easy for me to talk about,” she started. “How much do you know about what happened to me the night I disappeared and why I never came home?”

  I sucked in a sharp breath. “Enough,” I said.

  She nodded. “And do you know that Oscar is half wolf, half tiger?”

  “Yeah,” I admitted.

  “Last year I helped rescue some shifters, and in the process, I inadvertently let loose the tiger pack that attacked me that night. I know it was stupid, but I didn’t know they were there. Anyway, last spring they showed up at Chase and Jenna’s place. The bad ones are back in custody, but I let the youngest of them go free.”

  I already knew most of that from what I’d pieced together from Kyle. “Why?” I asked, trying to keep judgement out of my voice.

  “Because it was the right thing to do. He was just as much a victim to his brothers as I was. Yes, he acted that night too, but they got him really drunk, possibly drugged, and basically forced him on me. I have it from reliable sources that he really isn’t a threat and I was willing to give him a second chance at life, in exchange for a blood sample. I had samples taken from each of the tigers and”—she waved an envelope in her hand—“I have the results in.”

  “It’s the DNA results to identify exactly which one of them fathered Oscar,” Lily added. “We were just about to open it when you came in.”

  “I see,” I said. “Are you sure it matters?”

  “It really doesn’t matter, but I need to know for closure. Oscar may have questions about his biological father someday, and the answers are here in this envelope.”

  I nodded. “Would you like me to open it for you?” I offered, surprising both the girls.

  Maddie stared at me for a moment, then she nodded as she handed the envelope to me with shaky hands, and I slid over so she could sit next to Lily. The two girls hugged.

  “Are we rooting for anyone in particular?” I joked.

  “Jack,” they both said in unison.

  I opened the envelope and quickly read through it. “The results read by 99.9998 percent probability of paternity, Jack Simpson is Oscar’s biological father.”

  Both girls started crying. Maddie grabbed the results and they looked them over for themselves.

  “Shouldn’t Liam be here for this?” I finally asked.

  “He didn’t want to know,” Maddie confessed. “Says it doesn’t matter because he is Oscar’s father, his only father. He’s not wrong, but what if Oscar turns out to be a tiger shifter? He may need someone to talk to. He may want to know his biological father. And I can’t tell you how relieved I am it’s Jack.”

  “Are you going to tell him?” Lily asked, seriously.

  Maddie shook her head, then shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe someday. I’m just relieved it’s him and not one of his brothers. I won’t go behind Liam’s back, or invite him into our lives unless Oscar asks us to. I’m not real sure what to do with the news exactly, but I’ll talk to Liam and we’ll decide together.”

  Lily hugged her tighter. “I know you’re relieved it’s him. In some really messed up way, I’m happy for you. Not that it’s something to be happy about, but well, you know what I mean.”

  The girls both laughed. There were tears still in their eyes. Maddie reached across the space between us and squeezed my hand.

  “Thank you for being here and reading the results, Thomas. I know things have been really strained between us, but I hope that we can find some common ground again. I mean, you mated my best friend, and maybe I don’t deserve it, but we are still family.”

  I snagged Maddie around the waist and pulled her to me as she yelped. I hugged my sister as she grinned against my shoulder. I let her go and took a serious look at her.

  “I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t harbor some resentment towards you all those years, but if I’ve learned anything lately, it’s that no good comes from channeling negativity towards someone you love. It’s too easy to do and hurts more than anything. I was angry you left, and even angrier that you didn’t return. I was young, and I had my reasons, but none of that matters now that you’re back. I don’t want to be the biggest douchebag on the planet any more than I want to resent you for those lost years. I say we start a clean slate right here, right now. I don’t really know you anymore, and you don’t know me, but I’d like a chance to fix that.”

  Lily was crying with a huge smile on her face as she nodded at me.

  Maddie and I hugged just as baby Sara sounded off from the nursery upstairs.

  “I’ll get her,” Lily volunteered, jumping up and quickly leaving the room.

  “You’re really good for her, you know?” Maddie observed.

  “You think?” I asked.

  “I know. She’s happy, like really happy. I think you are, too. And you’re right. It’s been a long time, Thomas. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything, but I’d really like to get to know the man you are today.” She snorted. “Man? How did that happen? My little brother is a grown man, mated and everything. It’s crazy!”

  “And you? You’re a mother, Mad. How insane do you think that is?”

  “They’re good kids. You’re going to love them, and I bet you’ll be a wonderful uncle.”

  “You think? I do like kids,” I confessed.

  Lily walked back in cradling Sara. I had a momentary flash of her holding our future child as she rocked her and cooed sweet nothings. Lily was going to be a great mother. She was a natural, whether she realized it or not.

  As if channeling some weird psychic connection from just thinking of the Pack, my phone rang. I looked down to see it was my dad. Swiping the screen, I quickly answered it.

  “Dad, what’s up?”

  “Lily’s been issued her first challenge. I need you both to return home immediately.”

  Lily

  Chapter 27

  Thomas had been a nervous wreck ever since his dad’s call came in. I was getting a little annoyed. I told him to have some faith in me. I was a Westin. I had trained my entire life for this. I wasn’t worried one bit. Sure, fighting was not high on my fun list, but I was fast and strong enough to hold my own against any she-wolf.

  The closer we got to Collier, the more relaxed I felt. It was the feeling of home, of Pack. It was what I’d expected to find going home to San Marco, but it never came. I sadly realized for the first time that my wolf’s allegiance had already shifted. Maybe it came with the bond. I wasn’t sure. But I wasn’t a Westin anymore. I was a Collier.

  When we arrived at the Alpha house, Zach met us and quickly ushered us into his office.

  “Who, Dad? Please tell me it’s not Sydney . . . but who else would do this?” Thomas said, clearly upset by the challenge I’d received.

  “It’s not Syd, son. It’s Jessie.”

 
; I hadn’t met a Jessie. I was certain of it, but by the way Thomas grabbed the back of a chair and braced himself, I knew it had to be bad.

  “Has her wolf even come in yet?” he asked his dad.

  “What?” I demanded. “I’m being challenged by a pup?”

  “Her wolf surfaced just last month,” Zach informed us. “She has the right to challenge. I’m sorry, I couldn’t talk her out of it. Maybe you’ll have better luck, son.”

  “When can we meet with her?” Thomas asked.

  “The both of you? Together? Do you really think that’s wise?”

  “Yes sir. I think it’s the only way.”

  Zach considered it and nodded. “You know her best. I’ll make the arrangements.”

  When Zach left the room and we were finally alone, I turned on Thomas with my most burning questions.

  “Who’s Jessie, Thomas, and who is she to you exactly?”

  He turned worried eyes my way. “She’s Syd’s kid sister.”

  Within the hour, Zach had arranged for us to meet with Jessie. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the small child who hadn’t yet grown into her features was far from it. She was just a kid. How was I supposed to kill this pup? It wasn’t right, and I didn’t know if I had it in me. What if she kept pushing back, like that kid from the New York Pack that Kyle had to face? It had affected my brother being forced to do that, and let’s face it, he was a million times stronger than I was.

  “Hi, you must be Jessie,” I said, trying to keep my concern from my voice and take her seriously as an equal. Her waif-like features made it difficult.

  Her eyes widened. “You’re Lily?”

  I nodded.

  “You’re prettier than I expected,” she said, like that mattered any.

  “Thanks, you’re very pretty, too.”

  “What’s all this about, kiddo?” Thomas asked, cutting to the chase.

  She glared at me, wanting to hate me, but it fell short like she didn’t know what to think now.

  “How could you, Thomas?” she asked. “Syd won’t challenge her, so someone had to step up and do it. That should be Sydney by your side. You know that.”

  “And if you beat her, Jess, if you kill her, it still won’t be Syd by my side. You do realize that right?” Thomas said calmly. “You know I love you and Sydney. That’s never going to change, but I’m not in love with Sydney. I haven’t been for a long time. She knows that, kiddo. Lily’s my one true mate. To challenge her, hurts me. Is that what you really want?”

  It didn’t hurt me to hear him say he loved them, not even Sydney. Something in our time away had shifted things. I was secure in my relationship with Thomas. Maybe it was the bond, but I thought it had more to do with our trip and truly getting to know each other.

  I remembered Kelsey had still struggled heavily with other she-wolves near Kyle during their challenge period, even after they had completed their bond, not that I’d ever compare myself to Kelsey. With her Alpha witchy powers, she had plenty of additional things she was dealing with, too.

  Thomas had taken a seat directly across from the girl, so I took the chair next to him. I thought it would be best if I were on the same level as her. A part of me wanted to scare the shit out of her so she’d come to her senses and drop the challenge; but the other part of me didn’t want to provoke her further. Taking my seat and allowing my leg to rest against my mate’s, helped keep my wolf calm.

  “Jessie, you understand what happens if you were to beat me, right?” I asked.

  She looked at me. “Of course. You’ll be dead, and Thomas will be free.”

  “Sorry kiddo, it doesn’t quite work that way. If you beat Lily, you take her place as my mate,” he informed her.

  I bit back a smile at the look of disgust on her face.

  “No, I’ll be in charge and then and I can decide. I can give Sydney to you in my place.”

  “Technically, only if she kills you to take your place in pack order,” I chimed in to the girl’s horror.

  “You mean I’d have to . . .” She gulped heavily as she turned her wide eyes toward Thomas.

  “Afraid so, kiddo. You would become my mate, in every way,” he added.

  “But I’m only seventeen. That’s not even legal!”

  Sydney had walked in during the conversation and stood at the door just behind her sister. “I’m sorry,” she mouthed to me. Aloud, she finally spoke. “Hey Jessie, what’s this really all about?”

  The girl turned to face her sister with tears in her eyes. “It’s supposed to be you. You’re supposed to be our Pack Mother. You’re supposed to be Thomas’s mate. He always comes back to you. She’s just an outsider. She doesn’t belong here. Someone has to stop her.”

  Sydney hugged her little sister. “I love you, Jess, and I love that you’re so worried about me and our pack, but you have to drop this.” She pulled back and I saw the shock on Jessie’s face. Sydney reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “Jess, this is my friend. Lily is a good person. She’s going to be a great Pack Mother.”

  “But . . . ”

  “No but’s, kiddo. Thomas was never really mine. All I’ve ever wanted was for him to be happy. Look at him. He can’t even glance her way without smiling. I barely recognize him because he practically glows when Lily’s around. I deserve to have a man that looks at me the way he does her. Don’t you think? I’m not his true mate, she is. I’m begging you to pull out of this challenge and really give her a chance.”

  Jessie was crying and hugging her sister again. “But it’s always been you and Thomas.”

  Syd looked at the two of us sitting across the table and smiled. “He’s my best friend, Jess. That’s not going to change just because Lily’s in his life now.”

  The door opened again, and their parents walked in. It was easy to see the resemblance without anyone having to tell me who they were.

  Sydney squeezed my hand one last time. “It’s okay,” she mouthed.

  “We should go,” Thomas said. “Give them some time to talk.” His arm was possessively around me when he spoke to Jessie. “We’ll be awaiting your final decision, kiddo.”

  Once we were out of earshot, I spoke again. “Say a prayer she changes her mind, Thomas. I’m prepared to defend my place by your side no matter what, but I really have a hard time stomaching a fight with a child. Did you see her? She’s truly just a kid. I don’t want to kill a kid,” I confessed.

  “Sydney will get through to her if we haven’t already,” he said, more confident than I felt.

  We left the house and walked down the street to the Tavern. When we walked in, everyone got quiet and shot death glares my way. I was finally feeling at home in Collier, but the evil eyes staring at me reminded me I was little more than an outsider.

  I would be their Pack Mother one day. That was my role, and as such I had to win these people over. I couldn’t cower or show weakness, so I held my head high, smiled politely, and grabbed hold of Thomas’s arm for dear life.

  We took a seat at an empty table and Thomas called Milly over. “Hey Milly, two sodas and a couple menus. What’s the special today?”

  I was amazed by the commanding presence he carried. It was strange. I had gotten to know the real Thomas Collier, my mate, but now I was seeing him in a new light as Thomas the future Alpha.

  “Special’s meatloaf,” Milly told him, still not looking my way.

  He nodded. “Babe, what are you having?”

  “Cheeseburger please,” I said, smiling at Milly, who still wouldn’t look at me. Thomas ordered the special. As Milly went to leave, I reached out and touched her arm. Her eyes flew to mine. I smiled. “Thanks, Milly.”

  She sighed, gave a hesitant smile, and nodded.

  I felt like I was living in a fish bowl the entire time we were there. Thomas acted oblivious to it all, so I did too. I concentrated on my mate and tried to enjoy a normal meal together, even if everyone continued to glare at me.

  Later that night, when we were back
in the safety and quiet of our home, I felt like I could finally relax.

  “You okay? You seemed a little tense at dinner,” Thomas acknowledged.

  “Ya think?” I asked sarcastically, rolling my eyes at him. “I’m pretty sure I’m the most hated person in all of Collier.”

  “Don’t be silly. No one hates you. They just don’t know you yet. Maybe some of them did once, or remember you as a child, but give them time to get to know you now. They’ll warm up. Just be patient.”

  I sighed. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. The challenges were still in full swing and even if Jessie backed out, there was still a target on my back. It was clear to me that no one inside the pack was going to challenge Thomas, so unless it came from an outside wolf, he was safe. That actually gave me great relief. I was a Westin and as such, I always knew I’d mate well, and had been preparing for this literally my entire life. It didn’t matter what their opinions of me were at the moment. I was going to be their Pack Mother. No one could take that from me. I’d earn their trust the hard way and do whatever it took to prove to every wolf in Collier that I, Lily Westin, was fully capable and deserving of the title of Pack Mother, and that no one was better to stand by their Alpha’s side.

  The following days were not easy. I continued to endure glares and rude remarks everywhere I went, but I didn’t back down. It was a humbling experience as I bit my tongue each time I would normally lash out in response.

  I had quickly learned that the Tavern was the hub of Collier Pack. It was also the hardest to endure. The addition of alcohol made tongues even looser, but I forced myself to have at least one meal a day there with or without Thomas. When he called to apologize because a Pack Council meeting was running late, and they’d be working through dinner, I knew it was time to face the Pack.

  I put on my big girl panties and headed into the wolf’s den. I took a table in the center of the room and called Milly over to order, just as Thomas would have if he were there. She looked a little put off, but I was friendly and cordial to her and I always left her a bigger tip than was necessary, so she was slowly warming up to me.