by Ally Adams
“Mandy,” she said, shaking our hands enthusiastically, “everyone calls me Mandy.”
Anton was bookish, slender, even nerdy but handsome in a boy-next-door way, but his girlfriend was a true Noo-Yorker all the way to the accent. She was a big girl, with flowing red hair down her back—I know, red dresses on redheads, hmm the jury is out on that one. She had a sizeable bust that I couldn’t take my eyes off so I had to forgive Nik for staring, and she was more sassy than I was a Sasha, if you get me. She had lovely blue eyes and was full of confidence and energy. If opposites attract, then Anton and Mandy were made for each other. She had enough personality for all of us and I felt instantly at ease with her.
“I love this place,” she gushed, “it’s my new favorite, but I have a different favorite every week don’t I babe?”
Babe nodded. “She does,” Anton agreed, looking at her with adoring eyes. I began to relax, this was going to be an easy dinner, I wouldn’t get a word in and wouldn’t have to do anything but nod and smile... too easy. Unfortunately that didn’t quite work out so well for Nik—yep, it appears Mandy has no boundaries which was kind of good for me.
We were seated at a table for four near the window with a view to the busy street; inside the restaurant however, everything was calm and beautifully lit.
“You have to try the lobster; it is a real dining experience and the chef, Marcus, he is a genius,” she said.
“What else would you suggest? I’m not a lobster girl,” I asked her.
Mandy was up to the challenge providing plenty of other suggestions. Nik and Anton were talking between themselves while we girls scanned the menu.
“The grilled sashimi,” she gushed, “to die for.”
“I can taste it already,” I said, teasing her. I closed the menu. After we ordered wine and entrees, Mandy dived straight in.
“So Nik, Anton tells me you grew up together but you’re an orphan. Have you ever tried to find your family?”
I nearly fell off my chair and Nik choked on a sip of water. Anton looked embarrassed but not shocked—clearly, he was used to Mandy. It was definitely going to be a weekend of getting to know Nik even if that wasn’t his plan.
She continued, “I only ask because one of my friends searched for her parents and found them and now they are one big happy family... well her mother anyway, her father died not long after they were reunited.” She stopped for breath.
Well this was good—I had been wanting to ask this too but I was doing the cautious thing as my brother Ethan suggested... tip-toeing around the subject, finding out bits and pieces and not pushing topics he clearly didn’t want to cover and this was one of them. It was so out of character for me being a journalist and way too direct for my own good, but now Mandy just blew all of my prep work out of the water.
“Well.” Nik cleared his throat. “A few years ago I did look into it.”
Anton tried to change the subject as the drink waiter brought out wine, but Mandy wasn’t having it. If looks could kill, then the look Nik was giving Anton would have had him on life support.
“So, did you find out anything?” she said, brushing Anton’s arm affectionately. I sat there in stunned silence, my eyes wide, not sure if I should rescue Nik or wait for his answer... I really wanted to hear his answer. Nik gave Anton a look that was a bit hard to read but it had a rescue-tinge about it. We clinked glasses in a toast to good health and after a sip, Nik continued.
“Well I found my biological mother—she told me she was sixteen when she got pregnant with me to an older man and they were never going to be a couple. Now, she is married with a family, but she doesn’t want to rekindle anything... she was scared I would wreck her new home life. Her husband didn’t know her past,” Nik said. “She sent a Christmas card this year.” He shrugged.
“And your father?” Mandy asked.
Nik glanced to me—I couldn’t read his expression—then he looked back to Mandy.
I could see Anton was dying—whether he expected Nik to kill him later or he was truly sorry for throwing Nik in the deep end I couldn’t tell.
“She gave me his name but she said he never knew about me, she didn’t tell him and she’s had no contact since that night. Her parents were strict and sent her away to a relative’s place until after the birth and they organized my fostering.”
I reached out and took Nik’s hand and changed the subject. It wasn’t our business to know all this personal stuff and I didn’t want him to be put in the spotlight... he looked so uncomfortable.
“We went shopping today,” I said brightly, way too brightly. “Nik survived.”
“Oh my God, did you got to Tate Alley?” Mandy asked and began gushing about the shoes there. Nik squeezed my leg under the table and gave me a grateful look. I kept Mandy occupied on our shopping adventures and the conversation did not return to Nik’s childhood again. Phew. But I still wanted to know now, if he had tried to contact his father. Must have been heartbreaking to contact his mother and have her still disinterested—to think she had no idea of the years of abuse that he endured. I wanted to shake her, but I guess she was young and frightened to find herself pregnant. My heart ached for Nik.
Mandy was right about one thing, the meals were divine even if I found it hard to eat without wanting to put something in Nik’s mouth. His hand coming and going from my leg did nothing to help the situation. Before coffee arrived—believe it or not, I declined dessert again—I excused myself to go to the bathroom.
“I’ll come too,” Mandy said. “We have to go together... girl rule,” she told the boys.
“Absolutely,” I agreed, even though I could see Anton giving me a look that said don’t leave me, you know he’s going to kill me... what could I do? He was right though, Nik was cheesed off. I glanced back before heading into the ladies and could see Anton talking himself out of it and Nik had a serious jaw lock action going. Anton probably should have been more discreet but I don’t totally blame him—Mandy was one of those people who put herself so completely out there that you found yourself talking to her. I think I just told her my star sign and my fantasy to ride naked, bare-back on a very dark horse, down the beach in summer—yeah, don’t ask.
When we returned there was coolness in the air even though the boys were making small talk about mutual friends. I slid into the seat next to Nik, took his strong jaw in my hand and kissed him. His eyes softened and his jaw relaxed. See, I was good for him. Something else seemed to get harder too but that was just inconvenient.
Mandy oohhed-and-aahed as dessert arrived for her and Anton. Nik and I were just on the coffees. I love a woman who appreciates her food and she did, every mouthful got rated.
“I’ll pick up the check tonight,” Anton said. “I’m just glad we got a chance to catch-up before you head back.”
Nik went to protest. I guess he was used to paying and was probably super aware he was financially worth ten times more than all of us.
Anton held up his hand. “I want to; it was my invitation,” he said.
“Thank you, Anton, that’s very generous, and it was a great choice,” I said.
“It’s a pleasure, and yes, Mandy knows her places,” he said, with a smile towards her.
“Besides, I’ll eventually charge Nik for it somehow... you know, slip it onto one of his bills,” he said, with a wry grin towards Nik.
“So that lunch you picked up last visit?” Nik asked, his lips twitching in a smile.
“Yeah, the pleasure was all yours,” Anton teased him, and Nik smiled and shook his head. Looks like we were all friends again, phew.
No sooner had we said goodbye to Anton and Mandy, and left the restaurant, than Nik pulled me to a stop and wrapped his arms around me.
“I’m sorry about that stuff at dinner,” he said.
I frowned at him. “I don’t understand why you are apologizing to me,” I said, studying his face. I touched his cheek. “I’m sorry if it embarrassed you or put you on the spot.”
“It threw me, I
have to be honest,” he said.
I took his hand and we started walking back to our hotel.
“Will you finish the story? You don’t have to, but did you contact your real father?” I asked.
He pulled me under his arm and we walked on. “I tracked him down. He was about ten years older than my mother so I don’t know how they got in that situation but it sounds like a one-night stand.”
“Who would have thought something so perfect could come from that,” I said, looking up at him.
He grinned and squeezed me tighter.
“I wrote him a letter... old fashioned I know, but emailing didn’t seem to cut it and I couldn’t call him out of the blue.” He swallowed. “It’s been a year and I haven’t sent it yet.”
“Nik!” I exclaimed, looking up at him. Then I remembered what Ethan said, play it cautiously. “Why not?”
He shrugged. “Sometimes it’s better to not know than to be... unwanted.”
“I understand, I think. But what if he is excited... he doesn’t even know he has a son. What if that is great news. Would it be for you if you found out you had a son?”
“I’ve tried to put myself in that situation several times. I think I’d be pleased. What about you?” he asked me.
I thought about it. “It’s so hard to say—a woman will always know if she has a child in the world.”
Nik grinned. “Yes, I guess so.”
We came to our hotel for our last night in New York City and entered, greeting the night staff as we made our way to the elevators.
“Do you think I should send it?” he asked.
“It’s entirely up to you... but yes, I do. What’s the worst that could happen? You find out who your father is and score yourself some family. If he doesn’t want to bond, you carry on like now, nothing lost, nothing gained. Trust me, family is good to have sometimes.”
The elevator came and we entered and kissed all the way to our floor. The elevator doors opened and we exited.
“Send it. I’m here for you no matter what happens,” I told him, as he scooped me up and carried me into our room like we were crossing the threshold on our last NYC night.
“Thanks Sarsh, I told you that stuff couldn’t hurt us and I don’t want you to think it is a problem.”
“Nik, I don’t see it as a problem, not for a moment, and there’s nothing about your past that could hurt me,” I said.
I spoke too soon.
Chapter 23
As we strapped into our large leather seats on the chartered plane to return home, Nik’s phone beeped with an incoming text message; we forgot about it while we talked about our trip and the highlights. Nik reminded me that he loved me and I reminded him I felt the same.
“It was the most exciting trip, ever,” I gushed. “Thank you, Nik.”
“The pleasure was all mine Süsse, all mine,” Nik said, graciously. “Wait until we do Paris and London!”
His legs encased mine and he leaned forward during takeoff; we held hands watching New York City disappear beneath us. Once we could undo our seatbelts, I moved over to sit next to him and we just held each other. We slipped down to lie along the length of the seats, spooned together, and he stroked my hair. I must have fallen asleep because I woke as I felt the plane preparing for descent. Nik had been sleeping too. We were pretty exhausted from our nocturnal activities amongst other things.
We sat up and I attempted to straighten everything that was now crooked. The light came on to buckle up and we put our seatbelts on again. I reminded Nik about the text message he had received and he reached for his phone, thumbed the screen and read the message. His face went ashen. He swallowed.
“What is it?” I asked.
“It’s from James, my manager,” he said, frowning. He looked a little stricken, his lips thinned and his jaw locked.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He looked up at me as if he had forgotten I was there, and he pocketed the phone. He glanced out the plane window.
“Nik, you can tell me. What’s wrong?” I asked. My stomach started to swirl with anxiety.
He closed his eyes momentarily, then opened them and leaned forward.
“Sarsh, something bad has come up and it’s not true, and I love you.”
I felt the blood rush from my face. It wasn’t fair. Please don’t let me be hearing this.
Nik took my hand. He didn’t look well and he avoided my eyes.
“Just tell me,” I whispered, “Nik...”
He licked his lower lip again and looked at me. “There’s a story in the paper about a model who says she’s expecting a child to a Saints’ player.”
“A Saints’ player... it’s you?” I said, and the words sounded strangled coming from my suddenly dry throat. I couldn’t swallow.
“It’s not my child, Sarsh, she’s saying it is, but I promise, it is not my child.” He undid his seatbelt and leaned forward, taking both of my hands in his. “Sometimes women say those things to trap a guy, you know, to look after them... to get alimony from someone they know can afford it, but it’s not my child.”
I could barely hear him; I went into some sort of shock. I had just had the best weekend of my life with a man who I decided to trust and now I was going to lose him, now he was having a child with someone else. I think he said something, but I couldn’t hear him for the rush of thoughts in my mind.
I interrupted him. “Do you know her? Did you have sex with her?”
“Yes,” he said, honestly. “But since the moment I started pursuing you Sah-sha, I promise I haven’t slept with anyone or seen anyone, not a single woman, you can trust me on that.”
I nodded. “How pregnant is she?”
Nik lowered his head and reached for his phone. I noticed his hand was shaking slightly—he was as anxious as I was. He opened the press clipping on his phone—it was a shot of her modeling, a glamor shot—I took the telephone from him and read the article. She was claiming to have a child with Nik but she didn’t say how far along she was, she was coy and had just said first trimester. It may have been Nik’s if she was far enough along. We mightn’t have been together then but this changed everything.
“She’s beautiful, you would suit each other,” I said, my voice choking.
Nik grabbed the phone from me. “You’re beautiful, you suit me, you fit me, Sah-sha.”
We began our descent and Nik was in panic mode.
I told him to put his seatbelt on but he ignored me. I reached over and did it up. I was always practical even when my stomach was swirling. He tried to take my hand but I pulled away, I didn’t need the influence of his touch on my skin—I needed a clear head.
My actions only stressed him more; he ran his hands through his hair, his leg tapped and both of our thoughts filled the small confines of the plane. The moment we touched down he called his manager and listened as James explained what had broken out in social media.
Why do people get off on this crap? Why would she want this kind of fame? Why are the media interested?
I heard Nik insisting James take it to a lawyer and demand that she get a paternity test. He hung up and dropped on his knees in front of me, grasping my hands. He raised my chin so that I would look him in the eye.
“Sarsh, please believe me, it is not my child. If it was, I would provide all the support in the world for that kid, but it wouldn’t change what we have, I love you, and I want to be with you.”
I nodded again. It was all I could manage. I had to be alone to process this—our perfect weekend, my future as it was shaping, it all looked different now. I dug my phone out—I had put it away earlier for the flight—and it beeped too with a missed message and call from Alice about the story. Nik’s phone began to go wild with texts and calls coming in and he put it on silent. He stood as the hatch door opened. We alighted and took the car that Nik had waiting for us. It was only early afternoon because we had gained a few hours. We drove home in silence, Nik not letting me move away from him.
&
nbsp; I turned to him in the taxi and put my hand on his face. He was super distressed.
“I need to be alone now, to think,” I said. He started to protest and I placed my fingers across his lips. “Just leave this with me. You go do what you need to do.” I kissed him and as the taxi pulled over out the front of my apartment, I got out and took the suitcase the taxi driver retrieved for me. I stopped Nik from bringing it upstairs, and insisted he got back in the taxi. I hurried in before any photos could be taken of us arriving home should anyone be loitering with a camera. I entered to find Prada waiting for me—Saffron had fed him for me—I was so happy to see him and to be in the safe surroundings of my home. I was alone, again.
*****
Over the next few hours I had calls from everyone I had ever known—all my family, Ethan and Saffy several times, Alice, my parents, my other brothers, Maxie, even a phone message from Anton, but I let them all go to message bank. I had to return to work tomorrow and I just needed to work through the pain and stress of this situation. About seven o’clock there was a knock at the door and I decided not to answer until I saw it was Nik outside. I let him in. He pulled me to him, desperate and in pain. I clung to him too.
“I’m so sorry about this Sarsh, but it’s not my child, I’ll prove it to you. I have never cheated on you, I promise, I wouldn’t,” he insisted, stroking my back.
“I believe you wouldn’t cheat, Nik, I honestly believe you,” I assured him, touching his face as he pinned me against the wall near the door. We hadn’t got much further than the entrance. “But we don’t know how far along she is, it could still be your child?”
“How? I’ve always worn a condom, like we do. Always.”
“It could have broken,” I said.
“It didn’t break. It was one night and it didn’t break. She’s fallen pregnant and she’s done a rough calculation, but it isn’t me,” he said.
I offered him a coffee or drink but he declined. We were both sick with heartache. I couldn’t eat or drink for the pain.
“Nik, I have to tell you what I’m thinking,” I said. We stayed against the wall holding each other. “I think we need to take a break.”
