by Ellis, Kay
Marcie answered the door, her face splitting into a wide smile when she saw me.
“Alex, sweetheart, I’m so glad you’re here. Come on in. Let me get you something to eat.”
“No, I’m fine. I… um… I wanted… actually, I came to see Rupert. I mean…” I rolled my eyes. “Rufus. I came to see Rufus.”
“Rufus?” Marcie echoed, studying my face with stark suspicion in her eyes. “You called him Rufus.”
“Yeah, well… it’s his name, isn’t it?” I shuffled my feet awkwardly. I never called Rufus by his proper name. Funny that I should get called up on it the one time that I did. “Is he here?”
“Yes, he’s in Tony’s study on the computer.” Marcie still sounded doubtful, as though she thought I would beat the shit out of Rufus the moment I laid eyes on him. “I know you’re not really into that sort of thing, but he’s making an appeal for Stefan on all the social media platforms.”
Fantastic. Even bloody Rufus was being proactive in the search for my boyfriend.
“So, can I see him or what?”
“Alex…”
“I’m not going to do anything, Marcie,” I snapped, irritated that she didn’t trust me. “I just want to ask him something.”
“I’m here,” Rufus said, appearing in the hallway behind Marcie. He looked at me uncertainly, as though he, like Marcie, was dubious of my reasons for being there. “What was it you wanted to ask me?”
“I’m… um… going out to look for Stef. I thought… I mean… you can come… if you want.”
Rufus stared at me like he thought I’d gone completely mad. “It’s raining.”
“Not as much as before,” I lied, pretending the water trickling down the back of my neck didn’t bother me. I should have known that little wuss wouldn’t want to get his hair wet. Sitting at a computer, looking like he was doing his bit to help, was much more his level. “Forget it. I’ll go on my own.”
“No, I’ll come,” Rufus said quickly. “I just don’t know what you think we’re going to achieve.”
“Take my car,” Marcie said keenly.
She’d driven down herself and I suddenly wondered if this exact moment was the reason why. She’d known – or at least hoped – that sooner or later I’d pull myself together and go looking for Stef. She’d wanted me to have the means to do so. Not that I was any more insured than a few days ago, but we both knew that wouldn’t stop me. At least Killigan wasn’t around to go sticking his nose in.
Five minutes later, I was driving down the hill with a slightly reluctant Rufus in the passenger seat. For once, he was dressed quite sensibly in jeans and a hooded top. He didn’t wear any make-up, although his hair was still annoyingly purple. I wasn’t entirely sure why he’d said he’d come when he’d already said he didn’t see the point of it.
“Where are we going?” he asked. “Do you have a particular location in mind or are we just going to drive around in the hopes of seeing something?”
“The second one,” I told him. “Maybe I’ll spot the car or you’ll see his old man…”
“That’s your plan?” Rufus stared at me in disbelief. “Alex, we don’t even know if they’re still in Weymouth. Even if they are, the way I understand it, you’ve only seen that car once. And I’ve never seen his dad. I wouldn’t recognise him if I saw him.”
“Oh.” That was a bit of a blow. “I thought you knew him.”
“No, I didn’t meet Stef until he was in the group home.” Rufus actually sounded apologetic, like he not only sensed but understood my disappointment. “They could be anywhere, Alex, or we could drive right past them without knowing it.”
“I know,” I said sighing heavily. “But we have to try, right?”
We drove for hours, cruising the housing estates and hotel car parks until it was so dark that every parked car looked the same colour. I hated to admit defeat, but eventually I had no choice but to accept we had no chance of finding Stef that night. Rufus had been unusually quiet. I knew he thought we were on a wild goose chase, but, uncharacteristically, he kept his opinion to himself for once.
Pulling up outside Tony’s house, I switched off the engine but made no move to leave the car. The rain had lessened greatly during the course of the evening, although it hadn’t stopped completely. Now, shortly before midnight, it was more of a steady drizzle. Surprisingly, despite the lateness of the hour and the fact he’d been stuck in a car with me for most of the night, Rufus seemed in no hurry to go inside either.
“Maybe we’ll have more luck tomorrow,” he said with a yawn. “I’ll come out with you again. If you want me too that is.”
“I don’t know. You were right, Rudo… sorry, Rufus. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. We don’t even know what we’re looking for. Not really.”
“But you said yourself… we have to try.”
“Maybe.”
We lapsed into that strange silence again, both of us staring at the house through the rain-speckled windscreen. There was a light shining through the curtains of a downstairs window. Either Marcie was waiting up to make sure Rufus arrived home in one piece, or it was Killigan, wanting to give me a bollocking for taking Marcie’s car again when he knew I was uninsured.
“I’ve got a job,” Rufus said randomly. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond. Conversation was not something he and I had ever really done. “Well, Marcie got it for me through a friend of a friend. You know what she’s like.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said dryly. “What’s the job?”
Rufus pulled a face. “Waiting tables. I was supposed to start two days ago, but they agreed to wait until Stefan is found.”
“You don’t sound keen.”
“I’m not, but Killigan said if I don’t take the job and keep it, then I have to move out.”
I laughed. “Sounds like Killigan.”
“Yes, well, I know when I’m onto a good thing. I want to keep living there, so I have to take the stupid job. Eric will find it hilarious, I’m sure,” Rufus grumbled, referring to his ex-boyfriend.
“Did you love him?” I asked curiously.
They’d always seemed such a mismatched pair, even more so than me and Stef. Eric was so quiet and serious, while Rufus was… well… Rufus.
“In my own way, I suppose,” Rufus answered with a shrug.
“But not as much as you love Stef.”
“No, probably not that much, but then I’m vain, self-centred and shallow, Alex. I don’t love anyone as much as I love myself.”
I shot him a sideways look. It was hard to see his expression in the dark. Personally, I was inclined to believe him when he said he was all those things. Then I thought of Stef and how he was always telling me that Rufus could never truly love someone else because he didn’t love himself. That was something I could actually sympathise with. Before meeting Stef, I’d hated who and what I was. I’d hidden behind the façade of a violent, homophobic thug. Maybe behind the flamboyant clothes and make-up, and his gold-digging, self-serving behaviour, there was a side to Rufus that none of us got to see. Probably not though. It was more likely he really was as arrogant and spiteful as he seemed.
“You’d better go inside,” I said, “before they start accusing me of dumping your body in a ditch or something.”
“Is that what you did with Stefan?”
What the ever-loving fuck? Was he serious right now?
“I’m joking,” he added quickly, although he didn’t laugh or smile.
“You’re not funny, Doofus.”
“Too soon?”
“Just get out of my car.”
“It’s not your…”
He must have seen something on my face even in the dark, because he stopped talking and got out of the car without another word.
20
Predictably, Killigan was pissed off with me for taking Marcie’s car. I found that as soon as I bowled into Tony’s kitchen for breakfast the next morning and he was sat there lying in wait. Marcie rolled he
r eyes at me as she handed me a mug of coffee, which I took to mean she was in the bad books as well for giving me the keys.
Dropping into a chair at the large wooden table, I nodded at Rufus and Amanda. He responded in kind. She didn’t. Whatever. I’d get over it. I looked across the table at Killigan.
“Morning.”
“You think you’re so damn clever, don’t you?”
“Uh… no,” I said, laughing. “I’ve been called a lot of things in my time, but clever has never been one of them.”
“Fair enough. We all know you’re not that bright, Alex, so let me spell it out for you.”
Okay. Ouch. But I guess I asked for that. I smirked at him, knowing that would annoy Killigan far more than if I kicked off at him.
“If you’re caught driving without insurance, Marcie will be in as much trouble as you. Is that what you want?”
“No, of course it’s not.”
“Then leave finding Stefan to the experts. You take that car out again and I’ll arrest you myself. Do you understand? Say “yes, Killigan” so that I know we’re clear on this.”
“Yes, Killigan,” I parroted obediently. “Can I go now?”
“Oh, Alex, you haven’t eaten anything yet!” Marcie objected.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get something while I’m out.”
“Alex,” Killigan said in warning. “don’t even think about taking that car.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I answered flippantly. On my way to the door, I stopped next to Marcie and stooped to kiss her cheek. “Thanks Mum.”
Her cheeks went pink and she smiled, making my heart clench. I’d have called her it sooner if I’d known how happy that simple three-letter word was going to make her. Even Killigan looked at us warmly, knowing Marcie thought of all us boys as her sons. He nodded at me, appreciative of the fact I’d made a small gesture to acknowledge everything that Marcie had done for me.
I left them to their breakfast and went outside. There was a chill to the air, but at least it was dry seeing as it looked like I’d be on foot today. Killigan could stop me taking Marcie’s car, but he couldn’t stop me going out searching for Stef.
“Alex.” I turned, surprised to see Rufus chasing after me. He pulled on a purple suede jacket as he ran over to Marcie’s car. “Come on. Get in quick, before Killigan realises the keys are gone.”
“Rufus, what are you doing?”
“He said you couldn’t take the car.” He grinned at me as he climbed into the driving seat. “He never said anything about me.”
“You know he’s going to blame me, don’t you?” I climbed into the passenger seat anyway.
Gravel spewed out behind us as Rufus threw the car into gear and tore out of the driveway like the devil himself was on our heels. Belatedly, I remembered Eric telling me what a terrible driver Rufus and how he bumped or scraped Eric’s car practically every time he went out in it. I gripped the door handle and scowled at him.
“You might want to slow down a bit.”
“I thought we were making a quick getaway.”
He stuck out his bottom lip childishly and I shook my head. If pouting and batting his eyelashes didn’t work for Stef, it sure as Hell wasn’t going to work for Rufus.
“Making a getaway usually involves actually getting away. Alive. Or at least in one piece. I’d settle for one piece,” I said grimly as Rufus hurtled through a junction without bothering to check for other traffic. “Plus, if you crash Marcie’s car, Killigan will kick you out for sure.”
“Shit. He will, won’t he?” Rufus slowed down, his face creasing into a worried frown. “You don’t think he’ll kick me out just for taking the car in the first place, do you?”
“Pull over,” I instructed. “Let me drive. Then, whatever happens, it’s all on me.”
“Really?” Rufus swung the car into the kerb. “You’d do that for me?”
“Yeah, I suppose.” We climbed out of the car and swapped places. I adjusted the seat to better fit my much longer legs and pulled back into the traffic. “You can tell them I kidnapped you if you like. They’d believe it.”
We drove further out than we had the night before, and this time we cruised the caravan parks as well as the hotels and housing estates. There was nothing to be seen. No old Ford Escorts. No Stef conveniently waving for help from a window. No suspicious characters wandering about with baseball caps and sunglasses. But then the guy could take both of things off and I wouldn’t know him from Adam given that was all I had seen of him.
There were a couple of times when we passed a police car and we both tensed, but they carried on without paying us any attention. At least it seemed as though Killigan had not made good on his promise to have me arrested. Then again, if he wanted to do it himself like he said, he was probably waiting until we got home.
“I’m starving,” Rufus said after a while, stretching his arms above his head.
A glance at the clock on the dashboard told me it had gone lunchtime, and neither of us had eaten breakfast so it was no wonder we were hungry. We’d been driving around for hours. I’d have to fill up with petrol shortly too.
“We can stop for something to eat,” I said. “That’s if you’ve got any money.”
“Not exactly.” Rufus looked a bit sheepish. “Marcie might have given me her bank card though.”
“Seriously? When?”
“About the same time that she gave me the car keys behind Killigan’s back and told me to go after you,” Rufus admitted. He pulled the plastic card from his jacket pocket and waggled it in front of me. “So… pub lunch?”
It was another thirty minutes before we found somewhere, a quiet country pub a few miles out of town. The sign outside said food was served all day, so we parked and went inside. I told Rufus to order me a burger and fries and he went to the bar while I found the toilets and took a much needed bathroom break. When I came back out a few minutes later I found us a table in the corner and looked over to the bar where Rufus was still waiting to be served. It was a mystery why it was taking so long given there were only four other guys leaning against the bar and they all had drinks in their hands already. The barman, a young, fair-haired bloke, polished glasses and seemed to be ignoring Rufus even though there was nobody else serving behind the bar.
“Faggot.”
My head jerked in the direction that hateful word had come from. The four guys at the bar seemed to find something amusing. Namely Rufus and his purple hair and jacket. The barman was busy pretending he hadn’t noticed anything was going on.
Rufus stood stock still. I could see he was shaking. Shit like that had to freak him out. He’d been a victim before because of the way he looked. I bet he was just waiting for the punches to start. Well, they wouldn’t. Not this time. Not on my watch. I might not like him much, but he was still part of my hotchpotch family. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt him.
I stood up. The guys at the bar were having so much fun tormenting Rufus they hadn’t even noticed me yet. The one standing closest to Rufus coughed into hand.
“Queer.”
His friends laughed, and Rufus flinched, as though the word had a physical impact as hard as any blow.
“I’m one too,” I said loudly, striding across the bar room to stand next to Rufus. “You want to repeat what you just said to me?”
The guy looked me up and down, his confidence disappearing fast when he saw the size of me. There was four of them and only one of me, but even so, none of them seemed willing to take me on.
“Hey, we don’t want any trouble in here.”
Oh, so now the barman noticed us.
“Nor do we,” I ground out, keeping my gaze firmly on the four guys in front of me in case they changed their minds about jumping me. “We just want something to eat. If we’d known this place was full of homophobic arseholes we wouldn’t have bothered.”
“Now hold on. You can’t go round saying things like that.”
“Oh, what? You mean like on Faceb
ook and Twitter? You’re right. I can’t. Never use them.” I pulled Rufus in front of me. “He can, though. He’s like really good at all that social media crap. I bet he could make this place famous for all the wrong reasons in less than twenty-four hours.”
The barman paled and licked his lips nervously.
“Look, the guys were just messing around. They didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Well, maybe they’d like to apologise,” I growled. “Then we’ll see if my friend here is in a forgiving mood.”
“What’s going on out here?” An older guy appeared behind the bar, his astute stare going from the guys at the bar to me and Rufus and assessing the situation in a matter of seconds. “Darren, what have I told you about your mates coming in here bothering my customers?”
“We were just joking with them, Mr Keane,” one of the men said sullenly. “It’s not our fault if they don’t have a sense of humour.”
Keane, who I assumed was the landlord, turned to face me.
“What did they say to you?”
“Other than calling us faggots and queers?” I shrugged. “Nothing at all.”
His face darkened and the lads at the bar grabbed their pints and took them to a table in the far corner rather than face his anger.
“I’m sorry, lads. They’re a bunch of idiots, the whole lot of them, but that’s no excuse. You shouldn’t have to be subjected to that,” Keane said. I appreciated him saying so, but he wasn’t the one who should be apologising. “What can I get you? It’s on the house.”
I put my hands on Rufus’ shoulders and turned him around to face me. He still looked a little shell-shocked.
“Up to you,” I told him. “You want to stay or go somewhere else?”
“It took us long enough to find this place,” he murmured quietly. “Besides, he said on the house, didn’t he?”
