by Ally Adams
“No Sah-sha, don’t do this,” he begged me. “Don’t do this.”
“Shh, hear me out. This woman might have just been a one night stand, but you’re going to share something. If it is your child, you’re going to see her grow with your child and you’re going to be there when that child is born—all the time the two of you sharing this experience. She’s beautiful, it is only natural you’ll be attracted to her throughout this.”
He shook his head and I quietened him so I could finish. I continued, “You’ll wonder should you give the child a family—a normal life, should you both give it a try, and all the time I’ll be somewhere in the background, in your way.”
“No Sarsh, don’t do this.” He shook his head.
“You know deep down inside I’m right. And I love you Nik,” my voice broke as I said it, “but I can’t bear to think of you bringing a child into the world and sharing that experience with someone who is not me. If you already had kids that would be different, but this is an experience I’m not going to be part of. We need to separate until you sort it out, if you sort it out.”
“There’s ways we can manage this. I’ve been thinking...” he started, but I shut him down.
“At the end of the season, Nik, I’m going to go away... go and live in Paris for six months and design and work. I need to get away—there’s so many memories here that I have to have some distance from them until I get perspective.”
He buried his face in my hair and breathed deeply.
“I love you Süsse, this changes nothing for me. Please stay with me, we’ll sort it out.”
I pulled away and shook my head. He studied me with a direct gaze and then he righted himself, pulled me closer again and kissed me. Releasing me and without looking back, he headed out the door and I locked it behind him. I was sick to the core.
Chapter 24
“What’s happening with you and the Kaiser?” The Russian asked, seeing me Monday morning at work. I felt Alice and Kay look over at me—they had asked was I okay but avoided questioning me given I looked so morose. I took a deep breath and turned my attention to The Russian.
“Off limit discussions today Russian include Nik, New York City, shots of me with my tongue out and anything that is not work related,” I said, in my best commanding voice.
He strode towards his office and muttered, “Well that’s just boring isn’t it?”
I couldn’t help but smile and I saw Alice trying not to. The Russian was clueless. Kay braved the subject.
“Are you okay, Sasha?” she asked in a quiet voice.
I looked at her and shook my head in the negative. I couldn’t speak and she and Alice understood. Kay nodded.
“We’re here for you darling,” she said, which just brought tears to my eyes which I quickly blinked back. I turned my focus to the computer and began to field the emails of media requests I had, ignoring the ones related to Nik’s pending child.
He had called me this morning but I didn’t answer. His text was desperate and I didn’t know what to send him back. I just wanted to work and try and get back into that space I had been in pre-Nik, it had been a good space, I had been happy. If it was possible to go under the radar, I achieved it. I returned texts to family and friends to say I was okay and going below ground. Ethan didn’t give up that easily and neither did Max. They both arrived around that night with wine and therapy.
Alice called later to tell me that Nik had a bad time at training... all the guys thought he was a legend and a stud or plain unlucky to get hooked. Men... they really were from a different planet. She said Nik was a mixture of despondent, angry and defeated—he had gone to his room, hadn’t eaten and hadn’t surfaced since. I told Alice there was nothing I could do about it. I lay on the bed and my phone rang... again. It was Nik. I answered.
“Nik...”
“I miss you,” he said.
“I miss you.”
“Can I come around?” he asked.
“No.”
“Are you okay Sarsh?”
“No.”
“She says that she is eight weeks. It was just before we met… so… I have to wait two weeks to get the paternity test done, when she’s ten weeks,” he said. “They can’t do it earlier. I’ve got James and a lawyer working on it. The club just thinks it’s a huge joke.”
“They’re not doing anything to help protect you?” I asked, surprised.
“No. I guess they think it’s my mess.” He sighed.
“So you’ve spoken with her?”
“Yes.”
“How did you get her number?”
There was a silence. “I had it,” he said, reluctantly.
“Right. There’s nothing more to be said really Nik. We can’t do this for another two weeks while we wait... and then who knows...”
“Sarsh, we can do this, I’m not the father, I know.”
“I don’t.”
There was silence again.
“I can’t be without you,” he said.
“And I can’t be with you. So please don’t say that to me...” I felt the pain in my chest at his words. “Please don’t contact me Nik. Just go, sort this out, leave me alone now.” I hung up.
I hated thinking of him talking to her about their night together and now their pending child. I wasn’t a drama junkie, I didn’t need the pain. I just wanted to lick my wounds, stay in and lie low. Soon it would all go away... I know, I remembered the pain from Adam, and it went away. It always goes away if you wait long enough.
*****
I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I drank too much wine. I really had to pull myself together. I arrived at work looking like a zombie. Good thing Jim didn’t notice; he was blissfully unaware of the emotions of his female staff most of the time. At least I could keep busy. I had a match this weekend to prepare for and a media release to be done and stats to gather.
The Russian stuck his head out of his office and asked me to come in.
I rolled my eyes. “Not talking about it, Russian,” I said, with a glance to the window. Where was the goddamn coffee van when you needed it?
“It’s a security matter, Sash, I need to talk with you,” he growled and disappeared back into his office.
I rose, accepted a sympathetic glance from Kay and Alice and headed his way.
“Close the door,” he said, as I entered. I closed the door and dropped into Ed’s seat; he wasn’t in yet. The Russian was wearing a suit today.
“You’re looking a bit spiffy, what’s going on?” I asked.
“Could say the same about you,” he returned the compliment to my pin-striped suit. “But then again, you usually dress up. I’ve got some client meetings,” he explained.
I nodded. “What’s up?” I took a deep breath, waiting for the Nik discussion which I didn’t need. I was so raw, every mention of him just cut me more.
“Where are you at with Nik?” he asked, directly.
I frowned at The Russian. “Why do you need to know?”
“I want to know what support he is getting and where he’s at in his head. Lucas, Shayne, the club in general, they’re not taking this very seriously but we should be providing some kind of media security or support for our players.”
I looked at The Russian with surprise. “That’s very understanding of you Russian. But I assure you I have the media side of it locked down. It’s a no comment situation and they’re not getting to talk with Nik about it.”
“Good.” The Russian sighed. “There was an incident last night that I’m trying to keep under wraps.”
I bit my lip, I had been worried about some fallout. “What happened?” I asked.
“Bloody Buzz, biggest mouth on the team, I swear that guy has fuel in his blood he’s so aggressive.” The Russian shook his head. “He made some smartass comment to Nik in the parking lot after training asking if it was the most expensive fuck he’s ever had.”
I groaned. “What happened then?”
“Nik went him. Absolutely
fucking full on. It took me, Lucas and Jackson to pull him off.”
I began to chew my nail. “How’s Nik?”
“He came out okay. Buzz is black-and-blue, going to say he ran into a door, a couple of times—and maybe fell down the stairs—that’s the unofficial line since no-one knows except you, me, Lucas and Jackson.”
I shook my head and swore under my breath.
“Sash, he needs someone to lean on,” The Russian said.
“He’s got someone; she’s expecting his child,” I said, and I left his office.
Chapter 25
Alice put down the phone, grabbed her keys and handbag and rose to leave the office.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“That was Shayne. He asked me to come around to his office and bring my home keys,” she said, with a shrug.
I watched her walk off and wondered what the hell that was about. Alice lived with Nik, I had heard from Nik that morning and he had been alive and kicking so... had he locked himself in his room? Were they running a drug test on him? Were they looking to borrow an outfit from Alice? So many questions so little time. I pushed it to the back of my mind as the phone rang and I had one of the journos on the line wanting to speak with a player for a weekend interview. Sigh. Douglas from the local suburban paper called every week and the paper had a readership of about two—Douglas’s dad and cousin. Yet every week I had to ‘waste’ a player on an interview with him. It was so hard to get the players to do media as it was, and I hated to use up my favors. I told him I’d get back to him ASAP. I tried asking for the questions hoping I could do it that way and peddle the answers to a few outlets, but he was onto me.
Thirty minutes later, Shayne called me on my office extension and asked me to come around to his office. Mm, this was getting interesting. I told Kay and Jim where I was going and passed Alice in the hallway returning to her desk.
“What’s happening?” I asked her.
“It’s about Nik,” she said, and lowered her voice. “He’s gone AWOL.”
“For fuck sake,” I muttered and wandered around to Shayne’s office, knocked and entered an ambush. What the fuck?
Shayne was sitting down, Captain Lucas was pacing and The Russian was standing with his arms folded blocking an entire wall... well almost.
“Hi Sash, close the door,” Shayne said.
“What’s going on?” I looked at them suspiciously.
“Nik’s bolted,” Lucas said, and stopped pacing long enough to look at me and for me to notice how particularly handsome he was in his British way. “We’re hoping you can help.”
“Define bolted,” I said, narrowing my eyes.
“Packed and left,” The Russian added.
“What? He’s got a two-year contract,” I said, “hasn’t he?”
Shayne nodded. “I think we might have let him down,” he said, with a sheepish glance to The Russian. Makes me wonder if The Russian had some experience in this and knew how Nik was feeling. Shayne continued, “We need to fix this before we lose him for good and the media get a hold of him leaving, breach of contract, all that drama.”
I dropped down into a seat in front of Shayne’s desk.
“We didn’t take him seriously,” Lucas said, “the chick getting pregnant, it was all just a bit of a laugh but it obviously wasn’t to Nik and we blew him off.”
“Sasha, we need you to call him,” The Russian said.
I shook my head. “My private life is just that, Russian. If you guys want to fix it with Nik, then you call him.”
“We’ve tried,” Shayne said.
“What if we called him on your phone Sasha, but we’ll do the talking?” Lucas asked.
“He’ll answer,” The Russian said. “We need to do this before he goes back home to his family and friends.”
“Sash,” Shayne called for my attention, “as Lucas said, we’ve kind of dropped the ball with Nik and we need to fix this.”
I looked from one to the other. “You didn’t tell them Nik has no family?” I asked Shayne. “I know you like to keep things private, but this is one time when he could have used the club’s support.”
Lucas and The Russian looked at me with confused expressions. “Shayne told me Nik’s next of kin was his financial adviser, Anton, who is his childhood friend. That’s all the family he has.”
“Fuck,” Lucas swore, “that makes it worse. We really blew him off, no-one helped him and we let the media vultures get him.”
“Thanks,” I said, being one of those.
“Sorry,” Lucas acknowledged, “I just meant we didn’t realize this was such a big deal to him and we should have been looking out for him.”
“We should have had a protection order around him,” Shayne said.
I nodded. “When this is over Shayne, you and I are better sit down and write an issues management strategy... what the club does in the event of a number of scenarios like this to protect the players and the club... you know for club in-house fighting, drug issues, bad press, all that stuff,” I said. Shayne agreed.
“So will you talk with him?” The Russian asked me.
As intimidating as the three guys were, it was none of their business.
“No. What Nik and I do isn’t the club’s business. I’m not going to go out with a guy who’s having a baby with a groupie model just so you can keep your asset,” I said.
“No one’s suggesting that for a moment, Sash,” Shayne said, “but we accept we’ve handled this badly and I guess we’re just asking you to help us fix it from our end and... maybe, try to support him until the paternity test is done? If it’s negative, will you two get back together? Have you discussed that?”
I didn't know if he'd have me back given I had run away from the whole situation, but I’d have him back in a heartbeat, because I did believe it had happened before I'd been on the scene and I... well, I loved him, damn it. But I didn’t need him, a new baby, a connection with this other woman hanging over us—we didn’t have enough history to sustain that and I didn’t want the drama.
“If it was all cleaned up, if it wasn’t his kid, yes,” I said, honestly. I lifted my phone, found Nik’s number, thumbed it and handed it to Lucas. He put it on speaker and pressed the call button. I didn’t think Nik was going to answer and then after five rings he picked up. He took a deep breath and said my name.
“Sah-sha?”
“Nik, don’t hang up, it’s Lucas,” the captain said, leaning forward to speak into the phone lying on Shayne’s desk. “I’m with Shayne, Russian and Sasha. Where are you?” Lucas asked.
Again with the silence. Lucas looked up at Shayne and The Russian.
“Nik, it’s Shayne. You’ve taken your gear from Alice’s place, but I need you to come in and have a chat. We can work through any issues you have with the club... where are you?”
“I’m at the airport,” Nik said.
The three guys looked at each and The Russian puffed his cheeks out with concern. I bit my lip, this wasn’t good. Was he going home to Berlin?
“Buddy, I’ll come and get you,” Lucas said.
“No. I came and saw both of you last week. What’s to say now?” Nik almost snarled the words. For a guy who had been through so much he had always been so up; it was bizarre to hear anger in his voice.
Lucas was looking at the ceiling. I could hear his mind working overtime as he tried to decide how best to handle this. He moved around to sit next to me and took a large breath. Leaning into the phone reception, he continued, “We handled this badly Kaiser, I’m sorry. I should have taken it more seriously instead of blowing it off as a joke.”
Nik spoke. “Luke, if some girl came out in the media and said she was having your child and your girlfriend Mia walked away, how funny would you find that?”
“Fucking not funny at all,” Lucas said, bristling at the thought.
“The club should have stepped in and stepped up, Nik, we missed this one, I’m sorry,” Shayne agreed with Lucas. “We wa
nt to fix this and we’ll fix it so it won’t be handled like this ever again.”
“If that kid was mine, I’d take full responsibility,” Nik said, “but it’s not, the paternity test will show that. But you know, all that aside, I’ve had enough.”
The men looked at me and I shook my head. I didn’t know what to say, I had nothing.
“I spoke with your manager, James, this morning,” Shayne said. “I’ve told him we’ve got our solicitor working on it...”
“I have my own solicitor on it. I don’t need yours,” Nik cut him off.
Shayne swallowed. “Even so, James has put your solicitor in touch with the club’s solicitor and we’ll manage this now. We’ll get the tests and we’ll shut this down.”
“You know why I came to the Saints?” Nik asked. He didn’t wait for an answer. “I had six international offers, big offers, all the same. When I met with you, Luke, you said you wanted to play with the Saints because you were near your friends. The money wasn’t the main priority. You talked about the importance of club loyalty, sticking together, the club looking out for each other... fuck that was just bullshit.”
“No Nik...” Lucas started and Nik cut him off.
“The Saints are just like every other club... just play well and give us our money’s worth. That’s all that matters,” he finished.
“Nik, I promise you, you are wrong. I fucked up, the club fucked up, but you’re important to us and the club as well. I don’t want you to leave. I’m coming to get you and we’ll fix this,” Lucas ordered stepping into Captain mode.
There was a silence on the end of the line again.
“Where exactly are you at the airport?” Shayne asked. There was a silence again.
“Kaiser, don’t make me get my airport security buddies to take you in for a strip search,” The Russian threatened and broke the tension. I think I even heard Nik scoff.
“The departure lounge. My flight leaves in an hour,” Nik said.
