Once Upon a Duke's Dream

by Ellie St. Clair

  She had a point. It was one thing to come to the past and do without. True, you knew what you were missing out on -- running water, sewer systems, and antibiotics came to mind -- but there was no fear of the unknown, which, he knew, was the worst fear of all .

  “I understand,” he said, bowing his head, pressing his forehead against hers. “I didn’t think, I’m sorry. It was a dream. Although perhaps that is what this whole experience has come down to. An illusion, a dream of something that could never be .”

  “Why?” she asked, the tears back. “Why could you not stay here ?”

  “You are to marry another,” he said. “If you were to break the engagement, what would happen? Your family, your clan, could be ravaged by someone as powerful as the Keiths. I understand that well enough. I want to save you and I want to be with you, truly I do, but is that what you want ?”

  “No,” she said softly. “I canna be the cause of so much devastation, especially to those I love .”

  “Perhaps I could talk to Fiona, get her to watch over you or get you out of this situation --”

  She stopped him with a finger on his lips .

  “She would help if she could. I can take care of meself, Bryan. I know I look like a slight thing, but I’m stronger than you think.” She attempted a small smile. “I know you dinna want to let it close again. Now is the time .”

  He spanned his hands across her face and leaned down, taking her lips with more intensity than he ever had before. He wanted so badly to take her with him, or to stay with her, but the words she spoke were true .

  He finally broke the kiss, staring deep into her eyes. A snap drew their attention back to the shimmering light which seemed to be fading, and she whispered, “Go.” He threw on his pajama pants, and kissed her again, hard and quick .

  “I’ll never forget you,” he said .

  “Nor I you .”

  With that, his eyes holding onto hers, he stepped backward until she disappeared from him and everything went black as he fell into the void .

  * * *

  Bryan landed with a thud. He had been unprepared for the travel the first time, and now he had been too distracted to think on about was happening. Sorcha… the way she had looked, the despair on her face, was more than he could take .

  He shook his head to clear it, and looked around him at the room. It was eerie. It was similar yet… so different. Where Sorcha’s room had ended, now it continued down to an ensuite and walk-in closet, completely tiled and upgraded to modern times. Bryan stripped off the plaid pajama pants that had seen better days. He didn’t know how laundry worked in 1546, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He had never bothered to ask. He didn’t know what to do with the pants now -- did he throw them out, or keep them as a reminder of all that had happened to him ?

  He headed for the shower, hoping it would revive his spirits. How could it not? It had been days now since he had felt running water over him. He stopped before he got in. Once the water sprayed over him, he would wash away Sorcha’s scent, any part of her that still remained with him… stop it, he told himself. Don’t be a sap, that’s ridiculous .

  He stepped in and embraced the river of water that flowed from the showerhead. It wasn’t the most pressure he had ever felt, but he figured it was the best shower he would ever have throughout his entire life. He washed away the grime from the past, and stood, watching it swirl down the drain. When he finally emerged, he dressed, all his clothes still where he had left them in his suitcase. How long had it been? he wondered. He found his iPhone where he had left it plugged in beside the bed. It was about 10 days later, the same amount of time that had passed for him in 1546. He would have thought the portal would return him to the same time he left, but he supposed it also made sense for time to pass at the same rate between the two points it was linked. It certainly wasn't for him to determine the intricacies of wormholes. He knew the basic science, but it wasn’t his expertise .

  He sat on the bed in his jeans, turning on the TV and flipping through the channels, but his mind was elsewhere. It was back in 1546 with a woman who was as sweet as she was strong, as kind as she was tough and determined. He wondered what she did after he left. Did she cry for him? Did she care that much ?

  He knew he cared for her, feeling more than he ever had for another. Which was hard to believe. He had only known Sorcha just over a week. He had known Emilia for years before they determined the truth of what they actually felt for one another. But somehow he knew that Sorcha had laid herself bare, was completely focused on her present, not caught up in the day to day bustle of life that was here in the 21st century. There, they had been focused on getting to know one another, not so much on the daily activities that took up so much space here .

  After mindlessly flipping, he found nothing on TV. He picked up his phone and scrolled through his messages, but there was really nothing of importance. A few emails from colleagues and students with questions regarding his classes, but no one asking after his welfare or wanting to see vacation photos .

  He tossed the phone down and realized he had never felt so alone in his life. He didn’t really know what to do with himself. He had come to find Emilia, and that much he had accomplished. But now, did he just pack up and go home? He supposed so. Nothing was keeping him here .

  He picked up his computer and started looking for flights home .

  * * *

  One week later

  Bryan sat at his desk at the university, his finger flicking his mouse as he googled her name. “Sorcha Singleir.” “Sorcha” -- he cringed -- “MacLaughlan.” Nothing. Her name was not in the history books. It was like she had never existed. Although he knew there weren’t records of many people besides the high aristocracy from that point in time .

  He had been back only a couple of days, and he felt entirely out of sorts. Interestingly enough, more out of place than he had in a time 500 years before. Those days had entirely changed something within him, awakened something he didn’t know was there .

  All he had done, besides teaching his few classes, was run and look up information on time travel, on Stonehaven, Fetteresso and Dunnotar. He had looked up Sorcha, all the names of the people he had met, and Emilia, Jaime and their families. All he could find was information he could have gathered from the guidebook .

  He thought only of Sorcha, of their time together and the feeling of her underneath him. His heart ached with emptiness when he thought of her. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that he would never see her, never touch her again. He was in the middle of Central Park, lost in his woefulness, when he nearly ran someone over .

  He righted himself, then looked up at the person in his path .

  “Fiona!” he exclaimed. Her fiery corkscrew curls were everywhere, and she looked at him with a smile on her face, as if it was a complete coincidence she had run into him here in the middle of the park .

  “Ah, Bryan,” she said. “How lovely to see you .”

  “Fiona, my God, what has happened to me ?”

  “What do you mean? Ye went back to 1546, then ye chose to come back to 2017 .”

  “Yes, but I feel… I don’t belong here anymore .”

  “Because ye left your heart back there. With her .”

  Bryan stepped back as a rollerblader whizzed by him, and when he turned back to Fiona, she was gone .

  “Shit!” he yelled out in frustration, then apologized as a couple of mothers glared at him .

  The realization hit him. It the fastest, most rash decision he had ever made in his life. He loved her, and he was going back to Scotland, to 1546 -- to her. If he could. He only hoped it was possible .

  12

  Sorcha

  S orcha smoothed her hair back away from her face, attempting to bring herself together in some semblance of order. She felt terrible, utterly spent. Last night had been both the best and the worst night of her life. She had been awake all night, unable to sleep after Bryan left. She had gone through a tumult of
feelings. She was sorrowful, that was certain. The feeling hadn’t gone away but it had changed somewhat. She then became frustrated with her lot in life, with the fact that she had found such feeling with a man only to have it taken away from her so quickly. Then she became angry. Angry at Bryan for leaving her, and for thinking it would have been no issue for her to walk away from her time period into something new and strange, when it didn’t seem to be an option for him to stay .

  The worst part of it all was that as she watched him step backward into that black void, she had realized she loved him. She had never said the words to him, but he must have known, did he not? She would never have given herself over to him without love .

  He left her here with a bleak future with a man who would likely hurt her -- though she vowed she would never let him touch her where it counted, on the inside. She realized rationally that the direction of her life had not changed by Bryan coming and then leaving. It all stayed the same, but she was forever changed, now that she knew the truth of love .

  That morning she rose from her bed, having not slept a wink, and looked out the window. They were now a week from the wedding, waiting on the Earl of Dunnator to arrive. If he came early the festivities may even move ahead, something she could hardly bear .

  Sorcha dressed for the day in another simple gown, having no maid to help her. She picked up her plaid and wrapped it around herself as she knew there would be a chill to the air as the winter set in .

  She was found in the great hall by the women who were helping her prepare for the wedding. They ensured the dress she was to wear for the ceremony needed no further alterations, and determined how they would design her hair. They wanted to pin it intricately over head, but Sorcha asked if they would leave it long and unbound, leaving her with some vestige of freedom. They shook their heads at her and she laughed ruefully. It shouldn’t make a difference at all, yet somehow it seemed to allow her to hold onto some part of herself .

  By the end of the day she was exhausted, although pleased she had been able to keep her mind off Bryan as best she could. The night, however, was another of tossing and turning. Perhaps it was because he had originally come to her in the night -- mayhap she was subconsciously awaiting his return, or simply remembering the feel of him with her. She didn’t know exactly, but oh she missed him and his teasing words, his high cheekbones, and the tender way he reached out for her .

  When she rose out of bed in the morning, she felt the need to be close to something related to Bryan. Or someone. If she couldn’t be with him, she would go see the woman who had known him better than any other .

  It twisted her stomach a bit to think of Emilia, the beautiful blonde woman who had spent many years of her life with the man Sorcha now loved, but she knew Emilia was deeply in love with her husband, and it had been some time since she had been with Bryan .

  Tears pricking her eyes, she dressed and skipped breaking her fast, as she wasn’t hungry. She hadn’t been able to eat much at all since Bryan had left, such was the misery that engulfed her .

  Godric greeted her in the courtyard as she made her way to the stables. She gave him a nod of her head, not feeling like engaging in conversation, but he came to her side and began walking companionably next to her .

  “I dinna mean to concern you, Sorcha, but I have nae seen your Bryan for the past day or so,” he said. “Has he gone before the wedding ?”

  “He’s not my Bryan, Godric,” she said a bit harshly, and then seeing him raise his eyebrows at her, she softened her tone. “Aye, he’s left. He felt the time was right to leave, and so he has returned to his home .”

  “Where is his home? He seemed loathe to speak of it. I thought mayhap some evil had occurred and so didna push him on it .”

  “His home is far from here. A distant land,” she replied, not untruthfully, but was unable to meet Godric’s eyes. She had always found it difficult to tell a lie, especially to a close friend like Godric, who she had known since childhood .

  Godric cleared his throat, as if he wanted to say something to her, but wasn’t quite sure if he should, or how to do so .

  “I dinna believe he wanted to leave you, Sorcha, but perhaps it is for the best .”

  Her head whipped around as she looked at him .

  “Why do you say that ?”

  “He clearly cared for you, but you are to be married to another. Should he have stayed…. It would be difficult to watch a woman you care for wed another man .”

  She nodded and kept her gaze to the ground. “Godric, I believe while Bryan was with us he went to visit friends of his, the Laird Dougal MacGavin and his wife. Do ye ken where they are ?”

  “I do. I found them for him .”

  “Could ye provide me directions to them ?”

  “Even better. I’ll take ye there myself .”

  “You donna need to that,” she said, putting a hand on his arm. “I can go myself .”

  “Nonsense,” he said. “Ye canna go without an escort .”

  Reaching the stables, they found their mounts and set out north. It wasn’t a long ride, and they were there shortly. Sorcha was fairly certain she could have found it herself, but in the end she was thankful for Godric’s presence, as it kept her from being alone with her thoughts, which she was currently trying to avoid .

  Sensing her hesitation as they approached the holding, Godric told her he would wait for her outside. She smiled at him, grateful for how well he knew her and could sense her moods .

  She was led into a sitting area to wait for Emilia, and she twisted her hands in her lap. Now that she was here she felt awfully silly. She didn’t even know what she was going to say to Emilia. This was ridiculous. She stood to leave, shaking her head at herself, but before she could take even a step, Emilia came into the room holding a baby with her husband behind her .

  “Sorcha,” she said, smiling warmly at her. “How lovely to see you .”

  “Pardon the intrusion, milady --”

  “Emilia.”

  “Emilia. I -- I perhaps should not have come here, my apologies. I will leave you be .”

  As she moved to leave, Emilia held out a hand and stopped her .

  “Nonsense,” she said and led her back to the wooden chair. “Sit. Would you like to hold the baby ?”

  “Um — aye, I would,” she said, and Emilia handed her the little girl, who looked to be just a few months old. Sorcha stared into the baby’s soft blue eyes and felt a warmth spread through her. How she would love to have a child of her own. But to have one with Archibald… she shuddered internally .

  “Dougal,” said Emilia, “I believe you have things to do, don’t you ?”

  “Nay,” he said. “I would -- ”

  “Dougal.” Emilia gave him a look .

  “Ah, aye, I could go help in the yard .”

  He backed out of the door, leaving Emilia and Sorcha alone. Emilia settled herself into a chair across from Sorcha .

  “How is Bryan?” Emilia asked, knowing why Sorcha had arrived .

  “He’s gone,” she whispered softly .

  “He returned home then?” Emilia asked, raising an eyebrow .

  “He did,” she said, clearing her throat and forcing back the tears that burned her eyes. “Two nights past. The shimmering light appeared after -- after dark. He asked me to return with him, but I did not feel I could. Now I think perhaps that was a mistake. Should I have gone ?”

  Emilia looked at her with sympathy in her eyes. “We each must make our own decisions,” she said. “Staying here, I gave up many comforts of my own time, that’s for sure. However, Dougal living in my time in the future… he would have done it, he said he would, but it would be a hard world to live in coming from the past. Dougal was there for two hours and I swear he nearly died two or three times. But ultimately, it’s up to the two of you .”

  “Well Bryan made his choice,” she said with some vehemence in her voice. “Do I give up my family, my friends, my home for someone who cares not
whether we are together ?”

  Emilia’s eyes flashed .

  “Oh Bryan,” she muttered. “What a fool .”

  “Aye, a fool,” Sorcha nodded, agreeing .

  “Are you still getting married?” Emilia asked her .

  Sorcha sighed. “I dinna believe I have much choice. To not marry could be disaster for my family and my clan. I canna have that on my conscience .”

  Emilia nodded in understanding. “Fair enough, Sorcha. Can I help you with anything else? Do anything for you ?”

  “Nay,” Sorcha smiled wistfully. “Although, perhaps, could you tell me more about him -- about Bryan? I’d like to know more of his life, of what he may be doing, where he is living… I know I shouldna ask, it will only make me miss him that much more, but I need to feel that connection somehow, and there’s nothing else I have of his to remember him by .”

  “Of course,” she said. “I can do that .”

  Sorcha listened in rapt attention as Emilia told her stories of Bryan, of his upbringing. She explained what foster homes were, and of how Bryan was able to still make something of himself. She told of how hard he worked to earn a scholarship to receive an education, of his work in philosophy -- including a brief description of what philosophy was. Sorcha couldn’t believe there was a whole study regarding life’s morals and dilemmas, but she was fascinated and now understood the deep conversations Bryan had initiated. Emilia also told her of Bryan’s interests, what his home looked like, and the city he lived in .

  Dougal appeared after some time, inquiring if all was well .

  “Oh aye!” Sorcha said as she gave Emilia back the baby, who had fallen fast asleep in her arms, “My apologies, Lady -- Emilia. I should not have kept you for so long. Thank you. Thank you very much. I shall treasure all ye have shared with me .”

  “Good luck, Sorcha,” said Emilia. “Be happy. If you need me, you know where to find me .”

  Sorcha nodded and ran out of the manor. She was grateful for Emilia, she truly was, but she wanted to be away from the happy family who reminded her of all she was missing in her life. She had forgotten Godric had been awaiting her, and he ran after her as she raced toward the stable for her horse .