Salvation

by Ahren Sanders

  “What the hell happened to her?” I rage, walking into the kitchen.

  “You crushed her,” Cruz answers, pouring coffee. I’m surprised when he hands me a cup.

  “I was gone for two weeks. She knew why.”

  “Did she? You think after all she went through that she didn’t blame herself every day?”

  “Cruz, we take some of the fault,” Alex interjects.

  The look between the two of them can only be described as hostile.

  “Why?”

  When they tell me that everyone turned on her, trying to deal with their own madness, I lose it. To know that even Thad held a grudge guts me to the core.

  “Y’all are her fucking family. How dare you?”

  “Calling a spade a spade?” Cruz challenges me.

  I open my mouth to object, but at that moment, Ember walks in. She’s fresh from a shower, dressed in clothes that hang on her, and goes to the coffee pot. “I saw my phone.”

  She knows I called last night. She knows I talked to Cruz. What she doesn’t know is that this shit is over.

  “Ember, we’re going home. There’s a lot we need to talk about.”

  Pain flashes through her eyes as she sets her mug on the counter. “I don’t have a home.”

  All three of us open our mouths to argue, but she holds up her hand. “I have places to stay. My own place will be ready in a few weeks.”

  Oh. Fuck. No!

  “I may have been practically comatose, but I found an apartment. No one will be responsible for taking care of me.” She darts her eyes between all of us. “I apologize for my melodramatic behavior before. It was completely unnecessary. I can only assume it was shock, but I’m fine now.”

  She looks directly at me with empty eyes. “What can I do for you, Robbie?”

  What the hell? Who is this girl? Even in her shyest moments, she’s never been so closed off, so robotic.

  Cruz and Alex look to me with horror, and I know I need to make this right.

  “Baby, we gotta talk.”

  She flinches and then sets her mug in the sink. “Okay, but you need to put ice on your jaw.”

  This is my chance. I pull her back to me and put my lips to her neck. The taste of her skin sets my body on fire. She’s so tiny in my arms.

  Ember scowls, steps away, and fixes a bag of ice.

  I follow her to the living room, and when she tries to sit on the chair, I slide her into my lap instead.

  “Baby, talk to me.”

  “What do you want me to say?” She lays the ice against my jaw.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes and no,” she answers simply. “But I’m going to be fine.”

  “Baby, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “The fuck it is. You’re—”

  “Broken,” she finishes for me. “I know, Robbie. I’m broken.”

  We stare at each other in silence as I try to find words. “I love you.”

  She looks at me blankly, and when she speaks, my heart sinks. “I deceived you, and instead of talking to me, you left. How can you say you love me?”

  “Because you’re my disease.” I chuckle at Finn’s terminology. She lifts her lips, too. “I’ve been outside your house for hours, waiting to get to you. The thought of you in pain was my undoing. I need to apologize. Really apologize. My pride was wounded. On top of that, you in danger set me off the deep end. Please, forgive me.

  “The moment I saw you again, my head and heart started working together. I’m not leaving without you. If I have to, I’ll beg and plead.” I slide to the floor on my knees. “I’m nothing without you.”

  My head rests against her stomach, which starts to shake. I clutch tight, silently begging for her to hug me. But she doesn’t. Instead, she steps back. When our eyes meet, I suck in a deep breath. Her face is completely void of emotion. Without a word, she goes to the entry table, takes her purse, and walks out the door. It takes my mind a few seconds to comprehend what’s just happened.

  “Well, that went better than expected,” Cruz says from the kitchen doorway.

  “She left me.” I sink back on my heels. Emotions clog my throat. “What happened to my Ember?”

  “We all punished her, and she finally broke. We’ve never seen her like this. Her emotions go from devastation to rage. Alex is the only one she’s really confiding in.”

  “I’m going after her. Where would she go?”

  “Wait it out, Robbie. Give her some time to deal with the fact that you’re back. I don’t know shit about psychology, but that girl was traumatized. It wasn’t only your break-up. It was everything,” Alex tells me.

  “Who says we broke up?”

  “She’s convinced herself you did.”

  I get up and start pacing, running my hands through my hair. “I’m not leaving this house without her.”

  Chapter 47

  Work It Out

  Ember

  I left the house with no idea where to go, but I had to get out. The look on Robbie’s face, the feel of his touch, the words he spoke— all of it caused more pain. I thought it couldn’t get any worse, but when he said “I’m nothing without you”, I had to leave.

  He has no idea. I’ve felt that same way for weeks. It’s one thing to be madly in love, but is it normal to feel like I’m not breathing without him? Did I lose myself completely?

  I’m driving on autopilot when I pull up to James and Jenna’s house. Out of everyone in my life right now, James is the only person I want to talk to. Even though his allegiance should be with his only son, I trust him.

  My engine is still running when their front door opens and James runs out with an umbrella, stopping at my car. When I see the concerned look on his face, I know it was the right choice to come here.

  I crack my door slightly, “I’m sorry to stop by unannounced. Actually, I’m not sure—”

  “You want to come in, sweetheart?” His fatherly tone causes tears to pool in my eyes.

  I nod and grab my stuff. He steps back and then pulls me close to him when I get out of the car. Once we get inside, Jenna is waiting in the foyer. The minute I walk in, she hugs me and runs her hands down my back.

  The comforting touch soothes me, and I lean into her fully. After a few minutes, I look between them and find my voice.

  “I don’t really know why I’m here, but I couldn’t stop myself.”

  “You’re welcome here anytime,” she tells me.

  “Robbie’s back,” I blurt out stupidly. They probably already know.

  “Did he come to his senses?” James asks.

  I shrug, not sure what to say.

  “James, why don’t you and Ember go talk? I’ll make some coffee and a quick breakfast.”

  I don’t miss the look they share. She’s giving us privacy.

  He motions for me to follow. When we get to the living room, I freeze. Memories from the last time I was here for Raven’s shower flood my mind- Robbie holding me against him, kissing me passionately in front of their fireplace. James sees my hesitation and gently ushers me to the sofa.

  “What’s going through your head?”

  “I honestly don’t know. Is this weird, me being here? It’s just that when I ran out of my place, your voice kept running through my mind, telling me I could talk to you. If this is inappropriate —”

  “Ember, take a deep breath. I meant what I said. Anytime, anywhere, you need me, I’m here.” He holds my hand gently, and I lose it.

  Through my tears, I tell him everything. Every single emotion I felt when Dade contacted me, every single emotion I felt when Robbie left… every single detail. Somewhere during my confession of moving to a hotel, Jenna comes in and slides beside me, rubbing my arm gently.

  When I’m done, there’s a weight lifted off of me. Jenna’s eyes shine with unshed tears, and James clears his throat a few times. Both look at me with complete adoration. At first, I’m embarrassed, until Jenna speaks.

&
nbsp; “My boy is certainly lucky to have a woman willing to make the sacrifices you did. Through boot camp, the Marines, and with each deployment, my heart was never beating fully. I always worried about him.

  “When he was injured, I thought I’d curl up and die. Even after he healed, he was still missing something. Until you. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, he’s exactly like his father. Once he found you, he was complete. I can only hope he hasn’t lost you.”

  “This may be weird to say to his mom, but I think I lost myself in him.”

  She opens her mouth to speak, but James shakes his head so she purses her lips.

  “Ember, it’s not lost on me that my children are stubborn. They get that from me. Hell, my daughter went to a different country to run away from her heartbreak. But, Robbie, he needs you. His recent actions are questionable, but when he’s with you, he’s whole.

  “With that being said, you need to do what’s best for you. For most of your life you’ve walked on eggshells. If you take him back, I personally won’t stand for you living like that again. You need to be equals in your relationship, and he needs to worship you like you deserve.”

  “I’m so scared. What if I make him mad again?”

  “Yeesh! I make James mad all the time, but we learned to live with it. No other man could ever love me and our family the way he does, and I wouldn’t change a thing.” Jenna laughs.

  “My family isn’t exactly the postcard for functional. I’m not sure what to do,” I admit.

  “For the first time in your life, you do what’s best for you. Take all the time you need,” James tells me with concern. “You. Are. Worth. It.”

  Jenna jumps up when a timer goes off. “Cinnamon rolls are done!” she announces. “And from the looks of you, I think you need at least two.”

  I open my mouth to argue, but the smell wafting through the room has my stomach growling. “That sounds amazing.”

  She runs out of the room, and James looks at me kindly. “You’re always welcome here, Little Star. Thank you for trusting us.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t do it earlier. Maybe this could have been avoided.”

  “Never mention it again. Let’s go eat.” He rises and brings me with him, tugging me to his side. “Be prepared. If I know Jenna, she’s got a full spread. She’s going to put you in a food coma.”

  I laugh for the first time in days. “I look forward to it.”

  He smiles at me, and I begin to feel as if everything will be okay.

  There are a ton of missed calls from Robbie on my phone, but I can’t bring myself to listen to the messages. For the first time in a long time, I’m focused only on me. Being with James and Jenna was eye-opening. Finally, I understand what true, life-long love is like. And I deserve it. I may be sorry for my decisions, but I’d never change them if it meant keeping the people I love safe.

  The love I saw between them made me think hard about Robbie. I adore him with all my heart, but I’m worth a little more than a disappearing act for pissing him off. My newfound confidence is exhilarating.

  When I walk in the front door, I’m stunned to see Robbie asleep on the couch. He’s hugging my pillow tight and snuggled into the cushions. Cruz waves at me frantically from the kitchen, so I quietly go to him.

  “He won’t leave. He falls asleep, wakes up, calls you, then dozes back off. Finally, he went to get a pillow off your bed and has been asleep for an hour. Where have you been?”

  “I had to clear my head.”

  “Why didn’t you answer your phone?” He shakes his finger at me, and Alex comes to hold me close.

  “I needed to do something, alone.”

  “We worry about you,” Alex says softly.

  “Don’t. For the first time in my life, I’m totally clear on where I need to be.”

  “You gonna put him out of his misery?” Cruz questions.

  “I don’t want him to be miserable. I love him. But I’m not the same Ember anymore. He may not like the new woman.”

  “I’ll love anything you give me.” Robbie’s voice cuts through the room, and I turn to see him leaning against the doorway.

  “I smelled you the minute you came through the door. At first, I thought I was dreaming, but then it lingered,” he says shyly.

  I step away from Alex and walk to him. He looks dejected.

  “We need to talk. Really talk.”

  Without a shred of humility, he drops to his knees. “Do you forgive me? I was an arrogant SOB.”

  “You did what you had to do.”

  “I —”

  “Did it help?” I ask, referring to his trip.

  He searches my eyes and then understanding hits him. “Yeah, babe, it helped.”

  “Nightmares are gone?”

  “Mostly.”

  I walk around him and find myself on the sofa, staring at the wall. The atmosphere changes then, and as if on cue, Cruz and Alex appear, hovering over me.

  “I didn’t know if you ever wanted to see me again.” My voice is unrecognizable.

  “Baby, look at me.” He takes my hands. I continue staring ahead. “I’m so sorry.”

  “What if I make you mad again? Are you going to leave?”

  He tenses but leans into my lap. “Life’s not going to be perfect. I’ll piss you off, too. We’ll work it out. I’ll never leave you again.”

  “Pissing me off means leaving the toilet seat up, or forgetting to take the trash out. Not leaving me for fourteen fucking days!” I bellow. “I’m not perfect, so how do I know you won’t get mad again?”

  He looks at me, unsure what to say, but recovers quickly. “Believe me, baby, when I say, you are perfect to me. That’s why I was so upset. Nothing and no one will ever know the fear that gripped at me when I saw you go into that warehouse. The thought of you being in danger or anyone hurting one hair on your head, made me insane. Instead of listening to reason, I pushed you away. I was a—”

  “Pompous, self-righteous asshole!” I finish for him.

  He looks at me, stunned, and then grins slightly. “Yeah, all of that.”

  “I need some time… Maybe we should —”

  The air in the room turns still, and Cruz and Alex slink upstairs, giving us privacy.

  Robbie looks at me with heat in his eyes. “Don’t say it. We’re going home today, Ember, together. I told you already. I’m not leaving without you.”

  My will and self-restraint take a hit when I look into his eyes and see his sense of determination.

  “You need to go home and get some rest. We’ll talk later.” I try to sound confident.

  “Not without you. I’m serious. We go home together.”

  “No.”

  “Then I’m staying here. Wherever you are, I am.”

  “You can’t be serious! I need to think, figure things out! You can’t reappear and expect me to fall at your feet!”

  “No.” He drops to the floor again and puts his head to my hip. “This is me falling at your feet. I’ll do anything for you to forgive me. If you’ll give me a chance to make this right, I swear, you’ll never regret it. You own me, Ember, and I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you. I love you more than words can say.” His desperate tone breaks me.

  My heart crumbles. I can’t deny it anymore. I want to forgive him.

  “I’ll pack a bag. Give me a few minutes,” I say softly.

  “Babe, we’ll pack all your things.”

  “Let’s start with a bag. I’ll give you tonight.” I move away and leave him on the floor.

  “What have I done?” he grumbles quietly.

  I can’t help but think the same thing.

  Chapter 48

  Never Again

  Robbie

  I unpack the few things she brought with her as soon as we get in my room. She doesn’t argue, but then again, she hasn’t said much since we got in my truck. I watched her closely and could practically feel the wheels spinning in her head. Impulsively, I’d driven to her house
this morning, thinking we’d be okay. But Cruz was right I had no clue the damage my leaving caused.

  “I’m exhausted. Think you can sleep?” I ask cautiously, scared to spook her.

  “Not really. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

  Twist to the gut.

  “You hungry?”

  “No.”

  Knife to the heart.

  “Come here.” I hold out my arms, and she walks over hesitantly. “Baby, you don’t sleep. You don’t eat. Cruz says you stare at walls. Talk to me.”

  “It’s called depression. The consequences to my actions were a lot worse than I ever imagined. A part of me knew you’d be upset, but I didn’t think you’d leave me. I’m okay, though, stronger than I’ve ever been. Today was a breakthrough.”

  “Want to tell me where you went? I was out of my mind, worrying about you. I tried to trace your phone, but it was off.”

  “I went to see your parents. They are the only people I felt comfortable talking to. It wasn’t intentional, but my car kind of drove itself.”

  Blood races through my veins. My parents…that’s who she turned to.

  “Think we could have this conversation lying in our bed? I’d like to hold you while we hash this shit out.”

  She nods and backs away.

  She gasps when I take off my shirt. “What is that?”

  “It’s a star.” I run my fingers over the tattoo covering half of my right pec.

  “I can see that, but why is it on your chest?”

  “Because that’s where you lay your head.”

  “When did you get that?”

  “The night we drove into St. Louis.”

  “You put a tattoo of my nickname on the place that I sleep two days after you left me?”

  “Get in here now.” I throw back the sheets. She wavers, but crawls to her side of the bed. I follow and haul her to lie across me, placing her cheek on the star. My fingers link with hers, resting on my chest.

  “It was a dickhead move, completely unacceptable. My pride was wounded, not just because of you but because I didn’t see it happening around me. When the nightmares started, I went straight to my PTSD counselor. He suggested the trip, and also that I take the two weeks away to distance myself from our situation.