Listen to Your Heart

by Sydney Logan

  My cell interrupts my rant. My eyes narrow when I see Nick’s name on the caller ID.

  “It’s after midnight, Nick Douglas. Do you know where your child is?”

  “Please tell me he’s there.” His voice shakes with fear and desperation. I almost feel sorry for him.

  “Of course he’s here. Both you and your ex-wife need your asses kicked.”

  “Thank God. How did he even get there?”

  I hear Jill in the background, telling him to put the phone on speaker.

  “Hey, Skye.” She has the good sense to sound embarrassed. “We didn’t even know he was gone until I went in just now to check on him. You know he always kicks the blanket off when he sleeps. I just . . . I didn’t want him to get cold.”

  Jill starts to sob, and I hear my brother try to console her.

  “Your son took a cab across town at midnight because he heard his parents having sex one minute and arguing the next. He heard it all, and he can’t handle it. You two have to get your shit together. What if I’d been out of town? What if the cabbie was a child molester? What if . . .”

  My voice trails off as my entire body starts to shake. Caleb puts his arm around me and pulls me closer. Taking deep breaths, I melt against him, letting the warmth of his body calm me down.

  “You two have to figure this out. Be together. Don’t be together. But do something. Eli needs stability and neither of you are giving it to him.”

  “You’re right,” Nick says softly.

  Jill sniffles. “You are. You’re absolutely right. If . . . you wouldn’t mind keeping him for a few days, I’m headed to Detroit for a conference. I’ve asked Nick to go with me. My schedule’s light, so I thought it’d be a good chance for us to get away and really talk about things.”

  “I’m taking a few vacation days,” Nick says. “I’d like to go if you don’t mind watching him, Skye. Despite everything, we still love each other. We . . . really want to try to make this work.”

  “I think that’s a great idea, but you can’t just stay in bed the entire trip. You have to talk. Really talk. And, of course, Eli can stay with us.”

  “Us?” Nick asks. “Who’s us?”

  I glance at Caleb. Oops.

  “There’s someone I want you to meet when you get back,” I explain to my brother. “We’ll take care of Eli. You take care of your marriage.”

  We make plans for Jill to drop off some of Eli’s clothes at my apartment, and by the end of the conversation, I’m not feeling nearly as murderous. As we hang up, Eli returns to the living room, fresh from his shower and ready for bed. He grabs his iPod and tells us goodnight before heading to his room.

  “Are you sure he isn’t your child?” Caleb asks with a laugh. “He loves music almost as much as you do.”

  I grin. “Almost.”

  With a smile, Caleb takes my hand and leads me to our bedroom.

  “This has been some night,” he says as we climb under the blanket.

  “For real. I’m sure this isn’t how you envisioned it.”

  “I don’t have one regret about tonight.” Caleb wraps his arms around me, and I rest my head on his chest. “Eli needed an escape. I’m glad he’s here. And I’m glad he has you.”

  “He has us.”

  Caleb sighs. “I love that word.”

  I smile.

  “Me, too.”

  The news doesn’t come as a surprise, but it’s still a shock when Juliana calls early the next morning to tell us that Luisa passed away in her sleep. My heart breaks as I watch tears trickle down Caleb’s cheeks while he talks to his best friend. After a few moments, he kisses my forehead and takes his phone to the bedroom. My first instinct is to follow him—to offer him any comfort I can—but he closes the door behind him. I’m not offended. Right now, Caleb needs his best friend, and she needs him.

  When Eli wakes up around nine, Caleb still hasn’t come out of the bedroom. I tell him that Caleb’s on the phone with someone important before handing him a bowl of cereal and sending him back to his room to play video games. I never let him eat in his bedroom, so he’s excited and doesn’t ask any questions. I’ll tell him later. Right now, I just want to give Caleb as much privacy as possible.

  When Caleb finally emerges an hour later, his eyes are red-rimmed and tired. He doesn’t say a word as he sits down on the couch next to me. Reaching for his hand, I wrap it in mine.

  “I’m so sorry, Caleb. I know how much you loved her.”

  He nods numbly. “I don’t know why it’s hit me so hard. We were prepared. I just didn’t think it’d be so soon, I guess.”

  “How’s Juliana and her dad?”

  “They’re a mess, but they’re also grateful. They take comfort in knowing that she’s no longer in pain. That was one of Juliana’s fears—that her mom would linger and suffer. They’re thankful. Sad, but thankful.”

  I nod. “How are you? Really?”

  He sighs softly. “I don’t know. My parents live so far away that Rafe and Luisa have really become my family. I’ve never lost anyone this close to me. This is . . . hard. Much harder than I anticipated.”

  “Do you want to go to the house? I’m sure Juliana could use the support.”

  “Deacon’s there. He’s taking good care of her. She promised to call if she needs me. Right now they’re calling family. Making arrangements. Luisa already had her funeral planned, as morbid as that sounds.”

  “Not morbid at all. That definitely lifts a burden off her family.” I look up into his sad blue eyes. “What do you need? What can I do?”

  “You’re doing it. Just being here. You’re all I need.”

  We spend the rest of the morning snuggled on the couch, watching old movies and talking about nothing in particular. Every once in a while, Caleb shares a memory of Luisa, and he’ll laugh and cry and laugh some more. By the time Eli comes out of his room, Caleb’s mood is much more relaxed. Still, Eli can tell something’s wrong. I order takeout for lunch, and while we eat, Caleb tells Eli that someone very close to him passed away.

  Death can be a tricky subject with kids, but my nephew walks right over to his guitar teacher and gives him a hug.

  “That sucks. I’m really sorry, Caleb.”

  “Thanks, buddy.”

  My two favorite guys in the world spend the rest of the afternoon playing guitar. At first, I worry that maybe Caleb would prefer some privacy as he deals with his grief, but as I watch them together, it’s obvious the impromptu jam session is exactly what he needs.

  After dinner, Eli goes back to his room while I catch up on some work emails. It’s late when Caleb gets a call from Juliana regarding the funeral arrangements. He shares them with me as we climb into bed.

  “The service is Wednesday. She asked me to play my guitar.”

  “That’ll be so special, Caleb.”

  “And hard. What if I can’t do it?”

  “You can. And I’ll be right there, if you want me to be.”

  “I’d love for you to be there. Thank you.”

  I make a mental note to clear my schedule for Wednesday.

  Caleb slides his arms around me and holds me close. “I should warn you. My parents will be at the service.”

  Holy crap.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I know it’s soon, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, so if you aren’t ready, I totally understand. Funerals are hard enough without the added pressure of meeting the parents for the first time.”

  Insecurity floods me. Sure, it’s soon, but nothing about our relationship has been normal. Do I want to meet his parents? Does he want me to meet them?

  “What are you thinking?” he asks, stifling a yawn.

  “I don’t know. I mean, do you want me to meet them?”

  “Meet my parents? Of course I do.”

  “You sounded a little . . . unsure.”

  “I did?”

  “Maybe?” Through the fog of my insecure brain, he sounded a little unsure.

&n
bsp; “Skye, look at me.”

  I lift my eyes to his.

  “I would love to introduce you to my parents. The sooner, the better.”

  “Will they like me?”

  “They’ll love you.”

  “I was your wedding planner. Won’t your mom be . . . I don’t know. Pissed?”

  He chuckles. “Not a bit. My parents knew it was a farce from the very beginning. Mom tried to talk me out of it so many times. They understood our intentions were good, but they never agreed with it. Trust me. They can’t wait to meet you. They were nothing but relieved when I told them the wedding was off.”

  “Lynsey always wondered why the mother of the groom wasn’t more involved.”

  Caleb laughs lightly and closes his eyes. I rest my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat as he starts to doze. Poor guy. It’s been a rollercoaster of a weekend, and this next week will be emotional for all of us.

  “The mother of the groom will be very involved next time,” he whispers in the darkness.

  I barely hear him, but I do, and his sweet words make my heart beat just a little faster before I finally drift off to sleep.

  On Wednesday, I drop Eli off at school before heading back to the apartment to change for the service. It’s been years since I’ve attended a funeral, but I find a modest black dress in the back of my closet.

  Caleb’s unusually quiet as he gets ready, but it doesn’t worry me. Someone he loved just died, and he’s honoring her today by playing guitar at her funeral. It’s perfectly natural for him to need some space to collect his emotions, and I’m happy to give it to him.

  Caleb helps me with my pearls, and I help him with his tie. We smile softly at each other in my bedroom mirror before heading out.

  When we arrive at the church, I’m not surprised to find the place packed with mourners. Juliana’s dad and the minister stand at the closed casket that’s surrounded by family photographs and gorgeous flower arrangements. Caleb places his guitar behind the pulpit, and we offer our condolences to Rafe before heading to the first row of pews reserved for family. For a moment, I wonder if I should offer to sit elsewhere, but as soon as Juliana sees me, she springs from her chair to hug me, and I know I’m right where I belong.

  “Thank you for being here,” she says.

  “I’m so sorry, Juliana.”

  “Thank you.”

  She and Caleb hug before she sits back down next to Deacon. In the pew behind us, I find myself staring into the blue eyes I love so much, only to find them on the face of a woman with short, auburn hair. By her side is a handsome middle-aged man with a strong jawline and streaks of gray in his otherwise jet-black hair. They’re both smiling wistfully at me.

  “Are you ready?” Caleb whispers against my ear.

  Taking a deep breath, I nod just as Mr. and Mrs. Lynch stand up from the pew.

  “It’s good to see you, son.” Mr. Lynch pulls his son in for a tender hug.

  “You, too, Dad.”

  Caleb shares a hug with his mom, and then suddenly, all eyes are on me.

  “Mom and Dad, I want you to meet Skye.”

  Mrs. Lynch smiles sweetly at me, and suddenly, I’m embraced by a pair of loving arms. Caleb’s mom smells like cookies and home, and I feel my nerves start to settle.

  “It’s so nice to meet you both.”

  “It’s lovely to meet you, Skye,” Mr. Lynch says kindly. “Sit with us while Caleb plays.”

  “You’ll be okay?” Caleb asks.

  “Yes, don’t worry about me.”

  He kisses my cheek and heads to the front of the sanctuary. His parents offer me the seat between them.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Lynch, I’m so sorry about Luisa.”

  “Thank you, Skye. And please call me Tucker.”

  “And I’m Sherry. We’re heartbroken. Luisa and her family have become such dear friends over the years.”

  The crowd quiets as the minister starts the service by reading from Psalms. Then he introduces Caleb, and I start to cry as soon as he starts to play. He’s been practicing It Is Well with My Soul for days now, and I’ve bawled every single time.

  Sherry reaches into her bag for tissues, offering me one before dabbing her own eyes.

  “Would you like to sit next to your husband?” I whisper, thinking she might need him for support.

  Smiling sadly, she shakes her head, and the three of us listen as Caleb and his guitar effortlessly flow from one song to the next. By the time he plays the last notes of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, there isn’t a dry eye in the church.

  The rest of the service includes many heartbreaking eulogies, all filled with love and adoration for Luisa. The mayor, her doctor, and even Joaquin—the family’s trusted butler who took care of her for so long—share stories with the mourners. By the time Juliana takes the microphone, Caleb’s parents are each holding my hand, and we listen intently as she speaks proudly and eloquently of her mom.

  Never again will Juliana pick up the phone to call her mother.

  That sobering realization makes me think about my own mom and how often we talk. Or don’t talk. It’s been months, and I know I should be ashamed, especially when I’m sitting in a church and listening to a woman talk about how she’d give anything to talk to her mom, just one more time.

  It really puts things into perspective.

  After the service, the family has a private lunch at a restaurant close to the church. Caleb holds my hand the entire time as Luisa’s family shares more stories. There are tears and laughter and words of comfort, and I’m honored to be included in such a lovely celebration of her life.

  While Mr. Lynch and Juliana’s dad fight over who’s paying the check, Caleb leans close to my ear.

  “My parents want to take us out to dinner later. That okay?”

  “Of course. I’ll ask Lynsey to watch Eli for a few hours.”

  “Bring him, too. Mom and Dad are excited to meet him.”

  “Okay.” I smile and look down at my phone. “I should probably get going. School’s almost out.”

  “I’ll go with you.”

  “Don’t you want to stay with your parents?”

  “Nah, they want to go back to the hotel and grab a nap. The jet lag’s catching up with them. We’ll see them tonight.”

  We say goodbye, and as we drive toward Eli’s school, Caleb and I talk more about our parents.

  “I was thinking during the funeral that I don’t talk to my mom enough. Dad lives close by, so I call him quite a bit, but Mom’s kind of out of sight, out of mind, you know?”

  Caleb nods. “I was thinking the same thing. My parents and I talk on the phone and online quite a bit, but I haven’t been back to California in years. I need to schedule some time. We could visit your mom in Seattle while we’re out there.”

  I can’t help but smile. We is becoming my new favorite word.

  “That would be wonderful.”

  “This pasta is delicious,” Sherry says, picking up her wine glass. “It’s hard to find good Italian when we travel.”

  “Amerigo’s is one of my favorite restaurants. Their live music is great. And they cater wedding receptions. We use them every chance we get.”

  Now that the butterflies in my stomach have settled, I’m actually enjoying my dinner. Caleb told me not to be nervous, but it was impossible. Meeting the parents is a big deal, even when they’re as wonderful as Sherry and Tucker Lynch seem to be. And my nephew has proven to be quite the charmer. As soon as Caleb introduced him, Eli kissed the back of Sherry’s hand and firmly shook Tucker’s. They praised him for being so well mannered, which made him beam. Now, he’s in deep conversation with Tucker and Caleb about their favorite bands from the 80s.

  Poor guys. They have no idea who they’re dealing with.

  “Milli Vanilli? For real?” Eli snorts.

  Tucker laughs. “You’re not a fan?”

  “Well, I am,” Caleb says. “Or was, I guess.”

  I nod. “Me, too. Blame it on the
Rain is still one of my favorite songs.”

  “They were totally bogus, Aunt Skye, and you know it.”

  I do, but it’s so much fun watching a ten-year-old get outraged over Milli Vanilli.

  While the guys fight it out, I turn my attention to Caleb’s mom, who’s watching their exchange with a content smile on her face. She catches me staring, and I blush and pretend to become very interested in my chicken Alfredo.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” she says with a smile.

  “I was just thinking you look very serene.”

  “I am, despite the sad day. I’ve missed my son, and to see him so happy . . . well, it’s very comforting. I believe we have you to thank for that.”

  “He makes me happy, too. Happier than I’ve ever been.”

  “You don’t sound happy.”

  “I am. I’m just . . . overwhelmed, I think.”

  “Love is very overwhelming.”

  I nod, and she smiles brightly.

  “I think he’s overwhelmed, too,” Sherry says, nodding toward her son. “First love is very powerful.”

  “I’m his first?”

  “Oh, he’s had girlfriends, but I’m confident that you are his first love.”

  Caleb and I have never really discussed past boyfriends and girlfriends. I haven’t even told him much about my ex, mostly because I prefer to pretend he never existed, but truthfully, it’s because he’s not important. I never really loved him. I know that now.

  “He’s my first, too.”

  Sherry pats my hand affectionately.

  The boys move on to a heated debate about the best New Wave bands, and when Caleb’s dad breaks out in a rendition of Karma Chameleon, the entire table erupts with laughter. Tonight’s the most fun I’ve had in so long, and I can tell Eli feels the same. He needs this kind of family interaction.

  Maybe we both need it.

  A local jazz band takes the small stage, and Tucker asks his wife to dance. Eli, suddenly bored with the adults, pulls his iPad out of his backpack and plays a game. Caleb wraps his arm around me and pulls me close while we watch his parents dance. They’re gazing at each other with so much love that you can literally feel it radiating from them.