“Tomato. To-mah-to.” In one corner of the room was a red chair covered in black writing of a language I didn’t recognize. “What’s written all over this chair?”
“Words and sayings from my native country.”
I looked at Sophie confused. “Atlanta?”
“Italy, you dumbass! Since when did Atlanta become a country?”
“That’s why I was confused!”
Rolling her eyes, she mumbled, “Cristo, sei un coglione.”
I had no idea what Sophie had said, but I was sure it had some form of the word asshole.
Finishing a complete circle of the room, I found myself back at the entryway in front of Sophie. She held up a shiny silver key dangling from a big yellow daisy keychain. “This is yours for the time being.”
I took the girly key. “My balls just shrank two sizes.”
Completely ignoring my comment, Sophie continued, “Since this is spur of the moment, I reserve the right to add rules as I see fit.”
“You’re so domineering. I like that.”
She pointed a pale pink painted fingernail at me. “Rule number one, none of that.”
“None of what?”
“Lewd and/or lascivious comments.”
My eyes narrowed. “That’s no fun.”
“You and I are not associated in that way.”
“But you love when I’m lewd and/or lascivious.”
“Whatever gave you that idea?”
I took a step toward her. “At the moment, the way your nipples are popping out underneath that robe. Nip-a-dee-do-da.”
“Don’t flatter yourself. You can always rent a boat and go back to your swamp of a condo.”
I stepped back, raising my hands in surrender. “Okay, I’ll try to refrain, but it’s not going to be easy. You know what you do to me.”
“Rule number two, nothing strewed about anywhere at any time. This includes items such as, but not limited to damp towels, T-shirts, pants, boxers, shoes, and socks. Your room is at the top of the stairs. Please keep all your items contained within those four walls.”
“Fort Knox isn’t this strict.”
“You do your own laundry, buy and cook your own food.”
“Is that rule three or three, four, and five?” I said sarcastically.
“Rule six, don’t make fun of the rules.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Squaring her shoulders, she looked me directly in the eye. “One more thing… No women.”
I aimed my ear in her direction. “Come again?”
“You heard me.”
“Any particular reason for that rule?”
“Because I have no desire to see a plethora of your fuck buddies traipse through my home.”
“In other words, it would break your heart.”
“If you bring a woman into my house, the only thing that will be broken is your dick. Got that, Romeo?”
I sucked in a sharp intake of air. “Geez, you always go for the crotch.”
“It bodes well for you to remember that. It’s been a long and stressful day… And night. I’m headed to bed. Get your bags. I’ll show you to your room.”
I bent over and grabbed the handles of my suitcases. When I straightened, I got an eye full of Sophie’s perfect heart-shaped ass bouncing up the stairs.
“Fuck me,” I mumbled under my breath.
“You’re on the verge of breaking rule number one already,” she said, tossing the comment over her shoulder.
Once at the top of the stairs, Sophie opened the door to my new temporary home and I tossed my bags inside.
Waving her hand, she indicated a door at one end of the hallway. “That’s your bathroom.”
“So where’s your room?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Come on, Soph.” Looking past her, I tallied up the options. “There are only… one… two… three other doors up here. Eventually, I’m going to figure it out.”
“The only thing you need to focus on are the rules. Do I make myself clear?”
“Crystal.”
Tilting her chin up, Sophie glared as her expression hardened. “I’m going to keep my eyes on you even when you think they’re not on you.”
“Voyeurism. That’s hot. I’ll flex as much as possible.”
“Good night, Doug.”
Sophie didn’t budge.
“You’re waiting for me to go into my room first so I won’t see you walk to your room, aren’t you? Don’t you think that’s a little whacky?” I said, tossing in some jazz hands.
“I said good night.”
“Okay, I get it. You don’t want me to know where your room is, because if I did you’d be tempted to beckon me to it.”
“I’m tired and becoming increasingly more annoyed.”
I leaned against the doorframe and crossed my arms, emphasizing my muscular forearms. “I want to respect your wishes and even help you out. I’ll lock my door in case you wake up in the middle of the night with an uncontrollable hankerin’ for some Doug lovin’.”
Reaching around, Sophie grabbed the doorknob and began shutting the door, causing me to jump back before I got crushed. I counted to five before slowly easing the door back open and poking my head out. Sophie was walking toward the third door down on the left. Damn, she looked good coming and going.
As if she had a sixth sense, Sophie stopped in her tracks but didn’t turn around. She didn’t have to. I felt the rage radiating off of her tight little body. I knew if my head hung out of the room any longer, it would be decapitated. I slowly slipped back into the room and quietly closed the door.
Shacking up with Sophie wasn’t exactly playing out the way it had in my fantasies. For one thing, she answered the door with clothes on. The faint click of a door closing caught my attention. No doubt it was the entrance to her bedroom. Silly, silly girl, trying to keep the location a secret. If for no other reason than to see her creamy skin turn beet red, I made it my mission to do a quick search and discovery in the near future. They didn’t call me Tenacious D for nothing.
STILL IN A sleepy haze, I shuffled out into the hallway the next morning to the sound of the shower running and whistling. For a second I was confused, but then remembered I had somehow acquired a roommate the night before. A shudder coursed through my body as I questioned my judgment or lack thereof. I made my way toward the stairs when the water stopped and was replaced with the deep voice of Doug singing what sounded like a show tune.
Suddenly, the bathroom door swung open revealing a completely naked Doug, scrubbing his hair dry with one of my towels. One of my good towels only used for special guests. He was mostly dry except for his chest where the water glistened off his skin. My gaze followed a lone drop that slowly slid down his pec to his nipple. The vision of me licking that drop away filled my head. Automatically causing my Kegel exercises to kick in.
Clench.
Unclench.
Clench.
“Shit! Sorry, Soph. I thought you’d already left for work,” he said, wrapping the towel around his waist.
I continued to stare at the droplet.
“Hey, Soph, my eyes are up here.”
My gaze lifted. “Wipe that smirk off your face. I know where your eyes are, jackass. Do you make a habit of walking around naked after a shower?”
“Yeah. It dries out all the nooks and crannies.”
“You have forever ruined English muffins for me,” I said.
I should have walked away. No good could come from being this close to a naked wet Doug. But it was too tempting of an opportunity to let pass by without some commentary.
Placing one hand on the banister and the other on my hip, I tilted my head to one side. “Were you singing a show tune?”
I didn’t know if his cheeks were red because of the hot shower or because I’d caught him in an unguarded moment. “You heard that?”
“Oh, yeah.” I smiled.
“What are you implying?”
“
What are you inferring?” I shot back.
“Are you questioning my manhood because I enjoy an occasional Broadway tune?”
“That’s not the only reason.”
Simultaneously our gaze dropped to his crotch and then bounced back up.
A serious expression washed over Doug’s chiseled face. “I just stepped out of a hot shower into a cold room.”
“Funny, whenever I take a hot shower the room stays toasty for quite a while.”
“Well, you got yourself a mighty big draft in this bathroom.”
“Duly noted.”
“I’ll have you know that song is from the classic Gypsy. A musical about a stripper. A hot singing stripper.”
“I gotcha, big guy.” I winked.
“Why are you winking? I’m one hundred percent all man inside and out.” He shifted the towel.
Holding up my hand, I stepped toward the stairs. “Bop, bop, bop… I know you are.”
“Then why do you sound like that?”
“Like what?’
“Mocking.”
“I need my coffee.”
“Soph!”
Halfway down the stairs, a chuckle escaped me. “I’m not mocking you, Doug.”
“I heard you laugh. Get back up here and I’ll prove how much of a man I am.”
“By the way, you can keep the towel.”
“Don’t walk away thinking less of me.”
“Doug, there is no possible way I could think less of you.”
Giggling, I made my way down the stairs in search of coffee.
I ALMOST RAN after Sophie to explain the physiological effects an abrupt temperature change had on the human body. Shrinkage was a real thing. But my body and eyes were locked, mesmerized by the vision descending the stairs. Her hair was gathered up into a knot on top of her head with a few loose strands swirling around her face. Gone was the silk robe she answered the door in last night. In its place was a silky pink T-shirt that hit right below her perfect cheeks. I prayed for the shirt to rise up revealing her naked ass, but the gods were not on my side. It was as if the material had been super glued to her skin. My gaze roamed down her thighs then to her shapely calves.
Damn, she gave good calf.
The longer I stared the more Little Dougie twitched underneath the towel. When I was about to tear myself away, go into my room and take care of business, something occurred to me. Sophie knowingly came out of her room sans robe. Furthermore, she made no attempt to run back to her room to grab said robe in order to cover up her luscious body. She’s no fool. She knew exactly how sexy she looked and made a point to have me see her. What kind of game was she playing, the saucy little sphinx. Or was it minx? No matter. Either way, she was saucy.
I walked back into my room, closed and locked the door. When hand hit dick, it was like throwing a match onto a gallon of gasoline. I came hard, fast, and frankly could have used a nap afterward. As I got dressed for work, my thoughts flipped back and forth between Sophie’s motives and her morning ensemble.
Maybe staying here wasn’t the best idea. I assumed the makeup she wore all the time played a pivotal role in her hotness. But seeing her this morning with a clean face, I realized just how beautiful she really was. And if she was going to prance around here with her hips swaying from side to side, and dressed skimpily, it could be very stressful and detrimental to Little Dougie.
Sure, I could have stayed on one of my other friend’s sofas… except for Ronnie’s. It had been five years and Julia still hadn’t gotten over what happened at their wedding. How the hell was I supposed to know the maid of honor was her younger sister and that warm piss could cut straight through a solid ice sculpture? Poor unicorn, never saw that golden shower coming.
So even though I had other viable options, I figured why not take a shot and reach for the stars. Sophie and I had spent a lot of time together over the past five years, but never really alone. There were stolen moments of grab ass. I mean, Soph got pretty handsy when the wine flowed. But something or someone would always interrupt us. The night of Hart and Bryson’s wedding I thought I was finally going to get my chance and start the process of getting this woman out of my system. But no such luck.
Seeing how bothered Sophie was when she thought Hazel and I were dating had given me a renewed sense of determination. I had to have sex with Sophie and soon. From the first time I laid eyes on her, she invaded my thoughts. In the past I’d been able to push her to the back of my mind a few days after seeing her. But as the years have gone by it’s gotten harder and harder to do for some reason. I figured if we were in close quarters on a daily basis there was no way she could resist me for long. What I didn’t factor into my plan was that I could get a hard-on in two seconds flat by thinking of her fully clothed. I never considered that she’d look scorching hot with messy hair and no makeup. The more I thought of her the harder I got. Glancing at the clock I saw that I had a few minutes to spare. So prior to zipping up, I once again released the anaconda before heading downstairs.
WITH MY SUIT jacket slung over one arm and a satisfied smile across my face, I straightened my tie as I walked downstairs. When I got to the bottom step, I glanced up and froze. Sophie was sitting in the large overstuffed chair with a fluffy blanket wrapped around her legs, sipping coffee, and flipping through her iPad. Sunlight was streaming through the window warming one side of her. More wisps of hair framed her face. My God she was breathtaking. And in this light an angelic quality radiated off of her.
“Stop staring at my tits,” she snapped.
So much for the angelic quality.
I draped my suit jacket over the banister and made my way over to behind the sofa. “I’m not staring at them. Well, I wasn’t at first, but now that you’ve brought them up. Are you wearing a bra? Because if you’re not, bravo on the perk-a-tude.”
She pierced me with her violet eyes and a blank expression.
“Since I haven’t had a chance to go to the grocery store, do you mind if I snag a cup of coffee and some breakfast?”
She sat back in the chair actually contemplating whether or not I should starve.
“I guess it’s okay for today.”
With raised brows and looking as pathetic as possible, I said in my best British accent, “Thank you, ma’am, for being so kind as to spare a morsel of food.”
“Don’t push it.”
Once in the kitchen, I turned the Keurig on and started opening up cabinets looking for breakfast. The cupboard was bare except for a box of Ritz crackers. I checked the fridge and the story was about the same. There was some cheese, a bunch of grapes, three bottles of wine, and bottled water but nothing else. I tore off a handful of grapes, grabbed my coffee, and headed back into the other room.
Sitting on the sofa across from Sophie, I popped a grape in my mouth. “You’ve got quite the smorgasbord in there.”
She continued looking at her iPad. “I’m not a chef like Bryson.”
“I’ll hit the grocery store after work.”
“Suit yourself.”
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
“This is nice,” I said.
“What?”
“Us sitting here sharing breakfast and talking.”
Never looking up, she muttered some Italian I didn’t understand but had a feeling it wasn’t a pleasantry.
“I can pick up some takeout for dinner. What are you in the mood for, besides me?” I grinned.
Silence.
“You’re not really a morning person, I gather. Which is fine. My roommate in college was horrible in the morning. God, if I made one little sound, he’d blow a fuse. Have you ever tried not to make any sound at all? It’s impossible. In fact, trying not to make a sound only causes you to make one… followed by another… and another… and another. Each one more amplified than the last, until the entire room is noisy. I didn’t used to be a morning person but…”
Slowly she raised her head. “What’s happening here?�
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“Nothing. I just… um… What would you like for supper tonight? My treat. Think of it as a thank you for letting me stay here.”
“Don’t worry about it. I can take care of myself.”
“I realize that. But you do eat, right? I mean, there’s no way you got those curves by eating only cheese, grapes, and crackers.”
Her head snapped up, causing the loose ball of hair on top of her head to wobble. “Are you saying I’m fat?”
“No! Where’d you get that from?”
“I know what those curves are code for.”
“Code?! There’s no code. You’re a woman! You’re supposed to have curves.”
“Damn straight. I’m not like the stick thin women you’re probably used to dating.”
It was a little too early in the morning to deal with her attitude and assumptions. Besides, I had been a model houseguest thus far.
I leered. “What makes you think I like them thin?”
She sneered. “You seem the type.”
“I’ll have you know, I don’t discriminate. I like all shapes and sizes. And if I’d been with any of them long enough to take a picture, I’d prove it.”
“So what’s been your longest relationship, Doug?”
“By relationship, you mean?” I said, tentatively.
I knew my definition of a relationship was vastly different from a woman’s definition. In a nutshell, I’d meet someone and hop in the sack. If the chemistry was bubbling between us, we’d hook up for a month or so until the magic faded. And it always faded. I never lied or made any promises. I kept things breezy. At times it got a bit sticky, which forced me into the uncomfortable position of ghosting a clinger. Women need to realize if a guy won’t share at least one meal with you then it’s a simple hookup. No breakfast, lunch, or dinner equals no relationship. It’s quite simple, really.
“You know exactly what I mean. How long have you been with one woman?”
“There was that three-day weekend in Miami…”
Her head shook as she went back to reading her iPad. “Pointless.”
“I’ve had lots of relations. So what if I’ve never been in a relationship.”
Her gaze lifted. “Wow, you’re like thirty-two years old.”
Crazy Sexy Love Page 4
