All In

by Renee Williams

  “I can’t help how you feel. Your feelings are your own. I don’t control them.” I was being bitchy, and I knew it.

  “Do you want me to tell my teammates about you?” he asked turning to face me.

  “No, Chris. I want to walk into the stadium and tell people myself,” I said snidely.

  Who did he think I was?

  He reached for my hands. I moved them away and opened the car door getting out. I couldn’t explain it, but he had hurt my feelings. It felt like he was keeping me and the babies a secret. It was unfair of me to feel that way because my parents were still in the dark, but it still hurt anyway.

  He jumped out of the truck meeting me in the front blocking my path to the door. He pulled me into his body. “Don’t. You know damn well that I’m not embarrassed about us being together. I haven’t told my teammates because I truly feel it is not their damn business. The only person I’m truly close to on the team is Connor, and he already knows.”

  He pulled back looking into my eyes intently. “I’m all in, Lisa.” He kissed my lips seducing me.

  “I’m all in.” He whispered again against my lips seducing me to believe every word he said. I was mesmerized by this man. He had my undivided attention, but did I truly believe that he was all in? Shouldn’t he have told somebody else?

  Damn, I was such a fraud.

  I had no right. No right to be upset, but I was.

  “If you want me to tell people before you come,” he kissed my lips again, “I will. I’ll do whatever it takes. You know that, right?” He pulled me closer into his body.

  I needed to practice what I preached. I needed to tell my parents. It had been long enough.

  My clit clenched. This man. He did things to my body.

  “No, it’s fine. You don’t have to say anything. I’m sorry. I haven’t even told my parents, and I’m here being pissy with you like I’m pretty much not doing the same thing.”

  “Babe, it’s fine. I should have told my teammates. You’re my wife. I don’t care who knows. You’re beautiful, intelligent, talented, and you’re my wife. You three are my life.”

  He kissed me again. I gripped his shirt feeling comforted by his presence. This man was my husband, and I was feeling protected my him. He wanted me to be happy.

  Our tongues intertwined together dueling with one another for supremacy. Chris gripped my ass bringing me closer to his body.

  “Chris?”

  I tensed when the door opened.

  “You two coming in?” Connor asked from the doorway.

  “Yes.” Chris answered without turning toward the door. I tried to move out of his arms, but he held me tighter.

  My body felt flush, and I was embarrassed at being caught by Connor.

  “We good, Lisa?” he kissed my neck. I knew what he was doing. Unfortunately, it was working. He was trying to get my mind off of Chris catching us and our argument. It worked. All I could think about was him, and getting him home tonight.

  My husband. I was starting to love thinking about him in that manner.

  I moaned. “Yes, we’re good.”

  “Chris,” Connor growled from the door.

  He kissed me on the forehead and grabbed my hand walking me toward the front door. That kiss on the forehead felt like the one from The Best Man. It was like a prelude to sex, and I couldn’t wait.

  Connor moved back from the door, and Chris let me hand go letting me enter first.

  I stopped in my tracks. My heart thumped erratically.

  I gazed at my father and mother standing in the hallway entrance looking at me.

  I cleared my throat trying to catch my voice and stuttered out, “Mom, Dad.” I couldn’t move from the spot. I knew they could tell I was pregnant. My body had filled out, and the twins had pretty much put the world on notice that they were in the house. I felt Chris grab my hand and squeeze my fingers. Reflexively, I tried to drop his hand. But, he only gripped them tighter. It was like I didn’t want my parents to know that he was my husband even though I was not ashamed of him.

  I just felt so guilty. And, I had never told my parents about him or the baby. Now, they were staring at me and all my secrets.

  I felt tears prick my eyes. I had screwed up so royally. I was a grown woman. I should have told my parents. They should have never had to find out this way.

  I felt tears prick my eyes.

  Chris stepped into my back wrapping his arms around me. I could feel the heat of him near my neck. His body comforted me. He grounded me, and I was so thankful for his strength.

  “Breathe,” he whispered against me causing tingles to spread through my body.

  Air whooshed out of my mouth. “I was going to tell you all. I promise.” I could have slapped myself in the face. Those words felt damn juvenile. I was professing information like I used to when Haley and I got into trouble doing something stupid.

  “Are you going to give your mother a hug, Lisa?” my Mother asked raising her eyebrows at me.

  Tears ran down my face as I dropped Chris’s hand and ran to my Mother or wobbled. It was closer to wobble. I was sure.

  I had missed her so much. It had pained me greatly not to share Chris and the babies with her. I just never knew how to bring up the topic. Sometimes when things just go so far, it’s hard to make the correction. To fix the mistakes you made or rewind.

  It was stupid. I had been stupid, but sometimes, stupid just couldn’t be controlled.

  She pulled me into the warm scent of her body. I smelled my Mother’s perfume, which always seemed to comfort me. She squeezed me into her body providing me comfort that I had missed all those months in Massachusetts and now Tennessee.

  “I missed you,” I mumbled into her body. I had no idea what she was thinking and at the moment I didn’t care. My Mom had arrived. I could tell her everything that I was feeling about my new husband and my babies.

  She pulled back from me, staring at my stomach. I was nervous. She rubbed her hand against my distended abdomen.

  I tensed. She didn’t seem upset. Actually, glancing between her and my father it felt like they already knew.

  “When were you going to tell me about this?” the twins kicked and moved against her hand. She smiled.

  I looked at her nervously. “Soon.” I was such an idiot. My Mother loved me. I should have told her before now.

  “How far along are you?” she asked continuing to rub the babies.

  “Almost six months.” I smiled as my Mom kept rubbing the twins. They moved and kicked the way that they did for their Dad at night. They were such little showoffs.

  “Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” I shook my head at her as tears leaked out my eyes again.

  “I didn’t know how to tell you. I knew that you guys would be so disappointed. It tore my heart up to disappoint you both.”

  I looked over at my Dad who hadn’t said anything. He walked slowly toward me. I loved my Dad. He was a great man. If Chris managed to be half the man that my father was, I would be blessed.

  “LiLi,” he said looking at me, “You’re my baby girl. I’ve been proud of you since the moment that you came into this world kicking and screaming. You have never disappointed me. All your dreams for yourself have been my dreams for you. We love you. There was nothing that you could not tell us. You didn’t have to get married to Chris. We would have supported you no matter what.”

  I moved from my Mom and hugged my Daddy. I knew what he was telling me. His love was unconditional. I looked up at him adoringly, I was his LiLi. “That is exactly why I married Chris. I want him to be his kids’ biggest defenders. I want him to love them unconditionally like you do me, not some other man. He deserves the chance to feel that way about our babies as you feel about me.” I finished gripping him tight. He was my rock. He was the first man that I ever loved.

  He glanced down at me. “Babies?”

  I smiled into his broad chest and nodded. “Babies.”

  My Mother screamed. “Are you having twi
ns?” she demanded.

  “Yes,” I sighed refusing to leave the shelter of my Dad’s arms. I had missed him.

  My Dad glanced over at Chris. “You didn’t tell me you all were having twins?”

  “I wanted her to be the one to share that information. I couldn’t steal all her thunder,” he winked at me.

  I tensed in my Dad’s arms. “Chris told you about the marriage and the babies?”

  My Dad squeezed me tighter. “Yes, don’t be mad. He did the right thing. He’s the man. It wouldn’t have been right for him to keep this from us. Just like it wasn’t right for you to keep this from us,” he stated glaring at me.

  I held my head back down refusing to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

  He rubbed my back. “I know. We love you, LiLi.”

  “Why don’t we go in the kitchen to have some food and drinks?” Haley said, trying to get everyone to move from in front of the door.

  I moved from my Dad. “You two go in the kitchen. I’ll be there in a second.” I told my parents when they stood waiting on me to move. “I need to talk to Chris for a second.”

  My parents looked at me one last time before they walked away.

  Chris stood silently waiting on me. He raised his eyebrows at me. “Are you mad at me?”

  I shook my head and bit my lip. How could I be mad at a man who had taken something that I was making difficult and made it simple? I had missed my Mom and Dad, and every time I spoke to them, I felt guilty about not telling them. Chris had made the right choice. He was my husband. It was his job to ease my burden.

  He walked into my body. “So, I did a good thing?” he asked arrogantly.

  I wrapped my hands around his neck. “You did a good thing.” I kissed his lips. “I was being stupid. I should have told them a long time ago.”

  He kissed me back. “Yes, you should have, but I’m your husband. I’m supposed to support you in every way that I can.”

  With that statement, I fell a little bit in love with my husband.

  Chris

  Lisa’s parents stayed through the weekend. She enjoyed having her Mother around, and I was glad that I made the decision to tell them about the marriage and the babies.

  When we got home that night, I had to convince Lisa to sleep with me. She swore her parents could hear us even though they were on the other side of the house. We ended up having silent sex in the shower so that her parents wouldn’t hear. She was so damn crazy, but she was my kind of crazy.

  Now, I was sitting in hockey practice trying to figure out how to tell my teammates that I was married and that my wife was expecting.

  “Connor, how did you tell everybody about Haley?” I asked curious. I remembered him talking about her in the locker room. I also remembered him telling everyone that she was black. I wasn’t like Connor. I felt like it wasn’t anyone’s business who I was with. But, it had seemed to bother Lisa so much that obviously it was a big deal.

  “I just threw it out there. I know you don’t realize it, but men can be just as gossipy as women. You might as well throw it out there, man.”

  “Right.” I frowned looking at the rest of the guys in the locker room. I hated the focus being on me. The only time that I enjoyed attention was when we were out on the rink.

  “Fine, I’ll help you out,” Connor said on a sigh.

  How in the hell was he going to do that?

  When everyone arrived in the locker room, Connor looked at me.

  “Dude, congratulations.”

  I felt like a damn fool. Really, Connor? He was the worst actor I had ever seen, but I guess he got the job done. It was my opening, and I was taking it.

  “Thanks, man.” How lame were we? If Lisa saw this nonsense, she wouldn’t let my ass hear the end of it. She’d also be laughing her ass off too.

  “Congratulations for what?” Tim asked wrapping a towel around his body.

  “Chris just got married, and his wife is expecting a baby.”

  Damn, Connor had just let it all out. I was glad. Now, Lisa could rest easy knowing everybody knew about us.

  “Who did you marry?” Tim asked.

  “Lisa.” As if he would know who the hell she was. It was irrelevant. My wife wasn’t his business.

  “She’s Haley’s cousin,” Connor added.

  Right, so now they knew that she was black too. Connor had managed to say everything I needed to say within two minutes. Enough said.

  “She’s black too?” Declan asked.

  “Yes.” I was already irritated. What damn difference did it make if she was black or not?

  “They must be some good fucks the way you two married them. I might need to try one out to see if I’ll like them too.” Matt said grabbing his crotch.

  I didn’t even think. I punched the shit out of him. Blood gushed out his nose.

  “What fuck are you talking about?” I asked punching him in the face again. Asshole.

  “You’re talking about my wife.” I slammed his head against the locker as everyone scrambled to pull me away from him.

  I was breathing heavy. I wanted to stomp his ass. How dare he disrespect my wife.

  Matt grabbed his nose and leaned against his locker, “Dude, I was just joking.”

  His friends surrounded him helping him up. I couldn’t believe how fast I had reacted. It was like a switch had clicked.

  I glared at him. “Right. You don’t joke about my damn wife.”

  Connor pushed me back. “Man, damn, calm down.”

  I shook out my hand. Didn’t Matt know that you didn’t screw around with a man’s family? Obviously not if he was saying ignorant shit.

  “He’s an asshole,” Connor said still holding me.

  I jerked away from him. “I’m fine.”

  I shook out my knuckles. I didn’t regret hitting him. No one was going to disrespect my wife. Lisa didn’t deserve that.

  “You sure?”

  “Yes.” I wasn’t sure, but I was gaining control. Stupid bastard.

  “Do people always make stupid ass comments like that?” I asked trying to remain calm.

  “No, but, sometimes it can be uncomfortable when people make off the cuff jokes knowing that your wife is black. Or, they say shit that they know will make you blow.”

  I glared at him. “He deserved that. I don’t regret that shit.”

  Connor nodded his head. “If you hadn’t punched him, I was about to.” Connor looked over at me to make sure that I was paying attention. “I just need you to know that sometimes that you aren’t always going to be able to punch everybody that says ignorant shit. You might have to leave the room or leave the conversation. Some people don’t even know they’re being offensive, and that will make it even worse.”

  I didn’t see the problem. I wasn’t like Connor. I didn’t try to befriend everybody. Some of the guys could be jerks. Hockey was not a sport that encouraged diversity. Hell, it wasn’t even that many black men in the whole damn league. No wonder Connor was trying to gain more participation from black kids.

  “I’ll give you the same advice that Haley’s mother gave me. Protect you circle. Everybody does not deserve to be a part of it. Only let people in that respect your wife. They can’t be your friend if they don’t respect your wife. All that speaking to you and not her is bullshit. Don’t ever let that happen. Check anybody that tries to put a wedge between your relationship. It’s sacred.”

  I already knew that. It was the reason my parents would never meet her. They weren’t part of my circle either.

  When I arrived home, Lisa looked me over. She glanced down at my knuckles. “What happened?”

  I refused to lie to her. She was my wife. We would have to share our days with each other. “I had an altercation at work.”

  She sat up from the sofa. “About?” she asked intently.

  “Somebody said something stupid, so I punched them.” I shrugged heading toward the kitchen. I knew it wasn’t the end of the discussion when I heard Lisa footsteps
following me into the kitchen. Lisa didn’t believe in letting anything drop. Everything had to be talked out, analyzed to damn death, and evaluated within an inch of its life.

  She propped herself against the counter. Her stomach was protruding out further today. “Something stupid about what?”

  Sometimes Lisa wasn’t just a doctor. She was a damn lawyer too. She asked questions like she was paid to ask them. Maybe, she should have minored in criminal justice.

  I watched her face as I drank the water that I had poured from the filter water pitcher. Did I really want to tell her about the argument?

  She rubbed her stomach. Yep, I had to tell my wife. Secrets were a danger zone, especially in a relationship that was new and fragile.

  “You okay?” I moved toward her, moving her hand and rubbed her stomach myself. I loved touching her. Her skin was silky smooth.

  “I’m fine,” she looked at me intently, “stop changing the subject. What did you get into about at work?”

  I wasn’t stupid. We didn’t live in a world where race could be fully ignored. Every day on the news there was some damn story about some white person doing some stupid shit to make the news. Parking lot Patty, Jogger Joe, and Barbeque Becky. Even if I didn’t know the stories, Lisa made sure that I was aware. We were a mixed household. Playing dumb about race would be a big ass mistake.

  “Somebody on the team made a reference about me and Connor being married to black women, and how you two must be good in bed for us to have married you.”

  I watched her face closely.

  “Oh, so you hit him?” she asked me innocently.

  I knew it was a trap. She was good at laying traps too. My wife had all sorts of skills.

  I felt the babies move under my hand. “Yes.”

  “Why?” she asked staring at me honestly confused. Mrs. Malcolm X herself was asking me a question about race. That was a first.

  I glared at her. “You’re my wife.” There was no other explanation required. I would defend her and my kids.

  She leaned into me rubbing my chest. “Good, his ass deserved it. If some chick was talking slick about my white husband, I would slap her ass too.”