Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3)

by Stewart, Barbara

“Andy, what the fuck are you waiting for?”

  “Timing, Marco.”

  “For shit sake, figure that out and jump in – you might be throwing something good away while you figure out your timing!” Marco barked.

  Quiet a moment, Andy said, “I know.”

  “What the hell are you afraid of? Screwing up? Don’t jack this up, my friend.”

  “I hear you.”

  “Then don’t hold back; tell her how you feel.”

  “Hey, I gotta get some shut-eye…”

  “Chicken-shit won’t get you what you what you want…” Marco said.

  “I’ll call you later.”

  “Go ahead, blow me off - Chicken shit!” Marco yelled with one of his big laughs, as Andy hung up.

  After he hung up, he went to bed. He lay there a while, thinking. My head really is full, but I’m afraid my heart is fuller…

  ~ ~ ~

  While she was home, Geni realized that Brian was at the house with her more than usual. He came daily - bringing his paperwork with him to work from her dining room table. “I’ve been looking into all this stuff with Carlee - statistics and all that. It sounds like the outcome will be good,” he told her over coffee one morning, going through a tablet of notes he’d taken, and she smiled. She realized what an effect this was having on him. Brian and Matthew talked daily, and she was sure that he was hurting for Matthew.

  “Thank you for sharing all of that,” Geni told him after he’d gone through the information he’d dug up. “Brian, you know all of this is going to be OK. We all have to believe that; they said there was no cancer.”

  “I do,” he said and she placed a tender hand on his cheek. “I just hate even the thought that they might not have children. Here we are, Malia and I, trying to decide when we want to start our family, and there are Carlee and Matthew wondering if they can.”

  “Has Matthew talked to you about that?” Geni asked.

  “Not really he did mention that Carlee was concerned about it. Do you know what Matthew told her?” Geni shook her head, curiously. “That Andy had nothing to do with the physical person she is, but everything to do with the person that she is in the world.”

  “He loves her, Bri…”

  “Mom, I love Malia. Thomas loves Angela, but the love I see between the two of them is like nothing I’ve ever seen,” he said interrupting her.

  “I think her losses made her appreciate things – life - more than the rest of us. She really is a lovely young woman. I worried at first that she was too young, wanted her to finish school, but life saw differently.” She paused, remembering the sweet, poised young lady Matthew had brought home two years ago. “And I couldn’t be happier that they didn’t wait. They will have a lifetime ahead of them, and maybe a long road for a little while, but they’ll manage.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Tuesday night, Andy couldn’t sleep. He looked at the clock; it was after four, ten U.S., he thought, and dialed the number.

  “Well, hello. Why are you awake?” Geni said when she answered.

  “The other side of the bed is empty,” he said and paused. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too. I didn’t think just a few days would feel so long,” she replied.

  Hearing her voice, Andy realized that he missed her more and more. He was anxious for her to return.

  “I’ll sure be happy for you to get back,” he told her.

  “Me too,” she replied sheepishly.

  “I miss the feel of you in my arms. I miss that southern twang that sounds like heaven to me, and I miss that smile that warms my soul.”

  “Wow,” she.

  “Here we go again,” he laughed. “I never understand ‘wow.’”

  “Just wow, that I was thinking the same thing,” she said, and he heard a tremble in her voice.

  “Soon, Geni.”

  “Yep, I’ll be back Thursday night,” she replied.

  “No, that’s not what I meant at all. Soon, we’re going to make love. Good night, Geni,” he said and hung up to leave her with that thought.

  And boy, did she think.

  ~ ~ ~

  On Wednesday morning, Andy slept late. Matthew came in at ten, and he was just having his coffee.

  “Hey,” he said when he looked up.

  “You’re looking kinda rough.”

  “Didn’t sleep last night; too much going on in there,” he said tapping the right side of his forehead.

  “Something you need to talk about?” Matthew asked, grabbing the container of orange juice from the fridge. “Thanks for getting this, by the way.”

  “I try to keep whatever I think you might need around here so that when you do your swoops in and out, it’s easy for you.”

  “Yeah, thanks for the clean underwear, too!” Matthew laughed. “Seriously, is everything OK?”

  “Just trying to relocate some things in my head. Talked to Marco last night; I need to run by a music store I found on line. They’re holding a keyboard for me; got some stuff I need to play with while it’s in my head.”

  “Song stuff?”

  “Mmm hmm,” Andy replied going to the pot to refill his coffee cup. He nodded Matthew’s direction.

  “No thanks, I’m gonna get a shower and catch a few minutes of sleep.”

  “How is she this morning?”

  “Amazing! Hatchet is there - how lucky are we to have her?” Matthew mumbled and then said, “She slept good, I don’t think she moved all night…”

  “You still sleepin’ in that bed with her?”

  “Way better than the recliner, and she’s so small that there’s plenty of room.” A big smile crept across his face and he added, “I’ve gotten used to her being in my arms when we sleep, and I kinda like it.”

  “Mmm hmm,” Andy replied once more. “I talked to your mom last night. She’s as anxious to get back as we are for her to return.”

  Matthew saw the smile that tickled the corners of Andy’s mouth as he said the words, and it made him grin. Andy’s phone rang, and he picked it up off the table.

  “When are you getting here?” Carlee asked as soon as he picked up, and he laughed. “I miss you.”

  Andy smiled, realizing that she wasn’t ready to be alone yet, so he’d hurry. “Getting a shower, and I’ll be there in forty minutes, tops. I love you.”

  “Right back at ya, Papa.”

  “Guess since you are here, my presence is required there,” he laughed. “Go get some rest. I’m gonna get ready and head that way.”

  When he arrived in the room, she was sitting up. The bandage was gone, and she looked like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

  “Wow! You look mah’velous,” he said mocking a skit that Billy Crystal often did during his stint on Saturday Night Live years ago.

  “Why Fernando, thank you!”

  He leaned to kiss her cheek. “You really do look good.”

  “They just took the bandage off before you came in. Doc T said they’ll probably take me for the markings later. It’s itchy! Hatchet said to pat my belly if it itched. What the heck will that do?” she belly-laughed as she said the words.

  “Well, Phyllis always told me to scratch my elbow!”

  “You look tired, Papa.”

  “Just had a long night. Talked to Marco for a while; he wants to come over. I told him to come on. And then I talked to Geni a while, so I reckon it was sometime after four when I dozed off.”

  “You miss her.”

  “Yeah, I do Carlee.”

  “Have you told her you love her?”

  “No,” he said and quickly added, “But I’m going to. I had to shift some things around in my head, but I’m ready to tell her.”

  “Papa, I love you.”

  They talked for a while and finally looked up as an aide was coming in the door. “I’m Cassandra. We’re ready to take you to radiotherapy to get this started,” she smiled.

  “I’ll see you later, Papa.”

  “I gotta run an errand whi
le you’re gone, but I’ll be right back.”

  When they pushed her bed into the waiting area, there was another bed already waiting. Carlee looked and found a little girl resting there. The tech left Carlee, and the little girl stirred.

  “Who are you?”

  Carlee smiled at her bluntness. “Carlee. Who are you?”

  “Kyliejo.”

  “That’s a lovely name!” Carlee said. She noticed how young she was and then saw long, silky-straight brown hair; a hint of auburn, she thought as the girl moved and the light caught it. She had happy eyes that seemed to sparkle, and mile-long, thick eyelashes. Carlee tried to imagine her face lit up with a smile.

  “My dad was Kyle and my mom, Johanna, so they came up with Kyliejo,” the little girl said.

  “I guess we are here for the same thing.”

  The girl looked up and smiled, showing Carlee exactly what she imagined – the sparkling eyes and naturally-pink, rosy lips curled into a smile that seemed bright. Luminous actually, and happy, Carlee thought.

  “Gonna get my tats for when I get my head zapped,” she said.

  “Me too,” Carlee said, attempting not to giggle at her choice of words. “I wish I didn’t have to do it, but I guess sometimes we don’t have the choice.”

  “Yeah,” she said as though the whole thing was no big deal to her. “Your hair is so pretty. It’s really red.”

  “It used to be really long, but when they told me they had to cut the patch out and shave it for the surgery, I decided to whack it off and send it to Wigs For Kids.”

  The girl turned, wide-eyed to look at Carlee closer. “You did?”

  “It’s just hair; it’ll grow back. It was almost down to my waist, and it was just kinda in the way,” Carlee smiled. “I was ready for something different.”

  A young woman came through the door. “Kyliejo, I’m Bets; are you ready?”

  “Yep. See ya, Carlee.”

  “I hope so,” Carlee replied with a smile as they wheeled her away.

  Finally, Candice came through the door to take Carlee away to begin the marking for her radiotherapy.

  By noon Carlee was back in her room; by 12:30 she was fast asleep.

  ~ ~ ~

  Thursday morning, Andy woke in good spirits - excited that Geni would be back that evening. As he was getting ready to head to the hospital, his phone rang. It was his good friend, Roddy. It was three in the morning in the U.S.

  “Something wrong?”

  “No, just had to set the damn clock to get up to call you. I’m off to help Vince with some stuff later this morning and decided this was the best way to get some time to talk to you. It’s been too long,” Roddy said with a jovial laugh. “How’s our girl?”

  “Incredible. I’m on my way there now,” Andy laughed. “She’s the strongest woman I know. Isn’t that funny?”

  “What do you mean?” Roddy asked.

  “Woman. She’s not our little girl anymore,” Andy laughed.

  “She’s been a woman for a while,” Roddy laughed. “Vince corrected me at the wedding when I called her a girl.”

  “Everything OK back home?” Andy asked.

  “All is well!” Roddy was 82 years old and was still working with Andy taking care of his business affairs, which had dwindled down considerably the last few years. Vince was still overseeing his restaurant in Houston, and Roddy didn’t like to be idle. Being there for whatever Andy needed, even if it meant someone else actually ‘doing’ what needed to be done, kept him busy.

  “Everyone’s calling, asking for updates on Carlee. Didn’t take long for the word to get out.”

  “It’s been pretty quiet here. I saw a paragraph or two in the London Times about us, but not much more than that, except for the flowers,” he laughed. “They are everywhere. There are so many she’s sending them to other patients’ rooms. Everyone seems to respect our privacy, even as I come and go.”

  “When are you coming back?” he asked.

  “Not ‘til this is a done-deal here. I can’t leave her, Roddy. Geni went home for a few days to take care of some things; I couldn’t go.”

  Roddy thought for a moment; he’d suspected they were a couple, but Andy’s words just confirmed it. He smiled to himself and stored that information for later.

  “I picked up a keyboard the other day; got some things humming through my head and had to get it going.”

  “Marco told me. Are you thinking of recording again? Coming out of your self-imposed ‘retirement?’”

  “Who knows?” Andy chuckled.

  “Tell me everything about Carlee; we’ve been worried sick. Vince wants to come over, but I told him we should probably wait a bit, see what’s going on.”

  Andy filled him in as he drove. “They’re getting everything lined up for radiation the first of the year. She’s in good spirits,” he paused, “Roddy, she cut her hair off before the surgery.”

  “What?” he asked obviously shocked at this news.

  “Yep, pulled it all into a ponytail on top of her head and had Geni lop it off with scissors!”

  “Wow, that big halo of red is gone?” he chuckled

  “Oh, the halo is still there - the hair was shipped off to Wigs for Kids. It’s short and curlier now, like when she was young – the halo is still there,” he said again. Quiet a moment, he added, “She’s handling this so differently than Beth. She’s so upbeat and positive about what’s ahead. She’s absolutely focused on getting through this and back to her life. I think Beth put on a brave face – to keep us strong. But Carlee is strong. There have been times that she could sense the fear and questions from the rest of us when the doctors were sharing or explaining something, and she just jumps in and steers us the direction our thoughts should be. She’s just amazing.”

  They talked a while longer. Roddy had talked with Marco several times and knew that both Zane and Addy had some things in the works.

  “I guess I ought to let you go; just hadn’t talked to you in a few days. I’ll call Carlee later. This old fella’s going back to bed for a while.”

  ~ ~ ~

  When Andy arrived, Carlee was eating a bite of breakfast. He and Matthew had crossed paths as Matthew was leaving to go home to take a shower and nap. Andy settled in the recliner beside her, and they watched the morning news, chatting about what they saw.

  After a while, they came in to get Carlee ready to go to the radiation center for the mold and casting to begin the process.

  “Back in about an hour and a half,” the aide told Andy as they wheeled her away.

  ~ ~ ~

  Once again, Carlee found Kyliejo in the radiation center when she arrived.

  “Well, hey!” Carlee said when she saw her.

  “Hello, nice to see you,” the child replied.

  “I guess today we get the cast so we don’t move when they zap us,” Carlee said, using the girl’s expression from their last encounter.

  “Yep, it’s really not a big deal.” She spoke as one who knows.

  “You already know about it?” Carlee asked.

  “Sure, this is my second time.”

  Carlee swallowed hard to keep the lump in her throat and the sour, acidy bile that followed it away. “Second time?”

  “Yep, first time was when I was four, but I remember it,” she said in a ‘been there – done that’ way. “They didn’t do a lot, hoping small doses after my surgery would take care of it. I guess it didn’t work.”

  Four… Carlee thought. “How old are you now?”

  “I just turned eight on November 3.”

  “Cute pajamas,” Carlee said noticing the pink top with five heart-shaped balloons that spelled CUTIE peeking from the blanket covering her. She felt as though she needed to change the subject or she was going to cry. “How come I have to wear this silly gown?”

  Kyliejo turned to look her way. “Because you had surgery and you still have the pee hose.”

  Carlee smiled at her direct reply. “You didn’t have surger
y?”

  “Not this time; they decided to just do the radiation again – more, I guess, and in the front.”

  “Ready Kyliejo?” the tech named Bets asked as she pushed open a door to get her.

  “See ya later, Carlee.”

  Carlee lay quietly as she waited for them to come get her, thinking about the little girl with so much knowledge of what she herself was experiencing, and she cried. When Candace came for her she asked her, “Goodness Carlee, why are you crying so?”

  “That little girl,” she blubbered.

  “Kyliejo is a treasure,” Candace replied. “Always a positive spirit.”

  “She’s so young…”

  “And we’ll all pray that this time it will take care of everything. Come on, let’s go.”

  ~ ~ ~

  She was gone about two hours. When they returned her to her room, Hatchet was there, along with Andy and Matthew.

  “Glad to see you this morning,” Hatchet told her as she helped get her settled. “Doc has a brain scan scheduled for a little later.”

  “Brain scan? Why?” Carlee asked.

  “To assure they actually left it behind,” Hatchet said in a snarky tone.

  “Smartass,” Carlee laughed.

  “They’re looking to check the swelling and fluid. It’s nothing, really - just a look. And I wouldn’t bet my arse on it, but I reckon we’ll remove the catheter,” she said, leaning to whisper like it was the biggest secret ever.

  “What’s for lunch? I’m starving.”

  “Can I tell you how I’ve longed to hear those words?” Matthew asked with a snicker.

  “I’ve heard that about a hundred times!” Hatchet said with a laugh.

  “Can I tell you in the time she’s been in my life how many times I’ve heard it?” Andy laughed.

  “Whatever,” Carlee replied sarcastically. “What’s for lunch, Hatchet?”

  Matthew observed her demeanor, and wondered where her thoughts were. She seemed lost to them, but he knew she was putting on her happy face for them.

  The nurse looked at a piece of paper in her pocket and read off the menu: “Chicken and noodles with hot buttered peas, or potato soup and grilled cheese, with chocolate pudding for dessert.”