If We Were a Movie

by Kelly Oram

  “Then how can you already be with someone else?”

  Bile rose up in my throat at seeing her so hysterical. I had to do something to make it stop. “I’m not.”

  Sophie sucked in a breath and looked at me again, hope bleeding from her tearful eyes. “What?”

  I couldn’t stand to see the wetness on her cheeks, so I wiped them off and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Jordan and I aren’t together. I haven’t hooked up with anyone since breaking up with you.”

  “But everyone’s saying you have a new girlfriend and she’s here with you.” She was hit with another wave of tears. “You brought her home to meet your family.”

  “She’s my friend and she had nowhere to go for the holiday, so I invited her to come with me. We only told Chris and Tyler that we were together to get them off my back. You know how they are. They were going to go insane, thinking I was single. I didn’t want to be set up with every woman at NYU.”

  She swallowed hard and got her sobbing under control. “Really?”

  “I promise. You can ask Jordan if you need to. There’s nothing between Jordan and me but friendship. I never cheated. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  She glanced over my shoulder and said, “Is that true?”

  “It’s true,” came Jordan’s quiet reply.

  My stomach lurched. I hadn’t realized Jordan had followed us. Looking behind me, I met Jordan’s gaze just in time to see her bury whatever look had been on her face and force a smile first to me and then to Sophie. “We’re just friends.”

  The fake smile confused me, but with Sophie standing there in tears and my brothers hovering behind Jordan with incredulous faces, I couldn’t ask her what was wrong. Tyler broke the awkward moment with an evil laugh. “Oh, brother, you are so busted.”

  I swallowed a curse, realizing that in my attempt to reassure Sophie I’d outed my single status to my brothers. “Whatever. Now isn’t the time.”

  After a long glance at Sophie, he smirked at me. “Fine. But it’s coming. I promise you. He threw his arm over Jordan’s shoulder and gave her a Cheshire grin. “You two are both in so much trouble.”

  “So much trouble,” Chris echoed. “We’re going to go start setting up. Come help when you’re done here.”

  He and Tyler turned to leave and grabbed Jordan by the shoulder when she tried to stay behind. “Come on, little accomplice. We need to have a serious talk about your loyalties.”

  “Yeah, and then there’s the fact that you’re a single woman, which is perfect, because I’m also single.”

  He glanced back at me as they walked away and mouthed “Dibs.”

  He was kidding, but I was still tempted to tackle him to the ground and beat him to a pulp just for insinuating it. At least, he’d better be kidding. Because if he really tried to put the moves on Jordan, I’d—

  “Nate?” Sophie’s soft grip on my arm brought my attention back to her, instantly smothering my rage. “Can we go somewhere and talk? Please? Baby, I miss you so much.”

  My stomach rolled again. This was what I had wanted to avoid. I hated hurting her, but breaking up was the right thing to do. I didn’t love her anymore.

  I placed my hand on top of hers where she clung to my arm, praying the touch might soften the coming blow. “What’s there to talk about, Soph? Do you really want to make me say it again? We aren’t right for each other. Our relationship would have ended sooner or later.”

  She shook her head, frantic. “It wouldn’t have. If you hadn’t been distracted by Jordan, you wouldn’t have left me.”

  Maybe I wouldn’t have ended things so soon, but I would have eventually.

  “We were happy, Nate. We were in love.”

  She was in love. I realized, after I broke things off, that I hadn’t been in love with her for a while. I’d fallen out of love with her long before I met Jordan. Pearl had been right that night in the café. I hadn’t told Sophie about wanting to go to NYU because I was subconsciously looking for an out. I’d been running from her as much as I’d been trying to escape my brothers. Jordan hadn’t been my reason for leaving Sophie; she’d just been the person to help me realize that mentally I was already gone.

  I still cared for Sophie and felt guilty for breaking her heart, but I didn’t love her. I didn’t want her. I felt as if I barely even knew her anymore. “I’m sorry, Sophie. I just can’t. It’s over.”

  She pinched her eyes shut, though it did nothing to stop them from leaking again. “No.”

  I couldn’t stand here arguing this with her anymore. It was breaking both of our hearts. “I’m sorry.” I kissed her cheek softly, one last time. “I’ve got to go. Chris and Tyler are waiting for me.”

  I walked away without looking back, but it was difficult. Especially when I heard her break into sobs again. My brothers materialized out of nowhere, sandwiching me between them as they walked me through the house to where our band equipment was set up. “Chicks, man,” Chris said. “That’s why you can’t commit. They get all psycho attached.”

  Tyler shook his head. “I always knew she’d be a stage five clinger.”

  “Shut up, Tyler. Geez. Can you have a heart for once in your life?”

  “But—”

  “Just lay off it, okay? I’m not in the mood.”

  “Sorry. You’re right. I’m sure it sucks. But don’t worry, you’ll feel better once we get your guitar in your hands and put you in front of a mic.”

  I couldn’t argue with that. I needed to release some serious tension, fast, or I was going to lose my temper in a major way the first time one of my brothers tried to shove some girl at me—which they were bound to do the first chance they got. “Where’s Jordan?”

  “She went to grab a drink, but don’t worry. She promised to be front and center for the show. You ready?”

  “I’m ready.”

  . . . . .

  It felt amazing to play with my brothers again, to just rock out to some of our favorite songs the way we used to nearly every day growing up. If Bret’s party hadn’t been epic before, it certainly was once Triple Threat started rocking the house. Even with as much booze as people were consuming, the energy in the room was high. At least, it was until we played the four songs I’d written. Sure, people listened with curiosity and danced along, clapping and cheering. But the buzz in the air wasn’t the same as when we broke out with some Fall Out Boy or a classic Tralse song.

  Realizing that Blaze was right about the mediocrity of my songs sucked harder than the drama with Sophie had, but I couldn’t deny the truth. Yeah, we didn’t have Austin playing the piano, and using the dubbed track wasn’t the same, but still, the songs didn’t measure up. Performing them for real, in front of a real crowd mixed in with songs that were popular for a reason, finally made me understand what Mr. Hendricks had meant when he said I was missing my sound.

  I had no clue what my sound was, but I could now hear that it was missing. None of the four songs I’d written so far were good enough. Not for the radio, and not for the showcase. They weren’t bad, but they weren’t anything to get excited about, either. They were exactly what Mr. Hendricks had said they were—generic. That wasn’t me being self-conscious; it was me accepting the truth. It was a pretty awful reality to be hit with after everything that went down with Sophie, and by the time we were done playing, my head killed and I just wanted to go home. Of course, I wasn’t so lucky. I didn’t even have my guitar put away before Chris was standing over me, red Solo cup in hand. “Show’s over. Time to party.”

  “I don’t suppose there’s any chance of us leaving now?”

  “None. You, liar liar pants on fire, do not get a free pass tonight.” When I rolled my eyes, he pouted at me and tried to hand me the cup again. “Come on. Hang with me. Ty abandoned me and I’m bored.”

  “Fine. But we’ve got to find Jordan first.”

  Chris laughed. “She’s fine. Who do you think Ty abandoned me for?”

  “She’s with Tyler?”


  Chris nodded slowly, narrowing his gaze. “Is that a problem?”

  “Duh. Like I trust Tyler with her.”

  I started scanning the room for my brother and my roommate. There was no way I was going to let that happen. Chris followed me, taking a swig of the beer in his hand when I didn’t take it from him. “She’s a big girl, Runt, and they’re both single,” he said as we moved into the next room. “If they want to get drunk and hook up, that’s their business.”

  I almost hit him. I almost punched Chris just for suggesting Jordan and Tyler would do such a thing. It was a gut reaction. Chris’s eyebrows shot up, and he quickly smirked. “Or we could go find them.”

  “Thank you.” I sucked in a breath and cracked my neck. My whole body was so stiff I had to physically unlock it before I could start walking again. Then I moved quickly, scanning the crowds in each room with urgency.

  I’d kill Tyler if he laid one finger on Jordan. I wasn’t normally so possessive, but I’d promised Colin I’d look out for her. Unfortunately, Tyler was just Jordan’s type, and she’d probably trust him because he was my brother. But Tyler’s love ’em and leave ’em policy was pretty much set in stone.

  “Chill, Runt. They’re right over there.”

  I followed his gaze and breathed a sigh of relief. They weren’t upstairs in a dark room somewhere. They were only dancing, and from the looks of it, Jordan was having fun, but not responding to any of Tyler’s advances. When they spotted Chris and me, Tyler’s face fell slightly, but Jordan’s perked up. “Nate, save me!” She seemed to have a case of the giggles. “He’s making me dance!”

  “Teaching you to dance,” Tyler corrected.

  He spun her around and she almost fell. I caught her just in time, and she ended up in my arms. I laughed at her. “Looks like he’s a crappy teacher. You’re a horrible dancer.”

  She snorted as I put her back on her feet. “Why do you think I never do it? Can we go yet? I’m ready for some peace and quiet.”

  Tyler and Chris both groaned. “Seriously?” Tyler asked. “You’re as bad as he is. You’ve only had one beer, and it’s not even midnight yet.”

  Jordan giggled again. “Sorry. I’m not much of a party person. I just wanted to see you guys play. But you guys don’t have to leave. You can just give us the keys. Then you can talk some poor, unsuspecting girls into taking you home for the night.”

  Chris slugged Tyler’s shoulder. “I think he was hoping you would be his poor, unsuspecting woman tonight.”

  I gritted my teeth, but Jordan only laughed. “I am neither poor, nor unsuspecting,” she said, sliding her arm around my waist, almost as if using me as protection from the big bad wolf. I was more than happy to play the role, and wrapped my arm around her. “Nate has warned me about the both of you since almost the first minute we met. And considering you’re both too gorgeous for your own good, I’m inclined to believe him that you’re trouble. I’ve had enough trouble to last me a lifetime. I’m ready for safe and steady.”

  Chris and Tyler were both very unimpressed with Jordan’s speech. Chris exaggerated a yawn and Tyler grumbled, “Party poopers.”

  Chris handed over the keys with a sigh. “Whatever. You two deserve each other.”

  Could it really be that easy? Were they really letting us go? This had to be Jordan’s doing, because if I’d been on my own, they never would have let me leave a party early. Jordan snatched the keys from Chris’s hand, beaming with triumph, and kissed his cheek. “Thanks. I’ll make it up to you. How about I take you out tomorrow and let you drive my car?”

  Chris’s pout dissolved into a grin. “Sweet.”

  “Yes, you too,” Jordan told Tyler before he could cry foul. “Just don’t get too wasted tonight. I’m not letting you behind the wheel of my car if you’re too hungover to see straight.”

  They both gave her salutes and then dissolved into the crowd. I was still staring after them when Jordan gave me a squeeze. “You ready?”

  “I think they like you better than me.”

  Jordan laughed. “Don’t take it personally. I have a Ferrari.”

  “Very true.”

  Our moment was interrupted when a very drunk Sophie climbed up on the coffee table in the front room and shouted in a slurred singsong voice, “Na-than An-der-son!” The room quieted and people gathered around to watch the coming spectacle. She sighed when our eyes met. “I was going to marry you.”

  She swayed as if she was fighting losing consciousness. I dashed across the room, worried that she would fall. I tried to get her down, but she pushed me away. “No! You don’t get to act like you care about me! You dumped me!”

  People started laughing, and a few lifted their phones to record the scene. I needed to get her out of here. Sophie never drank. Never lost her composure. She prided herself on being put together all the time, being responsible. She would be humiliated about this in the morning. “Sophie, come on.” I held my hand out to her. “Come down. I think you’ve had enough to drink.”

  She laughed. “No, I haven’t. I haven’t had nearly enough to drink, because it still hurts.” She blinked down at me. “It still hurts, Nate.”

  “Soph…” Words failed me, so I shrugged. “I’m sorry.”

  I glanced around, looking for Jordan. She’d been giving me some space, but seeing the panic in my eyes, she stepped forward. “Breakups should come with an instruction manual,” I muttered. “What am I supposed to do?”

  Jordan shrugged. “Don’t look at me. I threw a soccer ball at Greg’s face.” Under her breath, she added, “Should have kicked him in the balls.”

  “Oh, look!” Sophie shouted. “It’s the boyfriend-stealer.”

  “Sophie, don’t.”

  “Oh, look,” Jordan muttered to me. “The good girl got drunk at the party and is making a scene. Guess it really is 10 Things I Hate About You.”

  Ignoring her grumbling, I just gave her a look and said, “So what happened in the movie, because I’m at a loss here.”

  Jordan glanced up at Sophie, and though I could see her annoyance, she sighed. “He got her down and got her home safely—after she puked on herself.”

  Made sense. Unfortunately. I was not looking forward to driving Sophie home and facing her parents. But I couldn’t leave her here like this, either. “Okay, here we go.”

  I pulled Sophie down, ignoring her protests. She calmed herself and snuggled in when she realized she was cradled in my arms. Jordan opened the front door for me, and we were quiet as we left the ruckus behind. Sophie’s voice broke the silence. “We belong together, Nate. We do,” she insisted, as if I’d tried to argue. “This is just a phase. You’re in college now, and you think you need to explore all these different paths, but you’ll see. Once the glamour and the newness wears off, you’ll come back to your senses. You’ll come back to me.”

  I chose not to say anything as I placed her in the backseat of the Explorer because she was just babbling now, barely even coherent anymore. She waited until I was in and buckled to finish her thought. “I’ll forgive you, baby. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, I’ll forgive you because I love you, and I know you love me, too. You love me…this is just a phase…”

  Her voice drifted off and was quickly replaced with the even breathing one can only accomplish when asleep. She’d passed out. Jordan and I both glanced into the backseat and then at each other. Jordan tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace. “At least she didn’t throw up.”

  I couldn’t manage a smile, either. Resting my hands on the wheel, I gazed out the windshield and released a long, slow breath. Jordan gave me a minute to sit and decompress before she quietly said, “Are you all right?”

  I pulled myself together and finally put the key in the ignition. “Yeah. I just feel really bad.”

  “I can imagine. I’ve never experienced a breakup from this side of things before. People always make jokes about the exes that can’t let go, but it’s not really that funny, is it?”

&nb
sp; “Nope.” I let out another breath. “Not funny.”

  “Well, let’s get her home and then find a 24-hour convenience store. We can split a pint of Double Fudge Chunk before bed.”

  That got a small smile from me. “Hey, this is my pity party,” I said as I pulled onto the road and headed for Sophie’s house. “I get to choose the flavor.”

  I didn’t sleep well. My head was running in overdrive, and I tossed and turned all night. At some point my thoughts turned from Sophie to my upcoming showcase. It was only a month away now, and I needed something new. I didn’t just need a new song; I needed a sound. How in the world was I supposed to discover my sound?

  I was sitting on my makeshift bed on the couch, just sort of mentally processing the previous day, when Jordan stumbled groggily from my room. She was showered and dressed, but still zombielike since she hadn’t had her morning wakeup juice yet.

  Seeing me sitting there awake, she started to smile but then stopped and cocked her head to one side. “Uh-oh. I know that face. That’s your I’m-back-at-square-one-and-I-only-have-a-month face.”

  I grimaced. “You noticed it last night, didn’t you? You heard the difference.”

  Jordan gave me a sad smile. “I’m sorry.”

  She joined me on the couch, curling up in a ball next to me, and rested her head on my lap. After pulling the blanket I’d slept with up over her shoulders, she snuggled in for the long haul. It may have been morning, but she wasn’t ready to be up yet. I was glad.

  Sitting there with Jordan, doing nothing, just enjoying the silence and one another’s presence, was the most comfortable I think I’d ever been in my life. We had these kinds of moments often now, and they were always my favorite. I could have stayed there with her like that forever, and right now, especially, I needed the peace and the company.

  I was also glad she knew what I meant about my songs without me needing to explain, and that she didn’t try to pacify me with hollow compliments. Being an artist herself, she’d been through critique and failure before. She understood this was part of the process and knew the value in honesty.