Bound by Tears (Cauld Ane Book 6)

by Tracey Jane Jackson

  Jesska didn’t fully understand everything Amanda was saying, but nodded her head and stayed where she was. She managed to give the police a statement, at least she thought she did, and then Amanda was guiding her to the bathroom and helping her wash her hands. She held out a bright green hoodie someone had retrieved from Marilyn, and Jesska stared at it, not sure why she needed it. Amanda helped Jesska remove her blood-soaked shirt and then, much like a mother did for a child, slid the hoodie over her head and guided her arms into the sleeves.

  “Jess?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I called your parents.” Amanda shoved Jesska’s soiled clothing into a plastic bag and handed her her purse. “They said they’ll meet you at the hospital, okay? Come on, I’ll drive you.”

  Jesska nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

  She prayed the whole way to the hospital, truly believing that Brady would be fine. He’d come out of surgery a little battered and stitched up, and maybe they’d have to postpone Paris, but they’d just go a little later in the summer. Everything would be okay.

  “We’re almost there,” Amanda said.

  Jesska smiled. “Thanks for taking care of me, Winky.”

  “Always, buddy.” Amanda glanced at her with a smile and then focused back on the road.

  “Brady’s going to be so mad.”

  “About?”

  “Having to postpone Paris.”

  “Huh?”

  “He’ll probably need some time to recover,” Jesska said. “Even as much of a badass as he is, I don’t think he’ll be able to go to Paris in two weeks.”

  “No, I wouldn’t expect so,” Amanda said.

  Jesska pulled her compact out of her purse. “Why didn’t you tell me how bad I looked?”

  “Jess, it doesn’t matter what you look like.”

  “I can’t have Brady waking up and seeing this.” Jesska didn’t know if Amanda said anything, more interested in fixing her appearance for Brady. Jesska focused on making herself look as perfect as possible. She wiped at a wrinkled on the borrowed hoodie, grabbed a wet towelette from her purse to try to get some of the blood off her jeans. Her need for everything in its place was on overdrive and anyone watching her would have understood why her siblings had taken to calling her “Messka.” She hated disorder or dirt of any kind.

  “We’re here,” Amanda said, and opened her door.

  Jesska climbed out of the car, shoving her compact back in her purse as she followed Amanda into Emergency and to the nurses’ desk. “We’re looking for Brady King.”

  “Jess.”

  She turned to find her half-brother, Cameron, rushing toward her. Cameron Shane was tall, dark, and one of the nicest people on the planet. A musician by passion, but having graduated the police academy a few years earlier, he was working towards his detective’s badge and played at church on the weekends to “always remember what was important.” He was just about perfect in Jesska’s mind. The epitome of the best big brother a girl could ever hope for. She’d always had a bit of hero worship toward him.

  “Cam, what are you doing here?” she asked.

  “I was close by, but Dad’s on his way.” He pulled her in for a hug. “What happened?”

  “Brady and Jason were arguing and Jason stabbed him,” Jesska said. She refused to feel anything beyond this bare fact. There was only one possible outcome. “I just need to know how long his recovery time is going to be and how soon they can throw Jason in jail.” She looked up at him. “We’re going to Paris.”

  “I know, sissy.”

  “Brady King? We’re looking for Brady King.” A woman’s frantic voice broke through Jesska’s haze.

  “If you will just take a seat, ma’am, someone will be out to speak with you shortly,” the nurse said.

  “Mrs. King,” Jesska called.

  “Oh, Jess, honey. Do you know anything? What happened?”

  Jesska relayed the story, trying to give accurate information.

  Brady’s mom fell into one of the seats, her face ashen as tears streamed down her cheeks. Brady’s dad arrived within minutes, and Jesska found herself having to relay the story again. She started when Cameron wrapped an arm around her shoulders and forced her to sit down. “What are you doing?”

  He gripped her chin gently. “You’re in shock, Jess. This is going to hit you, and when it does, I want you sitting down.”

  Jesska’s heart raced when a doctor approached Brady’s parents, pulling a chair up to sit facing them. “We did everything we could.”

  “So, he’s okay, right?” Jesska jumped in.

  “I’m sorry. No. We couldn’t save him.”

  “No,” she whispered as Brady’s mother melted down beside her. “No. Wait, doctor, can you try again? Jason only stabbed him twice. People survive that kind of thing all the time.”

  “The knife pierced the heart, unfortunately, and he bled out before he got here. There was nothing we could do. I’m sorry.”

  “No!” Jesska rasped. “No, no, no, no.”

  “Can we see him?” Mrs. King asked, reaching out to squeeze Jesska’s hand.

  The doctor nodded. “We’re getting him cleaned up, and if you’d like to see him when we’re done, then yes, you can.”

  Jesska stared at her brother, not sure what she was supposed to do. She felt like her body was on fire and there was a buzzing in her brain whenever she tried to think…put any of this into some form of order. It was like the walls were closing in on her and she was claustrophobic.

  * * *

  Cameron sat beside his sister, watching her as the shock wore off. Her body started to shake and as she rocked back and forth in her seat, she kept saying Brady’s name over and over again. He glanced up at her best friend. “Amanda, would you please ask the nurse for a bucket or something?”

  Amanda nodded and rushed to the nurses’ desk. She returned with a plastic container and Cameron slid it onto Jesska’s lap just before she threw up.

  “How did you know?” Amanda asked.

  “It happens often with shock,” Cameron said. “I’ve seen it before.”

  The doctor returned to take Brady’s parents back to see him, but knelt before Jesska first.

  He took her pulse and called for someone to bring her a blanket. “I think we should sedate you.”

  She shook her head. “No. I want to see Brady.”

  “I can’t let you do that, I’m afraid. Only immediate family.”

  “But…” She burst into tears. “I want to see him. Please, can I see him?”

  “Jess, I think it would be harder on you if you see him like this,” Cameron said. “You want to remember him alive and well, right? He’d want to protect you from those types of memories.”

  “Shut up, Cameron! You don’t know anything. I want to see him.” She stared at Mrs. King. “Please can I go with you? Please.”

  “Sweetheart, you’re not eighteen yet,” Mr. King said, his wife obviously unable to answer. “But if your parents say it’s all right, then I have no problem with you seeing him, okay?”

  Jesska nodded, falling against Cameron before throwing up again. A nurse brought a clean bucket, removing the soiled one. The Kings went back with the doctor, and Jesska completely broke down. She sobbed uncontrollably and her body shook, despite the blanket. Cameron planned to talk to his father about getting her some heavy-duty sedatives to get her through a few days.

  Their father arrived not long after Brady’s parents left the emergency room. He sat down beside Jesska. “Is he okay?”

  Cameron shook his head.

  “They said he died, Daddy,” Jesska mumbled. “But I don’t believe them. I want to see him.”

  “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

  “Mr. King said I could see him,” she said. “He said if you said it was okay, I could see him.”

  “Shhh, sweetheart,” their father whispered. “People are starting to stare.”

  She forced herself to her feet and waved her hands around.
“I don’t give a rat’s ass if people are starting to stare at me! I want to see him! I have to see him!”

  Cameron stood, retrieving the dropped bucket from the floor and pulling his sister into his arms. “Okay, Jess. It’s okay.”

  “I want to see him.”

  Cameron caught his father’s eye and raised an eyebrow. His father shrugged, frowning, but gave him a reluctant nod.

  “I’ll go with you, okay?” Cameron offered.

  Jesska nodded into his chest. “Yes. Okay.”

  “Sit with Dad for a minute and I’ll go talk to the nurse.”

  She sat beside her father and Cameron made his way to the desk. “Hi. My sister would like to see Brady King. She’s been given permission by our father and Mr. King.”

  “I’ll call back there and see what I can do.”

  “I appreciate that,” Cameron said, and headed back to his sister.

  A few minutes later, Jesska’s name was called and Cameron took her hand and led her through the automatic doors. She shuffled behind the nurse, and Cameron wondered if this was such a good idea.

  * * *

  As Jesska followed the woman down the hallway, she felt like she was in some kind of alternate universe. Her emotions swung from calm to panic every few seconds, mostly because she still didn’t believe that the love of her life was dead. Everyone had it wrong.

  The nurse led her into a brightly lit room. Brady was lying face up, a sheet covering his lower body, his perfectly formed chest exposed, the blood that she remembered seeping through his clothing no longer visible. Just an open wound.

  “He’s so pale,” she whispered. Cameron took her hand, but she pulled away and stepped toward Brady. She ran her hand up one of his chiseled arms, unprepared for how cold he felt. Laying her palm against his chest, she leaned down and kissed his cheek. “Wake up now, Bradykins. I think the joke has gone far enough. It’s not really funny anymore.”

  He didn’t respond, and Jesska stared at him. Only, it wasn’t him. Everything that was Brady was gone. His essence, his energy, he was gone. She allowed the sadness to wash over her. She was going to feel this. All of it. She laid her cheek on his chest and let her tears fall.

  “Jess?” Cameron said, gently. “I think we should go.”

  “Just one more minute,” she begged as she kissed Brady’s chest, then his face again. “I love you, Brady King. I will love you always. You are it for me. I will never love anyone else. I will carry you with me forever and ever and ever.” With one last gentle kiss on his lips, she let Cameron lead her out of the room and then out of the hospital.

  The next few days were filled with people, some Jesska knew, others she didn’t. Jason had been captured and was being held without bond until trial. The prosecutor would try him on first-degree murder, even though it wasn’t clear yet if his actions had been premeditated.

  The night before Jesska’s graduation commencement, Brady’s parents arrived and asked to speak with her alone. She led them into the living room and sat facing them by the fire. Mrs. King looked exhausted and very, very sad.

  “We have a few things for you, honey,” Mr. King said. “Things that Brady would have wanted you to have.”

  “Okay.”

  Mr. King took the paper bag he’d brought with him and set it on the floor. He pulled out a smaller gift bag and handed it to her. “I know he’d want you to have his purity ring. It’s probably far too big for you, so we bought you a chain in case you ever want to wear it.”

  “Oh. Thank you,” she said, pulling the ring from the bag. It matched hers perfectly. They’d bought them together as an outward sign of their commitment to their faith and each other. She kissed it and held it against her chest.

  “I have some photos in here that I know he’d want you to have. I made sure to scan them so we’d have copies, but thought you might like the printed versions. I would be happy to e-mail you the scanned versions as well.”

  Jesska nodded. “Yes, please. Thank you.”

  Mr. King then pulled out a small blue box and handed it to her. With shaking hands, Jesska took the gift and opened it. Inside sat a white-gold engagement ring with a diamond that was small, but perfect.

  “He was going to propose to you at the top of the Eiffel Tower. He’d talked to your dad and had gotten permission…we had it all planned.” He reached out and squeezed her hand. “If you want to wear it, you can, sweetheart, but if you don’t, we understand that too.”

  Jesska swallowed, trying to force back the tears.

  “We’ll leave you to go through these other things alone. They were very special to Brady, and I know you’ll need some time.”

  Jesska nodded, tears streaming freely down her face. Mr. King rose to his feet, helping his wife out of her seat, and Jesska walked them to the door. Before they left, Mrs. King wrapped her arms around Jesska. “You will forever be welcome in our family. Don’t ever feel you have to call ahead or tiptoe around us. We love you as a daughter, and that will never change.”

  “Thank you,” Jesska managed to squeak out. Brady’s mother released her and stepped outside, her husband following after he’d hugged Jesska.

  She closed the door behind them and dropped her forehead against the door.

  “Jess?”

  She faced her brother and wiped her tears. Cameron hadn’t left her side since that day. He’d even gone so far as to pack a bag and move into the guest bedroom. “You okay?” he asked.

  She shook her head, sobs welling up in her that she didn’t think would ever stop.

  Cameron pulled her against his chest. “Oh, Messka, it’s going to be okay.”

  “No it won’t. It’ll never be okay,” she cried, and pulled away from him. “It’s my fault.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If I’d just kept my mouth shut, they wouldn’t have argued, and Jason wouldn’t have killed him.” She dragged her nails up her arm, relishing the pain. “If I’d just said nothing, he’d be here with me. We’d be planning our trip and then getting married. It should have been me that died. Not him.”

  “What can I do?” he asked, his eyes searching hers. He was always wanting to fix things.

  “Just leave me alone. Please. I just need to be alone.” She grabbed the bag that Mr. King had brought and ran upstairs to her room, slamming the door behind her and collapsing on her bed in a puddle of tears. She opened the little blue box and stared at the engagement ring before lifting it out of the satin and sliding it on her finger. The ring clinked as it touched her purity ring, and it fit perfectly. Of course it did. Brady knew her better than anyone, and did everything right all the time.

  With a determination she didn’t really feel, Jesska forced herself to sit up. She gently poured the contents of the paper bag onto the middle of the bed. She sorted everything into chronological order. Her OCD tendencies were the only thing helping her to cope at the moment.

  She smiled, running her finger over the face of the little teddy bear holding a heart that she’d given Brady on their first Valentine’s Day. She remembered being so nervous. She’d never given a boy anything before, and she wasn’t even sure he liked her. But he’d surprised her with roses and, when their parents weren’t looking, he’d kissed her. It had been her first kiss ever and the first of many to come between them. She laid her fingers against her lips as the memories flooded her mind.

  Jesska touched every item on her bed, committing the emotions to memory. Every picture tore at her heart more and more, but she forced herself to look at them, even though she thought she might die of sadness. A knock at her door sounded but she ignored it. It came again, and she scowled. “Go away.”

  Her brother pushed open the door. “I brought you something to eat.”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  Cameron set the tray on her desk and sat in her chair. “Jess, you have to eat. Megan and Sophia are downstairs, and Megan’s threatening to come up here and force-feed you.”

  “Why?”

 
“Because you haven’t eaten in two days!” Megan pointed out as she forced herself inside.

  “I thought you were downstairs,” Jesska grumbled. Her siblings were everywhere.

  “I was. But now you’re going to eat.”

  “I’m not hungry,” she insisted.

  “Well, you have to eat,” Megan said gently as she pushed into Jesska’s room. Megan was in her forties, but barely looked thirty. Jesska thought she could have modeled, but law was Megan’s passion. That and her daughter, Sophia.

  “I would just puke it up,” Jesska muttered.

  “Cam, give us a minute, okay?” Megan said.

  Cameron nodded, rising to his feet and walking out the door, pulling it closed behind him. Megan sat on the edge of the mattress and slid Jesska’s hair away from her face. “Did Brady’s parents give you this stuff?”

  Jesska nodded.

  Megan grasped her hand, staring at the ring. “Oh, Jessie, it’s beautiful. He did well, didn’t he?”

  Jesska took in a quick breath and nodded. “Did you know, too?”

  Megan nodded with a smile. “Dad told us the other night.”

  “He was going to propose in Paris. I would have said yes.”

  “I know you would have, honey.” Megan grabbed the plate from the tray and set it in front of Jesska. “I would like to know about everything on your bed, but I want you to tell me all the stories while you eat, okay?”

  “I can’t, Megan.”

  “Yes, you can.” She held up the teddy bear. “What’s this from?”

  “It’s from our first—”

  “Eat,” Megan demanded.

  Jesska rolled her eyes and bit into a chip. She grabbed another one as Megan held up something else that interested her. Megan didn’t stop asking questions until Jesska went to reach for a chip and her plate was empty. She’d polished off the sandwich, chips, even the pickle, without even realizing it.

  “You did it,” Megan said, and took her plate from her.

  Jesska took the water she offered and took a swig before nodding. “I guess I did, huh?”

  “How do you feel now?”

  “My headache’s better.”