Can't Be Love

by Julie Trettel

  As we passed through the campus gates, my nose was pressed against the window taking it all in. I had registered online and already had my class schedule and boarding assignment, so we passed by the administration building and wound through campus, passing the quad, Greek row, the lake, numerous academic and residential buildings, until we finally arrived at Fenrir Hall.

  “Child, calm yourself,” Oma warned, but I was just too excited to listen as I pushed open the door and finally set foot on the campus of Archibald Reynolds College.

  “Can you believe it? I’m actually here!” I squealed in excitement, hugging Oma.

  She gave me a stern look, but I could see the sparkle in her eyes. I knew my grandparents were not only proud of me, but happy for me, too.

  I didn’t have a lot to unload. I didn’t really need that much to get by. But I loaded up what I could in my arms, took a deep breath for confidence, held my head high and marched right into my dorm, making my way up to room 301.

  The door was slightly ajar. I would have been concerned, but my roommate had texted me the night before letting me know she’d gotten in early and couldn’t wait to meet me. Butterflies filled my stomach as I walked in and looked around.

  “Eeeee!” came a loud squeal as I entered the room. “You must be Karis!” Before I knew what was happening, I was pulled into the biggest hug of my life as we rocked back and forth. “Oh em gee, I’m so excited you’re finally here! I’m Sabrina Walters, your new roommate.”

  I laughed as we ended the embrace, the load I was carrying now strewn across the floor, and I finally got a good look at the bubbly redhead I would spend my freshman year with.

  “Hi Sabrina, I’m Karis, and I’m so excited to meet you in person, finally.”

  “Girl, I know. I’m sorry if that was a little over the top. I’ve just been waiting all day for you to get here and I can’t believe it’s really you. You’re here. We’re here. We’re in college!”

  This time when she hugged me again I was more prepared for it. We both jumped up and down squealing. I pulled back and settled as I caught Oma’s disapproving eye.

  “Um, Sabrina, these are my grandparents, Tulok and Amka.”

  She shook each of their hands. “It’s so nice to meet you both. Karis speaks very highly of you.”

  They said very little in exchange as Sabrina and I calmed down enough to get my things unloaded. Oma insisted on helping me unpack, despite Upa wanting to hit the road as quickly as possible ahead of all the others. Basically, he didn’t want to sit in anymore traffic if he could help it.

  Until the moment came to say goodbye to them, I didn’t know how hard it would be. It wasn’t like I was losing them, yet the little girl within me was terrified of just that. I had tears in my eyes, but I put on a good show and kept it together for their sakes. They promised to call when they stopped for the night.

  I thanked them and hugged a dozen times, before Upa announced they really had to go. I stood on the curb and waved until they were out of sight, then turned slowly and walked back into the building, up the stairs, and into what felt like a whole new life.

  “I’m sorry if I got a little overwhelming and excited when you arrived. People say I talk a lot, and that it can be annoying at times, but really I’m just excited that we’re both finally here,” Sabrina said as I walked into the room. She was laid out on her bed which was covered in bright pink. Everything on Sabrina’s half of the room was pink, and she had little fairy lights hung on the wall above her bed.

  I looked at my side and realized just how very plain it was in comparison. I’d chosen greens and browns as they reminded me of Alaskan summers and made me feel a little more at home. It may not have been as ostentatious as Sabrina’s side, but it was all mine, and my heart swelled with pride.

  I squealed and flopped backwards onto my bed. “I can’t believe I’m actually here!”

  “I know the feeling. I kept saying that to myself all last night,” she said.

  I looked up and grinned at her. “So, what have you been doing since you arrived? Found anything awesome yet? Have you walked around campus or anything?”

  Sabrina shrugged. “Only a little. I got in late last night, then was worried I’d miss you if I ventured too far out today. Besides, I kind of thought we could do that together?” she asked, awkwardly. “I know just because we’re roommates doesn’t mean we have to hang out all the time, but I do hope we can truly be friends and not just share a common space.”

  I grinned at her. “Same. I don’t know anyone here, well, I sorta know one person, but I haven’t seen him in a long time, and he lives off campus with his mate, but I promised his sister I’d look him up at some point. Definitely not today. Today, it’s just you and me. Let’s go check this place out!”

  Sabrina and I were in perfect synch and everything was going better than I’d anticipated. We walked around campus each pointing out what we knew about the place. She’d clearly done her homework too.

  “I love the lake. I can really see us hanging out there, but then I love the water,” Sabrina said.

  “Me too,” I confessed. “But the quad seems pretty cool too, especially in between classes since a lot of the academic buildings are off it.”

  “Definitely. Have you done your class schedule yet?”

  “Yes, I did it online before we left. How about you?”

  “Yup, but I want to try and change up two of my classes. My parents sort of pushed the issue and I really want to get out of them quickly.”

  I smiled, missing my own parents. I liked to think they’d be proud of me. Sometimes it was hard to even remember what they looked like, let alone what it felt like to have a mom and a dad, but I couldn’t let myself dwell on it and become sad. This was too important of a day.

  “Are you getting hungry? Because I’m starving,” Sabrina finally said.

  I looked at my watch, surprised to find it was almost eight. The sun was beginning to set low in the sky, something I wasn’t quite used to seeing again, as it stayed light nearly all day in Alaska during the summer months.

  “I’m hungry,” I told her, and we headed off towards the cafeteria.

  “There are other places to eat on campus, but this place is one swipe of your meal card and then all you can eat. I think I’m going to be frequenting it here.”

  “Let the freshman fifteen begin,” I joked.

  Sabrina looked me over and snorted. “As if. You could gain fifteen pounds and still look fabulous. Me on the other hand, may need to stick to the salad bar.”

  I crinkled my nose. As a wolf shifter I preferred meat to veggies any day.

  Sabrina laughed. “They aren’t that bad, carnivore.”

  “Technically, I’m still an omnivore, I just prefer meat is all,” I pointed out. “And you aren’t going to eat salad all year and we both know it,” I teased.

  I knew from previous conversations that Sabrina was a red fox shifter. I assumed that’s where her red hair came from. She was short and curvy all over, but with a bit of an athletic build. She had bright blue eyes, the bluest I’d ever seen, and despite her small stature, she seemed larger than life and practically invincible to me.

  Walking into the cafeteria, the two of drew the attention of several boys sitting at a table. Sabrina seemed to grow a foot as she strutted before them. I grabbed a tray and quickly followed after her. There weren’t a lot of boys my age back home, and the few that were there were more like brothers to me since we’d all grown up together. There were a few cute polar bears I had started flirting with, but they weren’t wolves, and I could never get serious with anyone that wasn’t a wolf.

  I had a promise to keep to my Pack. I was the last of my bloodline, and knew it was my responsibility to carry on my family’s lineage. It was a heavy burden to bear, but I vowed to see it through and make my family proud.

  It was strange not knowing what kind of shifters these people were. Back home the shifters: polar bears, moose, puffins, and wolves, all lived pea
cefully together, but I knew everyone within twenty miles.

  I loved the mix of species at the ARC. It was the biggest things that drew my attention to it when applying for schools. Archibald Reynolds College prided itself on interspecies relationships. Growing up the way I did, I didn’t really get the whole exclusive thing. Sure, I could understand when it came to mating, but that was different, and my opinions on that had been shaken to the core when Chase Westin, a friend from an ally Pack found his one true mate to be a panther.

  A panther! I couldn’t even imagine. My future mate would be Alpha of the Alaskan wolves. He couldn’t be anything but a wolf. I laughed to myself just thinking about it. Imagine, a panther, a freaking cat, as Alpha to wolves, or maybe he’ll be a rabbit, a cute little bunny. That would go over wonderfully. No, I would befriend anyone, regardless of their species, but when it came to dating I knew it would be best for me to stick to wolves.

  “What are you thinking about? It looks pretty funny judging by the expressions on your face.”

  “It’s nothing,” I said and changed the subject quickly.

  We met a couple other girls at dinner and talked to a few people here and there. Too many names were mentioned for me to keep track of anyone. We were invited to a few parties and compared schedules with some of them. Sabrina had a class with one of the girls, but no one matched mine.

  When we finally finished up at dinner, it was time to head back to the dorm. Arm-in-arm Sabrina and I practically skipped across campus, laughing the entire way. It was going to be a great year. I could just feel it and I couldn’t wait to really get things started.

  Damon

  Chapter 2

  A sense of doom still loomed over the doghouse. It was going to be a long, hard year, and I wasn’t looking forward to it. Last spring we’d all gone to battle against the big cats in support of our brother, Chase, and his true mate, Jenna. Jenna was a panther shifter, her father an elitist prick hellbent on killing Chase. No way would any of us have let that happen. In the end the dogs won, but at a great loss.

  Matt Williams had been my roommate, my fraternity brother, and my friend. He died in that battle, and life in the doghouse hadn’t been the same since. I was still a proud brother of Delta Omega Gamma, but the sadness of the place was hard to take.

  Senior year. Finally, just two more semesters and I was out of there. When Chase moved off campus with Jenna, I moved into his room. I couldn’t take staying in mine knowing Matt was never going to return. It was too much to bear, too many memories, and too much sadness.

  I had stuck around campus through the summer figuring it was better to deal with it all alone than being inundated with sympathy back home. And while I was happy to have my boys back, I was already feeling overwhelmed by the constant chatter of my new roomie, Chad.

  Chad was an interesting character. First, he’s a squirrel shifter who pledged D.O.G. at another school where they didn’t take the acronym quite so serious. Nearly all of the D.O.G.s were canine shifters of some sort, then there had been Matt, a rebel cat, jaguar shifter determined to hold his own with the big dogs. Now we had Chad, the squirrel.

  That kid talked more than anyone I’d ever known, and his habit of hiding chips throughout his half of the room was downright annoying at times. Still he was a pretty cool kid. I’d never have believed a squirrel could be that badass. Seeing him fight in the battle for Chase had been a unique, eye-opening experience.

  His transition since his arrival had been the talk of the school. Heck, it even trumped the Chase and Jenna saga. Who knew squirrel shifters fattened up in the winter, then slimmed down in the warmer months? Dude had been an overnight sensation around campus, a total chick magnet, not that D.O.G.s ever had a problem catching the ladies.

  Still, with everyone back at school for the start of the new year, my wolf was becoming more and more restless. I found myself going for runs daily and searching out places just to be alone. It wasn’t normal behavior for a wolf shifter. We were communal animals by nature. I knew Chase was worried about me being depressed. Maybe he was right, but damn, I think I had a right to be.

  I just wanted the year to fly by quickly, so I could be done with the place and the haunting memories of Matt everywhere I turned. I wanted to be angry at someone, I wanted to yell, scream, and pick fights with anyone who got in my way. But there was no where to channel that anger. I couldn’t blame Chase. Matt was his best friend and Chase didn’t even ask us to fight alongside him. It was Matt’s idea. He had insisted we stand up next to our friend, or die fighting, and he’d done just that, but Matt wasn’t around to be mad at, so it all bottled up and fell empty.

  I was in bed staring at the ceiling, consumed in darkness once again, when Chad walked in.

  “Hey, man. We’re all heading over to Jack’s for a celebration round, then maybe over to Theta. Hear they’re having a wicked party tonight. You joining us?”

  “A round of what, kid? You’re not even old enough to drink,” I teased.

  “Pfft, since when did that stop me?” he asked.

  It was true. The punk could get away with nearly anything since his transformation. Still, I knew he was only joking. I’d never seen anyone stay as level headed as Chad in the brink of all that attention. He told me once that the girls he followed him around during the summer were fun enough to hang out with for a while, but far too shallow for him. He needed a girl that would stick around through the winter months and love him for who he was and not what he looked like in swim trunks. Had to hand it to him, he was far more mature than he’d lead one to believe.

  “I think I’m gonna pass,” I finally told him.

  “Damon, it’s the last night before classes begin. Come out. Celebrate with us.”

  “Right, last night before classes and I have an eight a.m. Sorry. Pass.” I saw the disappointment on his face. I’d been seeing it a lot on the faces of all my brothers since they returned. I knew they were worried about me, but I was fine, at least as fine as I was going to be. “Hey, look, I promise, Friday night. We’ll do whatever you want, okay?”

  Chad perked up and smiled. “Yeah, okay. Sounds great. Enjoy your night.”

  He changed his shirt quickly and left without another word. The house had gone quiet and I suspected I was all alone. The walls started closing in around me, and I knew I needed to get out there. I changed into gym clothes and headed outdoors. I meant to actually go to the gym, try to at least be around other people, but when the woods came into few near the lake, I found myself venturing off course.

  I sighed, stripping at the edge and setting my wolf free. I wasn’t the only one depressed these days. We ran until past nightfall. It was easier for me in my fur. I could give myself over to the wolf and temporarily forget everything that had happened.

  I was exhausted when I finally shifted back to my skin and headed home, collapsing into bed the moment I entered my room. Chad was already snoring softly in how own bed. It felt like I passed out the second my head hit the pillow and the first time in a while I slept peacefully.

  When the alarm clock woke me, I groaned and pounded on it till the noise stopped. I wanted to curl up under the blanket and go back to sleep, but I knew it was first day of classes. Why the hell had I signed up for a eight a.m.?

  I begrudgingly got out of bed and hit the shower, dressed for the day, and grabbed my backpack to head off to my final year of college. I was so ready to be done with this place.

  The walk across campus was refreshing. New faces, and a new buzz in the air. I normally loved freshman, especially those dumb enough to pledge Delta Omega Gamma, but this year the usual excitement for new recruits was waning.

  I heard whispers about my friends along the way. Trying hard not to roll my eyes or engage. Chase and Jenna were interspecies true mates, a rarity that many of us didn’t even know was possible till it happened to them. They’d become instant campus celebrities. By end of last semester the shock and gossip had calmed down, but I supposed with the new class, wor
d was spreading again already.

  I didn’t blame him for moving off campus. Missed the shithead, but still couldn’t fault him for it. If I had the money Westin had, I’d have left too. Chase came from Westin Pack, a large and influential Pack. He was among the upper elite of wolf shifters. I, on the other hand, came from a very small, virtually unheard-of Pack in Italy. Not that you could tell by my accent.

  My Alpha sent me to the States to study when I hit my teen years. I lived mostly with the Longhorn Pack of Texas. I’d picked up a bit of the southern drawl quickly. My Mediterranean coloring was about the only thing that set me apart at this point. No one would have guessed I wasn’t born and bred in the USA.

  For a little extra cash I worked as a teacher’s assistant in the Italian department. It was a pretty sweet gig. Afterall, it was my primary language even if I was equally fluent in English. I had spoken with the professors and we all agreed I wasn’t needed for the first two weeks of school. I was grateful for it a it gave me time to settle in to my own schedule before taking on theirs as well.

  I walked into my first class, Intercultural Communications. I was an International Relations major. I was hoping it would help me with Pack status down the road. For the moment I wasn’t sure if I wanted to return to Italy, change my allegiance to Longhorn or some other Pack. I really didn’t know where I would go when I graduated. Maybe a few years as a lone wolf would do me some good. Only time would tell. I had put off all inquiries surrounding that question throughout college and can no intentions of trying to decide on an answer anytime soon.

  Looking around the classroom, I was surprised to see Chase and Jenna there. They were sitting down front, and I quickly made my way across the room.

  “What are you guys doing up here?” I asked.

  Jenna smiled and gave a little wave.