When You Were Mine

by Serle, Rebecca

  “They’re pulling in,” she says. Charlie nods, but her head doesn’t quite make it all the way back up.

  My heart is racing, and I take a few tiny sips of my vodka. It burns, and I wince. My hands feel numb, and I clench and release one fist and then the other, switching the cup as the three of us head back inside. I can hear cars parking and doors slamming. I see John Susquich and Jake first. Then they are in the pantry, pulling out Doritos. Charlie plods her way over to them.

  “Yo, babe,” Jake says, stuffing a chip into his mouth and attempting to kiss her at the same time.

  “I missed you,” she slurs.

  John takes off with the bag, and Jake positions Charlie’s arms around him.

  “You smell like a burger,” I hear her say, before they start making out.

  Ben is here too, and he’s accepting a drink from Olivia, his hand on the back of her neck.

  Where is Rob?

  “Hey, Caplet.”

  I spin around, but it’s just Matt Lester and Lauren. They probably drove down with John. Lauren’s always invited, but I think she’s come once in the last four years. And that was when her family was in LA for the weekend and they dropped her off at two and picked her up at five.

  “Hi,” I say, giving her a wave. She seems to be wrapped up in something Matt is saying.

  “What, did they, like, caravan down?” Charlie is behind me, breathing into my ear.

  I shrug. “I guess.”

  “Are they together?”

  “Matt and Lauren? Doubt it.” Except I don’t. As soon as she says it, I realize that’s exactly what’s going on. Matt has the same look he used to give Charlie, and his hand is dangerously close to Lauren’s back. She’s pretty in a soft, natural way. They actually make a cute couple.

  “Whatever,” Charlie says. “Who cares.”

  She stumbles off, presumably in search of Jake, and I crane my neck to check Olivia’s entryway.

  “Where’s Rob?” Olivia asks, suddenly and to no one in particular.

  Jake and Ben glance at each other, and Ben talks first. “He’s parking.”

  Olivia seems to accept this, but something about it doesn’t feel right to me. It only takes me another half second to realize why. I don’t even have to turn around and see him to confirm my suspicion. He has brought Juliet.

  She’s wearing her signature sunglasses and carrying her gigantic bag. Everything about her is the same as it has been for the last week, except for one glaring difference. Instead of her halter dresses and skintight tank tops, she is wearing a sweatshirt. One that swallows up her small frame so you can barely see the denim shorts poking out from underneath. And blazoned across the front of the worn gray cotton is the word STANFORD.

  Charlie raises her eyebrows at me, but she’s too drunk to sustain the expression and instead decides to take her irritation at Juliet’s arrival out on Jake.

  Olivia hesitates and then goes to greet them, being a good hostess and passing them two drinks. Juliet keeps her sunglasses on, and they’re so tinted, it’s impossible to see her eyes underneath, or what expression she’s wearing. She takes the cup from Olivia, smiles, and exclaims, “Thank you!” but keeps herself glued to Rob, her arm through his. Rob looks awkward, but just slightly. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was just settling into the party, shaking off the drive. But I know Rob better than that. He’s nervous. He looks the same way he did on our date—or dinner, whatever you want to call it—last week.

  He doesn’t look at me but goes over to Jake, who looks confused as to what to do. Charlie stomps off in a huff, and Jake kind of stares after her. The only one who doesn’t seem remotely concerned by this scene is Juliet. She’s smiling and cheerful and looks completely at home in Olivia’s house. And in Rob’s sweatshirt.

  “Rose,” she calls. “Hey!”

  She crosses the room in three long strides and gives me an air hug. It’s the most physical contact I’ve had with her since she snapped my doll’s head off a decade ago.

  “Hey,” I say. I’m not sure what to do. If I was Charlie, I would probably throw a drink in her face or blow her off, but there isn’t enough time to figure out how. It’s not until she releases me that I realize she’s just won. By being nice to me, she’s completely obliterated her chances of being perceived as in the wrong.

  “It’s sooo beautiful here,” she says, sliding her sunglasses up on top of her head. “Have you been out back?”

  What does she mean, “Have I been out back?” This is my best friend’s house. I’ve been coming here since I was thirteen. Of course I’ve been “out back.”

  “Babe,” she calls, and Rob looks up. That one motion is like a knife in my side.

  “My parents used to have a house at the Colony,” she says as he comes over, “but they sold it when things just got too busy. Now we have to come down and use the Pitts’.”

  Rob stops a few paces from us and makes like he’s looking at the photograph hanging over Olivia’s couch. It’s a picture of Olivia’s little brother Drew in a tin bucket, so I know he can’t be that interested. Juliet is blabbing about Brad’s involvement in her dad’s charity when she stops, looks at me, and says, “Your parents don’t have a house down here, do they?”

  “No.” Considering that the average home in the Colony is about fifteen million, I’d say pretty definitively that they never will, either. “The beach isn’t really their thing.”

  “What is, then?” Juliet looks amused. She eyes me up and down, slowly, like she’s taking inventory.

  “Umm, hiking?”

  She half laughs and then drops her voice low, so only I can hear. “Really? I thought you guys were just into backstabbing.”

  “I’m sorry, what?” I tilt my head forward, convinced I heard her wrong.

  Juliet crosses her arms and looks me straight in the eye. “You heard me.”

  “What are you talking about?” My voice goes up at the end, and Rob shifts uncomfortably by the framed bucket baby.

  “Oh, poor, little, delicate Rosie. Kept from all of life’s tragedies by her loving family.”

  “Have you lost your mind?” I whisper.

  “Maybe,” she says, squaring her shoulders. “I am in love, you know. I heard it makes you crazy.” Her eyes twitch slightly, and I recognize something in them, something primal. And it’s terrifying.

  Juliet smiles, shakes her mane down her back, and turns, going over to Rob. She draws him into a long kiss, snaking her arms around his neck and up into his hair. I think I’m going to be sick.

  I wander outside and try to suck in some fresh air. So, on top of stealing Rob, she’s now attacking my family. I mean, I know our parents had a falling-out a long time ago, but my mom and dad aren’t traitors. And where does she get off calling anyone a backstabber? Look whose face she’s sucking.

  But there’s something nagging at me, something else. Rob’s mom sitting in our living room and what she said about Juliet’s family. That they wanted revenge. For what? Is this Juliet’s revenge?

  The only other people outside are Lauren and Matt, and they’re in a corner, talking quietly. I sit down on one of the gigantic striped lounge chairs and look up at the sky. It’s getting dark now. Soon Olivia will propose that everyone go skinny-dipping, except she’ll conveniently leave her bathing suit on. The same thing happened last time we were here about a month ago. Rob was still at camp, but Jake and Ben came. Olivia had heated the pool by accident, so it felt like a hot tub, and we kept jumping in and out, lying on the lawn chairs and cooling off. I remember thinking about Rob. Wishing he was here. Wondering if when he got back we would be snuggling together, sharing a towel, our feet dangling in the water.

  I see Olivia and Charlie inside. They are standing around with Ben and Jake, and Rob and Juliet are right there. The six of them. All at once I see the entire year stretched out before me like a movie reel, and it doesn’t involve getting back at Juliet at all. Here’s what will happen: Charlie and Olivia will call her a
slut for a while, hold a grudge against her because she “stole” Rob. Then they will start to spend more time with her, and it will become increasingly difficult to keep up that bitchy front. She’ll wear them down. They will start to forget why they hate her so much. She’s Rob’s girlfriend, after all. Then the six of them will be at a movie together. Juliet will comment on how much she likes Olivia’s headband, and Olivia will tell her where she got it. Juliet will suggest a shopping trip, maybe even in her dad’s limo. Olivia will glance nervously at Charlie before accepting. They’ll invite me. It’s been months, they’ll reason; we should all be moving on. We’ll go. Juliet will talk about Rob, but not a lot. She’ll reference Jake and Rob’s surfing trips. Charlie will roll her eyes knowingly. They share something now. Afterward we’ll go to Grandma’s and get bagels, and the boys will meet us there. Everyone will pair off. Everyone, that is, but me.

  “It’s cran apple, not cran grape,” Olivia says, wandering outside. She’s holding the nozzle of a juice container in one hand and a towel in another. Charlie trails behind her, staring into her red cup like she’s looking for something.

  “There you are,” Olivia says. She sets the juice down and sits on the edge of my chair, throwing her towel down onto my legs. She pulls her cover-up off and tosses it onto the ground.

  I shake my head. “No,” Charlie says, voicing my thought, “I don’t want to go skinny-dipping.” She holds her hand up to stop Olivia from saying anything and crawls into my chair, stretching her body out next to mine and resting her head on my collarbone. “I can’t believe she even showed up,” Charlie says. Her breath smells like vodka, and I turn away, looking out at the ocean. The moon is fairly full, and the water looks silver underneath it. I remember once hearing that the only reason the ocean is blue is because it reflects the sky. If you could see the water at night, maybe it would just look clear. Maybe you could see all the way down to the bottom.

  “Do you want me to kick her out?” Olivia asks.

  I don’t answer, and Charlie mumbles something against my chest. Whatever it is, it isn’t adamant. Partly because she’s drunk, of course, but partly because they are already getting over this. Whether they know it or not, their protestations have rounded edges now. The sting of this betrayal is wearing off, and their comments are beginning to sound repetitive and dull. How many times can they tell me I’m prettier than her or that Rob is an ass? It’s wearing on them, and it’s obvious. So obvious, in fact, that when Olivia announces, “She’s a slut,” Charlie barely nods her head in agreement.

  There are so many competing thoughts floating around in my head right now. My anger at Juliet, my confusion about her backstabbing comment, my feelings for Rob. And that’s the problem, that I still care about him. I still want him back. I can’t believe I can turn my head and look at him and at the same time not be able to speak to him. I would settle for just his friendship now, but that’s over too. I wish we had never shared that kiss, that we had never said those things to each other. Maybe then we could still go back. Maybe then I wouldn’t miss him when he’s standing right here.

  “Who’s up for the water?”

  I tilt my head and open my mouth to turn Olivia down again, but it’s not Olivia who’s doing the suggesting. It’s Juliet, and she’s standing over us, a light pink bikini pulled tightly over her chest. She’s smiling, her pearly whites beaming. Gone are the grizzly teeth she bared inside. Of course, there are other people around.

  Olivia stands up and bounces slightly on her heels. “I was going to go anyway,” she says to Charlie and me.

  Charlie waves her off with a hand and keeps nuzzling my chest. Olivia hesitates but then grabs her towel. She and Juliet descend the stairs to the ocean, their blond hair indistinguishable in the moonlight, so that after a few feet it’s impossible to tell who is who.

  “Love it here,” Charlie murmurs, and even though she’s pressed up against me, I feel farther away from her than I ever have before.

  Act Four

  Scene One

  It’s true California doesn’t have East Coast seasons, but there’s something about the fall in San Bellaro that I love. No, the trees don’t change and our campus doesn’t look like a postcard of yellow, red, and orange, but the air is crisp and cool, and there’s this sense of newness. Like maybe change is possible, even if you can’t see it.

  And things have changed.

  “I think Mrs. Barch has it out for me,” I say. We’re sitting in the courtyard, finishing lunch. By the time you make it to October at San Bellaro, some kids have decided to park themselves in the cafeteria until spring. Not us. “We’re troupers,” as Charlie likes to say. We wear sweaters, and we stay outside.

  “Hmm?” Charlie murmurs. She’s watching Jake where he’s standing on the breezeway. They broke up last week over what Charlie deemed “weekend abandonment.” Jake decided to go to a concert with John Susquich and left her alone Saturday night. She hasn’t yet recovered, and they’re still not speaking.

  “I still can’t believe you’re not in physics with us,” Olivia says. “Yesterday Mr. Dunfy brought in cupcakes. We just ate them all period.” She looks at Ben for confirmation, and he nods.

  “It’s true,” he says. “All period.”

  The truth is that this bio thing actually is a problem. I applied early to Stanford but they’re going to want to see my first semester grades, and right now I’m barely pulling a B minus.

  “Who’s your bio partner?” Olivia asks.

  “Len.”

  “Stephens?”

  Charlie picks her head up and looks at us. “What are we talking about?”

  “How I’m failing bio.”

  “Should have taken physics,” Charlie says. “Do you know we had—”

  “Cupcakes, all period. I know.”

  Olivia picks up her apple. She takes an unenthusiastic bite and sets it down.

  A look I know well by this point dances across Charlie’s face, and I glance up to see Rob and Juliet walking by, hand in hand. Juliet looks over at our table and at the same moment reaches up to tousle Rob’s hair. She nuzzles her head closer to him and keeps one eye on me as she loops his arm around her back.

  It’s been over a month, but every time I see them together, it catches me by surprise. Like I still expect Rob to come up behind me, lay his hands over my eyes, and ask me to guess who. Charlie says it’s normal to mourn someone for a while, that when her mom died, she still expected to see her every day for a year. Rob isn’t dead, though. He’s right here.

  “He might as well be dead,” Charlie says, reading my mind. “You don’t even say hello to him.”

  Olivia has English with Juliet and Rob and has informed me that they do nothing except talk to each other. She also says that Rob has basically stopped hanging out with Ben. “He doesn’t even go surfing anymore,” Charlie adds. “And I heard he’s fighting with his family.”

  “No way,” I say. “Rob and his parents are really tight.”

  “Way,” Olivia confirms. “Josh told me.”

  “Josh is six.”

  “Yeah, and Mathew’s best friend.” Mathew is Rob’s brother, the youngest of the four boys.

  “Why are they fighting?”

  Olivia shrugs. “I don’t know. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it had something to do with her.”

  Me either.

  “Look, right now bio is the more important issue. I’m screwed,” I say, resting my forehead on the table.

  “Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing if you didn’t end up at Stanford,” Charlie says. “What the hell do you want another four years with that guy for?” She gestures over her shoulder to where Rob and Juliet are disappearing into the cafeteria.

  “I don’t even know if he applied early,” I say.

  “But wasn’t that the plan?” Olivia asks.

  “A lot of things were the plan,” I say.

  I drag my bio book off the table and stand up to go to lab. Charlie whines, “Where are you going
?” but she doesn’t take her eyes off Jake. I still have ten minutes until class, but I need to reread the latest chapter. Every time I look at the textbook, it feels like the words morph into another language. Like I bought the Arabic version by accident or something.

  Len is already there. He’s sitting at a computer in the back, wearing that purple lightning shirt. One long curl rests on his forehead, and I have the sudden, intense urge to pull it and watch it bounce back.

  “You’re early,” I say.

  “Class is canceled,” he says without looking up.

  “Yeah?”

  He gestures over his shoulder to the board. I read the words “Mrs. Barch Out. Assignment to complete with partner is on my desk.”

  “She’s out,” I say.

  Len nods. “Yep. It was probably the play. I mean, all that bad acting was starting to make me sick to my stomach too.”

  He turns around and smiles. “What’s up, Rosaline?”

  “Should we start the assignment?”

  He waves a dismissing hand. “Later. Pull up a chair.” He grabs a plastic one and slides it next to his, patting the seat.

  I drop my bag and sit down, craning to see his computer screen.

  “A little privacy?”

  “Please. Like you care.”

  Len snorts and angles the screen between us. Immediately I see a picture of Juliet’s family.

  “What is this?” I ask.

  “The news? Contrary to popular belief, I do, in fact, know how to read. Hey,” Len says as I turn the screen and scan the article. It’s something about education reform and Senator Caplet’s commitment to family.

  “His policies suck,” Len says.

  “You follow his career?”

  Len blows some air out through his lips. “I’m an informed citizen,” he says.

  He reaches over me to grab the mouse, but I slap his hand away. I have an idea. My fingers are already on the keyboard. I type “Richard Caplet” into the search page of the San Bellaro News, and a thousand articles come up.

  “Obsess much?” Len asks, amused.