Invisible Foe

by Ronald Cove

  *

  It was when DI Selby and Plumpkin rejoined DC Willis and me in the car, that we learned from Selby, how some silly bugger had removed the body of the young office girl who’d been murdered earlier, in the Cable factory in Dagenham. “Where’d they take the poor cow?” I asked. “Fucked if I know” came a crisp reply with a hint of frustration, as they each in turn slammed shut their respective back car doors. “So now what?” I tentatively enquired. “I’m buggered if I know, the whole things a bloody cockup, there’s that lot over there” Selby nodded towards Briggs Motor Plant “no bloody night guards” he went on “now this bloody lot let some silly sod of a Doctor order an ambulance to take the dead girls’ body to the bleedin’ ‘ospital, makes yer wonder what the bloody ‘ell’s next” Selby stormed. At this point, I hesitated a moment wondering whether or not I should add a touch more joy to poor old Dave Selby’s joyous day. However I knew he’d eventually have to hear about another balls up we’d made between us. I first paved the way by passing him a cigarette, then softly said, “I don’t suppose yer wanna ‘ear what someone told our lady’s man ‘ere then?” Dear old Dave gave me a discerning look while our lady’s man Willis, at that time seated by my side, elbowed me in the ribs and muttered, “For Christ sake Bill”. Dave leant forward “go on Bill, let’s ‘ave it then” he sighed. Plumpkin also suggested I shouldn’t take my secret to the grave. I therefore reluctantly, roughly repeated what Willis had told me after mingling with the crowd earlier. “Well, it’s like this” I began, gently trying to soften the blow. “Oh for Christ sake get on with it Bill” Selby exploded. “Alright, alright” I yelled back “Now like I was saying, some bloke told Tony he’d seen this feller with a beard carrying a heavy bloody walking stick, this bloke said ‘he’d come out of Briggs River Plant just before them two bloody bombs exploded’. Now I reckon that’s the same bearded warrior Plumpkin tangled with in that bloody tobacconist”. Here, I decided they’d ‘ad enough good news for one day, so was prepared to leave it there, but, when no one else spoke I quickly added, “Well, what d’yer reckon?” I’d hardly got the words out when “What the bloody ‘ell do I reckon?” Selby began, and then went into a long session of polluting the air with a long drawn out string of foul mouth blaspheming.

  25:

  A DISCOVERY

  After entering a rather small dingy room, Martin searched around for a light switch and quickly discovered it didn’t make too much difference to this dismal looking room anyway. He then checked the blackout blind was in place, which somehow he knew would be, thereby keeping this room in permanent darkness day and night. He moved across the tiny room to a double door wardrobe standing against the wall opposite the door. He casually opened both doors and gazed in amazement on finding himself confronted with a cupboard full of military weapons. He considered it to be enough to supply a small army. Having discovered all these goodies made him rush over and immediately lock the room door, which he had carelessly neglected to do when entering. However it wasn’t until Martin got back to sorting through this incredible find, that he began to realise the significance of such an enormous amount of ordnance in a private dwelling. Having closed both wardrobe doors, Martin noticed a suitcase resting on top of said wardrobe. In the event however, decided to leave it for the time being, then glancing around this small dingy room, discovered several similar, if slightly smaller cupboards, where he went on to reveal even more killing devices. It suddenly became quite clear to him that Sally had obviously been ingratiated into this country, before hostilities occurred, and had laid dormant, then moved into the realm of sleeping agent and of course meanwhile had received regular supplies of weaponry. Once hostilities began her roll had changed and she became a friendly landlady, whose clientele would consist of enemy agents to whom she would be in a position to supply with any necessary ordnance they may require.

  Meantime it would seem, that Sally being a very attractive woman, wasn’t adverse to satisfying her sexual needs by entertaining a few of the local military boys in her bed at night. Whether or not she did this for self- satisfaction or indeed in order to ascertain any information they may inadvertently pass on, Martin had no way of knowing.

  *

  By the time us four avenging angels arrived back at our digs in Hornchurch, we were in a right kerfuffle, well that’s to say three of us were. As for DI Selby there’s not a lot I can say really, only that he was in an uncontrollable rage, still raving on about how some bloody Doctor could take it upon himself to have a body removed from a crime scene before we got there. “It’s bloody diabolical what these silly bastards do these bleedin’ days” Selby growled. Naturally both Plumpkin and I stayed well out of his way, knowing from old that Dave Selby could be a bloody hard man to handle when in one of these moods. However, DC Willis eventually took the bull by the ‘do dahs’ so to speak. “Look sir, all the cursing in the bleedin’ world won’t put things right” Willis boldly pointed out. Suddenly all went quiet, Selby’s mouth clamped shut, his eyes first took in Plumpkin’s solemn face, then swung round to me. I gave him a non- committal smile, then Dave’s eyes settled on Willis, and in a flash all the tension disappeared, then Dave Selby said in a controlled voice “You’re bleedin’ right son, I was getting’ carried away with meself for a minute there, sorry about that lads,” he apologised. Some five seconds elapsed before he added, “I noticed neither of my two brave friends step forward to shut me up though”. After which he accepted an offered cigarette from Willis and once again commenced releasing several smoke rings around the room. Both Plumpkin and myself revelled in complete silence.

  It was now Plumpkin’s turn to act as ‘Mother’, so he first wired in setting the table, next making and serving tea all round, followed by a couple of slices of thinly buttered toast each. Now with us all seated at the table DI Dave Selby started enlightening us on just how many ‘cock-ups’ we’d made so far. “Right” he began “for a kick off we’re all invited to first take a very pleasant ride all the way over to Dagenham’s Heathway cinema, where this charming bloke’s chucked somethin’ down an alley alongside this bleedin’ picture ‘ouse, which we’ve been told exploded several minutes later. Now, when asked to describe the perpetrator, they tell us he was about five feet ten inches, ‘ad a well-groomed beard and carried a heavy walking stick, ring any bells so far?” Dave broke off there, downed a mouthful of tea then assassinated half a slice of toast, while we three waited in anticipation. “Now where was I? oh yeah, next Plumpkin ‘ere, who I might add should ‘ave been in charge of this bleedin’ entourage from the start, never mind, he goes waltzing into this bleedin’ tobacconist without any ‘elp from us bleedin’ lot, does a light fantastic with some bleedin’ warrior who is also a proud owner of a heavy walking stick and would yer believe, also has a beard” at this point Dave gave a despairing shake of his head, then executed the second half of his toast before continuing, “ok, next what ‘appens, we all go for a quiet evenings drive to that bloody factory, Briggs Motor Bodies, where some buggers now making a fortune producing of all things, Bren Gun carriers, but low and behold ‘ere again, what do we find? Some buggers preceded us and he’s been kind enough to deliver two bleedin’ bombs onto the River Plants’ assembly line. Then apparently he’d nipped ‘appily across the road, murdered a young defenceless office girl, on top of which he also left them a couple of goodies that exploded sometime after he’d pissed off” Here a sudden gap appeared in Dave’s narrative while he lit a fresh cigarette. The rest of us waited in vain for the inevitable smoke ring, instead a stream of smoke was followed by “and ‘ere of course we all know it took three top-class Scotland Yard detectives and a brilliant MI5 agent to discover this man also sported a well-trimmed beard and need I say, carried a heavy walking stick”. Here Dave’s narrative came to an abrupt end. Three smoke rings then began a journey towards the ceiling. After all this well earned verbal abuse Dave had subjected us to, I looked round at the other two faces, and could quite understand the despondent looks I r
eceived in return. Nevertheless Selby hadn’t quite finished “Well come on yer bunch of bloody ‘alf wits, where d’yer reckon we go from ‘ere?” he invited. As it turned out none of us could think of a bloody thing to say, so we maintained a continuous silence while puffing hard on our cigarettes, that is until our brave glamour boy Willis stepped in with “What I wanna know is where the bleedin’ ‘ell this clown came from in the first place?” At which point his face screwed up and his hands parted in an obvious attempt to express himself. I was about to explain but Selby jumped in first. “Where in Gods’ name yer been son? I thought it was common knowledge by now, this bearded sod is one of them brave bleeders the German high command decided to throw in amongst our boys at Dunkirk. Of course they ‘ad to take their chances on the beach, but those buggers that got through could play havoc in this country whenever they like, and I daresay the bleedin’ country’s flooded with the buggers now” Dave patiently explained. “Yer know I’ve been thinkin’ Dave” Plumpkin butted in, only to be cut short with “I do ‘ope it’s somethin’ sensible this time Jeff” Dave croaked despairingly. “Well, I was thinkin’ ‘ow about another cup of tea?” “Oh for Christ sake, I ought ‘ave known, yer bleedin’ idiot” Dave laughed. And whilst we were all taking the ‘Michael’ out of Plumpkin, it suddenly occurred to me what I would do in the bearded warriors place.

  *

  After hearing the front door downstairs close, Reg. Martin came out of his landlady’s spare room where he’d discovered the substantial hoard of killing devices. Having made sure to lock the door and replace the key on the trolley where he’d found it, he then moved silently along to Sally’s bedroom door, where he stood listening for a moment. When no sound was forthcoming, Martin quickly but silently entered her room and to his amazement found Sally lying stretched out naked on the bed. She turned her head towards him “Ah, I wondered when you’d be along” she said invitingly while patting the bed beside her, thereby implying he should join her. A surprising look slid onto Martins’ face. Sally couldn’t help but laugh. “But you’ve just ‘er’ with those two” he mumbled while nodding back through the door. “So, who’s counting?” Sally defiantly countered. Martin then knew no matter what, he couldn’t refuse this blatant offer and quietly closed the door behind him.

  As Martin slowly undressed, a far off air raid siren began wailing, nevertheless this did not distract him from his task that now lay before him. Later while sitting together in bed smoking, Martin engaged Sally in a long question and answer session, concerning all the bits and pieces he’d discovered in that dingy spare room along the landing, before he’d walked into her bedroom and got lucky.

  26:

  A ROOM GOES MISSING

  Anti-aircraft guns were continuously coughing high explosive shells skywards at a group of persistent Dornier bombers as they constantly pressed home their attack on Hornchurch aerodrome, while three brave ex-soldiers, now detectives, stood in the dark outside our rented flat’s front door, making idiotic comments about how we’d have handled this situation in the last war. Plumpkin voted for a six-man squad of rapid firing riflemen, to engage this well out of range enemy. Where as I on the other hand, favoured one man with a German modern Mauser sniper’s rifle. “Yep, that should do it” I said confidently. It was however Dave Selby, who once again pointed out the errors of our ways. “Yer pair of bleedin’ dummies, don’t yer know things ‘ave changed since the first lot? First off, them bloody things fly well out of rifle range, and what’s more them buggers would laugh at our feeble attempts to ground them” Dave cut our hopes down with these few chosen words of wisdom. “Yeah, you’re bloody right Dave” I admitted. Plumpkin stubborn as ever wouldn’t agree. “Well I don’t know Dave, half a dozen good riflemen, who could say” he persisted. “Yeah right mate, they’re flying at twenty thousand feet, good on yer” Dave capitulated, at the same time giving me a nod and whispering “‘he’s fuckin’ nuts.’” “When d’yer find that out?” I replied. As the gun fire eased off slightly, DC Willis rejoined us. “Is that young lady alright Tony?” Selby asked referring to Willis’s landlady who he’d popped in to see was ok. “Oh yeah, she is now” Willis replied with a broad grin. “Yer lecherous bleeder” Selby retorted. Then as an afterthought he added, “I ‘ope to Christ that buggers firing blanks, otherwise Hornchurch is gonna be runnin’ alive with a lot of snotty nose little bastards!” However, as the all clear started groping its way through the atmosphere, we all stepped back inside. That’s when I remembered what I’d been thinking of earlier. “Yeah that’s it!” I suddenly exclaimed. “What’s it?” Dave chimed in. “Well Dave I’ve been tryin’ to work out exactly what our bearded friend will do next,” I said with a wide grin covering my face. “Christ mate, I thought that bloody obvious, he’ll keep movin’ about and go on makin’ us bleedin’ lot look even more stupid than some of us really are”. While saying these encouraging words, Dave gave a casual glance in Plumpkin’s direction. “No, you misunderstand, see, I’m thinkin’ what would I do in his place? I reckon for a start I’d get rid of that bloody fungus round me face, then unless that walkin’ cane is a weapon of sorts, I’d lose that too. Anyway whatever, I reckon the bugger will definitely change his lodgings” I made this statement while giving it a considerable amount of thought. Needless to say it was Plumpkin who stepped in next with “Yeah right, I can understand choppin’ off that useless growth of ‘air under ‘is nose, but why get rid of ‘is third leg? After all, almost everyone carries a bleedin’ stick these days. As for changin’ ‘is bleedin’ lodgings, don’t make sense to me” and so ended Plumpkin’s observation on the matter.

  I first glanced at Plumpkin, then to DI Selby with raised eyebrows. “You’re bloody right mate, he’s nuts” I whispered, thereby agreeing with Dave’s earlier statement. I then turned back to address Plumpkin. “Look mate, ‘e ‘as to lose that particular stick because it’s recognisable and associated with ‘im. For instance ‘ow many times ‘ave we been told our man carries a heavy walkin’ stick?” I then waited, no response came back from Plumpkin, so I continued “yer see instead ‘e could maybe carry a straight polished cane” I told him, hoping I’d settled that part of any argument at least. Nevertheless, in return I received a somewhat begrudging “Yeah, suppose yer could be right”. To which I replied “Oh thanks” I then continued to explain why our bearded man should change his lodgings.

  *

  It was whilst Reg. Martin carefully removed his beard, then expertly trimmed his moustache, that his landlady explained how she had acquired so much military ordnance, which he, Martin, had discovered earlier. “Well you see, a lot of those bits and pieces were already up there when I moved in early last year, and once or twice a month ever since, this rugged-looking lorry driver pops in with an odd box or two” She thoughtfully informed him. “I see, so that means you’ve been running a lodging house full of high explosives and with one or two other deadly weapons lying about” Martin summed up. “Have I?” Sally answered in mock ‘little girl innocence’. “Yes, I’m afraid you have my darling, and of course, you know what that means don’t you?” Martin asked in a knowing way. “No, what does it mean?” Sally naively asked. “Well, with the one or two incidents I’ve been involved in recently, I’ve suddenly become a liability to you” Martin stated, hoping Sally would see the logic in what was obvious. “Yes but how can that make any difference? After all, that stuff has been up there a long time, and besides, we’re the only ones who know about it” she argued. “Well that means so far you’ve been lucky, but now if one of those special branch men cotton onto me and chance to follow me back here, sooner or later they will eventually search this house, and that my love will be the end of you,” Martin patiently went on to explain. After which he allowed a minute or two of silence to elapse before asking Sally if she could remember who delivered the case that lay on top of the large wardrobe.

  “Oh yes, I certainly do, that same rugged bugger who brought the rest of the stuff, he spoke like a real cockne
y, but I’m sure he originates from Minden, Germany” Sally happily revealed. Martin gave this a moments’ thought “The reason I ask is because I’ve got it in mind that somewhere up there” he gestured upstairs “You must have a bundle of small arms stashed away somewhere, and that case is the only place I didn’t look, and from now on I think I’d be well advised to carry a revolver with me, anyway I’ll take a further look up there later” Martin concluded.

  *

  “Don’t yer see?” I once again began to repeat myself, having already gone through my well thought out scenario and been argued down by my dear old pal Plumpkin. “‘E must know we ‘ave a bloody good description of ‘im now, so if we get onto where ‘e’s lodging, ‘e must realise the game would be up, for ‘im and all ‘is playmates, yer know, the buggers’ supplying ‘im with them bloody grenades and whatnots” I once again explained solely for Plumpkin’s benefit. “Wouldn’t ‘e ‘ave brought a few of them bloody grenades with im?” Plumpkin put forward in some doubt. Then by way of a change, DI Selby took over “Don’t be a bloody dim wit all yer bleedin’ life Jeff” he first raved, then carrying his reasoning forward, lowering the tone of his voice and saying “look me ol; mate, this bugger may well ‘ave brought a few bits with ‘im, but chances are, place where ‘e’s lodgin’, probably overloaded with all sorts of military paraphernalia, and that’s where this buggers supplies are constantly coming from. Now ‘ave yer got all that?” Selby forcefully stressed the point. Plumpkin was about to say something, but again was forced to remain silent as DC Willis took a turn at waggling his tongue. “Yeah, I can see what yer getting’ at, once we’ve nabbed ‘im, a quick search round ‘is lodgings and Bobs yer bleedin’ uncle, the whole bleedin’ lot would be exposed!” Willis knowingly yet needlessly informed us. “Must say that didn’t take us too bloody long to work that out” Selby added for good measure, and also puttin’ an end to some brilliantly thought out deductive work.