If It Ain't About the Money

by Saundra

  “You know that I want more, too. But I figure what else is there, you know . . . Listen, you do what you feel you got to as long as it’s safe. Just don’t get too caught up in it.” There wasn’t much more for me to say; her mind seemed to be made up.

  “Shi’d, you ain’t got to worry about that. I ain’t stupid. Why don’t you do it with me? This way we stack money at the same time.” My tongue went dry. The girl was losing all her good sense right in front of me.

  “Secret, now you know better than to ask me that crazy shit.”

  “It ain’t crazy. What’s so crazy about it?”

  I was not about to break it down for her. “Nope, I can’t do it. That’s it.” I shook my head. “Besides, Bobbi wouldn’t go for no mess like that. Or did you forget I have a man?” I reminded her.

  “Isis, damn, you don’t have to tell that nigga everything. Dammit.” She got upset, her tone full of aggravation. Secret tolerated Bobbi, but she had never been a fan of him, and she made sure he knew it.

  “Like it or not that’s my man. And we have plans. Plans to live together, remember, and soon. We tryin’ to build something together.”

  “Well.” She rolled her eyes, still pissed. “Build it.” She was sarcastic.

  “Even if I were to agree to a ludicrous idea like this, how do you propose I hide that from him? Huh.” Now I was aggravated and no longer hungry.

  “Okay, you made your point.” She sighed. “I don’t know how you would hide it. But look at it this way, the money you could make would put enough quick cash in your pocket to help you move faster. And possibly help him with his dream of getting that shop he want so bad.”

  I had to admit she had a point, but Bobbi wouldn’t give a damn about that. He would not want no other nigga drooling all over me. Period. “The answer is still no.” My mind was made up. There was no way I was going to risk Bobbi finding out that I was doing private dances for money. No fucking way. “Furthermore, did you forget we both still have Penny to consider?”

  “I am considering Penny. And she gon’ be straight. Matter of fact, I’ll be able to do more for her. Things will only get better for her.” She dropped her head for a brief second from frustration. “Isis, I’m just fed up with these dead end–ass jobs . . . Hell, I been working my ass off at them two damn jobs all that time, and I still can’t even afford a car.” She sucked her teeth. The disgust was on her face. But I still didn’t want her to use that as an excuse.

  “Maybe we just need to work harder.”

  “Work harder?” She spit my words out as if they had a bitter taste. “Fuck working harder, I want more than just a minivan . . . I refuse to end up . . . broke and drunk like Jackie. That is not going to be me. Trust this is the best way. ” Desperation was in her eyes.

  It was clear to me there was nothing else for me to say. Back at the house I lay across my bed thinking about Secret’s new gig. After giving it some more thought, I wasn’t as worried as when she initially announced it. I knew Kirk would take care of her, and for a brief, weak moment, I played with the possibility of taking Secret up on the offer. But Bobbi crossed my mind along with all of our late-night sessions of planning our future. He loved me and I loved him, and I wasn’t prepared to risk it all for any amount of money.

  Sitting up in my bed, I suddenly had the taste for some strawberry ice cream. In the kitchen I grabbed a bowl and the ice cream scooper. Drowning my skepticism in ice cream always helped.

  “Hey.” Penny skipped into the kitchen.

  “What’s up, you?” I smiled. Penny’s presence was always pleasing. She was the baby sister I wished my mother had had.

  “About to grab some of that strawberry ice cream like you. It looks delicious.” She peeled back the cabinet door and retrieved a bowl.

  “Oh, and it’s about to be.” I stuck the ice cream scooper into the creamy goodness, filling my bowl with four huge scoops.

  “Why don’t you watch Set It Off with me? Secret actin’ all anti-social.”

  “Sure. I ain’t doing nothin’ else. I’ll see you in there.” I handed her the ice cream scooper then went into the living room. Sitting down on the couch, I decided to call Bobbi real quick before the movie started. I hadn’t seen him since earlier when he dropped me off at the restaurant to meet Secret. And I was missing him like crazy. His cell phone rang until it went to voice mail. Tossing the phone to the side, I dug into my ice cream. I couldn’t wait to see Queen Latifah taking all those bullets at the end of the movie. I swear she was a straight up G for that.

  Chapter 10

  Secret

  It had taken one full week for Kirk to set up my first “private dance” session. According to him, it had taken so long because he wanted to be sure I was not going to change my mind. I admit I had been a bit nervous, but not once did I even think about changing my mind. No, I wanted to do it. No, I needed to do it. Living hand to mouth was soon to be in my past, and I welcomed it with open arms. The only regret I had was Isis not going along with me. She was my best friend, and I wanted her to cash in on this opportunity as well. I had to respect her wishes. But who was I kidding? Deep down I knew she wouldn’t go along with it anyway because of that fake-ass Bobbi. It did piss me off just thinking that if it hadn’t been for that fuck boy who she called her man, she might have joined me. But, oh well, I refused to dwell on it.

  Tonight was my first dance. Kirk had come by earlier and took me shopping so that I could pick up an outfit to do my dance. I was glad because I didn’t have shit to wear that was decent, or should I say nothing enticing. Next he took me to his friend Tiffany’s house, who did makeup, and I gotta admit she beat my face to the gods. I was cute as hell. As we pulled into the gentlemen’s club where I would be doing a thirty-minute dance for the club owner and two of his business partners, my nerves kicked in full speed. I didn’t understand why a man who owned his own gentlemen’s club would pay money for a private dances, when he already had women who could provide that exact same service working for him. According to Kirk, it wasn’t about that; they wanted innocence and someone unique, not the regular Joe hos or dancers that everyone in the city knew. I still was a bit confused, but fuck it. It was their money, so however they chose to spend it was not my business.

  Inside, Kirk led me to the dressing room where I would be getting dressed. I sat down in the chair, and before I knew it ten minutes had passed and I had not moved. A knock at the door caused me to stiffen. The second knock pulled me to my feet. I was not sure if I wanted to check to see who was at the door or hide. I tiptoed over to the door.

  “Who is it?” I asked.

  “Me.” Hearing Kirk’s voice, I instantly relaxed and breathed in a deep sigh.

  I opened the door to see him with a huge smile glued to his face. “I brought you a drink. Thought it might help with the nerves.”

  “Nerves? What makes you think I’m nervous?”

  “The look on your face. That’s why I got you this drink. A few sips and you’ll be good, I promise.”

  “How much longer do I have?”

  “About twenty minutes. Look, I don’t want you to worry, just let it flow naturally. I’ll be right out there, sitting at the stage chillin’. By the time you’re done with the dance, I’ll be back out here waiting. I got you. But for now I’m ’bout to go out here and throw some money and pay some bills,” he joked, insinuating he was going throw money at the strippers.

  “A’ight.” I giggled then reached for the drink in his hand. Closing the door behind him, I wasted no time taking my first swallow of the brown liquid, quickly followed by the second. The warm tingle in my toes must have traveled to my brain, because all signs of nervousness evaporated. I slid into my outfit, and I looked myself over in the mirror for approval and was satisfied with what I saw. It had been a long time since I had taken a full inventory of myself. Now five foot six with a hundred-thirty-five-pound frame and the perfect size butt and set of full naturally red lips, I was the mixed version of Angelina Jolie. S
o I knew I had nothing to worry about.

  You would have thought I had been dancing for years, the way I slowly, then on perfect beat, started gyrating my hips to T-Pain’s “I’m ‘n Luv (Wit a Stripper)” as soon as it blasted out of the speakers. As I seductively gave each one of the three guys my full attention, it was clear they were mesmerized by me. Before long I had danced to three songs, and it was over. Each guy had a look of total satisfaction plastered on his face. Without saying a word I exited the room. Damn, that had been easy. I practically skipped back to the dressing room. And true to his word, Kirk was standing by my door waiting on me.

  At home in my bedroom, I tossed eight one-hundred-dollar bills on top of my bed. I had danced for less than thirty minutes and walked away with eight hundred dollars; the shit was unbelievable, I was over the moon ecstatic. Never in my entire life had I made money for basically doing nothing. Kirk had come through as promised.

  That’s why when he called me the next morning and told me to meet him for breakfast, I jumped outta bed like I had been called by the president. Once there, he told me that I must have been a pro, because the owner of the gentlemen’s club wanted me to be on his entertainment schedule once a week. So already I had a permanent customer. Not to mention he already had me booked for three more nights that week with other clients. And I couldn’t wait. I was counting my money before it was made.

  “Where are you off to?” I occupied Isis’s opened door while she dressed.

  “The last place I want to go to. Work. So how did it go last night? I tried waiting up for you but I was tired.”

  “Better than I could have imagined.” I couldn’t wait to tell her all about it. “I admit I was nervous at first. But I got over it and fast. Isis, I made eight hundred dollars in less than thirty minutes.”

  “Really.” She seemed surprised. “That’s what’s up.” She slid into a pair of flats.

  “I know, right. And that was just in one night. I just met up with Kirk, and I’m already booked for three other nights this week. And check this out. The owner of the club where I danced last night—he already have me booked as a regular for one night a week.”

  “Wow, for real. You must have killed it.”

  “Aye, I ain’t one to brag, but you know me, I did my thing. I gave them niggas straight body.” I giggled while twerking my butt for good measure.

  “Yeah, I taught you well.” Isis started twerking and looked at her butt along with me.

  “Sit yo ass down. I taught you.” We both laughed. “Real talk, though, if the cash keep flowing like it did last night, I’ma be able to jump a ride. Shi’d, I can’t be catching no bus to my gigs.”

  “What y’all up to?” Penny appeared in the doorway out of nowhere. We suddenly got quiet. A few days before when Kirk had called me with the first gig, Isis and I had come to the conclusion that Penny didn’t need to know just yet. I needed to see how it all went first.

  * * *

  A few weeks had passed, and things had been going great with the private dances. The demand for me was rolling in: I was sometimes pulling in two jobs a night, some paying me as much as twelve hundred dollars after Kirk got his cut. I had managed to save five thousand dollars, two of which I put down on a 2009 Chevy Impala. I was glad to be off heels and finally on wheels. The city bus and dirty smelling cabs could eat my dust.

  “Penny, you better hurry up and get out this car if you want to shop.” It was Saturday, and I had decided to take Penny shopping, but I had made the mistake of buying her a new cell phone before we made it to the mall. She couldn’t stop playing with the thing.

  “I swear you have no patience, Secret. Dang,” Penny complained, climbing out of the car, her eyes still glued to the cell phone.

  “And you know this,” I co-signed with a grin. “Time waits for no man.” I laughed at the simple quote that I had heard from some movie that I couldn’t even remember the name of. Two hours later we were marching out of Foot Locker; she was carrying two bags with Jordans inside and a huge grin to match.

  “Let’s grab something to eat. I’m hungry,” I announced, already pointed in the direction of the food court. We had been out most of the day, and the only thing I had eaten for breakfast was Cap’n Crunch cereal. We both decided on Panda Express. It happened to be one of our favorite places to eat when at the mall.

  Sitting down, I wasted no time going in on my walnut shrimp and fried rice. Penny followed suit. Her favorite was orange chicken with fried rice. After a few bites I started to feel satisfied and slowed down. “So how’s school going?” It had been a while since we talked about school, and it was time we caught up.

  “It’s been cool. Just can’t believe this my last year.”

  “I know. I be trippin’ when I think about you being a senior. You growing up on me too fast.”

  Her mouth full of orange chicken, Penny gave me a shy grin. “Aww, are you going to cry?”

  “Maybe at your graduation.” I laughed. “But don’t let growing up fool you. I’m still the big sister, and I’ll bust your ass.”

  “Ha ha. Secret, you should really stop the violence,” she joked, then sipped her Pepsi. Staring at me, her expression became a bit serious. I wondered what was up.

  “What else you got on your mind?” I prayed it wasn’t about her so-called boyfriend; I was over that. Or at least still not ready to accept it.

  “I just been wondering what’s up with you lately. Something is different, so I just have been waiting to see what you had to say . . . So are you gon’ tell me?”

  My mind shot into overdrive. I had no idea what she was talking about. “What you mean? I ain’t up to nothin’. Just doing me.”

  “Secret, first off, the family that we come from, I didn’t get to be seventeen and be stupid . . .” She paused, but I didn’t respond. “Listen, I know you ain’t working at Taco World no more or Chic.” That got my attention real fast. She was for real calling me on my shit. I had tried to keep that from her. “Did you think you could hide that from me?” She sounded like the big sister and not the baby.

  “How you know about that?”

  “That’s not the point. Just know that I do. And the main question is, what’s up? I know ain’t no man, baller, or whatever you might call him been creeping. But you dropping money around the crib like crazy, buying cars. Hell, clothes and shoes.” She pointed at the bag from Macy’s and the shoe bags from Foot Locker like they were evidence to prove her case.

  For a minute I was speechless. I was still not ready to tell her yet. What would she think? But even I had known that eventually she would see the change going on around her. I mean cars and shopping sprees could raise anybody’s eyebrows, but I still thought I had a little more time.

  Not able to bring myself to admit anything, I used my one and only strategy: play dumb. “Penny, I swear you be exaggerating things. It’s not like I paid for that car in cash, and I have been saving money from both jobs. Besides, those shoes I just bought you were needed.” I allowed my eyes to land on the bags. I didn’t want to look at her for fear she would see the lie in my eyes, even though I knew that she knew.

  I could feel her eyes burning a hole in me, so I glanced up at her. She shook her head with disappointment. I can’t lie; she had always been wise and very observant. Jackie had taught us that. “No, Secret, don’t try it. I ain’t going for that bull. Now I have been watching you come up in that house late nights. When you think I’m sleepin’.” She stressed that part with a little roll in her neck. “Yes, I be woke. You be coming up in that house late nights dressed in fishnets and half naked, with a face full of makeup. So are you strippin’ at one of these hole in the walls?” I almost most doubled over in my seat. Was she gotdamn I Spy? I wasn’t no stripper, but damn, she was close.

  It took a minute for me to find my voice. That I had not been expecting. I could not believe she had been staying up late watching me slide into the house like a burglar. I made sure that I was extra quiet when I came in at night, bu
t it was clear I hadn’t been quiet enough. I swapped things around in my head that I could use in my defense.

  Penny sighed. “Secret, just stop the lying. I ain’t stupid.” Anger slowly crept into her face. “You know I just wish you would stop treating me like some child. In case you forgot, I’m almost an adult. It would be nice if you treated me as such sometimes, and soon.” She rolled her eyes.

  At that moment I realized she was right. I needed to stop lying to her. “I’m not a stripper, okay.” I found myself looking in her sad eyes for forgiveness. I didn’t want her to lose faith in me; she had had enough of that with Jackie. I had to be honest with her. “But I have been doing some private dances.” She gazed at me as if she was trying to register that, possibly the difference between the two.

  “What’s that exactly? I mean how it is different from being a stripper?”

  “Well, I don’t slide down poles for a bar full of men per se while they toss money at me. I just dance for a specific person or persons for a set fee.” I really wasn’t sure how that sounded.

  Penny seemed to ponder what I said. “Soooo . . . is that safe? Being alone with them.”

  “Yeah, do you remember Kirk from our old neighborhood?”

  “Of course I remember Kirk. Why?”

  “Well, he is who I work for. He sets up and schedules everything for me. He makes sure everything’s legit.”

  “Wait, is he a pimp or something?”

  “Hell no, he ain’t no pimp.” I was shocked to even hear her say that. Damn, my baby sister had grown up on me. “Kirk just set up the gigs and make sure I get paid and that I’m safe. I can quit at any time,” I stressed. “Plus he has the connection to the ballers and/or business owners that request me for the dances.”

  “Oh, okay . . . Well, as I can see, the money good.”