by Cathryn Fox
Chapter Nine
Cole put down his razor and stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He thought about canceling on dinner tonight, but after everything Brandon and Gemma’s parents had done for him, he definitely owed them a visit. Hell, he owed them a lot more than that.
He suspected, however, they’d take one look at him and Gemma and know what they’d been doing for the last month. And while both Audrey and Frank loved him like a son, from the way Gemma’s mother was pushing wealthy, upscale men on her only daughter, he knew they weren’t keen on loving him like a son-in-law.
Son-in-law.
Shit, where the hell had that thought come from? If Brandon were here he’d be kicking his ass. Rightfully so. Cole dropped his razor back into its case and his hands went to his dog tags. Guilt ate him up inside to think how he’d been dishonoring his best friend’s dying wish. He wasn’t about to swallow the emotions down. He damn well deserved to feel like a traitorous prick.
He finished up in the bathroom, then glanced at his watch. Gemma had to do a home visit, to check on the young girl who’d recently adopted a puppy. She’d asked him to come along, but he declined and told her he’d meet her at her folks’ place. The thoughts of seeing that young girl with her family, all happy and loving, might be more than he could take right now.
With a few minutes to spare, he took Charlie out for a walk. When he returned home, Charlie curled up on his bed and Cole made his way to his bike. The air was still hot and a ride might help cool his body and clear his head, not to mention blow the scent of a well-fucked guy off his skin before he sat down to dinner with Gemma’s folks.
He drove across town and by the time he reached Audrey and Frank’s upscale apartment, Gemma had already arrived. He pulled his bike in behind her car and made his way inside. When he reached the door and was about to knock, Gemma pulled it open. Her smile was so warm and welcoming, it nearly brought him to his knees. His mind instantly rewound to last night and the way she’d taken care of him. There was no doubt this woman was clawing past his defenses without even trying. The sheer intimacy in what she did for him last night, taking him into her mouth and caring for him when he was feeling a little raw and exposed made his heart ache. Jesus, she was so kind and compassionate, giving without taking. It had him wanting things he simply couldn’t have, things that weren’t his to have.
She went up on her toes and lifted her mouth to his. Instead of giving her what she wanted, he placed a kiss on her cheek. He didn’t miss the disappointment in her eyes or the way that sadness in her baby blues cut right to his core.
“Cole,” Audrey said, breaking the tension between them as she stepped up beside Gemma. “Come in, come in.” She led him into the living room where Frank sat on the sofa, nursing a drink.
“Cole,” Frank greeted, standing to wrap his arms around him. “How have you been, son?”
Cole returned the hug, his heart squeezing in his too-tight chest not only because the man who’d become his surrogate father had called him son, but also because one look at Frank reminded him so much of Brandon.
He cleared his throat. “Things are good, Frank.”
“Good, good, come have a drink with me.”
Frank poured a generous amount of dark rum into a tumbler and handed it to him. Cole took a swig and lowered himself into one of the plush recliners across from the sofa.
“Gemma tells me about all the work you’re doing to help her.” He glanced toward the kitchen and lowered his voice. “She’s a stubborn one.” He gave a sad shake of his head. “Won’t let us help her out at all.”
“She wants to be independent and it’s important for her to prove she can do things on her own,” Cole responded. But as he thought more about that, his heart grew a little heavy. Gemma had a family who cared about her, and her cause, and wanted to help in the ways they knew how. How was that any different than what he was doing? Sure, her mother might want her to settle down because she worried about her safety, but that was natural maternal instinct. It didn’t mean they didn’t see her as a grown up, and weren’t proud of her work. In fact, Gemma might be the only one who didn’t understand that by continually pushing them away, she was coming across as narrow minded and maybe just a little bit young and selfish. Then again, who was he to call anyone selfish…?
“It’s also important to know it’s okay to ask family for help,” Frank said. “Just like you know you can come to us too, right, Cole?” Cole caught the worry in Frank’s eyes. Worry for him—the boy who’d practically grown up without a family, at least one who gave a shit about him. Cole grew a little more agitated that Gemma didn’t see them for what they were. Frank and Audrey were good people, treating him like a son and giving him more than a place to stay when he was a kid.
“Hey, are you two talking about me?” Gemma teased. She plunked herself down next to her father and he wrapped his arm around her.
He smiled at her and dropped a loving kiss onto her forehead. “Gemma, you might be a grown woman, but you’ll always be my little girl and I’ll always want to help you. Someday when you have kids of your own, you’ll understand that.”
Cole’s heart hitched. The normalcy in all this reminded him of how much he wanted a family of his own, and how much he wanted it with Gemma.
Audrey came from the kitchen. “Dinner time.” She smiled at Cole and proceeded to tell him about all the dishes she’d made for him. But when he got up from the recliner and spotted a table full of pictures, his appetite retreated like a band of soldiers caught in the crossfire.
He scanned the photos, stopping to examine the one of him and Brandon when they were fourteen and playing their favorite video game. Christ, the two of them had spent hours in front of the TV, until Audrey kicked them outdoors to get some fresh air. Brandon was a whiz with gaming and computers, and Cole always thought his friend should have gone to college instead of enlisting. His glance moved on to the picture of Brandon at his high school graduation, then to the one of Brandon looking like a proud soldier after graduating from basic training.
His heart tumbled in his chest and he fought the prick of tears as the memories shook him. Fuck, he missed him so much. When his hand tightened around his drink glass Gemma came up beside him. He couldn’t help but flinch when she brushed her knuckles along his.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
Turning from her, he followed Audrey to the dining room, which had been beautifully set for four. He sat and took another swig of his rum, praying it would wash down the emotions rising up in him.
After the meal was served, they talked mainly about Gemma’s cause and how his speech had the benefactors opening their wallets. Cole was having a hard time concentrating on anything. Being back here with Brandon’s family had him feeling raw and exposed, making it harder and harder for him to keep his shit together. And Cole always kept his shit together. Falling apart was not an option. Every now and then Gemma would cast a glance his way, worry moving over her eyes.
Soon anger moved into his stomach, because Audrey turned the conversation to Gemma and her marital status.
“Gemma, you rushed away so fast last night, I didn’t get a chance to introduce you to Marie Johnson’s son. He’s a fine young boy.”
Gemma cast Cole a glance and he got the distinct impression she wanted him to say something. But how could he come right out and tell Audrey and Frank what the two of them were doing behind closed doors?
Sadness moved over Gemma’s face as she turned back to her mother. “Maybe next time,” she said, and Cole fisted his hands, hating himself.
As Audrey continued to list off a bevy of bachelors who’d love to go out with her, pushing Gemma harder and harder, all Cole wanted to do was push back. He clenched down on his teeth in an effort to stop himself from telling everyone around the table how he really felt. Except he couldn’t give Gemma what she wanted, and he wasn’t the man her parents wanted for her.
Cole forced himself to eat, and onc
e they finished their meal and the dishes were cleared, Audrey and Frank disappeared into the kitchen to make tea, leaving him alone with Gemma.
Blue eyes full of concern blinked up at him and he knew he needed to escape, to remove himself from all things that reminded him of Brandon, all things that reminded him he wasn’t the guy for Gems.
“Want to go into the other room?” she asked quietly.
Cole pushed out of his chair and followed Gemma into the living room. Once again he was bombarded with pictures of his fallen friend.
“Are you okay, Cole?”
He glanced at the picture of Brandon in his formal military garb and his stomach twisted so hard he feared he was going to vomit. “He wasn’t cut out for the army,” he murmured under his breath.
“Don’t you ever say that.”
Cole’s head came up with a start, surprised by the anger in her tone. “What?”
Fire lit Gemma’s eyes as her hand went to the back of her neck. “Don’t you ever say that about Brandon.”
“What are you talking about? What’s gotten into you?”
She rubbed the back of her neck furiously, her blue eyes flashing. “Brandon was a great soldier and a great man. Don’t you ever say he wasn’t.”
Cole shook his head, his emotions in turmoil. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
He exhaled slowly and took a moment to choose his words carefully. “He joined the army because of me. If he didn’t follow in my footsteps, he’d be alive today.”
“No, Cole. Brandon joined the army because he wanted to. His choices were his own. Don’t you dare take responsibility for his actions. They were his and his alone.”
She turned from him to glance at a childhood picture of a young Brandon and Gemma, brother and sister sitting on their horses eating ice cream. Cole stepped up to her and removed her hand from her neck. She leaned forward, her hair spilling over her shoulders and he worked to rub the tension from her muscles.
“I didn’t mean…” he began, but his words died an abrupt death when he spotted the small tattoo at the base of her hairline. Hands shaking, he parted her curls, and his stomach recoiled when he saw the word honor.
“Gemma, what…when?”
She turned to face him and tilted her chin until their eyes met. “After Brandon died,” she whispered.
Cole’s voice was as shaky as his hands when he asked, “Is that why you always rub the back of your neck when someone mentions his name?”
She nodded. “Brandon was the most honorable man I knew, and this tattoo helps me remember him, but it also helps me let go. Know what I mean?”
Feeling like he’d been sucker punched, Cole faltered backward. Honor. That one word, and the meaning behind it had chaos erupting inside him, reminding him he’d failed the one man he owed everything to. He gripped his dog tags and squeezed until they cut skin. “I need to go.” He swallowed the knot clogging his throat. “I really, really need to go.”
She outstretched her arm but he flinched to avoid her touch. Confusion moved over her eyes as she snatched her hand back like it had been burned. Her gaze moved over his face and in a moment of desperation she said, “Cole, wait.”
“No.” He shook his head hard and after a quick consultation with himself he said, “This thing between us…it’s wrong. What we’ve been doing is wrong.” He pressed his palm to his forehead and fisted his hair. “So goddamn wrong.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Yes I do. I’m sorry I ever touched you.” He backed up a few more inches and hardened himself when confusion turned to anger in her eyes. He was being a prick, of that he was certain, but he needed to get away from her. He needed her to see he wasn’t sweet, and she deserved someone who would honor her brother, not dishonor him and everyone else the way he had.
“How can you say that?”
“I should have walked away from you that first night at the benefit. Just like I did that day you tried to seduce me in the barn.”
“Cole.” Tears pooled in her eyes and she wrapped her arms around herself, his words penetrating deeper than nuclear weaponry.
“Tell your folks I’m sorry, but I need to go.”
Hurt registered in her eyes and he hated himself for putting it there—again—but he needed to get out of there, needed to be as far away from her as possible.
“Good-bye, Gemma.”
Chapter Ten
Cole was in a bad mood. A kick-ass, shitty, stay-out-of-my-way kind of mood by the time he pulled his truck into the base. Dust kicked up under his tires as he came to a fast stop and slammed his vehicle into park. He climbed from the cab and shut his door with much more force than necessary before closing the gate behind him. All eyes turned to him but he ignored his comrades, who were already hard at work training their dogs.
Exhausted from a night of no sleep, he stomped toward the hangar. As if sensing his distress, Ralph came sauntering over to him.
“Hey, boy.” Not wanting to upset the dog more than he already was, he bent, gave Ralph a good scrub behind the ears and said, “Come on. Let’s go have some fun.”
At least working with Ralph gave him something to think about other than how much he hated himself right now, not to mention the hurt he’d put in Gemma’s eyes last night.
He took the dog inside the hangar. The two spent the rest of the morning going over drills, until Ralph headed off to his empty water bowl. Needing to refill it, Cole made his way to his truck to grab a jug. He walked past Jack without speaking, even though his friend was glaring at him with careful regard, like he knew how much of a fuckup Cole really was.
“You want to talk about it?” Jack asked as Cole offered his friend his back.
“No,” he answered without stopping.
Cole grabbed the jug of water from his cooler and made his way back inside. When he reached the hangar, Ralph was nowhere to be found.
He left the hangar and shaded the morning sun from his eyes as he walked around the building and scanned the vast grounds surrounding the abandoned base. He whistled. “Hey, boy, where are you?” That’s when he heard Ralph barking from the other side of the fence. Shit.
Jack came over to him and tossed a tennis ball from one hand to the other. “How did he get out there?”
Cole drove his hands into his pockets, and inspected the chain link fence. “He must have found a hole. He can be pretty damn wily.”
As Ralph continued to bark, Jack scrubbed his chin and said, “Yeah, well right now he’s pretty damn agitated about something.”
“I’ll go get him.”
At the back of the compound, Cole walked along the fence until he found the small opening Ralph had used to escape. Cole pulled back the chain and crawled through, trying not to snag his fatigues in the process. He walked the empty field fringing the base, his boots pounding on the dry soil as he followed the howling sounds echoing in the air. As the barking grew louder, more frenzied, Cole hurried his steps. What was going on?
When Ralph let out a long whine, Cole took off running. He could hear the thundering of Jack’s boots as he followed from behind.
“Hey, boy.” Cole scanned the grounds and looked for possible threats as he closed the distance between them. “What’s got you so riled up?” That’s when he noticed all the debris on the ground. Cole slowed his steps, stepping over old cartridges, casings and scrap metal, some with deadly sharp edges.
As he took in the situation unfolding before him, he couldn’t help but smile. Instead of digging at the scraps, Ralph was doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing. He’d found ammunition wreckage and was barking to warn his handler of danger.
“Well, I’ll be damned. Way to go, boy.”
As he approached the dog, Ralph turned his way and started running toward him, his big claws digging into the dry ground and creating a cloud of dust around them. Before Cole even realized what was happening, Ralph jumped on him and sent him flying backward.
Beefy paws took him to the ground and pain sliced along his legs as something sharp tore into his flesh. He hit the ground with a resounding thud, his head coming into contact with a hard, unforgiving object. He cringed, the sky coming in and out of focus, Ralph’s bark a distant buzz. As the world faded away, his life flashed before his eyes and the last thing he remembered before everything went black, was Jack standing over him calling the others for help.
A long time later Cole blinked his eyes open and winced. Pain radiated from the top of his head all the way down to the base of his neck as the world swayed before him. Having no idea why his head was throbbing so damn bad, his hand went to the back of his skull to discover a peach-sized lump that hurt like a son of a bitch.
“Looks like he’s going to live after all.”
“What the hell?” Cole asked, blinking rapidly until the vision of Jack standing over him came into focus. Except Cole was no longer flat out on the ground, he quickly realized. He was in a strange bed, in a room that wasn’t his own. “Where the hell am I?”
“The hospital.”
“What happened?”
“Ralph happened.”
Cole searched his mind. As he sorted through the chaos, the pieces slowly fell into place. “He was trying to protect me.”
“Which isn’t a bad thing,” Jack said. “We just have to teach him another way of going about it. At least he took you down, instead of digging at the debris. You’ve made great progress with him. Gemma will be thrilled.”
At the mention of Gemma, Cole’s gut clenched and he tossed his blanket off. He made a move to get up but the room started spinning once again. His stomach turned upside down, and he stilled himself, gripping the mattress and striving not to vomit. “I need to get out of here.”
