The Slow Burn ~ Kristen Ashley

by Ashley, Kristen

  Brooks patted both of us where he could reach and started fretting more.

  “Are you okay?” Toby asked.

  “Are you okay?” I asked back.

  “Not by a long fucking shot.”

  “Oh, honey,” I breathed out.

  “Mama,” Brooklyn said.

  I took my boy from Toby, snuffled his neck, breathing him in, holding him close.

  Toby wrapped his other arm around me.

  “Safari dinner’s off,” he said.

  I pulled my face out of Brooks’s neck and looked up at him.

  “Yeah. Okay.”

  “Iz and Johnny are spending the night.”

  Loved ones close.

  Their first Christmas together, my sister and her man couldn’t wake up in their own place, with their own tree, make love, exchange intimate presents and then come over, like I suspected they’d planned to do.

  That sucked.

  But loved ones close in times like these.

  Johnny cleared his throat and we broke apart.

  Izzy was right there, handing me a glass of wine.

  “We made the spinach puffs anyway,” she said. “I’ll put them in in a bit.”

  I nodded.

  Looked to Johnny.

  He knew what I wanted because he gave it to me without me asking.

  “It isn’t good, darlin’,” he said gently. “She’s been doin’ chemo now for weeks. It isn’t working. She starts radiation after Christmas. It’s the kind that’s so intense, she can never have radiation again. They still don’t have good thoughts.”

  I wanted to . . .

  I wanted to . . .

  I wanted to have my mother’s iron will and stand strong.

  But I couldn’t.

  I folded.

  Setting my wine down on the coffee table with a rattle, ass to the couch, gripping my baby boy to me.

  He started squirming, making noises like he was going to start crying, and I found him gently tugged away by Johnny, but I was tugged into arms that belonged to Toby.

  I turned into them.

  “I should be . . . should be comforting you,” I said.

  “You are, lovin’ her this much.”

  I pulled away and lifted my hands to his face, stroking them back, again and again, like I was shoving his hair away when a thick hank had fallen to one side, probably from him running his fingers through it, but the rest of it was still holding.

  God, he was so handsome.

  Beautiful.

  Perfect.

  I stared into his eyes.

  And in pain.

  “Go up. Shower if you want. Change. We’ll get some food. Put some music on. Maybe watch a movie or something. Margot wants us over there for dinner tomorrow. So pretty much all plans have changed,” Tobe shared with me.

  I nodded.

  He brushed his mouth to mine.

  I pulled my shit together.

  I got up.

  I went to Johnny and gave him a big hug.

  He hugged me big back.

  I went to Iz, who now had Brooks, holding her beloved nephew snug against her.

  I kissed my baby boy’s head, my sister’s cheek.

  Then I grabbed my wineglass, saw my dog for the first time and called him to me.

  He came up, snuffling the hand I held to him.

  I let him do that before I scratched his ears and whispered, “Come up and keep me company, boy. Yeah?”

  He licked my hand.

  And of course, followed me out of the room.

  At that point, I wondered where my purse was.

  And when I did, I was desperate to find it.

  I looked right after I left the family room and saw I’d dropped it unnoticed on the floor by the door.

  Dapper Dan and I retrieved it.

  We walked upstairs to my room.

  I closed us in.

  I set my wineglass on the nightstand, and still wearing my coat and grocery store smock, I sat on the side of my bed, dug out my phone, and my dog sat beside me, leaning against my leg.

  I rubbed his neck and called Margot.

  She answered.

  “Adeline, my beautiful girl—”

  I cut her off and whispered fiercely, “I love you. And once I wrap my head around what’s happening to you, I’m going to take care of your boy. He’ll be able to lean on me. I’ll look after him, Margot. I swear. I’ll take good care of him. You don’t have to worry. I’ve got him.”

  “All right, Adeline,” she whispered back.

  “He hasn’t asked me yet, but he will, and I want to start planning my wedding right now. I want it sorted. I want it to be exactly what you’d want for Toby. Can we work on that after Christmas?”

  “Yes, child, absolutely.”

  “God had a hand, Margot, you were right. He gave them to you to raise for us and He gave us to Mom to raise for them. And He gave you to us so we could have you after she was gone.”

  She said nothing but I heard her breath hitch.

  “Let you go. Love you and try to enjoy tonight. See you tomorrow.”

  Her voice was husky when she replied, “Yes. Tomorrow, Adeline. Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas, Margot.”

  I let her go immediately because she’d want it that way.

  And I really wanted to dissolve into tears.

  But this was not about me.

  This was about Margot. Dave. Toby. Johnny.

  So I got off my ass, pulled off that fucking smock and went into the bathroom to take a shower.

  Johnny

  “Addie, what?”

  Feeling Izzy stir against him, hearing her, Johnny opened his eyes.

  “Get Johnny up, I’m getting Toby. Come out back,” Addie whispered.

  He saw her shadow by the side of the bed.

  That was all Addie said before she moved to the door.

  His woman turned to him. “You awake?”

  “Yeah, what time is it?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered. “Come on. Get up. Put on a sweater and socks. I think we probably need to be warm.”

  “Baby—”

  “Just, please.”

  Johnny did as she asked, rolling over her to do it so he could pull her out of bed with him.

  They were in the guest room. The bed that Iz left was still in there. That night, Brooks was in a portable crib with Toby and Addie. With Brooklyn’s furniture in there as well, it was a tight squeeze.

  He maneuvered around the furniture. Put on a sweater. Some thick socks Iz had packed for him to wear Christmas morning since Addie kept her furnace low.

  She took his hand and he walked with her to the linen closet in the hall where she grabbed a blanket.

  He took the blanket from her, and holding hands they moved downstairs, through the hall, the kitchen, the back porch, but he tugged on her hand when they got outside to stop her.

  All was dark.

  Except two blankets were laid on the snow side by side over a tarp, all of this surrounded by glowing candles.

  Toby was standing in the middle of one, dressed just like Johnny, also holding a blanket over his arm, scrubbing his hand over the top of his head.

  “We did this,” Izzy whispered. “With Mom. Before it got too bad. We did this all the time.”

  He knew what they did.

  They stared at the stars.

  And tried to find peace.

  He guided his woman toward the blankets.

  Halfway there, the porch door banged behind them.

  Johnny turned and saw Addie coming toward them wearing one of Toby’s hoodies over a nightgown, green Wellingtons on her feet.

  Like what Izzy was wearing, except Johnny’s contribution was a sweatshirt and she didn’t have wellies.

  Addie was carrying two bottles in her hand.

  One was bourbon.

  One was tequila.

  “We bought into shit like this, we lassoed two Forrester Girls,” Tobe muttered when
Johnny and Izzy made the blankets.

  There were worse things.

  Like one mother showing out of the blue to fuck with them for her own selfish reasons.

  And their real mother dying of cancer.

  Johnny shot his brother a grin.

  It was fake.

  Toby grinned back.

  It was fake too.

  After he got that, Johnny didn’t hesitate.

  When he claimed the blanket Toby wasn’t on, he pulled Iz down, arranged her at his side, then threw the blanket over them, tucked it around as best he could, and fell to his back.

  Iz snuggled into his body, her head on his chest, neck twisted so she could look at the sky.

  Johnny turned his head and saw Toby not far away, Addie on his other side, arranged the same way.

  Tobe felt his gaze and returned it.

  His smile was slight.

  But this one was real.

  “Who wants booze?” Addie called.

  “Me,” Izzy said.

  Tobe handed the tequila to Johnny who gave it to Iz, who lifted up long enough to take a swig.

  Then they handed it back for Addie to do the same thing.

  The men sucked back some bourbon then set the bottles in the cold snow.

  Holding his Iz close, Johnny looked up into the stars.

  And he got it.

  It wasn’t about being reminded what a small part of the universe you were, a speck, not even dust, a cell of nothing that exists and then fades away.

  It was about being reminded about the magnificence of the universe, and how you were an integral part of it, and you should not waste a moment, you should find time to savor its beauty while you had your time amongst its majesty.

  “Merry Christmas, everybody,” Eliza called.

  “Merry, Christmas, Iz, Johnny,” Adeline called back.

  Johnny didn’t say it to everybody.

  He pulled his girl close and murmured, “Merry Christmas, baby.”

  He heard his brother say quietly, “Merry Christmas, honey.”

  Johnny took in a big breath, feeling Iz go up with it, then come down when he let it out.

  From what Dave said, the prognosis was far from good.

  Johnny had lost his grandparents, his father, and learned that day that this shit did not get easier.

  He felt cut up inside.

  Raw.

  And he knew for Toby, who was Margot’s favorite, maybe even of her own boys, it was worse.

  But they’d be okay.

  Because right then, the message was clear.

  The Forrester Girls had this.

  Moonlight and motor oil, they could get through anything.

  So he laid beneath the stars under a blanket in the warmth made of him and his future wife and thought, at least right then, it was a Merry Christmas.

  The Initiation Was Complete

  Toby

  “OOF! WHAT THE . . . ?”

  Toby woke, groggy, and saw nothing but Brooklyn’s face.

  “Dodo!” he shouted, then bonked Toby with his head either trying to give him a hug, a kiss, or chew on his beard.

  When he did, beyond her boy, he saw Addie and all her hair.

  “Up and at ’em, Talon,” she ordered. “It’s Christmas!”

  Her face disappeared but he did an ab curl, located her, kept hold of her son in one arm, body slammed her to her back on the mattress using his other one and rolled on top of her.

  He then kissed her.

  Wet and hard.

  “Dodo. Mama. Booboo. Dada. Bray. Jaja,” Brooklyn babbled as he escaped Toby’s hold and crawled up on Toby’s back.

  He collapsed and slammed his chin into the back of Toby’s head.

  “Glah!” he shouted, then started laughing.

  Tobe broke the kiss reaching behind him to drag Brooks around.

  He set him on Addie’s chest and her arm went from around Toby to put a hand to Brooks’s diapered ass.

  Brooks pushed up with a hand in Addie’s throat, reached to Toby and yanked hard on his beard.

  Toby ignored it and looked into Addie’s eyes.

  “Merry Christmas, Lollipop.”

  Her eyes warmed.

  “Sissis!” Brooks yelled then pushed up and tried to rearrange Toby’s facial hair, planting it in the back of his head.

  He wrapped both arms around his kid, fell to his back, and Brooklyn bounced on his chest but fortunately let go of his beard.

  He also giggled.

  “Merry Christmas, Brooklyn,” he said.

  “Sissis!” Brooklyn repeated, looked left, reached left and shouted, “Dada!”

  “C’mon, boy,” Addie called.

  And with that, Dapper Dan was on the bed, excitedly snuffling and licking everything he could get to.

  “Dada! Dada!” Brooks cried then started giggling and rolling all over trying to get to Dapper Dan while also trying to get away from his wet tongue.

  Toby felt Addie move, so he tipped his head back to see she’d pushed up to sit in bed, her back to pillows at the headboard, a smile quirking her mouth, her eyes on the action happening mostly in her lap and around her legs.

  Those eyes shifted to him.

  She reached right out, and using her fingers, pulled the hair out of his eye.

  “You could be as broke as me, and if you gave me a version of this every day for the rest of our lives, I’d be happy,” she said softly.

  Jesus Christ.

  He caught her around her thighs, yanked her to her back in the bed, dislodged their dog but not their kid, and made out with her as Brooklyn grunted and tried to force his way out from between them, chanting, “Broke, broke, broke, broke, broke.”

  Toby lifted his head and they both look down at Brooklyn.

  “Broke, broke, sissis! Dada!”

  With Tobe going up, now free, Brooks made a lunge for the dog.

  Dapper Dan scuttled away and dropped with a sigh on Addie’s and Toby’s legs.

  “I think he just said his first full word,” Addie breathed. “And it was ‘broke.’”

  Then she snatched her kid to her, shoved her face into his neck while he squirmed to get to his dog, and busted out laughing.

  Toby had found out yesterday that it was a very real possibility that Margot would not make it to next Christmas.

  And this morning was already the best Christmas he’d ever had.

  Because Addie dumped her son on him to wake him up and invited her dog into the bed.

  And she was Addie.

  He was glad he was rich as fuck.

  He still knew all he’d ever need was her.

  Pain would come and go. Life would do its damnedest to fuck them up.

  But she’d be Addie.

  And she’d be his.

  So no matter what . . .

  He’d be all right.

  And he needed to know that, which was precisely the reason she’d woken him up this way.

  Because they both knew, Addie more than he, that the next few months were going to be a bitch.

  Brooklyn screeched.

  “Shh, baby,” Addie shushed him. “Hopefully Aunt Izzy is getting some so you need to quiet down so Uncle Johnny can concentrate.”

  “Uncle Johnny concentrated just fine,” Johnny announced as he strolled in wearing pajama bottoms, a Henley and socks, which was a lot like what Toby was wearing (but with a thermal).

  Toby was also leaning against the sink with his coffee while Addie was feeding Brooks.

  “You shouldn’t say those things, Addie,” Izzy, hair a bedhead, sexhead mess, expression dreamy (which meant Johnny really did have no trouble concentrating), wandered in behind Johnny, as well as attached to him by their hands. “He’s picking things up a lot now.”

  “I know. He said his first full word this morning,” Addie told her. “It was broke.”

  “Broke?” Izzy asked, standing behind Brooks’s high chair.

  “Zee! Zee! Zee!” Brooks yelled and twisted, calling
up to his aunt.

  Iz bent to her nephew and kissed his head.

  He patted her face.

  She straightened, and Addie tried to force some cereal in his mouth.

  He tore the spoon from her hand and instantly got a determined expression on his face as he attempted to shove it into the cereal bowl on his tray.

  “Told Tobe he could be broke, and all I needed was this little guy, our dog, and him and I’m cool,” Addie said distractedly, watching her son with fascination.

  Toby felt his brother’s attention and looked that way.

  “He picked up on broke,” Addie finished.

  Toby and Johnny stared at each other.

  Toby now knew the pictures were true.

  Their mother was beautiful.

  Addie could get a face full of acid, and after she recovered this would be their morning.

  He knew what beauty was.

  And you couldn’t see it.

  He knew Johnny knew the same thing.

  But Margot knew it before both of them.

  And that was why she hated Sierra.

  But she loved the Forrester Girls.

  “Want coffee?” Toby asked.

  “Yeah,” Johnny replied.

  “Iz?” Toby called.

  “I can get it,” she said.

  “Grab a stool,” he ordered.

  “Okay, Toby,” she murmured, then slid on a stool by her sister.

  He got them coffee.

  “I should start on the cinnamon rolls. You got the stuff for the cinnamon rolls, right?” Izzy asked.

  “Totally. Well, Toby got it. But I wanna help you do them. Brooklyn’s almost done and then we’ll get on it.”

  Cereal on a spoon Brooks was wielding went flying by Addie’s side, splatting on the floor.

  Dapper Dan rushed to clean-up duty.

  Addie leaned into Izzy and both sisters started giggling.

  Their heads were close. Another man might not be able to tell the difference between their hair.

  Toby could.

  Johnny undoubtedly could too.

  His brother settled beside him with his hips to the counter, his mug held up in front of him, and then Toby felt Johnny’s hand at the back of his neck squeezing.

  He turned his head and looked in Johnny’s eyes.

  “Merry Christmas, Tobe.”

  Toby lifted a hand and thumped his fist against Johnny’s heart before he dropped it and replied, “Merry Christmas, brother.”

  Johnny gave him one final squeeze before he took his hand from Toby’s neck.

  And they watched two beautiful sisters gabbing and fussing over a little boy before they got out of their way so they could make cinnamon rolls.