Slave to Sensation p-1

by Nalini Singh

  “We found something on our land.” His voice was low. “Our first instinct was to kill but since your scent is all over her, I thought you might be interested.”

  “Sascha.” Lucas stared at Hawke. “A cardinal Psy?”

  “Yes.”

  “Where is she?” A cold sweat threatened to break out over his entire body. He hadn’t felt such terror since he’d been a boy watching his parents die. In their current mood, the wolves were likely to gut her while he spoke with Hawke.

  “Not far.” Hawke wasn’t moving. “Who is she?”

  Hawke didn’t need to know that Sascha had been the possible leak Lucas had warned him about. “The one who might get us into the PsyNet.” His beast was shoving at the walls of his mind, desperate to get to her.

  Hawke’s eyes watched Lucas without blinking. “If I find out you’ve lied to me, cat, all bets are off.”

  Lucas allowed a growl to roll up from his throat. “Don’t threaten me on my own lands, wolf.” He knew Hawke was dangerous but so was he and the other alpha couldn’t be allowed to forget that. “Where is she?”

  “Follow me.” Hawke loped off. After several minutes of solid running that would’ve winded even other changelings, they stopped by a car parked at the end of a hidden lane.

  Even from this far away Lucas could smell her. “You left her alone?”

  “Would you rather I left her with my pack?” Hawke opened the back passenger-side door. “She’s damn lucky it was Indigo who spotted her—the others would’ve executed her on sight.”

  Lucas saw Sascha’s slumped form on the seat and felt fury arc through him. “What did you do to her?” Reaching inside, he lifted her in his arms. Her body was limp but she was breathing. Relief almost broke him and it was then that the last pieces of understanding shoved through to his conscious mind. Of course Sascha smelled of him—she was his.

  “Nothing. She was found like this in her car.” Hawke closed the door. “We hacked open the onboard computer—it was programmed to head into your forests until the engine ran out of power. She must’ve miscalculated. It crossed the border from your lands into mine before stopping.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me. I’ll kill her same as any other Psy if Brenna dies.” Hawke’s eyes held a cold promise.

  Lucas stepped back with Sascha in his arms, admitting to himself that his loyalty now belonged to her. “She’s never betrayed us. We’ll fight to keep her safe.” It was a declaration of intent. Touch Sascha and DarkRiver would rise against the SnowDancers, destroying the peace they’d worked so hard to achieve.

  Hawke went still. “Mated to a Psy, panther?”

  Lucas had only now realized the truth—he wasn’t about to share it with a wolf. “Don’t move against the Psy without talking to us.”

  Hawke stared at him for a long, icy moment. “Don’t let me down. Brenna’s been gone over thirty-six hours already. The single reason I’m letting you run this is because you have a head start. If DarkRiver fails, we take over.”

  “DarkRiver doesn’t have a habit of failing.”

  The second he walked into the house with Sascha in his arms, things went to hell in a handbasket. Rina hissed and her claws popped out. Nate moved protectively to cover Tamsyn, who clearly didn’t want to be protected. Even a recently returned Kit jumped to his feet.

  Strangely enough, it was Dorian who came forward.

  “What happened? Is she injured?” His concern was as clear as it was unexpected.

  “Did the Psy hurt her?” Tamsyn said from around Nate, who was refusing to let her pass. She kicked him but he didn’t move. “Let me go, Nate. She’s my friend.”

  “She was found unconscious in SnowDancer lands.” Lucas took her to the huge wooden table in the center of the kitchen and laid her down.

  “And she’s alive?” Kit asked, incredulous. “Why didn’t they tear her to pieces?”

  “I told them she might just be our entry into the PsyNet.” Lucas wondered if despite Nate and Dorian’s vows mere hours ago, he was going to have to fight his own pack to protect her. It would rip him apart. His loyalty had always been to Pack. Only ever to Pack. Until now.

  “What happened to her boot?” Nate frowned. “It looks like most of mine.”

  “That’s because Julian decided it tasted good.” Tamsyn finally succeeded in getting out from behind him but it was because Nate had let her go. The healer walked over to the table and placed her hands over Sascha’s body before closing her eyes. She didn’t open them for several minutes. “I’ve never had a Psy patient so I don’t quite know how to read her patterns. From what I can see, she’s in a deep, deep sleep. It’s almost like a coma.”

  “Will she wake?” The panther’s desperation was turning into a kind of numbed pain. If he’d only understood who she was to him earlier, she might not have been hurt.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Could this have been an attack against her by the Psy?” Lucas looked at her lying there and suddenly realized how fragile she was. The Psy were physically much more delicate than changelings but they made up for it with the powers of their mind. Take that away and they were the most breakable of beings.

  “It’s possible but she’s simply too different for me to make an accurate judgment.” Tamsyn pushed back the tendrils of hair escaping Sascha’s braid and looked at Lucas. “Why would they attack her and leave her alive?”

  “Why would a Psy program her car to go into the most dangerous territory in the state?”

  No one had any answers.

  CHAPTER 14

  Since the beds in the house were taken, it was decided to leave Sascha on the table where Tamsyn and the sentinels could keep an eye on her throughout the night. They found some blankets and placed them under her, along with a pillow for her head. Lucas covered her with a soft throw after removing her boots.

  “Let her sleep.” Tamsyn checked Sascha’s pulse. “If she doesn’t stir by tomorrow, then… I don’t know what we’ll do. Do we call the Psy? What if they’re the ones who did this?” She shook her head and leaned against Nate. “Would Sascha want them to see her like this?”

  Lucas didn’t answer. He should’ve been concentrating on the safety of his pack but his attention was on the female lying before him. She was in a world he couldn’t enter, a woman he couldn’t protect. Just like he hadn’t been able to protect another woman he’d loved.

  Even after all this time, he couldn’t remember his mother’s laughter without remembering her screams. Young and weak, he’d watched her fall in a fury of claws and teeth, watched the brilliant light of her life splutter out. Vengeance had cooled the blazing anger inside him but Lucas knew the scars were for always, markers to the lost lives of his healer mother and sentinel father. Those scars had hardened him, but today he’d discovered that they couldn’t protect against everything.

  Sascha had somehow become firmly lodged inside him, a vibrant presence in the heart of hearts where only a mate could go. Now her light, too, was flickering in a storm he couldn’t block, danger he couldn’t even see. His helplessness devastated him. He was furious at fate for giving him a mate he couldn’t keep safe. Perhaps that was why he’d been willfully blind to a truth the panther had known from the start—he hadn’t wanted to suffer as he’d done once before, hadn’t wanted to bleed his heart’s blood.

  “You will wake up,” he ordered in a harsh whisper, his voice holding the rough edge of a growl. He had no intention of losing what he’d barely found.

  Hours passed. They watched. They waited. Birds began to wake but no Psy swooped down on them. It appeared the SnowDancers had kept their word and that whatever had happened to Sascha, it hadn’t been because the Council had learned she was helping them.

  Nervous mothers started to relax but the soldiers remained on high alert. Just as the sky began to lighten, Sascha stirred. Lucas ordered everyone but Nate and Tamsyn out of the kitchen.

  Her eyes opened and she stared up at the ceiling
for several seconds before sitting up. “How did I get here?”

  “The SnowDancers found you in their territory and I brought you here.” He wanted to bare his teeth and mark her. Now that he understood, he had no desire to fight the primitive urges of his beast.

  “What? I was supposed to stop in your lands.” She went to push back her hair and froze. “You undid my braid.”

  “Yes.” The single word was full of possessiveness.

  She looked bewildered and it was the first time he’d ever seen any Psy look that way. “May I have some water?”

  Tamsyn was already holding out a glass. Taking it from her, Sascha drank it down. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” Tamsyn took the glass back and her eyes met Lucas’s. “Maybe I should check on the others.”

  “Yes.”

  Nate frowned but heard the message. A minute later, Lucas was alone in the kitchen with Sascha. Leaning forward, he did something he’d been aching to do since she’d woken. He lifted her up into his arms and sat down in a chair with her cradled in his embrace.

  She froze. “What are you doing?”

  “Holding you.” He breathed in the scent of her, tangling one hand in the curls at her waist. “I thought you were dying. You can’t die.”

  As if she understood the anguish he’d gone through, she placed a slender hand hesitantly against his chest and tucked her head under his chin. “I think I was in a deep sleep state. My body is now functioning normally.”

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I can smell a lie.” He felt her tremble in his arms and every protective urge he had surged to the surface. “Speak to me, darling.”

  “I’ll help you,” she whispered. “I’ll help you find the killer, give you everything I have.”

  There was a depth of conviction in her voice that hadn’t been there earlier. “Why?”

  “I have to be at my apartment by noon,” she said, in place of an answer. “That was when I told Mother I’d be back from a trip to see an out-of-town architect with you.”

  “We’ll get you there.” He squeezed her tight, feeding the need in him, the need for her. “Tell me what happened. I’m not going to stop asking.”

  “I lost control of my body,” she said softly. “I’ve been having problems for months. They always passed without major incident, but this time, it was like my entire system short-circuited. I headed for your lands because I thought I’d be safe from Psy eyes there.”

  “You need to be seen by a doctor.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “No one can know that I’m starting to crack.”

  “It sounds like a physical problem, not a mental one.”

  “It isn’t. I… felt things, Lucas. Things that drove me to unconsciousness. This is coming from my mind.” Her hand clenched against his chest. “If they find out…”

  He wasn’t happy with her not seeing a doctor but knew he had little choice if she’d made up her mind—he’d never had reason to track down a doctor who’d treat Psy patients in confidence. It was something he was going to make it his business to find out. “How’re you feeling now?”

  “Fine. But I want to shower.”

  “All right.” He continued to hold her. Her hunger for touch was so strong, it tore at him. “Sascha, I know you’re not like other Psy.” It was time to get the truth out into the open.

  Her hand slapped over his mouth. “Don’t ever say that out loud. Ever. If you have any… care for me, don’t even think it.” Fear vibrated in her voice. “If anyone overhears, it’ll mean my death.”

  He kissed the palm of her hand and watched the night sky of her eyes darken in confusion. She jerked the hand away. “You’ll have to talk about it soon.”

  “I know.” She sat up, pushing away from him. “I’m breaking apart, but before I do, I’ll help you.”

  “Breaking apart?”

  “Madness.” Her voice was so soft, he almost didn’t catch the word. “I’m going insane. There’s no more hiding from it—I might as well go down in a blaze of glory.” Her eyes met his. “Will you promise me one thing?”

  “What do you want?”

  “When the madness breaks me, I want you to kill me. Quickly, cleanly, without mercy.”

  His heart stopped. “No.”

  “You must,” she said, her tone urgent. “If you don’t, they’ll turn me into the walking dead. Promise.”

  He had no intention of killing her. But he could prevaricate as well as the next feline. “I’ll kill you if you give in to insanity.” No matter what her fears, there was no hint of mental sickness in her. None. He would’ve smelled the acrid scent of decay where he only smelled life and hope.

  Sascha walked into the living room after her shower and came face-to-face with a leopard male she had every reason to fear. “Hello, Dorian.”

  He stared at her with those eyes of such pure blue it was impossible to believe the darkness that lurked within. “You did something to me.” It wasn’t an accusation but a statement of fact. The anger she’d expected was there, but it was a simmering shadow deep inside, not directed at her.

  “I don’t know what I did, if I did anything,” she told him, her heart in her throat. She’d convinced herself that she’d imagined the entire incident, that it had been part of the encroaching madness. But what if…?

  Dorian touched her cheek with his fingertips. Not used to touch from anyone but Lucas, she flinched. His eyes narrowed and he dropped the hand. “No touching?”

  “I’m not changeling.” She knew it sounded cold but how else could she explain? “Something so easy for you is… difficult for me.”

  To her surprise, he reached out to cup her face between his palms as he looked down into her eyes. “I want to see inside you,” he said. “I want to see if you have a heart, a soul.”

  “I wish you could, too.” She wasn’t so sure herself. Had it been burned out of her during conditioning?

  “Dorian.” Lucas’s voice came from her back, startling her. There was a thread of warning in his tone but he didn’t interrupt. Not that it mattered. His power was in the air he breathed, in the scent of his skin. He was alpha and she was starting to understand what that really meant.

  “I wasn’t hurting you, was I, Sascha?” Dorian dropped his hands.

  She felt his need, his anguish, his guilt. Taking a step forward, she put a hesitant hand on his shoulder. “You only hurt yourself.” The knot of his pain was tight and growing tighter every day. She worried it would explode if he didn’t start letting it go. “Stop it, Dorian. Stop punishing yourself for a monster’s crime.”

  His lashes swept down and when his eyes opened again, he let her see the bloody edge of the fury that drove him. “Not until he’s dead. Then we’ll talk about it.”

  Sascha let go of his shoulder and turned to look at Lucas, a silent plea in her eyes. He shook his head. No one could help Dorian until he was willing.

  “Ready to go?” Lucas asked.

  She smoothed a hand over her suit, which Tamsyn had ironed for her, and nodded. “Yes.” Fear crawled in from the corners of her mind. Enrique had likely left his spies around. He’d find her the second she walked back in. “I need to have something to give them since I was supposedly with you overnight. They’ll expect me to have learned at least one fact.”

  Lucas walked closer and though he wasn’t touching her, she felt the pressure of his presence. It was as if her body knew his, as if it was reaching out to embrace him though they’d only ever kissed once. Looking into that savage face with its slashing marker, she wondered whether he could see into the torment of her heart.

  “Can you stall?” He touched his finger to her cheek, running it down her neck before sliding his hand over her arm to link their fingers together.

  Dorian moved to stand in front of them. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m supposed to be a spy,” Sascha said, frayed enough to be blunt. “Part of my mission was to gat
her as much firsthand information about changelings as I could, and feed it to my mother and Councilor Enrique.”

  “How do we know you haven’t been doing exactly that?” demanded a female voice from the doorway.

  Sascha met Rina’s hostile gaze. “You don’t. You have no way of tracking the PsyNet.”

  The blonde came to a standstill, beside Dorian. “No lies, Psy?” Her eyes flicked nervously to Lucas even as she spoke.

  Lucas’s fingers tightened on Sascha’s hand. “Are you questioning my judgment, Rina?”

  “Are you sure you have any?” Rina’s voice held defiance. “You brought a Psy into our safe house and you knew she was a mole!”

  “Be quiet, Rina.” Dorian’s voice was harsh.

  The other woman clenched her fists. “What? I’m not allowed to ask questions anymore?”

  Lucas let go of Sascha’s hand. “There’s a fine line between asking questions and going too far.”

  “I have a right to know what’s going on.” Rina’s eyes were trained on Lucas, no longer interested in Sascha. They all knew who the most dangerous person in the room was and he was concentrating solely on Rina.

  “No, you don’t.” There was no mercy in Lucas’s response. “You were made a soldier earlier this year. Your rank is so low you shouldn’t even be part of this conversation.”

  Sascha was stunned by the flatness of that declaration. She’d never heard Lucas sound so autocratic, almost cruel. He’d clearly hit Rina where it hurt—her pride. As she watched, Dorian moved to flank his alpha. Rina was left alone on the other side.

  “Lucas,” Rina began, her voice shaky, “why are you being like this?”

  “Because you’ve shown me that being soft on you was a mistake.” He gripped her chin between his fingertips. “You haven’t earned the right to speak to me like you just did. Do you understand?”

  Rina’s eyes welled up. For the first time, Sascha realized how young the female was, something her boldness had masked. Feeling sorry for her, she tried to move forward, but Lucas’s furious glance stopped her in midstep. He turned back to look at Rina.