“He’s struggling, I can see it,” Matthew said.
“He’s scared.”
“I am too, Mom.”
Carlee was back in the room when Andy returned. “There’s a deli across the street. I got sandwiches: salami, ham and Swiss, and there are two turkeys and a roast beef,” he said handing her the bag. She looked in, took the sandwich she wanted, and passed the bag to Geni.
“Thanks, Papa!” she unwrapped the sandwich and took a big bite. “Oh, soooo good!” She was wiping her mouth as a man in a white coat knocked.
“Dr. Mark Lincoln,” he said, “I’m the neurologist. May I come in?”
“Sure,” Carlee said, “just finishing some lunch.” She introduced everyone and asked, “Let’s just get to it. I kinda just want to know what’s going on so that I can figure out how we go forward.”
The doctor smiled at her cut-to-the-chase tactic. “Well then, there is, in fact, a mass that we need to explore. The good news is that it’s localized; that’s really good,” he said with a smile. “Also good is that it has very clear, definite borders, most likely non-cancerous, but we can’t say for certain until we go in.”
“Surgery…” Carlee said.
“Yes. It’s most likely a meningioma. Sometimes we just monitor these tumors, but the location of this one is most likely why movement caused the severe nausea, and the fact that it can grow and press against the brain means it needs to come out. You’ve already had a nasty experience with it. We don’t want any more of that.”
“I see,” Carlee said as the others looked on. “So we operate to remove it, then what?”
“We send it for pathology and then figure out what next.”
“And exactly what does the surgery involve?” she asked.
Andy was watching her intently. Geni wasn’t sure he was breathing, and she was watching him to make sure he was OK. Matthew sat beside Carlee holding her hand, and she had a strong grip, showing him her fear. But her courage in that fear amazed him.
“Because of its location, we will have to go in through the top of your head – a craniotomy. We will have to shave a place on your head to allow us clear access to where we need to go in.” He ran his fingers around an area on the top of her head to show her. “We’ll leave as much hair as we can, and then we’ll cut out an area of bone to be able to get in there.”
Geni was amazed at the poise and strength Carlee displayed. She was still watching Andy out of the corner of her eye, seeing him watching Carlee like a hawk.
“We’ll keep you on a good dose of steroids for now. I’d like to do the procedure early Wednesday morning,” the doctor said.
“Wednesday… yes, just get it over with,” Carlee said, quickly. She didn’t want to think about it. “I want to go home.”
“I’ll give you time to think of any questions you may have. I’ll stop back later. It’ll be OK, Carlee,” he said.
“Thank you.”
They were all quiet for a while. No one really knew what to say, so they said nothing. Carlee looked at the clock on the wall, heard each tiny ‘tick’ as the hand counted off the next second, and the sound was unnerving. It was after four in the afternoon, and finally she said, “Papa, can you and Geni give Matthew and I some time alone?”
Andy didn’t want to leave, but he knew they needed that time. “I love you, sweet girl,” he said and kissed her cheek.
“I love you, right back,” she said. “Geni, thank you.”
~ ~ ~
After they were gone, Matthew wrapped her in his arms and held her.
“Stay here with me like this for a little while. I just need you to hold me,” she said.
He wrapped his arms around her and never wanted to let her go.
Finally, she told him, “Please take my rings and put them in the box with the bracelet. Take them home with you when you go.”
“I’m not going home,” he said.
“Yes,” she said firmly, “you are. You need to get a shower and some rest. You can come back in the middle of the night, or the butt-crack of dawn, or whatever, but you need to go rest for a while. Get out of here.”
“Carlee,” he began.
“Matthew, I need time to let this all sink in; it’s a lot to think about. You need to rest. One of us has to have a clear head. I think my ‘clear head’ left with the doctor. Please don’t argue with me,” she said firmly. “I’m tired. Go, please. Rest.”
“I love you,” he said.
He left her to go down the hall and get Andy and Geni. Back in the room, Carlee saw the emotions on Andy’s face. “Matthew, I’ll call you before I go to sleep.” She wanted a few minutes with Andy.
Matthew kissed her and whispered in her ear, “I love you.” He turned to Geni and asked if she was ready.
She nodded, leaned to kiss Carlee’s cheek, and they left.
As they walked down the hall, Geni asked Matthew, “Do you need me?”
“I always need you, Mom, but why don’t you wait here for Andy. He may need you more.” She kissed his cheek, and he left her. She sat and waited, watching for Andy.
~ ~ ~
Carlee and Andy sat quietly for a while, and finally she asked him, “Can you just sit up here with me for a few minutes?”
He climbed in the bed with her and wrapped her in his arms, and the fearful tears that they’d both been holding back came in a flood.
The nurse was about to knock, but saw the two of them and decided to come back. She was witnessing such a tender moment that interrupting didn’t seem right. What she needed could wait just a little longer.
As Andy held her, he prayed silent prayers.
She’s so young. Please don’t let this be something we can’t overcome. Let her heal. Let her be healthy and live. Let her experience the world and the love that she shares with Matthew into her older years. Please don’t take her away from us.
Carlee curled closer, and as though she could read his mind, she whispered, “Philippians 4:13, Papa.”
He remembered her sharing that Bible verse when they were in Arundle on their European journey. “I love you, Carlee.”
“Love you too; now go so I can rest.”
He gave her a squeeze and slipped from the bed. He placed a tender kiss on her forehead and turned to leave. When he reached the door, he looked back.
“It’ll all be OK. Go,” she said, but wondered if she was trying to reassure him or herself.
He met Geni in the solarium. They sat quietly for a few minutes and finally he reached for her hand. “Ready?”
“Do you want to talk?” she asked.
“Not now,” he replied and led her down the hall.
~ ~ ~
On his way home Matthew made a call; he knew it was going to be hard, but it needed to be done.
“Matthew,” Dean Rollins said when he answered. He was the President of the Cancer Foundation and a good friend to Carlee and her family. “How nice it is to hear from you. I don’t know if you’ve seen the commercials with your artwork there in the U.K., but the promotion is going well! Check the website!”
“That’s great. Dean, I’m calling you about a personal matter. It’s Carlee.”
“Oh, Matthew… what is it?” he asked, his voice filled with dread.
“Short version for now, she’s been diagnosed with a possible meningioma. She’s having surgery on Wednesday morning.”
“Matthew, I’m sorry to hear this news. Let me gather some information for you. I’ll get it to you as soon as possible. I’ll send an email out to those who need to know. You take care of you. That’s one of the most common problems with a diagnosis such as this; the caregivers forget that they need to be well. We’ll all be praying. Please stay in touch and keep me posted. If I can help you with anything, just call.”
~ ~ ~
Back at the flat, Geni fixed a bite to eat. As they sat at the table, all of them were thinking of Carlee at the hospital alone, but it seemed to be what she needed. Only Andy and Matthew both knew
she wasn’t really alone; in her mind, she was with Beth.
Matthew showered and crawled into bed. Geni looked in a few minutes later and found him fast asleep. Mental and physical exhaustion she thought. She and Andy shared a glass of wine. There was no conversation. They were processing what they’d learned that day.
Finally she told Andy, “I need you to take me somewhere tomorrow so I can grab a couple of things. I didn’t have much with me when we went to your house from Jacksonville and I need a few things.”
“Whatever you need,” he said. “I’ll find out from Matt where we can go.” He was quiet a moment and said, finally, “Thank you for being here with me.”
“Where else would I be?” she asked as he pulled her into his arms.
After they were all gone, Danni Matchett stepped in to check on Carlee. “I came by earlier, but I saw you with your papa and decided it could wait. Why aren’t you asleep?” she asked.
“Why are you still here?” Carlee asked with a light tired laugh.
“I’m pulling a couple extra hours so I can keep an eye on you.”
“Go home to your family. I’m fine.”
“Actually, I don’t have a family. Always wanted to take care of others, but never felt that I-gotta-have-a-baby urge. Plus, me thinks a man is required, and I haven’t met a real man, only a few assholes,” she laughed. She sat on the edge of the bed and turned to face Carlee. “Whatever this is, it’ll be fine. I believe that,” she said finally rising to take Carlee’s blood pressure and check her IVs for the evening.
“I hope so,” Carlee replied.
“Good night, missy, I’ll be back here in the morning.”
“Hatchet… Thank you.”
~ ~ ~
Carlee lay there awhile, quietly reflecting. The nurse had left a soft light at the doorway on, and the room had a soft glow. She didn’t want to go to sleep just yet, so she prayed.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me… Please give me that strength…”
~ ~ ~
Geni woke in the middle of the night, and Andy wasn’t in the bed. She went into the living room and found him sitting in the dark; only the light from the streetlight outside and the light display on his tablet illuminated the room.
“You OK?” she asked as she sat beside him.
“Had to get this down while it was on my mind,” he replied and turned the screen to her. She read what he’d typed.
I remember the first time I saw you
My heart will never beat the same
Sometimes it’s just a whisper
But I always hear your name
Your smile has warmed me inside, out
It’s what this sweet life’s all about
I’ve watch you in a crowded room
I’ve seen sweet love, grow and bloom
“I think there’s more, but this is what came to me. I gotta get it when it comes to me,” he said. “This one’s just poetry for now; I haven’t heard the tune yet.”
“That’s beautiful, and I know it’s about Carlee, but it could be words of love for anyone,” She told him and paused before she added, “This is all going to be OK, Andy. You have to believe that.”
Her voice was a soothing sound to him. He closed the tablet, put it aside, and held her. They sat there for a while, and finally Matthew came out.
He looked at the clock; it was 3:30. “Why are you two up?” he asked.
“Same reason you are,” Andy said.
“I’m going back,” he said.
Geni rose from the sofa and went to him, wrapping him in a mother’s embrace. “Lie down another hour, please. Even if you don’t sleep, Carlee needs to rest, Matthew, and if you go she’ll want to comfort you.”
Reluctantly, he did, and he slept two more hours.
~ ~ ~
It was Tuesday morning around six, and Matthew was ready to go back to the hospital. He’d had a shower, and Andy had coffee waiting. He told Andy how to get to a shopping center, grabbed a breakfast bar, and fixed a cup of coffee for himself and one for Carlee and was on his way.
Geni did a load of laundry and got ready while it finished. When Andy was dressed, they headed out to shop. She picked up a few things she needed - a couple more outfits, underclothes, and toiletry items for herself, and a couple things for Andy to hold them over until they knew what they were doing.
~ ~ ~
When Matthew arrived, Carlee looked good. She’d pulled her hair into a knot on top of here head; her face was brighter, and she looked rested. He went to her bedside, and she reached up to pull him close for a kiss. “Good morning, handsome,” she whispered in his ear.
“You look good this morning!” he said. She was sitting up watching the TV.
“I feel much better too! Hatchet came in and helped me wash my face and get this mess of hair up. Don’t tell her, but I really like her,” she told him as he crawled on the bed beside her. He slipped his arm around her, tugging her closer for a hug.
“I think she can give you a run for your money,” he laughed. He snuggled closer, and they drank the coffee he brought. An aide brought breakfast in, and Carlee shared the pancakes and sausage with Matthew.
“That was pretty good! I was hungry!” She paused a moment and said, “Thank you for going home last night. I just needed to wrap my head around some things.”
“I know. Carlee, I think about my own thoughts, and I can’t even imagine your fears.”
“I didn’t go to sleep right away; my brain was too busy,” she said, and he smiled. “So many thoughts were running through there, so I had to calm them down before I closed my eyes. I was afraid I’d be too worried to sleep, but after I let it all go, I was out like a light. I remember someone coming in the room at some point, but I don’t think I woke up. Where are Papa and your mom?”
“They had to go do a little shopping. Mom only had a couple of outfits to pack when they came because they left from Andy’s. They’re sleeping in the same bed,” he told her.
“Sleeping?”
“Yes, like her wrapped in his arms. They leave the door open, so I looked,” he laughed.
Carlee just smiled at Matthew’s news.
~ ~ ~
The surgeon was pleased with the course they were taking. With surgery scheduled for first thing Wednesday morning, Carlee had one request. “Hatchet, I’d like a shower before we do this. I’ve only been able to have ‘wash this’ baths for the last few days. I’d like a shower. Who knows when I’ll be able to have one after the surgery, and I need to wash my hair."
“We can arrange that; have to get a chair in the bath, and I’ll step in with you. Can’t take a chance with that movement or nausea. Can’t have you falling...”
Carlee motioned to whisper in her ear. “Can you get me in there and let Matthew stay with me? I promise I’ll behave,” she laughed. “You or one of your henchmen can stand guard.”
“We can do that,” she laughed. She turned to Matthew and told him, “You’ll need some dry clothes.”
Matthew quickly called Geni and told her what he needed her to bring him from the flat.
“Hatchet, do you ever go home?” Carlee asked while Matthew was on the phone with Geni.
The nurse sat on the edge of the bed. “I do,” she said, “but there’s something about you that makes me want to see this through with you.”
“Are you crushin’ on my papa?” Carlee laughed. She guessed her to be in her late-fifties.
“Back in the day,” she laughed. “Really just wantin’ to make sure this is a good experience for you.”
“Don’t be gettin’ all mushy,” Carlee said. As Matthew came back to the bedside, he saw tears in the corners of her eyes.
“I’ll get the shower stuff started,” Danni Matchett said and left them.
When Andy and Geni arrived, they had lunch with them. “I saw a little place near the flat, a deli, and the sign in the window said, ‘The Best Chicken Salad in East London.’ I immediately thought of m
y girl,” Andy told Carlee as he unpacked the sandwiches.
She unwrapped the paper around her sandwich and smiled, “Pimpernuckle!” she exclaimed, and she and Andy shared a laugh. Geni and Matthew looked on and waited.
“She couldn’t say it when she was younger and it just stuck. Chicken salad on pimpernuckle, dill pickle on the side, the yellow bag of potato chips with a diet Dr. Pepper… I know what she likes,” he smiled and kissed her forehead.
“Well Papa, they may have been right! That was wonderful!” Carlee proclaimed when she was done.
And he was happy to notice that she ate almost the entire sandwich.
~ ~ ~
They talked a while and finally, a nurses’ aide came in with the shower chair. Geni and the aide got Carlee situated on the chair. Matthew slipped in and put on his swim shorts and handed his clothes to Geni. Hatchet returned and went over some things with Matthew. She turned to Carlee and said, “No bending over; you just sit there and let Matthew do what needs doin’,” she smiled a knowing smile and added, “Now behave, and if ya need anythin’ just push the red button.”
Geni joined Andy in the solarium at the end of the hall, and they waited. He slipped his arm around her shoulder and squeezed. “She looks better this morning, and she seems to have an appetite.”
“Hatchet said it’s the steroids, but it doesn’t matter, she’s eating.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“For what?” she asked as she turned to look at him.
“Oh, everything,” he smiled, pulled her closer and kissed her forehead.
~ ~ ~
Matthew stood at Carlee’s side, running the water to a temperature that was warm, but not too hot. The shower had a hand-held nozzle, and he sprayed a mist of water over her. Taking the shampoo Geni brought, he squeezed a small dollop in his hand and started gently massaging it into her hair. She put her arms round his waist, placing her head on his belly, drawing him closer as he did. Her hands went up his back, gently caressing wherever they touched. He bent down to kiss her and took the shower nozzle and held it over them, letting the soapy water run down their bodies. With the soft cloth that Geni had brought, he added Carlee’s favorite shower gel, tenderly washing her body, allowing his hands to roam and appreciate as he did.
Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3) Page 7
