by Meg Brenner
Every girl who showed up had on practically no clothes and almost every guy was trying to get with one of the girls. A lot of them were drunk, including Brad. I didn’t drink though. I had too much self-respect to even mess up my brain in that way. Instead I stayed sober by drinking my bottled water. Brad was outside with the skanky girls as I stayed in the kitchen making drinks.
“Awesome party, Jenna.” A girl with blonde hair walked up to me. It was obvious that she had been drinking because she was slurring all of her words together. Honestly, I had no idea who she was. I had never even spoken to the girl in my life. However, I was used to people knowing me and me having no clue who they are.
“Thanks,” I responded. “How do we know each other?”
“I tried for cheerleading a year ago. You said I looked like a beached whale doing a cartwheel in a tutu.” She spilled some of her beer on the tile.
“Oh, sorry about that. Sometimes I say things that are really hurtful. I don’t think you look like a…” I couldn’t finish my apology without cracking a smile. That was actually a pretty funny negative comment that I told her.
“No, it’s whatever,” she laughed. “I did look like that. But, hey, you inspired me to lose sixty pounds.”
“Really?” I exclaimed. “No wonder I didn’t recognize you!” The girl didn’t respond to me, but instead walked outside and puked in the bushes. I felt my own self start to feel sick, so I ran upstairs to my room to get away from the smell.
I threw my backpack onto the floor and laid down across my bed. The music that was coming from downstairs was giving me a pounding headache. After failing to get rid of it by closing my eyes, I sat up and placed both feet on the ground. Looking down at my backpack I saw another blue CD case. Curiosity pumped through my veins as I loaded the CD into my laptop. I listened closely, hoping to find another piece to the puzzle.
“So, here’s CD number dos,” he chuckled slightly at his stupid joke. “Since I was thirteen I have seeing psychologists off and on. My mom thinks that my odd behavior is from my dad’s death. It may be, or it may not be. Either way, I still miss him. Always. Even if she doesn’t anymore. You know, people laugh at me when I tell them that I practically live in the water. Surfing isn’t just my passion, it’s an adrenaline rush. It’s the only fun I can have where I feel like I’m on the verge of death, without actually being in much harm.
“When the water rushes over you and you think you’re about to die, you come back up to the surface and fill your lungs with the cool air. You don’t die. But you have that quick, ten second rush. During those ten seconds your mind is racing and your whole mind flashes back to what you had done, what you should’ve done, and what you hadn’t done. You start seeing memories that your mind pushed way back…memories that you didn’t even know existed.
“But you want to know what the best part is? About surfing, I mean. It’s the solitary moment that I get to have to myself. It’s the one time I get to be alone and be myself without my mom questioning if I’m normal or not. When I’m on my board, looking out into the horizon, that’s the only moment in my life where I feel like I’m not broken. I’m a good person, Jenna. I just don’t think people see that side of me.” Three seconds later, the CD stopped and I listened to the sound of muted music coming from downstairs. Tears stung my eyes as I stared at my blank computer screen. It was true. You never truly understand who a person is until you let them open up to you…which was exactly what Keiffer was doing.
Still numb from the CD that I just listened to, I made my way back downstairs to the party. I saw Brad hanging out with a few guys around the grill – which they obviously figured out how to use. Several girls tried to get me to dirty dance with them but I refused, laughing off their stupid request. Instead, they danced together, letting the boys holler at them.
“Hey, baby,” Brad said as he slipped his arm around my waist. He smelled of alcohol, but I knew he was only a bit toasted. He wasn’t drunk yet.
“Hey,” I answered back, giving him a kiss on his cheek.
“Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he laughed.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess I’m just a bit tired. It’s already one in the morning.” I rested my head against his shoulder. “I didn’t know the party was going to go for this long.”
“This party is going to go until at least four,” the guy said who was cooking some hotdogs on the grill. I let out a yawn and closed my eyes.
“There’s no way I can stay up until four,” I answered back. “Will you watch over the party?” I asked Brad. I knew that it was babyish of me for going to bed at my own party, but I was starting to feel exhausted.
He agreed to it so I headed back towards the house. On my way back, a faint object of Keiffer’s roof caught my eye. I stopped walking and focused my eyes on it a bit harder. There, sitting on his back staring up at the stars, was Keiffer. Curiously I made my way around the house until I reached his lawn. Standing in his front yard, I called out to him.
“So this is what you do for fun? Sit on your roof at night?” I asked sarcastically. Keiffer jumped at the sound of my voice, and then quickly sat up. He stared at me before answering.
“You should come up here,” he called down to me.
I shook my head and crossed my arms across my chest. “No way, I’m too scared of heights.” I looked at the flimsy ladder that he had leaning against the roof. There was no way in hell that I was going to climb up that.
“If you’re sure. You’ll be missing a great view though,” he responded before laying back down. I looked up at the sky, focusing on the stars.
“Really? How great?” I asked, feeling a bit left out.
“It’s pretty amazing, I’m not going to lie,” he responded.
I knew that it was probably wrong but I took the initiative and started climbing up the ladder. It was taking me a while to move my foot up because I was nervous but I managed. As soon of Keiffer noticed that I was climbing up to be with him, he jumped to his feet and offered me his hand. I took it nervously. I hated anything to do with heights…I wouldn’t even wear high heels.
I felt myself get wobbly, but he just held onto my arm tighter. “It’s okay, Jenna…I won’t let you fall. Trust me,” he looked me straight in the eyes as he said it.
I knew that he wouldn’t let go, so I did exactly what he told me. With one last push up, I lifted myself onto the roof. It took me a few seconds to catch my breath. I was absolutely terrified of being so high from the ground.
“Look at you,” he said. “You made it up without falling.” Right then, for the first time ever, he gave me a real genuine smile. I made out a dimple on his left cheek. I smiled back at him, glad that I was able to finally see a different side of him.
We both laid on our backs, looking up at the sky. “Wow, you’re right,” I said breathlessly. “Look how bright those stars are.” He let out a noise so I knew he was listening. I didn’t feel like I needed to talk around Keiffer. He was a pretty quiet guy to start with so talking really wasn’t going to get anywhere.
“You’re glad you came up here then?” He asked, still looking up at the stars.
I nodded my head. “Yes, this is pretty amazing,” I laughed.
About five minutes of silence we both saw a shooting star. He pointed it out, but I had already seen it before he even said something. “Look, there. Did you see it? It was a shooting star,” he had exclaimed.
“You have to wish on it,” I answered. We both looked at each other before closing our eyes and making our wishes. I wished that my application to Yale would arrive there safely and that they would accept me without even a question about it. I knew it was a big chance but that was the one thing that I was willing to waste my wish on.
“What did you wish for?” Keiffer asked, his voice low…almost a whisper.
“That my application would be accepted at Yale,” I responded without even thinking about it. “What was your wish?”
He shrugged h
is shoulders. “I don’t really believe in them.”
“No,” I said sternly. “If you’re going to make me say my wish then you better tell me yours.” I sat up from the roof. He stayed laying down, his same goofy smile spread across his face. I actually found his weird smile a bit attractive. Since I had seen his real smile, I found his creepy one foreplay to the real. I knew what he was capable of, which made him a little bit cuter.
“I didn’t make you do anything,” he responded. “You were willing to tell me.”
“So you better be willing to tell me,” I hissed. He didn’t say anything for a while, but I kept a dirty glare on him until he finally sat up also.
“Fine, I’ll tell you. I wished that this semester would go by as slow as possible,” he looked down at the shingles before flicking his eyes back on me.
“Ew,” I laid back down. “Why the hell would you wish that upon anyone, let alone yourself?” I was actually excited to graduate. After graduation came college. Brad would be going to Julliard in New York and I would be going to Yale, but we would both continue to date. That was obvious.
“I guess I would just like more time.”
“Time for what? Homework? Teachers? Stress?”
“Life,” he responded.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked nervously. He studied my face again before looked back down at the shingles.
“I don’t know,” he tried to laugh it off. “I’m just rambling.”
“No, Keiffer, there’s a reason why you said that. Are you going to tell me in one of your CD’s or can you actually just tell me to my face? Because no matter which way you slice it, I’ll be finding out some way.”
“Let’s just leave that question alone for right now, okay?” He said.
He stared up at the stars, and so did I, but I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking about what he said. I looked over at him once in a while, but he never looked back at me. Even without him saying anything else, I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel like I normally did with other people. Most other people just wanted to talk to me because I was the popular Jenna Horowitz…but not Keiffer. No, he wouldn’t have minded if I was up on the roof with him or not. He was content with who he was and he didn’t need me, or anyone else, to change him.
“Then answer this one question for me,” I finally spoke up.
“Shoot.” He held his index finger up. “As long as it doesn’t have anything to do with my dad,” he warned.
“It doesn’t. Last week you said that you just recently decided to keep your name the way that it is. Why? You wouldn’t tell me the specific reason why. Please, Keiffer, I’m trying to figure you out and you’re not letting me.”
“Not letting you?” He laughed out loud. “I’ve given you two CDs about myself that are private. I’ve asked you to hang out and you’ve shot me down.”
“I invited you to the party tonight and you shot me down,” I retaliated.
“That’s because your boyfriend hates me,” he said quietly. I smiled to myself. Brad didn’t hate him per say, he just wasn’t a huge fan of me having other friends besides him.
“He doesn’t hate you. Trust me. If he hated you then you would know it. So please tell me why.” I sat up so I could read his face better. “Why are you going to keep your name?”
“Honestly, do you really hate my name that much?” He asked, letting out a deep breath.
I had to think about it for a moment. Finally I shook my head. “No, I actually don’t. I did…but now I actually think it fits you in a very, very odd way,” I laughed. “Keiffer, Keiffer, Keiffer,” I repeated to see how it felt when I said it.
“Well, if we’re being honest – “
“We’re being completely honest,” I interrupted.
“Oh, excuse me. If we’re being completely honest, then I’ll tell you that I already had a name picked out to change it to.” He pushed his curls back. “I had picked out the name Oliver. I really liked that name. There was just something old fashioned about it. It was still different, but it was common in an odd way.”
“Oliver,” I repeated. “That’s a nice name. So why did you decide not to change it like what your mom did?”
He took a deep breath. “Well, on the first day of school, my teacher Mr. Thomas introduced me to the class as Keiffer. Right when I was about to correct him, you said my name under your breath. Do you remember that?” Now he was piercing me with his eyes. I nodded my head slowly. “The second you said my name, I knew that I was going to keep it. For the first time, my name sounded beautiful.”
“You…you…kept your name because of me?” I asked breathlessly. He stared at me with no expression. Instead of answering, he laid on his back and focused on the stars above our heads. I couldn’t believe that I, someone he barely knew, made him decide something because of what I did.
“Jenna?” Lacey called from the ground. She was glaring up at me from the front lawn. Her hand was over her eyes to block out the moon’s glare. Her mouth was hanging wide open when she saw Keiffer sit up from the roof. “What are you doing up there?”
“Lacey,” I responded quickly. I jumped to my feet and booked it down the ladder. I even surprised myself at how fast I made it back down to the lawn. “I didn’t know you were coming over tonight.”
“Well, I wasn’t going to but Brad called me – what the hell are you doing on someone else’s roof?” She asked while still looking up at Keiffer. I finally got her attention back and she focused on me rather than him.
“That’s Keiffer. He’s my neighbor…”
“Neighbor? I thought he was your partner in Lit class!”
“No, I mean he is. But he’s also my neighbor.” I rolled my eyes at how messed up this might look. “I got tired at the party and noticed that he was star gazing –“
“So you climbed on top of a roof with him to look at the stars?” Her voice trailed off.
“I know how it might sound,” I started. By that time Keiffer had already climbed off the roof and approached us. He held out his hand at her.
“Hey, Lacey. I’m her neighbor, Keiffer. I just really wanted to show her how clear the sky looks from up there. Do you want to see too?” He asked. I knew he was just trying to be kind, but I still felt a little jealous. We had just had a very serious moment together and now he was willing to take another girl on the roof. I crossed my arms in jealousy.
“No, I believe you,” she responded. She eyed me suspiciously. “Actually, Jenna and I have a sleepover to attend to. Um…see you around, Keiffer.”
“You too. Oh, and don’t forget to close your blinds this time, Jenna. Goodnight.” He flashed me a teasing smile before walking through his front door. Lacey grabbed my hands and led me up to the house.
“What the hell, Jenna?” Lacey said as soon as we got into my bedroom. “Why the hell were you on the roof with that Keiffer guy while your boyfriend is one house over?”
“It was no big deal. Keiffer and I are just friends…if we’re even friends. I saw him by himself so I joined him. I love Brad…I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that.” I quickly grabbed the blue case from my desk and hid it behind my back before Lacey noticed it.
“No big deal, huh? Jenna…you sometimes make me nervous. Just last week you hated his guts, and now you’re up on the roof with him at two in the morning.”
“So,” I said coyly. “He’s nice…”
“Nice? How do mean that?”
I knew how Lacey was seeing this. I felt myself grow annoyed, but I wasn’t sure if I was more angry at myself, or the fact that I had put myself in this situation. “I don’t know, Lacey. He’s a nice guy. Nothing went on. And as my best friend, I would hope that you would be on my side.”
“I’m always on your side. You know this. But you’ve got so much going for yourself. You don’t need someone to bring you down.”
“Keiffer won’t bring me down. I don’t even know why we’re even having this conversation. Let’s drop it,” I said rudely.
Chapter Five
At school Keiffer and I never really talked. We kept to ourselves mostly, only talking during Literature class if we had to. Ever since the night of the party we hadn’t had a deep conversation. He stopped giving me CDs and I stopped trying to go out of my way to speak to him. In all honesty, I didn’t even have the time to think about him. I was constantly either studying, or being so involved with my extracurricular activities that I didn’t even get the chance to talk to him. By the time April came rolling by, I was still swamped with previous duties, but they came to a halt a few days before my birthday.
“So my parents want to take us to Mackinaw Island for my birthday. It’ll be their twenty-first anniversary so they are planning on renting a room for us at the Grand Hotel,” I told Brad as we were sitting in the cafeteria. I pushed his hair back, feeling the smoothness between my fingers. Just looking into his eyes could make my whole heart melt.
“Well, I suppose,” he teased. “Of course I’ll go. This weekend?”
I nodded my head. “I already asked Tom to see if he would let us take the weekend off. He said it would be fine. So there’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“Did I ever tell you that you were the best girlfriend ever?” He asked before kissing me passionately. He had that effect on me. He was so handsome that I never got tired of kissing him…especially in front of the whole school.
Still on a high from lunch, I was practically on cloud 9 at the end of the day. I slammed my locker door shut, only to be face to face with Keiffer. He leaned against the locker next to mine, his eyes adverted from me. I swung my backpack over my shoulder, waiting for him to say something. When I knew he wasn’t going to, I started to walk away.
