Changes

by Ama Ata Aidoo

  ‘So back to my question, and forgive me for harassing you, but Esi, what are you going to do now? After all, you are human. You must get lonely sometimes?’

  ‘You are not harassing me. Besides, who else do I have who would discuss things so openly and patiently with me? I’m definitely human and I most certainly feel lonely sometimes. Often. But what can I do about it?’

  ‘Really, why throw away a perfectly good husband for the loneliness of a single woman’s life?’

  ‘Opokuya, please don’t you also treat me like a child. Just a little while ago, when I said that I had always thought Kubi was a good husband, you nicely shut me up. It is beginning to look as if the nicest husband is always the one someone else is living with, no?’ And each of them was shocked that the thought had finally become words.

  ‘Say that again, my sister,’ agreed Opokuya. ‘But mind you,’ she thought she should seize the calmness in the discussion at that point, and press home an idea, ‘unlike so many cities abroad, there isn’t much here that a single woman can do to relieve the loneliness and boredom of the long hours between the end of the working day and sleep.’

  ‘You mean when a single woman is actually living alone?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You can say that again. It is even more frightening to think that our societies do not admit that single women exist. Yet …’

  ‘Yet what?’

  ‘Single women have always existed here too,’ she said with some wonder.

  ‘Oh yes. And all over the continent

  ‘Women who never managed to marry early enough.’

  ‘Or at all. Widows, divorcees.’

  ‘I wonder what happened to such women.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Think about it carefully.’

  ‘I am sure that as usual, they were branded witches.’ Esi said, laughing.

  ‘Don’t laugh Esi, it’s serious. You may be right. Because it is easy to see that our societies have had no patience with the unmarried woman. People thought her single state was an insult to the glorious manhood of our men. So they put as much pressure as possible on her -’

  ‘- until she gave in and married or remarried, or went back to her former husband.’

  ‘And of course if nothing cured her they ostracised her and drove her crazy.’

  ‘And then soon enough, she died of shame, loneliness and heartbreak.’

  At this point, both Esi and Opokuya burst out laughing again. Almost hysterically. As they calmed down Opokuya said, ‘Esi, it’s not funny,’ and Esi said, Opokuya, it’s not funny.’

  ‘But Opokuya,’ Esi resumed the discussion, ‘how come you know so much about these problems? After all you’ve been happily married all your adult life.’

  ‘Happily married, eh? I’ll let that too pass. Have you forgotten that I have been a nurse and midwife over the period under discussion? Esi, in that profession, with that kind of specialisation, no one can prevent herself from learning about women and human beings generally. In fact, people oppress you with information. And what they don’t tell you, you easily stumble on.’

  ‘Oh yes, I see what you mean … Opokuya, what can I do?’

  ‘Ah-h-h! Now listen to who is asking what!’ Opokuya was enjoying her triumph.

  ‘Please be serious.’

  ‘I am always serious … What do you think you can do?’ ‘There was a problem lying in the bush,

  ‘You went and dragged it into your house.’

  Esi could hear her grandmother singing. Then, almost to herself, ‘I’m sure there’ll be no solution for me. Unless I meet a man who is prepared to accept my lifestyle.’

  ‘Your lifestyle? Esi, if you continue in that way, you will get into trouble. Because, my dear, no man is totally going to accept your lifestyle.’

  ‘So what do I do with my loneliness?’

  ‘You don’t know what loneliness is.’

  ‘Opoku …’

  ‘Ah, but you. Did you really think you were lonely? My sister, you don’t know. What I was going to say though is that, if you really were lonely, and you wanted to do something about it badly enough, you would know what to do.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Ah. I thought you people who go to universities know and understand everything.’

  ‘Now you are being nasty.’

  ‘Forgive me, my sister. I didn’t mean it like that.’

  ‘So what was all that leading to?’

  ‘Simple. You just can’t have everything your way, and not expect to be lonely, at least some of the time.’

  After that, they both fell silent for a while.

  ‘No, you can’t, Esi,’ Opokuya said, as if there had been no pause. ‘No matter what anybody says, we can’t have it all. Not if you are a woman. Not yet.’

  Our society doesn’t allow it.’

  ‘Esi, no society on this earth allows that.’

  ‘Oh Lord.’

  ‘I know I’m beginning to sound disagreeable. But I thought it was clear that whatever other faults he may have, which of course I wouldn’t know about, Oko loved you and wanted your marriage to work.’

  On his terms.’

  ‘It had to be on someone’s terms.’

  ‘Why not on mine?’

  ‘Why are you now being so childish, eh? Our people have said that for any marriage to work, one party has to be a fool.’

  ‘And they really mean the woman, no?’

  ‘Naturally.’

  They both burst out laughing again.

  ‘I knew it,’ exclaimed Esi.

  ‘That’s how life is.’

  ‘Well, I’m having none of it. P-e-r-i-o-d.’

  ‘Esi, if you really looked around at the world of husbands, wouldn’t you admit that Oko wasn’t that bad?’ Then almost laughing again, ‘You should have tried harder to squeeze out some time for him.’

  ‘How? How could I have done more than I did as a wife and a mother, and still be able to compete on an equal basis with my male colleagues in terms of my output? How can I do more than I’m already doing and compete effectively for promotion, travel opportunities and other side-benefits of the job?’

  Opokuya couldn’t contain her patience any longer: ‘Esi, Esi, Esi! … What kind of talk is this? Ah. So you gave extra time to your job. You did the necessary travelling and attended the necessary conferences. You competed effectively and got promoted. Now look at what has happened to your marriage. Where does that leave you?’

  They fell into another trough of silence, because they had both been mildly shocked by Opokuya’s outburst. Opokuya herself was wondering what had gotten into her, and hadn’t she gone too far? Esi was thinking that she didn’t know Opokuya cared that much, and could Opokuya — and therefore everybody else — be right and she wrong? And in spite of her doubts, Opokuya couldn’t keep quiet anyway.

  ‘Your male colleagues have still got their wives?’ she said almost angrily.

  ‘Not to mention the odd girlfriend or two,’ Esi added.

  ‘I’m glad you realise that yourself, eh? And of course their wives and girlfriends are still waiting for them to come back home from more conferences … And where is your husband?’

  There was another long silence. Then Esi spoke.

  ‘Opokuya, I don’t think I’m beginning to regret anything. But in fact, considering how much I put in my job … sometimes I even take home data to analyse! I never get that much from it, not half as much as those men … and even with the promotion, they passed me over a couple of times

  ‘Now, stop. How do you know I want to hear all of that?’

  ‘Why is life so hard on the professional African woman?’ Esi asked, her voice showing that she was a little puzzled.

  But Opokuya wasn’t having any of her self-pity. So she countered rather heavily. ‘Why is life so hard on the nonprofessional African woman? Eh? Esi, isn’t life even harder for the poor rural and urban African woman?’

  ‘I think life is just hard on w
omen,’ Esi agreed, trying to calm Opokuya down.

  ‘But remember it is always harder for some other women somewhere else,’ Opokuya insisted. Both of them sighed.

  Esi opened her mouth to say something, then she clapped it quickly shut, opened her eyes wide and exclaimed in a whisper, ‘Opokuya, look who is here!’

  ‘Who ... who?’ Opokuya asked, looking frantically around. But of course, there was no way she could easily have spotted the object of Esi’s excited attention, since she hadn’t met him before. Esi on her part was following him with her eyes as he, just as she had earlier, went straight up to the front desk. She tried not to stare too hard. But there was no doubt that she was interested in whoever he was. Finally, Opokuya said, with something like awe in her voice, ‘You mean that one?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Do you know him?’

  ‘Yes. That’s Ali. Kondey. Ali Kondey.’

  Ali too had seen Esi the moment he entered the lobby. And although he had gone to the reception truly to make inquiries about a business associate he was expecting, he was also conscious of the need for him to use that time to recover from the extreme agitation that had attacked him at the sight of Esi. Then he was walking towards where the two friends were sitting.

  As he got nearer their table, he extended his right arm. ‘A-llo, Esi.’

  ‘Hello, Ali,’ said Esi, somewhat tremulously.

  ‘How nice to see you.’

  ‘I thought you were out of the country.’

  ‘Actually, since we last met, I’ve been in and out more than once.’

  ‘You are hardly a resident here.’

  ‘I know, it’s the fault of my job.’

  Both of them suddenly remembered that Opokuya was around.

  Oh, Ali, meet my friend Mrs Opokuya Dakwa. Opoku, Mr Ali Kondey.’

  ‘Hello, Mr Kondey.’

  ‘Hello.’

  Esi came back to Ali, ‘Would you like to join us?’

  Much of All’s charm poured out. ‘You know I would love to,’ he said, ‘but I’ve got a guest here from across the border, and we are having a little conference in his room. In fact, I just spoke to him from the desk. He is expecting me.’

  ‘That’s okay then,’ Esi squeaked, her voice gone even thinner.

  ‘Still, it is a shame I can’t join you,’ Ali added. ‘But could I please phone you sometime during the coming week, Esi?’

  Esi said that that would be fine. Ali thanked her, adding that it was a pleasure meeting Opokuya. Then he was gone.

  ‘God, he is gorgeous,’ breathed Opokuya, as soon as she was sure Ali wouldn’t hear her.

  Esi agreed that Ali was handsome. Then with enormous surprise, Opokuya noticed that Esi’s eyes were sparkling. She stayed quiet for a fraction of a second, and then asked Esi easily if she did not know Ali Kondey rather well.

  ‘Sort of,’ Esi said, not so easily.

  ‘So what is this rubbish lonely-hearts line you’ve been serving me? And there was idiot me trying so hard to console you. Hah! Hah! Hah!’ Opokuya had pretended to be angry and ended up laughing. Esi giggled.

  ‘Please, Opoku.’

  ‘Please my foot. I just caught you out. That’s all.’

  ‘You see, it wasn’t something I thought I could talk easily about, even to you.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘Not really … it’s true he’s been showing a lot of interest. Bringing me all sorts of gifts from his travels. Stuff like that. But I’ve been trying not to encourage him.’

  ‘Why not? After all, if you are leaving Oko or you have already left him, then you might as well take an insurance policy.’

  ‘Opoku, you are not being nice. And in any case, you know I’m not at all smart in these things.’

  ‘Esi, I know nothing. In fact, I’m beginning to think I don’t know anything about you.’

  ‘Oh, don’t say that. Besides, the situation is quite complicated.’

  ‘How? … There is a wife?’

  ‘Opoku …’

  ‘Ah, but you. Did you really think you were lonely? My sister, you don’t know. What I was going to say though is that, if you really were lonely, and you wanted to do something about it badly

  Esi sighed rather audibly, ‘There is.’

  Opokuya heard the sigh, and became immediately concerned, ‘You like him, heh?’

  ‘Very very much.’

  ‘I don’t blame you. He looks good enough to eat.’

  Opokuya suggested it really was time they went home. Esi agreed. Just as she had expected, Opokuya was feeling a little drowsy after the alcohol, and more than a little uneasy about her husband and the fact that she’d been away from her home for so long, and unexpectedly. Besides, both she and Esi were tired from the intensity of the discussion. They beckoned the waiter who had been serving them throughout the evening, and when he came, they asked for their bill. After they had settled that, they picked up their handbags, went out of the hotel lobby and into Esi’s car.

  In the end, they never managed to leave the hotel together. Opokuya saw Kubi long before he saw her. She followed their vehicle with her eyes, as he pulled in looking for parking space. When she asked Esi to stop, Esi wouldn’t switch off the engine.

  ‘Why are you in such a hurry? Stay and say hello to Kubi.’

  ‘No,’ said Esi, almost in a panic.

  ‘You think he’ll quiz you about Oko?’ She had read Esi’s mind.

  ‘Yes,’ it was another confession. ‘And I couldn’t go through with it, not now.’

  Opokuya thought they should both meet Kubi so that Esi could say a quick hello. It would make it easier for her to explain how she had managed to spend an entire evening at the hotel, although the fact that she had had to was not even her fault. Almost immediately, they saw him driving towards them. Opokuya moved quickly and went to stand in the vehicle’s path. Kubi screeched to a stop.

  ‘Opokuya, you scared me!’ Kubi protested to a laughing Opokuya.

  ‘You must stop playing dangerous and childish games.’

  ‘Hello Kubi,’ said Esi to a very surprised Kubi. He returned the greeting. But before he knew what was happening, Esi had said something like, ‘See you, Opokuya,’ and just gone off.

  Kubi remembered that there were other cars behind him, so he moved the car forward.

  ‘I’m very sorry,’ Kubi offered in response to a question Opokuya had not asked aloud. ‘And in any case, I had told you this morning that we were going to have a meeting. These days, you should know how these budgetary meetings are.’

  ‘A reference to my new position at the hospital, no doubt?’ ‘Well, why not?’

  Opokuya decided that getting angry wouldn’t do any good. But she still could not help asking whether his budgetary meeting had really gone on until nearly nine o’clock in the evening.

  ‘No, not really. But it was still quite late when we finally finished — maybe around seven — and I had thought by then you would have found your way home …’ There was no doubt that now his voice was asking a question.

  ‘Actually, Esi and I bumped into one another, so we sat and had a chat. I kept hoping that sooner or later, you would come

  Kubi thought he had better not say what he was going to say. That surely Esi too had a husband and a child, and shouldn’t she have tried to go home earlier to take care of her household? They were both silent all the way home; which was extremely frustrating for both of them. Kubi had been looking forward all evening to asking Opokuya about her time with his sister — as an excuse to voice more boldly his objection to her proposed trip to her mother’s.

  Opokuya too had looked forward to telling him about her time with his sister. How Connie had assured her that ‘all would be fine for the kids to come ... of course. And anyway, what is this business of coming all the way here just to ask whether the children could stay with me while you are away? Isn’t my house their home …? You shouldn’t worry about a thing. You can go away whenever it is convenient for you.’

&
nbsp; She had also wanted to tell Kubi the latest news about Esi and Oko. Somewhat uncertainly this time. She knew Kubi wouldn’t like that. Although their friendship was older than their marriage, she and Esi had also been lucky to have married men who got on rather well, and genuinely liked one another’s wife. In fact, because Esi was still in the university when Opokuya and Kubi got married, Kubi had always treated Esi more or less like a younger sister, with openly demonstrated affection. So that if Opokuya hadn’t been such a confident woman she would have found it difficult not to be jealous of the relationship between her husband and her friend. Not to mention the fact that Esi and Kubi spoke the same language. Opokuya’s first language was supposed to be only a dialect of the same language. But the version in their part of the country had lost or rather gained from its contact with the majority language of that region. So it had become a little foreign. When Esi and Kubi spoke she understood a whole lot. But it was never enough to enable her to catch the nuances behind their words — especially when they spoke fast. However, she had long ago told herself that she already had enough problems to cope with. What would happen to her if she started suspecting her husband and her best and only real friend? Such things happened of course. But Esi and Kubi?

  Having sorted that out with herself, life had in fact been quite easy. She was able to enjoy both her friend and her husband, content to leave each day to take care of its unpredictable self, as far as ‘all that’ was concerned.

  Opokuya’s decision to trust her husband had paid off in other ways. She never let herself worry about Kubi’s chronic lateness; whether it had to do with normal office affairs, or indeed, any kind of affair or affairs. For instance, he could be taking a woman or women with him on his bush trips. She was aware that most men in his position did. Again, she had taken some time to think seriously through it. The only conclusion she had arrived at about that too was that, short of insisting on going with him on every trip, a very silly and unlikely thing for her to do, she would never know the truth. So again she had asked herself, why worry about it?