by Ellis, Kay
It didn’t take long for Stef’s right hand to work its way south, and start rubbing my dick. It wasn’t ideal through the layers of denim and my thick cotton, work overalls, but my dick perked up with interest anyway. Putting my fingers under his chin, I tilted his head back to kiss him. Stef responded eagerly, his lips parting to allow my tongue to slip into his mouth and tangle with his own.
“Fuck me,” he said breathlessly, pulling away. “Fuck me like a man.”
I frowned at him, not sure what he meant until he made it clear by shoving down his shorts and rolling onto his hands and knees. When we had first started sleeping together, I’d had no idea men could have sex face to face. It seemed strange to me to begin with, but as I fell deeper in love with him, I found I wanted to see his face and his expression when I was inside him. Taking him from behind still happened from time to time, but not like this. Doing it doggy style seemed so impersonal. It wasn’t making love. It was fucking, pure and simple. Not that my dick cared either way. One look at that tight, little bubble-butt waving in the air, and it was straining at the zipper, aching to be free of the confines of my jeans.
Quickly, I reached under the pillow for the bottle of lube we kept there. Despite Stef’s protests that he didn’t need it, I took the time to prep him thoroughly, using my fingers to stretch and relax him, before unzipping my jeans. When, finally, I eased into him, he groaned loudly, and I stilled, uncertain if the sound was one of pleasure or pain. Stef pushed back against me.
“Just do it.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.” He wriggled impatiently. “I’m not a girl, Alex. I can take it.”
I didn’t like hearing him talk like that; like the whole looking-like-a-girl thing still bothered him. Aside from the fact I thought Stef loved the way he looked as much as I did, it made me feel like this was some sort of test. If I fucked him this way, would it really make him feel like more of a man? Once again, my brain was overruled by my dick. My dick told me I was overthinking the issue, and seeing as thinking had never exactly been my strong point, I should forget it and just get on with the job at hand.
I snapped my hips forward, and Stef groaned again. Thankfully, that time, I was one hundred percent certain it was out of pleasure. I started to move in and out of him, and set a punishing pace. Stef responded eagerly, with moans and crude words of encouragement. The moment I hit his prostate, I knew. Stef’s arms folded beneath him, and he face-planted the mattress with a cry. His fingers twisted in the sheets as I nailed that sweet spot over and over again. A few moments later, he spilled his load onto the bed without either of us touching his dick. I grasped his hips, my fingers digging into his creamy-white flesh hard enough to leave bruises. My own release followed quickly after. I collapsed on top of him with a satisfied groan.
Stef let out a muffled complaint, and I withdrew carefully, and rolled onto my side before I smothered him. He turned his head to look at me with a wide smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“That was… amazing,” he panted.
I wasn’t sure amazing was the first word that sprang to mind. I mean, sure, the sex had been fine and we both got off, but there hadn’t been the emotional connection that I was used to with Stef. He wanted me to think he liked it because of the crazy idea he had that it was more manly to do it that way; as though admitting he preferred sex face to face made him seem too girly. I’d been wrong before, when I’d thought make-up sex would be the answer to all our problems. All it had done was raise a whole load of new issues without solving any of the old ones as far as I could see.
“I think I fucked up,” I blurted out.
“No! No, Alex… I told you… it was amazing.”
“It’s not that,” I said, rolling onto my back to stare at the ceiling.
Stef sat up, his small body suddenly tense. “What did you do? Please tell me you didn’t hit a customer?”
“No, I didn’t hit anyone.” I’d wanted to, so badly it hurt, and the old Alex wouldn’t have thought twice about it. I was the all new Alex, though, and keeping out of trouble. Well, almost… “I did quit my job, though.”
“Okay.” Stef sucked in a deep breath, thinking so hard I could almost hear his mental cogs turning. “Did you have a good reason?”
Shit, what was I supposed to say to that? That I got pissed because Tony was sticking his nose into my business? It sounded like a lame excuse, even to me.
“Not really,” I muttered, truthfully.
“Okay,” Stef said again. “What about this place? I thought Tony only let us live here because you were working for him?”
“He did.” Reluctantly, I dragged my gaze from the ceiling and looked directly at my surprisingly calm boyfriend. “We have to be out by the end of the week.”
“Where are we going to go?”
“I don’t know, Stef. It’s not likely I’m going to get another job anytime soon, and it’s not like we’ve got any money saved for a deposit, is it?”
Neither of us spoke for a while, both lost in silent contemplation. I knew I’d messed up big time, and it didn’t help that I couldn’t see a way out of it. Running home and jumping into bed with Stef was hardly dealing with the situation. Sex was all well and good, but it wasn’t going to help us find somewhere to live, was it? In a matter of days, we would be homeless, and it was my own stupid fault. I’d failed to look after Stef, and in doing so, finally proved everyone right.
“I’ll get a job,” Stef said. “The new clothes shop opposite the salon is hiring. It probably won’t pay much, but…”
“No!” I sat up, taking his hands in my own. “Stef, you love going to college and working in the salon. I thought being a hairdresser was your dream.”
“It is… it was…” Stef shrugged one shoulder. “I’ll find another dream. It doesn’t matter so long as we’re together.”
“You could transfer,” I suggested. “Marcie and Killigan would let you stay with them, if you asked.”
“You mean, go back to London?” Stef shook his head, already dismissing the idea without even thinking about it. “Without you?”
“I’m just saying you should see it as an option.” I hated myself, knowing what the next words out of my mouth were about to be. I had to say it though. The least I could do was offer him the chance to escape a miserable life tied to me. “There’s always Randolph,” I said casually. “He’s still looking for a flatmate, isn’t he?”
Stef gaped at me, incredulous. “You’re serious? You want me to go and live with Rufus?”
“No, that’s the last thing I want, but…”
“Good, because it’s not happening. Ever!” Stef wriggled to the end of the bed, his boxes still round his knees. “I’m going for a shower, and then we can start flat hunting.” He looked at me over his shoulder. “For the record, Mr Gill… you don’t get rid of me that easily.”
Once we were both clean and presentable, we decided to walk into town and trawl round the letting agents in person, rather than doing it online. Unsurprisingly, we didn’t have much luck. One guy practically laughed us out of the door when he found out that I was unemployed and Stef was at college and on a work placement. The old Alex would have knocked the smug bastard into the middle of next week, but the all-new-and-improved version listened to his boyfriend telling him all the ways it would be a huge mistake, and followed him meekly back out into the street.
Eventually, defeated and down-hearted, we wandered down to the seafront and sat, side by side, on the wall of the promenade, our legs dangling over the beach.
“I’ll sell my car,” I said decisively.
“Absolutely not! You love that car.”
“I love you more,” I pointed out. “Selling it should get us enough for a deposit.”
“And then what?” Stef stared out to sea, rather than turning to look at me, but I could tell he was worried. “What happens when the first month’s rent is due and we still haven’t got any money?”
&nbs
p; “So, what are we going to do?”
It would all be so much easier if Stef agreed to go back to London, but there was no point in pushing him on the matter. He was every bit as stubborn as me in his own way. If he said no to moving in with Killigan then that would be the end of it. I had no clue what we did next, though. I’d be okay on the streets if it came to it, but there was no way I would subject Stef to that life. I didn’t want us to split up, but the simple fact was, he’d be better off without me.
“We could always live in your car,” Stef suggested. “Just until we find somewhere.”
“Don’t joke,” I said grimly. “It might be our only choice.”
“Whose joking?” Stef changed position, and sat facing me, cross-legged. “How much money have you got?”
I shrugged. “Not much. Why?”
“If we’re going to be skint, we might as well do it in style. I say we go blow what cash we’ve got.”
“On what?” I asked, getting to my feet and pulling Stef up with me.
“Let’s go for a meal.” Stef grinned at me, his green eyes shining with merriment, all traces of worry gone. “I fancy Italian.”
“Your wish is my command. Lead the way, Princess.”
I winced at my unintentional use of the nickname he suddenly claimed to hate, but Stef didn’t seem too bothered. Grabbing my hand, he tugged me behind him, and we crossed the road, heading back to the high street.
For a while, we were able to forget our worries. Not that they went away entirely, but for the rest of the evening we chose not to talk about them. We ate until we were stuffed, including huge creamy desserts that Stef insisted on ordering. I had begun to think we’d have to do a runner when the bill came, but Stef had a ten pound note in his pocket and a few coins, so we settled up like normal people before spilling out of the restaurant, and into the cool night air.
Stef shivered, and I wrapped my arms around him, ignoring the disapproving look we got off some stuck-up couple on the other side of the street.
“We didn’t think this through, did we?” I said. “We should have skipped dessert and saved your tenner for a taxi.”
“Too late now,” Stef replied cheerfully. “We’ll have to walk home. At least that way we’ll burn off some of the calories we’ve just consumed.”
I groaned, not finding the idea of a chilly, sixty minute walk appealing in any way shape of form. It wasn’t like we had a choice, though, so we set off, hand in hand, at a brisk pace. In the end, it wasn’t too much of an ordeal. We messed about, and chatted, and the time flew by. We climbed the metal steps to our apartment over the garage, and I admit, I felt a pang of relief when the door opened. I had half expected Tony to have changed the locks while we were out, even if he had promised we could stay until the end of the week.
We fell into bed, making love face to face, just the way we liked it, and without any of the earlier drama of whether or not it made Stef a girl. Afterward, I pulled him into my arms and listened to his breathing even out into sleep. It seemed stupid to feel so contented when I had no idea what problems the next few days would bring, but right at that moment, it felt like Stef and I were back on track. He was all that mattered; the most important thing in my life. It had been that way since the day I laid eyes on him in that supermarket and stolen his pizza just so I had an excuse to talk to him.
Whatever happened, I knew I would be okay so long as Stef loved me.
5
It felt like I’d barely closed my eyes when I was woken by a thunderous banging on the door. Beside me, Stef sat bolt upright, his eyes wide with fright.
“He found me!”
“What?” I sat up, rubbing my eyes and still half asleep. “Who has?”
“Don’t answer it!” Stef pleaded, as our early morning visitor, whoever it was, hammered on the door again. “Please, Alex.”
“Stay here,” I told him grimly.
I grabbed a dirty pair of sweat pants from the floor at the end of the bed, and pulled them on as I crossed the living area to the front door. If someone was giving Stef trouble, it needed sorting, and I wasn’t about to do it naked. Nobody in their right mind fronted up to an opponent with their most vulnerable parts on display. I threw open the door, with my most ferocious glare on my face, relaxing only slightly to see Tony on the doorstep. I didn’t think for a second that he was the person that had Stef so wound up, but that didn’t mean I was pleased to see him.
“You’d better get a move on,” Tony said, his gaze taking in my dishevelled appearance and apparently finding me wanting. “You don’t want to be late for work.”
“Um, you fired me, remember.”
“Um…” Tony mimicked. “You quit, remember? I’ve just decided not to let you.”
I scrubbed my hands over my face, wondering if I was still asleep and this was all a dream.
“I don’t understand.”
“You can take yesterday as annual leave,” Tony said cheerfully. “But next time you’re late I’ll be docking your pay. So…” He waved his hands at my bare chest. “I’d get a shift on, if I was you. You’ve got half an hour.”
He trotted back down the metal staircase, leaving me shaking my head in wonder. Yesterday, everything had seemed such a mess, and less than twenty fours later, we’d been handed a reprieve. It wasn’t that I was looking forward to going back to washing cars, but at least we wouldn’t have to move out, and Stef wouldn’t have to jack in college and his place at the salon. I closed the door, and turned to see Stef peering at me from behind the wooden partition.
“That’s good, isn’t it?” he asked anxiously.
“Yeah, ‘course it is.”
Stef flashed a faint smile, and retreated behind the partition. Instead of getting my arse into gear, and jumping in the shower to get ready for work, I went back to the bedroom. There was still something bothering me, and Stef was the one with the answers. He’d gone back to bed, and was curled up beneath the duvet.
“What’s going on, Stef?” I asked, as gently as a great oaf like me could manage. “Who did you think would be at the door?”
Stef peeked over the edge of the quilt, his green eyes wary. “It’s nothing. Nobody.”
“Bullshit. You were scared. I want to know why.”
“It’s silly, really. Embarrassing.”
“Stef, just tell me.”
“I had a bad dream, okay?” he said. “I… I thought Jimbo had found us.”
Jimbo, my former friend, and the man who had tried to kill both me and Stefan, deciding he’d rather see us dead than together. I couldn’t blame Stef for having nightmares about him. I’d had a few of them myself, but something about what Stef was saying just didn’t ring true.
“Jimbo’s still in prison,” I pointed out.
Stef rolled his eyes. “I know that. I told you, it was a dream.”
“Well, if you’re sure…” I said doubtfully. My boyfriend was lying to me, and I didn’t know why.
“You’re going to be late,” Stef told me, a blatant change of subject.
“Fine, but don’t think I’m going to forget this,” I said, heading for the bathroom. “You and me are going to finish this conversation later.”
I took the quickest shower on record, brushed my teeth, and threw on the nearest jeans and t-shirt, before hurrying out of the door and down the hill, making it to the garage with a whole sixty seconds to spare. Tony stood in the entrance to the workshop talking to that snitch Nigel. He gave a pointed look at his watch, and shook his head despairingly. I tugged on my overalls, grabbed my valeting equipment, and got right to work, before Tony had reason to be mad at me for something else.
The morning passed quickly. Stef called at lunchtime, cheerful, and laughing over a story one of his customers had told him while he was washing her hair. Part of me wanted to ask him about that morning, and why he’d lied to me, but he sounded so happy on the other end of the phone that I didn’t want to upset him and risk unsettling things between us again.
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sp; “Want me to pick you up later?” I asked, when he said he had to go back to work.
“Are you sure you don’t mind? Only, some idiot blew all his cash on a meal last night, and now he can’t even afford the bus fare home.”
“I don’t mind, Princess,” I chuckled. “I’ll be in the car park by the Skyline Tower, okay?”
“Okay. I love you, Boo. See you later.”
I tucked my phone back into the pocket of my overalls, unable to keep the smile from my face. There had been a time Stef’s silly, little pet names had driven me half mad with irritation; and embarrassment too when he used them in public. What I could never admit to anybody was that I secretly quite liked it. Well, some of the names anyway. I mean, a guy of my size and appearance called Boo? Seriously?
At the end of the day, Tony actually came out and shook my hand, telling me he was pleased with how hard I’d worked. It wasn’t necessary, but it was nice of him, and I appreciated the simple gesture. Maybe I’d only cleaned a few cars inside and out, but, damn, those vehicles were shining like new. I had done a good job, and it was nice to have that recognised.
Even so, I was out of there like a rocket at four o’clock on the dot, dashing back up the hill to get my car and drive into town to pick up my boyfriend. My fiancé, I should say. I hadn’t got used to calling him that yet. It wasn’t like I’d forgotten we got engaged, but the idea of two men marrying each other was still something I was in the process of getting my head around. My upbringing told me it was wrong, even if I had been in a same sex relationship for almost two years. It wasn’t that I had doubts about being with Stef. I didn’t, and never would, but sometimes the voices of my past crept in to remind me that everything about us was unnatural.
Stef was late. Only ten or fifteen minutes, which at first, was annoying, and then it started to get worrying. I didn’t dare go and look for him. I didn’t have any change for the machine, and there was a traffic warden loitering who was just waiting for me to leave the car unattended. I’d had run ins with the bloke before, and while he was too chicken shit to slap a ticket on the windscreen while I was sat in the car, he’d be in there like a shot the moment I walked away.
