Epiphany

by Ashley Suzanne

  “This procedure isn’t covered by insurance. It’s completely elective. It will all

  be an out of pocket cost until you’re actually pregnant, then your insurance company

  will pick up the charges.”

  “That’s no problem. I have some money put away. What will this cost so I can pull it from my savings account,” Kylee says, grabbing my other hand in hers, silently telling me to not say a word and she’s paying for this whether I like it or not.

  “When you add in the costs of the drugs, injections, egg and sperm retrieval and insemination, it’s going to be right around twenty thousand dollars.” My heart falls to the pit of my stomach and tears immediately start to form. I know Kylee has money, but not that much. There’s no possible way.

  “Twenty thousand!” Kylee yells, quickly recovering and lowering her tone. “That’s insane. And you say

  it can take multiple times at twenty grand a pop? How do people afford this?”

  “Most of the people we see in our office are older, have stable, profitable careers and have tried every other route.”

  “I don’t have that kind of money. Mira, I’m so sorry,” Kylee apologizes, pulling

  me in for a hug.

  This is my fault. I shouldn’t have let myself get so excited about having a baby. I should have thought more about this. Skylar and I aren’t even married yet and we’re just coming off a miscarriage. My emotions and hormones are still all over the place. I allowed myself to go overboard and managed to drag Skylar and Kylee into this mess with me.

  Skylar, my poor, sweet Skylar looks like he’s been kicked in the gut. I’ve managed

  to cost him two potential babies in the span of only a few weeks.

  Standing up, I shake the doctor’s hand and leave the office, not bothering to wait

  for the other two. I need to get to the safety of my car before the tears fall.

  “Mira, wait up!” Kylee screams across the parking lot. I pick up the pace, not wanting her to see me cry. I know she feels bad enough and this will just add more guilt on top of everything else. She went out of her way and tried to help me, even going against Jacoby’s wishes. I can’t add more stress to her situation.

  “I’m fine. I’m just going to wait for Skylar in the car. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I choke out, the first drop escaping my eyelid. It’s only a matter of time before I’m not going to be able to hold back.

  “No, dammit. Wait a second!”

  Stopping abruptly, I wait for her to catch up, not daring to turn around and look in her eyes. She’s going to apologize, I’m going to feel terrible for making her feel terrible, and we’re going to hug. I’ll go home and mope and she’ll try to make me feel better. This isn’t a new cycle for us. I’m very well aware of exactly how this is going to go down.

  Thanking my lucky stars, Skylar’s only a few steps behind Kylee and he intercepts her, allowing me to keep moving to the car. I’m only waiting a few minutes before Skylar gets in the driver’s seat and peels out of the parking lot, headed toward home.

  “It’s safe,” he whispers.

  My body trembles uncontrollably and I completely lose it. I cry the entire drive

  home and some more once we’re in the elevator. Skylar pulls my hand, dragging me

  into the apartment. It’s strange. This morning I was so happy, so excited for what

  the day would bring and now, I just want to crawl in bed and never leave.

  “Mira, I’m giving you the day to be upset and cry. That’s all, though. We’re moving on from this. We’ll discuss children in a few years and how we want to go about it. Give us some time to save for this in vitro shit. We already have a willing surrogate, now all we need is the money. Down the road, money won’t be an issue and we’ll be ready for a baby. Take today. Be sad, angry, miserable, but tomorrow is a new day and we won’t worry about all of this. Do you understand me?”

  “Yes,” I mutter.

  Skylar picks me up, carries me to bed and tucks me in. That’s the spot where I remain for the rest of the day and into the evening, only getting up to use the bathroom and grab a snack from the fridge. Later, when Skylar is ready to go to sleep, he comes in and cuddles close to me, holding me while I grieve the loss of yet another child, only this one wasn’t real, just the idea. It hurts just as bad.

  *****

  True to his word, Skylar only let me have that one day. We spend the next three weeks

  shopping for things to put in the apartment, picking out a place to take a vacation

  this summer and helping Maddie pack to move to New York.

  Danny was very kind and whole heartedly agreed to let Maddie stay with him while she

  got on her feet again. I’m sure it was an easier decision after I told him about

  Melissa.

  The week after the appointment, Skylar and I went to the farmer’s market downtown. We were looking at some local art when I saw Melissa near another booth. I thought it would be a good idea to go over and try to make amends, since we seem to always be at each other’s throats when we see each other. Shockingly, she was standing with a man who was holding her hand. It wasn’t until he shoved his tongue down her throat that things got weird. Danny got a phone call that afternoon and I assume he and Melissa broke up shortly after.

  I’m not happy that he’s without a girlfriend, but he deserves someone that won’t cheat

  on him. I had every opportunity and passion would have partially excused me if I

  had decided to go behind his back with Skylar. But I didn’t. Not because I didn’t

  want to. Because it was wrong and nobody deserves to feel inadequate and unimportant. Bottom line, I respected Danny too much to hurt him and loved Skylar enough to not

  put him in that position.

  Finally, feeling like I’m ready to rejoin the work force, I walk into the office building, ready to start fresh. Jacoby said I could take as much time as I needed, he had no problem with me working from home. I really think I just need a change of scenery and to get back around other people.

  Making my way to my desk, I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. I’m sure it’s just because

  I’ve been gone for so long and not my lack of being pregnant, but a woman’s inner

  thoughts can be her biggest nightmares. Braving a strong front, I smile politely at everyone I pass,

  until I’m at my desk. In true Jacoby fashion, there’s a note on my keyboard directing

  me to his office once I’m settled.

  Literally dragging my feet down the corridor that leads to his office, my mind is racing with what he could possibly want to talk to me about first thing

  in the morning. If it was something personal, he could have texted or called. It

  has to be professional. My stomach starts churning at the possibilities.

  Knocking softly on the door jamb, he waves me in while he finishes a call he’s on.

  I take a seat on one of the plush arm chairs in front of his desk and fidget with

  a pen, waiting for whatever this impromptu meeting will consist of—praying I’m not

  being fired for being dead weight.

  Placing the receiver in the cradle, Jacoby leans back in his chair and studies me. “It’s nice to have you back, Mira,” he says, opening his drawer, pulling out a packet of files.

  “It’s great to be back. So, what did you want to see me about?” Let’s just cut to the chase. If he’s going to fire me, I’d like it to me before I get too comfortable.

  “I just wanted to make sure that you were welcomed by everyone and make sure you’re not coming back too soon. Are you doing okay with everything?”

  “Jacoby, pardon me for being unprofessional in the office, but you could have called me on my way in or last night. I’m doing fine. Still a little upset, but that’s to be expected. Nothing I can’t handle.”

  “I know I’m technically your boss, but I’m your friend, too. Soon to be like a brother, since
Kylee says you’re pretty much her sister. There’s never a reason for you to apologize. I just wanted to make sure that once you were in the building, you weren’t feeling overwhelmed.” Selecting a manila folder, he passes it across the desk.

  “What’s this?” I ask.

  “This is the new project we were just hired to start. I’d like you to take the lead on this. As long as you think you’re up for it.”

  “Hell yeah I’m up for it.” I peruse through the documents, to see that it’s a personal residence on the outskirts of Ann Arbor. “Since when do we do private residences?”

  “Since the home we’re going to develop is on more than twenty acres and is technically

  zoned commercial. Also, it doesn’t hurt that it’s going to be my wedding present

  to Kylee.” Oh. My. God.

  “Are you joking?!” I yell, thankful the temps that sit in the cubicles outside Jacoby’s

  office aren’t in yet.

  “Nope. If we get married in the fall, this house should be done by Christmas. And really,

  there’s no better way to make sure it’s up to her exact specifications than have her

  sister do the planning.” Jacoby walks around the desk, putting his hands on my shoulders

  and slightly rubs. “You have a big task ahead of you. This is the best way I’ll

  be able to determine if you’re a keeper,” he jokes. “Impressing me and making Kylee

  happy are very large tasks. Are you sure you’re up to it?”

  I jump out of my seat, blinking back tears and hugging him fiercely. “You have no idea how up to this I am. Kylee would do anything in the world for me. I only wish everything would have worked out with the in vitro. This would have been the perfect way to pay her back for helping me so much. She gives me a baby, I give her a house,” I tease, knowing that no matter what I gave to her, short of a vital organ, it would be enough to ever thank her. But this right here—this is enough for me to repay her for even offering to help me.

  “I really am sorry that the in vitro didn’t work out. It was hard on Kylee, too.

  She really wanted to be able to do that for you.”

  “Yeah. Everything for a reason, right? It would have been wonderful and a dream come true, but twenty grand is a lot to

  throw around on something that might not even work. Even if Kylee had that kind of

  money, I wouldn’t have let her blow her nest egg on it. Skylar says after we get

  married, and in a few years, we’ll look into adoption. Who knows, I might even be

  able to get pregnant.” Fighting back the need to cry, I take the files and walk out

  the door.

  “You’ll be an excellent mother one day, Mira. You and Kylee are so alike and she’s taking to Shelby better than I would have ever dreamed. One day. Don’t lose faith.”

  “I never do,” I smile, biting the inside of my cheek to keep my tears at bay. Once

  at my desk, I let out the breath I had been holding the entire walk back.

  Jumping right into work’s probably going to be the easiest thing to do of all. It’s easier to deal with your own problems when you’re so busy you have no time

  to think about them. I thrive under stress and deadlines and piecing together Kylee’s

  dream home step by step has me working straight through lunch. At nearly six, my

  phone starts chirping from my desk drawer—probably Skylar worried that I’m not home

  already.

  Digging out my cell, the text is from Kylee, surprisingly.

  KYLEE – Moving the last of my stuff from the old apartment. Come say goodbye with me.

  ME – When?

  KYLEE – Half hour?

  ME – K. C U soon.

  Packing up my desk, I send Skylar a quick text, letting him know that I’m headed to Ann Arbor to meet Kylee at the apartment if he wants to come, too. He declines as I’m on the highway headed for what used to be my home.

  Pulling into the parking lot, I’m hit with a rush of emotions, much like the last time I was here. Even though it’s been months since I’ve lived here, it still feels like my safe place—a place where I changed from a girl to a woman. I fell in love in this tiny two bedroom apartment. It seems like yesterday that Skylar and I went furniture shopping and turned this outdated place into a home.

  Walking up the stairs, the smells coming from Mrs. Swaffer’s unit hit me. On Mondays,

  she’s known for her spaghetti with special sauce. Too many times, especially during

  finals, she would bring over a pot for Kylee and me, making sure we were nourished.

  When I enter our old home, Kylee’s sprawled out on the sofa that will be staying, since neither of us have a need for it. Fiddling through a bridal magazine, she looks up at me, smirking.

  “It’s about time. I thought I’d be sitting here by myself all night,” she teases, standing to hug me. Following her over to the couch, I plop down next to her and look around the almost empty space.

  “We have some good memories here, Ky. Three years we lived here. Had some of the best times of my life right on this couch.”

  “We had a blast. I wish we could keep it, but there’s no use, right? Neither one of us is ever moving back in.”

  “I’m gonna miss seeing you all the time. I know it’s been months since I’ve lived here, but still. Being back here makes me wanna watch movies and drink tequila.” Laughing, Kylee walks into the kitchen, coming back with what appears to be her makeup bag. “What are you doing?”

  “Figured if this is the last time we’re spending here, I’m going to do your hair. Remember before every party or date, I would sit right here and make you look amazing.” Thinking back, it’s clear as day in my head. The best I ever looked was when I got the Kylee Treatment—no hair out of place, no eyelash uncurled. Feeling rather sentimental as well, I turn my back to Kylee and let her get to work.

  Twenty minutes later, I’m sporting a beautiful up-do courtesy of my best girl.

  “Mira,” Kylee squeals, jumping up and down, “let’s go to dinner. That little café near the quad. Just you and me. We’ll get dressed up real fancy and have a night out on the town.” Clapping her

  hands together, she covers her mouth, eyes shining.

  “We don’t have anything to wear. We can go like this, though. Let’s do it.” Gathering up my belongings, I move toward the door when Kylee squeals yet again. What is this, barn yard hour?

  “I left some dresses here. I didn’t need them and was going to donate them. Come look.” Scurrying into her old room, she starts rifling through her closet that’s more than half full of beautiful gowns and other items of clothing. She pulls out a long white dress with a rhinestone bodice, handing it to me, and a light pink three-quarter length calf dress out for herself.

  “You want me to wear this to dinner in the quad?” She can’t be serious. This is something you’d wear to a formal or a wedding … not a regular old meal on campus.

  “Shut up and put it on. You’re going to look smoking hot in it. Just like old times.” Kylee wastes no time divesting herself of every item of clothing she’s wearing, including her bra. Pulling the rose colored silk over her head, she’s looks amazing.

  Realizing there’s no way out of this, I quickly change into the formal gown and spin

  to look at myself in the mirror. She’s right—I do look amazing. Spinning in a circle, checking out my form, I’m surprised at the subtle

  changes. In such a short time, even my body has changed, positively in my opinion,

  and this new matured look suits me well.

  “You ready?” Kylee asks from the bathroom. Meeting her in the hallway, she hands

  me a mascara wand where I swipe my lashes a few times. Grabbing a dressier jacket,

  we both head out into the night.

  CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

  Mira

  We decide to take Kylee’s car to campus, and as expected, it’s not as crowd
ed as usual

  with all the students out on Spring Break. Parking a few blocks down from the café,

  we get to walk for a bit, but seeing the campus brings back all the times we spent

  here. I’m sure she didn’t plan it this way, although I shouldn’t count her out just

  yet.

  As we pass by the Shapiro Library, a few students mingle out front that probably stayed

  behind to study instead of a week of constant partying. Another small group is standing

  around chatting in the quad where they hold freshman orientation activities.

  When Kylee stops dead in her tracks, I find it difficult to not trample all over her.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, looking over her shoulder, trying to see what caused her misstep.

  “Look at them over there. Looks like a wedding or something.” I turn to where she’s

  looking and it does in fact look like someone’s planning on getting married on campus.

  Someone loves their partner so much, they thought to get hitched here.

  “That’s so sweet. Do you wanna watch before we go have dinner?” I can’t help it.

  All these years reading romance novels and pining after book boyfriends, this is something

  that would only happen in a story. My heart’s melting and I can’t wait to see bride.

  Taking a seat on one of the benches, we wait as the group starts to disband, getting

  in the proper formation. Over the speaker system, “Make You Feel My Love” by Adele

  starts to play, making me wish Skylar was here to see this. This might be the most romantic gesture

  I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life, even what I’ve read. Whoever planned this

  deserves huge brownie points.

  Kylee’s phone starts singing into the chorus, but I’m so involved with waiting to see this unfold, I don’t register if she actually answered it or not. “Who called?” I ask, remembering I’m on a date with her, and it’s rude to ignore someone you’re out with.