by Cathryn Fox
“Easy, Cole, you’ve got a concussion.” He gestured toward his leg. “As well as a nice gash on your calf.”
“I hate hospitals.”
“The doc said they could discharge you once you came to, but you can’t stay alone tonight.”
Cole closed his eyes, sleep pulling at him again as he thought about going home to an empty condo. Bile pushed into his throat, and he coughed. “I’ve got Charlie.”
“You’ve got more than Charlie. Come on.”
Jack helped him to his feet and into his clothes before he left to get the nurse. A short while later the doc came back to check on him. He gave instructions on how to care for his leg before signing the discharge papers and insisted, for precautionary measures, Cole needed to be under watch for the next twenty-four hours.
Cole climbed into the passenger seat of his truck and Jack drove him home. He immediately went to his bed and spent the rest of the day drifting in and out of sleep. He dreamed of Gemma. Gemma sitting with him, tucking him in, tending to his leg and dropping soft, loving kisses onto his forehead.
He also dreamed of Brandon. His friend. His fallen comrade. A man he’d failed.
The night seemed to go on forever. At least the pain in his head seemed to be lessening as the hours ticked by. By the time he was finally able to pull his eyes open and keep them open for any length of time, warm morning sunlight was shining in through the crack in his curtain.
A movement at the foot of the bed caught his attention, and he turned, expecting to see Jack watching over him. But what he saw instead had his pulse leaping and his mind racing a million miles an hour.
Gorgeous blue eyes full of tender concern met his. “Hey,” was all Gemma said as she placed a clean bandage over his leg. She taped it down before she covered it back over with his blanket.
He swallowed the dryness in his throat as his pulse pounded at the base of his neck. “Gemma,” he croaked out. His glance moved around the room, which had finally stopped spinning. He frowned, his dreams coming back to him. “I thought I was dreaming, but you’ve been here with me all night, haven’t you?”
She came around his side of the bed, and handed him a glass of water. He only managed to swallow a few sips before his throat closed. She took it back, set it aside and turned her attention to the cloth soaking in a basin on his nightstand. She wrung it out and dabbed his forehead.
“Jack called me,” she explained. Her concerned gaze panned his face and her voice whispered over him like a caress when she asked, “Are you feeling better?”
He briefly closed his eyes, love rushing to his heart as she tended to him. “Why did you come?”
Her hand fell away from his forehead and she looked at him as if he were dense. “Because you needed me.”
With slow, careful movements, Cole propped himself up on his elbows. He shimmied backward until he was braced against his headboard. “Gemma, after I…what I said…I don’t…” His voice trailed off as he looked at the woman he loved. Christ, after everything he did and the cruel things he’d said, he couldn’t believe she was here, sitting by his side and taking care of him all night. She was an amazing woman, the most amazing woman he’d ever met, and he didn’t deserve her compassion. He didn’t deserve her.
A movement at the door had Gemma turning. “Jack,” she said. “I’m glad you’re here. Can you sit with him for a moment? I need to run to the clinic to take care of a couple of things. I also need to cancel my appointments for the day.”
Cole reached out and grabbed her hand. She turned to him to meet his gaze directly, her blue eyes portraying her every emotion. “You don’t have to do that,” he said.
She took her hand from his and placed his arm by his side. When she leaned forward, her rich, sensual scent seeped under his skin and wrapped around his heart. He curled his fingers into fists and fought the urge to haul her into bed with him, to kiss away all the pain he’d inflicted on her, all the cruel words he’d aimed her way.
“You have no idea how much I do have to do that. But you will soon,” she said. She walked away and paused at the door. “I’ll bring back breakfast. Your fridge is empty.”
Having no idea what she meant, he watched her go, then turned his attention to Jack as he lowered himself into the kitchen chair that had been brought into his bedroom.
“Did anyone ever tell you that you talk in your sleep?”
“Yeah, Brandon.”
“Speaking of Brandon, you did a lot of talking to him last night. A lot of apologizing, actually.”
Cole cringed and stared at the ceiling, wondering how much Gemma had heard of his unconscious ramblings.
Jack reached into his back pocket and pulled out Gemma’s panties, the ones he’d stuffed in his glove box after fucking her that first night at the banquet. He twirled them around his finger and said, “I’m assuming all that apologizing has something to do with this.”
Cole snatched the panties from his hand. “Fuck, Jack. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Jack scoffed, “You were bleeding from the head, Cole, and I was looking for a first-aid kit or something to help stop the flow on the drive to the hospital. I found these in your glove box instead.”
“You could have left them.”
He gave an unapologetic shrug. “I could have, but I didn’t.”
Cole tucked the panties under his leg and stiffened as every memory of Gemma came rushing back. Jesus, what the hell had he gone and gotten himself into? He was well past the point of denying that things between them were casual or that he wasn’t in love with her.
Jack gave a shake of his head, his eyes dark, questioning. “Cole, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“It’s none of your fucking business, Jack.”
“You bet your ass it is. She’s Brandon’s sister and we’re a brotherhood, which means it’s all our business. Garrett’s, Josh’s and mine. If any of us are going to fuck around with a sibling of a fallen comrade, we should at least know what we’re doing, don’t you think?”
Everything in the way he’d so poetically phrased Cole’s indiscretions had his stomach turning. Brandon didn’t deserve this from him and Gemma didn’t deserve the way he’d treated her the other night either. She was sweet, kind, loving and loyal, and had willingly opened herself to him. Handing herself over to him and trusting him implicitly while he was dishonoring everyone around him.
Cole fisted the bed sheets. “I love her, Jack.”
Jack smiled and smacked him on the shoulder. “Well, now, there you go. It looks like you do know what you’re doing, after all.” He pushed back in his chair. “And it’s about fucking time you realized it.”
Confused by his reactions, Cole said, “What, you’re not pissed because instead of taking care of Brandon’s kid sister, I’ve been disloyal and sleeping with her?”
“Is that all you think you’ve been doing?” Jack inquired with one raised eyebrow.
Cole exhaled slowly, his head hurting, but not from the accident. He exchanged a look with his friend and wondered where this conversation was going. “What are you getting at?”
“You haven’t been sleeping with her, pal. You’ve been falling for her. Hell, I think you’ve always loved her anyway. You have this twisted sense of loyalty to Brandon.”
“Twisted? I owe that man so much, Jack. You have no idea.”
“Cole, did you ever stop to think maybe on some level Brandon knew you always loved Gemma and maybe this was his way of driving you two together?”
Cole went quiet for a moment, then angled his head. “Have you been taking shrink classes, pal?”
Jack laughed and toyed with his dog tags. “No, but I’ve been to enough of them to know how this all works.” He got quiet for a moment, like he was thinking about his own demons, before saying, “I know Brandon asked you to watch over her, but she’s a strong, independent woman. Maybe she’s not in need of your protection.”
Cole went quiet and considered the last
month he’d spent with her and how she made him feel something other than loss and sadness. He’d thought about how much he loved having her in his life, how strong and independent she was and how he loved the normalcy of sitting down to a meal after a workday. He loved how they laughed and how they shared the good days and the bad.
His mind went back to the time at her clinic, to when that little girl was there picking out a puppy with her parents. Cole’s heart hitched, because he wanted a family like that of his own. And he wanted it with Gemma.
If Brandon could see her now, he’d see how self-sufficient and courageous she was. He’d see the amazing woman she’d turned out to be, a woman who’d stayed by Cole’s side when he needed her and was not only capable of taking care of herself, but was capable of taking care of him too. Brandon would be damn proud of the woman she’d become. And maybe, just maybe, Jack was right and she didn’t need his protection. Maybe she only needed his love.
Cole buried his face in his hands and by small degrees his body tightened. “Oh fuck.”
“What?”
“I totally screwed everything up.”
Jack’s bark of laughter echoed in the room. “Well, now, that wouldn’t surprise me one little bit. But don’t worry, pal. Gemma came when I called her, so she might not hate you as much as you think.”
Cole closed his eyes and muttered curses of frustration under his breath as his mind raced, trying to figure out what he could do or say to make it right between them. “I need to figure out a way to fix this.”
Chapter Eleven
Armed with hot coffee and breakfast burritos from her favorite café, Gemma made her way back to Cole’s condo. She’d learned so much about the tortured soldier when he fled from her parents’ apartment two nights ago. Even more last evening when he’d laid there in his bed mumbling in his sleep. He’d unconsciously reached out to her as he fought his innermost demons. As she held him in her arms it had become glaringly apparent he’d never gotten over the loss of his best friend, never learned to let go.
Cole was the toughest guy she knew and instead of grieving after Brandon’s death, he kept soldiering on. He’d buried his feelings behind some protective barrier that needed to come tumbling down before those destructive emotions ate him up inside. Deep in her heart Gemma knew Cole loved her, of that she was certain, but there was no way he could go forward until he learned to let go of the past. And she was just the girl to help him.
Armed with a plan, she climbed his stairs, but when she reached his front door and was about to twist the knob the door flung open and she found herself standing face to face with Cole.
Dark, tormented eyes met hers. “Gemma,” he murmured.
Worry moved into her stomach as she took in his pallor. “Should you be up so soon?”
He touched the back of his head. “I’m okay. The swelling is down.” He paused for a second and his voice dropped an octave when he said, “We need to talk.”
Gemma exhaled slowly. “I know.”
“About the other night,” he began, getting right to the point. “I never meant—”
“Yes, you did,” she said, cutting him off. “At the time, when you said you were sorry you ever touched me, you meant every word of it.”
Deep sadness moved over his face and he fisted his hair. “I fucked this up, didn’t I?”
She held up the brown paper bag and a tray holding two cups of coffee. “Do you think we can eat these in the car?”
He gave her a perplexed frown and rolled one shoulder. “I guess. If you want to.”
“I want to take you somewhere.”
“Where?”
Instead of telling him, for fear he might flat out refuse, she turned from him. “Come on.”
Favoring his sore leg, Cole followed her down the steps and across the street. Once he was seated next to her in the car, she handed him his coffee and burrito.
He dug into his food like a man starved, and Gemma flicked on the radio before digging into her own. She maneuvered through city traffic, then shot Cole a glance as she pulled onto the highway. She drove for a long time and silence hung heavy, until she pulled off on the exit leading to her childhood ranch.
Cole frowned, and shifted uncomfortably in the seat beside her. “Where are you taking me?”
“Somewhere I should have taken you a long time ago. But I’d been so caught up in my own needs, I hadn’t stopped to consider yours.”
“What are you talking about?”
Instead of answering, Gemma pulled her car into the long, winding driveway leading to the ranch. She felt tension move through his body.
His jaw clenched and his shoulders stiffened. “I don’t want to be here.”
She turned to face him, and touched his arm. “I know you don’t, but will you do this for me?”
He scrubbed his face. “That’s hitting low, because you know I’d do anything for you.”
“And I’d do anything for you, which is why you need to come with me.” She parked her car and climbed from the seat. Fishing her old house key from her purse, she made her way to the front door. Cole sat in the car for a second longer and she wondered if he’d come. But then he opened his door and met her on the stairs.
He looked at his feet. “I don’t think—”
“I do. Come on,” she said. “No one is here but us. My folks are still in the city.”
She pushed the door open and grabbed his hand before he could escape. Once inside the empty house, she immediately led Cole to Brandon’s room. It had been redone since he’d lived here, but the essence of Brandon was still alive and impregnated in every object.
Cole sucked in a sharp breath and gripped his dog tags. “Why are you doing this?”
“Come sit.” She led him to the bed. When he sank into the cushy mattress, she perched beside him and shimmied close, offering her support because he was going to need it. “I want to talk about Brandon.” She grabbed the photo album off the bookshelf and the smell of old paper hit her when she peeled it open.
She pointed to one of the photos and smiled up at Cole. “Remember this day?”
Cole narrowed his eyes as he looked at the picture of him and Brandon riding a roller coaster when the fair had come to town. “What I remember about that day is you eating too much junk food and getting sick,” he said.
She pulled a face. “Yeah, I still can’t eat cotton candy to this day. How about these?” She redirected his attention as she flipped through the pages, showing him pictures of Brandon and Cole through the years. They spent a long time looking through the album, and when they came to the end she pointed to the picture of Cole and Brandon fishing, a small smile tugged at Cole’s mouth.
“You like this one?” she asked.
“What I remember about that day is Brandon chasing you with a fish and you running home screaming bloody murder.”
She cut him a sharp glance. “That was gross, Cole.”
Cole laughed. “He sure caught shit that day.”
“Yeah, well, he never got into that much trouble. Not when he always had you backing him up.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, his smile dissolved and raw emotions passed over his eyes. He pressed his palms to his forehead. “Oh, Jesus, Gemma. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.”
He slipped off the mattress and sank to his knees. She could hear his breathing change, see his body begin to shake. Gemma climbed from the bed and stood before him. She ran soothing fingers though his hair.
“It’s okay, Cole. Let it out,” she said, knowing how hard it was for him to allow himself to come undone. “Sometimes we have to fall apart before we can begin to put the pieces together again.”
He reached out to her and pulled her to him, his hands wrapping around her waist as he buried his face in her stomach.
His breath was hot on her skin and she could feel his heart thundering. “I miss him so fucking much,” he said, his voice rough with emotion.
Tears filled Gemma’s eyes. “I know you do. We al
l do.”
“He saved me, Gemma. When I was a kid, my father was a cruel bastard. Brandon gave me a place to stay and a family to love. Don’t you see, he saved me?”
She dropped to her knees in front of him and cupped his cheeks. “You saved him too. He was a shy kid, and when you came into his life it saved him in so many ways.”
Cole’s breath came quicker as he brushed his thumb over her tears. “He asked me to take care of you, Gemma, and I thought I failed him—”
“You didn’t fail him.” Her gaze moved over his face. “If my brother treasured you enough to put me in your hands, don’t you think he treasured you enough to let you put me in your heart too?”
Cole blinked and she saw love shining in his eyes when they met hers. Her heart flipped in her chest, everything inside her reaching out to him. “I know,” he said. “I came to terms with that earlier today.”
Her breath caught. “You did?”
“Yeah, when you showed up at my door, I was on my way to find you to tell you how much I loved you and how much I wanted to be with you. But then I thought I’d lost you. I couldn’t take losing you too, Gems.”
“You didn’t lose me.” Her stomach soared with joy and more tears fell. “But before we can build a future together you have to come to terms with Brandon’s death and learn to let go.” She touched the back of her neck. “Healing takes time, and you’ve never given yourself that.”
He rested his elbows on his knees and shook his head. “I don’t want to forget.”
“Letting go isn’t the same as forgetting. My tattoo is a symbol of comfort. It helps me remember, but it also helps me let go of the pain of loss.”
She grabbed his dog tags and placed them in his hands. “That’s what these are going to do for you. When you hold them, I want you to remember Brandon, but then I want you to exhale and when you breathe out, let the pain of loss go with it. It’s what he would have wanted.”
After a long moment of silence, Cole exhaled slowly, and she could almost feel the wall he’d built around his heart come tumbling down.
“He was a great man and a great soldier.”
