by Meg Brenner
I sat at the foot of my locker. Moving felt almost unreal. Maybe, just maybe, today would be the day that he would be coming back to school. I knew that it was almost an unfeasible wish, but I really dreamed that he would walk up to me and apologize. I’d never been this desperate to see him…not even the time when he had missed school for a week a month ago.
Brad slid down next to me. He didn’t say anything, but instead placed his hand on mine. Clearing his throat, he said something that changed my whole perspective on Keiffer.
“Your…boyfriend…called me last night.” He took a deep breath, obviously nervous to tell me this. “He said that he…that you guys broke up last Friday.”
I nodded my head. “Why did he call you?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “He just said that you probably needed a friend right now. And that friend can be me.”
I looked over at Brad. “I need to talk to him. We’re not broken up. He’s just in a dark mental state right now. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.”
Brad took out his phone and dialed Keiffer’s number. “Listen, I’m going to be right around the corner. I don’t want to listen to your conversation.”
“Thanks, Brad.” I took the phone from his hand before he slipped around the corner. I waited patiently for Keiffer to answer.
“Hello?” His voice rang through the phone like a bell. However, I could tell that the tone of his voice was darker. There was something going on there that he needed help with.
“Hey,” I finally said.
“Neighbor,” Keiffer laughed. “Didn’t think I’d ever hear your voice again.”
“I’m guessing that that’s what you want,” I snapped. “Why did you call Brad rather than talk to me? When you love someone, you don’t just ignore them.”
“I’m not exactly ignoring. I’m just breaking up with you before you get too emotionally attached.”
“Too late for that,” I growled.
“Yes, I know. That’s why I’m ending it now. It was fun while it lasted. You got enough information about me for the stupid paper, and I’ve got enough about you. Let’s be civil, but we don’t have to be friends.”
“I want to be more than that with you!”
“Oh, neighbor,” he laughed. I could imagine the stupid grin on his face. “Sometimes you’ve just gotta let go. And that’s what I’m doing. I’m helping you let go.”
“You’re an ass!” I yelled at him through the phone. Several of my peers giggled as they walked by. I probably looked like a mental case.
“Nothing I’ve never heard before. I’ll be back next week. Bye, neighbor.”
“Stop calling me that!” I yelled. “It’s so annoying!”
“See, and now we’re back to where we were at the beginning. Perhaps if you continue thinking that I’m annoying, you’ll fall out of love with me. Trust me, it worked for me.”
“You think I’m annoying?” I asked.
“Bye, neighbor,” he repeated before hanging up the phone. I felt my cheeks grow red with anger. I slammed Brad’s cell phone into his hand. He brought me into a hug, letting me just sit my head numbly on his shoulder. I was getting whipped around by Keiffer’s emotions. He was high one moment, and then low the next. It was like I could never keep up.
At that moment I realized something…something that I had never known before. Brad was the one who was in my arms at that exact moment. He had been with me through thick and thin up to that point. I was the one who kept pushing him away. Yet, here he was, not even my boyfriend, and allowing me to hug him. He was a good guy…perhaps the good guy for me.
“She’s not that bad,” Lacey teased on our way back home from school. Ever since I started hanging out with Brad again, she and I became inseparable. I didn’t realize how much I missed our friendship for the two months that I had been obsessed with Keiffer. But that was over now. A new chapter began and I was ready to put him behind me.
It wasn’t like I hated Keiffer. Okay, maybe I did a bit, but it wasn’t like I wanted to stone him or burn him at the stake. No, we were civil. We had begun to argue more in Literature class, but then again, Mr. Thomas always encouraged our little debates. We accepted that we were both living among the world of people and we might as well just come to terms with it.
And, yet, in an odd sense, my heart yearned for him. I’ll admit it, I still got a bit lost in his blue eyes during our debates. I still found a longing to smell his cologne. But that was all in the past. He was the one who broke up with me, not the other way around. He had made his bed. However, honestly, it didn’t even seem like he minded my absence from his life at all. When passing in the hallway, never would he notice me. He never said hi at lunch, nor did he even try to get my attention. It was like his memory of me had been wiped clean. And that hurt the most.
Students at school began to treat me like the popular Jenna Horowitz again. Brenda hated it! She hated how I could have been social low and then within just a day I became popular again. But maybe it was just my personality. The student body respected me. Yes, there were rumors that I had been on drugs for the past two months, or that I had killed someone, yet, they all welcomed me back with open arms. That was probably the most amazing thing of all.
“What do you mean she’s not that bad?” I laughed as I pulled the car up the driveway. “Brenda absolutely hates my guts. How are you guys even friends?”
“Well, I definitely wouldn’t call us friends. You’re my friend. She’s just…I don’t know…Brenda Leswill. She doesn’t really control my life like you do,” she laughed. “She’s a bit too intense for me.”
“What? You don’t like us genius children?” I teased back. I turned off the ignition of the car as soon as we were parked in the driveway.
“Ha! You wish!” She joked, unbuckling her seat belt.
As soon as we were walking into the house, I noticed Indigo out in her garden. I hadn’t seen her for days. In fact, I had seen her for eighteen days…the day that I stopped hanging out with Keiffer.
“Hey, Lace, I’ll meet you up in my room.” I handed her the house key before heading over to Indigo. She didn’t seem to notice my presence until a good thirty seconds after I stepped into her yard.
She looked up from her work, squinting her eyes from the sun as she peered in my direction. “Good afternoon, Jenna,” she said nicely. There was something about Indigo that just made her seem like the perfect person. “Haven’t seen much of you lately.” A look of worry ran over her face. She knew.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ve gotten busy, with graduation just less than a month away.” I wasn’t quite sure exactly why I walked over to her, I just felt the need to. Indigo seemed to be feeling the same awkward tension that I was.
“I bet you’re excited. I heard you were going off to Yale.”
“I am. Well, I hope to anyway. That’s the plan,” I stated. “I’ll get the acceptance letter soon. It’s been a bit delayed…” My heart pounded when I said that. I had been on the phone for over two weeks trying to see when my letter was coming. The later – the worst news that was to follow. However, I just needed to see the answer for myself.
“Well, good for you,” she said genuinely. I knew that she truly meant that. “Did you come by to talk to Keiffer?” She asked nervously. “He’s a bit-”
“You don’t have to lie,” I laughed nervously. “I know he’s told you about us.”
“He did,” she admitted. “He’s like that, you know. He pushes people away. Only those of us that he cares about, at least. He’s a good person, he truly is, but sometimes you just have to let him sulk in silence. It’s not easy, sweetie. I know you two had a tight bond.”
I nodded my head, feeling the corners of my lips tug down. Even talking about him was hard. “I miss him. Do you think you can tell him that?”
“Yes, dear, I can.” She gave me her warmest smile. “And I’m sorry that you got yourself emotionally involved with him. He likes you, Jenna. I don’t know if he feels s
tronger than that about you, but I do know that he cares for you a lot. And seeing you guys not speaking…well, it breaks my heart.”
I was silent, letting her words soak in. “Ms. Lawrence –“
“Sweetie, you know you can call me Indigo,” she laughed.
“Indigo,” I restarted. “Was…was…Keiffer abused as a child by his father? I don’t want to ask anything that would offend you, but I can’t figure out why he would be acting like this.”
Indigo took a long breath, looking up at the sky. I wasn’t quite sure if she had lost her patience with me, or if she were truly thinking. “His father had an addiction…to drugs. He was a nice, caring man when he was sober. Keiffer was practically his shadow,” she laughed. “But when he wasn’t sober…” she shook her head. “He was a whole new person.”
I looked down at my shoes, allowing myself to drink up her response. Should I tell her about Keiffer’s suicide decision? No, he told me not to tell. But maybe it would help save his life? There was a tug of war going on in my head…something that I didn’t enjoy having.
“And, Indigo,” I finally started again. “What will he be doing after high school?”
“Oh, he didn’t tell you? He said he got accepted into Princeton. Can you believe that? My son at Princeton? I knew he was smart, I really did.” She looked overjoyed as she said it. Someone had to be lying. Either he was trying to play with my emotions, or he was actually going to Princeton. Something fishy was going on, and I was going to get to the bottom of it.
“What are you doing this weekend?” She asked, hosing down the plants that she just planted.
“Nothing this weekend, but next weekend is prom,” I smiled. Senior prom was something that I had been looking forward to since middle school. It was supposed to be one of the best nights of my life. Well, that’s what all the old 80’s movies used to tell me.
“Oh, that’s right. How did I forget?” She laughed. “Keiffer had been talking about it nonstop –“ She stopped talking, looking into my face. “Oh, I’m sorry –“
“Sorry for what?” I asked curiously.
“Well, I just figured you guys had been making plans to go. He already rented out a tux with a green cumber bun. He said that your dress was the same color…oh, no…I’m sorry, sweetie.”
“It’s fine,” I lied. “Besides, I’m going with someone else. My boyfriend, Brad.” Was he taking someone else to prom? Was Keiffer dating someone else? It felt like the whole world stopped for a second.
“Boyfriend?” She asked. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”
“For four years now. I love him more than anything else in the world.” I tried to sound convincing, but I wasn’t sure if I was doing a very good job at it. I felt the tears sting my eyes. He had been planning on taking me to the prom before we broke up. Yet, why would he get green? It was like he was trying to pre-plan my dress.
“Well, I’m very happy for you,” she smiled. “I’m sure you’re going to look gorgeous.” No matter how angry Indigo had made me about the whole dress topic, I still couldn’t be mean to her. It was as though she didn’t even have a mean bone in her body. She liked me…yet, I didn’t understand why she liked me.
“Thanks,” I responded. I turned around to go back home, but stopped after only walking just a few feet. “Indigo,” I called. “Do you mind not telling Keiffer that I miss him? I changed my mind.” After saying that one snotty comment, I actually felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I tried not to look at her hurt expression as I turned back around and into the house.
Lounging around with Lacey was just like old times. It was like the awkward two month time lapse never even happened. We shared the same inside jokes, laughs, and never once did we bring up he-who-shall-not-be-named. It was great to have my best friend back. In a way, Keiffer took over her place. He used to be the one that I wanted to spend all my time with, but now with Lacey, it felt like nothing really changed.
Chapter Eleven
By the time Monday came, I was sick to my stomach. I lay in bed Monday morning, my stomach feeling like it was on fire. I rolled myself into a ball, trying my best not to throw up last night’s dinner. Thinking back to what I had eaten that weekend didn’t really help. I only pigged out on Friday when Lacey came over. But we’ve had a million sleepovers since we became friends in middle school…there was no way that I could be getting sick now.
Dad didn’t really like the idea of me staying home from school; especially because I was so close to graduation. But with lots of whining, he finally let me stay. Not just that, but I wanted to make sure I was absolutely perfect at Prom. That night would be like a dream come true. Brad and I had been nominated from Prom King and Queen. I wanted to make sure that I felt my best that night…being sick just wouldn’t do!
I lounged around the house, feeling a bit better by the time lunch came rolling along. While making myself a ham sandwich, there was a knock at the door. Curiously, I opened it. There stood the freshman girl with the big eyes. Her hair was pulled back in two braids this time, and she was staring up at me with a weak smile.
“Um…hi?” I said while popping a potato chip into my mouth. How did this little twerp know where I lived? Oh, wait, I was Jenna Horowitz. Of course she knew where I lived.
“Hi…” she stuttered out in her high voice. “I…I just wanted to give you this…”
“Give it to Lacey,” I said quickly, almost shutting the door in her face. She caught the door with her hand, prying it back open.
“I’m sorry, but it’s not for yearbook. These are your notes for Spanish class,” she answered. I took the paper from her hands, skimming it quickly. I hadn’t even noticed her in my class. I’d been in the same class with her for four months and she never even crossed my radar.
“Oh, thanks,” I smiled half-heartily. She stood there awkwardly as though she wanted me to invite her inside. “Do you need something else?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so,” she responded. “Is it true that you’re going to Yale?”
I peered down at her, not quite sure why she was so giddy around me. I crossed my arms and leaned against the doorway. “That’s the plan at least. Where are you going?”
“Well, I really want to go to Yale too…or something big.” The way that she talked to me made me feel like a celebrity. It was as though she would next ask me for my autograph. Luckily, soon she left and I could go back and enjoy my sandwich.
By the time the next morning came along, I could hardly get out of bed. I held my stomach, feeling myself starting to get queasy. I’d been feeling like this for a week now. In fact, I was so sick in the morning that I was beginning to feel as though I would never make it to my morning classes ever again. Not that I minded it much. I didn’t have to see Keiffer anymore… which made it a lot better on the both of us.
“Jenna, you need to go to school,” dad said as he stepped into my room. I was still in bed, staring at my alarm clock, which was blaring on my night stand.
“I don’t know what going on,” I groaned. “Lacey was sick three months ago. And I mean she was sick. Do you think I caught that?”
“It’s a possibility, but I highly doubt it,” dad shrugged. “Honey, you’re missing a lot of school. I wouldn’t be a good dad if I didn’t make you go to school.” He placed his hand on my forehead. “Come’on let’s go downstairs and have some breakfast.”
I gagged at the thought of food. Closing my hand around my mouth, I jumped out of bed and ran towards the bathroom. That morning I saw the second-coming of my dinner that I had had last night. However, it definitely didn’t taste as good the second time around. Brushing my teeth quickly afterward, I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. I was practically unrecognizable. I splashed some cold water on my face before heading downstairs to the kitchen.
The smell! The smell of the kitchen made me sick all over again. The smell of bacon and waffles filled my nose. Looking up I saw my dad sitting at the kitchen table, pou
ring syrup all over his waffles. I had to make a run for it. Clasping my hand over my mouth again, I knew I didn’t have time to get to the bathroom, so I opted for over the porch railing. I hoped that no one noticed me as I threw up over the side of the porch, but I also didn’t really care. I was sick of this stomach flu.
“Guess you really are sick,” dad said as he handed me a napkin. I wiped the sides of my mouth, tears burning my eyes. I hated being sick, I really did. “How about you stay home, sweetie? I’ll call the school and tell them that you won’t be in again today.”
Making my way back upstairs, I heard my dad talk to the school office on the phone. Our relationship had changed. Since I got back with Brad, he started treating me the way that he always had. The way he had treated me before mom left. Maybe it was because I was back to my old self. I had thrown all of my baggy clothes and t-shirts up into the attic. Makeup and doing my hair became a regular routine for me again. Cheering and yearbook became my life. And Keiffer…well, I only talked to him if I was forced to.
“I called the school. I’ve got to go to work though,” dad said as he placed a glass of ice water on my night stand. “Would you like me to call your mom? She can keep you company.”
“Thanks, dad, but I’d rather never see her again,” I answered rudely. I had finally come to peace about the whole divorce. I had realized that it was my mom who caused the whole thing. She was cheating on dad, which forced the divorce.
“Your mom loves you, you know?”
“You tell me all the time,” I answered. “Dad, I’ll be fine here alone. It’s probably just a bug. Nothing to worry about.”
“Well, if you need me to come home-“
“I won’t,” I interrupted. “And if you don’t mind, I’m going back to sleep. Hopefully I’ll feel better later.” I gave him the best smile that I could muster up. “I promise.”
“Okay,” dad said defeated. “I’ll see you when I get back from work.” I nodded my head and he left without trying to argue again. Once he left, I settled back into my bed, letting sleep rush over me.
