Bound by Tears (Cauld Ane Book 6)

by Tracey Jane Jackson

  “You’re right about me needing time,” she admitted.

  “I know. You take as long as you need.” Kaspar kissed her hair. “You’re still dealing with a lot of confusion over your feelings, sweetheart, but we’ll sort them out together.”

  She dropped her cheek to his chest, her favorite place to be of late, and closed her eyes. “I feel like when I’m with you, nothing bad can touch me.”

  “Nothing bad can touch you.”

  Jesska raised her head again. “I’m going to hold you to that. I will try to avoid my desire to stop myself from loving you, but you can’t leave me. Whether it’s death or otherwise. Deal?”

  He grinned. “Deal. Now come and have some wine. You’re going to show me your city tomorrow.”

  “Alone?” she challenged.

  “Yes.”

  “No, I mean without Austri.”

  “Oh, then, no.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Will we ever be alone?”

  “We’re alone now, elskan.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  He led her to the sofa and pulled her down beside him. “Outside of my home, my security is never far, but I will speak with them about being less conspicuous while we’re touring tomorrow.”

  She grabbed her wine glass. “Thank you.”

  Kaspar grinned and picked up his own wine. “Now, relax.”

  “Yes, Mr. Bossy Pants.”

  “My pants are bossy?”

  “Probably,” she retorted.

  He chuckled. “Kiss me, elskan.”

  “You kiss me.”

  Kaspar gave her a wolfish smile and did as he was commanded.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  SATURDAY MORNING ARRIVED and Jesska awoke before her alarm. She grabbed her cell phone and noted the time. Nine a.m. She closed her eyes and smiled at the memory of Kaspar kissing her awake after she’d fallen asleep pretty much on top of him, and carrying her to her room.

  “Stay,” she’d whispered, sleepily, and he’d stretched out beside her, pulling her close.

  He must have waited until she fell asleep, because now she was awake and very much alone. She fired off a quick text to him and then headed for the shower. Her fear had been replaced with peace, which couldn’t have come at a better time.

  As she dressed, she peeked out the window and saw the day was gray, but no rain. Even so, she grabbed a warm sweater, knowing it would still be cold. Her phone rang, and she smiled to see Kaspar’s number pop up. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning, sweetheart. How did you sleep?”

  “Really well. You?”

  “Same. Do you want to join me for breakfast, or shall I come to you?”

  Jesska grinned. “Oh, no, mister, we’re going to Voodoo and then the Saturday market.”

  “I’m not really into voodoo, baby.”

  She giggled. “Voodoo Doughnuts. If I’m going to show you Portland, we have to start there.”

  “I’m in your hands, then.”

  “Good. I’m ready if you are.”

  “I’ll meet you in the hall.”

  “Race ya.” She pulled open her door and found him standing on the threshold, grinning. “Sneaky.”

  He laughed, slipping his phone into his pocket and leaning down to kiss her. “Hi.”

  “Hi.” Jesska placed her phone in her purse and smiled up at him. “You’re going to love the Saturday market. So much food, great gift stuff, and tons of people to watch.”

  “Lead the way, baby.”

  They followed Austri downstairs to the awaiting car. Jóvin was driving this morning and Austri rode shotgun. Jóvin was tall with dark hair and deep-blue eyes, whereas Austri was blond like Kaspar. Either Kaspar didn’t hire ugly people, or Iceland was a nation of beauty.

  Arriving at Voodoo, Jesska tugged Kaspar to the back of the line, which was surprisingly short on a Saturday morning.

  Jóvin drove away while Austri stood sentry, a look of displeasure on his face.

  “I take it you’ve never had to wait in line, huh?” Jesska said.

  Kaspar smiled, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Can’t say that I have, no.”

  He said something to Austri in Icelandic and Austri backed away a bit, but not out of sight.

  “Did you find out what he and Jóvin want?” she asked.

  “They won’t want anything.”

  “Kaz, it’s Voodoo. They have to try it.”

  He pulled out his phone and fired off a text…Austri was no longer close enough to speak to without shouting.

  “He doesn’t want anything,” Kaspar confirmed.

  “I’ll pick out something for them.”

  “Jess.”

  “What? It’s my treat and I’d like to buy them donuts.”

  His response was a gentle squeeze. She grinned up at him, unable to hide her excitement. Finally making their way into the crowded bakery, she decided on a dozen doughnuts, varying flavors, picking the chocolate cream one for herself. Kaspar chose the one covered in Fruit Loops, although he looked mildly concerned about eating it.

  “Live a little, Kaz,” she said, giggling as Kaspar handed the box with the rest of the doughnuts to Austri.

  “Tell me again. Are any of these almond?”

  Jesska smiled. “No almond. I promise.”

  She wondered what it would be like to live without almonds. She loved almost everything almondy.

  Kaspar took a bite and grimaced as he chewed. She watched him swallow and grab for the bottle of water Austri handed to him.

  “Not your thing?” she teased.

  “We’ll go with that,” he said. “A little overwhelming on the palate.”

  Jesska laughed. “Suit yourself.” She bit into her treat, humming in pleasure as she chewed.

  Jóvin arrived with the car, and Austri set the box in the trunk before holding the back door open for them.

  “We’re close enough to walk,” Jesska said. “Let’s enjoy the little sliver of sunshine there is.”

  Austri shook his head.

  “Seriously?” she complained.

  “Let’s just do as he asks, elskan. We’ll enjoy the sunshine at the market.”

  “Fine.” Jesska slid in first, difficult to do while holding her doughnut, but Kaspar helped her with her seatbelt and she finished off her breakfast, full of more sugar than she typically consumed in the morning.

  They drove the half mile to where Jóvin could drop them off and Jesska followed Kaspar out of the car, Austri behind them.

  Kaspar took his thumb and brushed the corner of her mouth, slipping his thumb into his mouth. “Chocolate.”

  “Hey.” Jesska frowned. “I was saving that for later.”

  He chuckled and linked his fingers with hers. “Where do we begin?”

  Jesska led Kaspar through the booths and vendor stores, stopping at a few of her favorites, including Lacework Jewelry, where they always had unique, filigree jewelry. She made him try the garlic fries and after he deemed them delicious, he bought his own paper basket full. They were standing in front of the main stage waiting to see who would be playing when the heavens opened up and the inevitable downpour began.

  Kaspar pulled her through the small crowd to shelter, but by the time they were away from the rain, Jesska’s fries were drenched and so was she.

  Kaspar handed her a handkerchief. “We can always buy more, baby.”

  “If I keep eating like this, I’ll gain a thousand pounds.” She dumped the fries in the closest trash can and then blotted her face dry. “It’s fine. It was a nice treat.”

  “Shall we head back to the hotel and get dry?”

  Jesska raised an eyebrow. “But we’re not done.”

  “Baby, it’s pouring.”

  “And it will probably stop in the next twenty minutes.” She smiled. “We Pacific Northwesterners are used to this. This is nothing.”

  Kaspar chuckled, pulling her close and kissing her as the rain continued around them. “If it’s not over in tw
enty minutes, I’m taking you back to the hotel.”

  “Okay, fine.” She gave his waist a gentle squeeze. “For now, give me another kiss.”

  Kaspar complied and they waited for the rain to stop. When it didn’t, Kaspar insisted they head back to the hotel and “continue their day off.” Jesska wasn’t surprised to discover that translated into movies, wine, and a lot of making out.

  * * *

  The next morning Cameron was scheduled to arrive to pick Jesska up for church, and she was late. She’d wanted to blow him off again, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so she was stuck. She pulled on jeans and a black turtleneck, finishing off the ensemble with knee-high black boots. As she slid her watch on, a knock came at her door.

  “You’re early,” she said as she pulled open the door.

  “Am I?” Kaspar asked.

  She grinned. “Sorry. I thought you were my brother.”

  Kaspar walked inside and Jesska let the door close behind him. He gave a wolf whistle. “You look beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “I’m late, though, so Cam’s not going to be happy when he gets up here.”

  “Your brother won’t be getting up here, baby.”

  Jesska paused in securing her earrings. “What? Why not?”

  “It’s a secure floor.”

  She frowned. “But Cam should be allowed up here. My family, too.”

  “Not how it works.”

  “Well, can you make it work that way?”

  He shook his head. “But I will walk you downstairs when your brother arrives.”

  “Oh thank you so much, my liege,” she droned.

  Kaspar smiled, ignoring her snark. “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “You’d come to church with me?” she asked in disbelief.

  “I do have a belief system and a moral compass. It might not be in the form of evangelical Christianity like your brother’s, but it’s a strong Catholic one.”

  “No, I know.” She grimaced. “I’m sorry, Kaz. I really didn’t mean for that to sound like it did. I don’t know what the Catholic church is like where you’re from, so I have no reason to doubt it’s any less genuine than my own beliefs. I guess I just have a tough time wrapping my head around praying to anyone other than God. You know, like Mary or the saints?”

  Kaspar chuckled. “Which I understand.”

  “Anyway, I think I really need to go without you today. I can’t explain it, I just feel like I need to.”

  “Okay, baby.”

  “Are you really okay?”

  “Of course.” He smiled. “I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t.”

  “Thank you.”

  “For?”

  “For always being honest with me.”

  He ran a knuckle down her cheek. “That’s the easy part.”

  “So, so charming.”

  Kaspar chuckled, reaching for his phone in his pocket. “Austri. Hmm, mmm. Já. I’ll walk her down.” He slipped his phone back in his pocket. “Your brother is here.”

  Jesska rolled her eyes. “Yeah, picked up on that, thanks.”

  “Come on. He’s waiting in the lobby.”

  She grabbed her purse, keys, and a jacket and followed Kaspar out the door. He took her hand, linking his fingers with hers as they went downstairs, Austri following.

  Arriving in the lobby, Kaspar handed her off to Cameron, shook his hand, and then kissed her quickly before watching her leave. She gave him a little wave as they walked out the front door and to Cameron’s awaiting car.

  “You used your badge to park illegally,” she observed as she sat in the passenger seat. Cameron’s security badge sat on the dashboard.

  “Membership has its privileges,” Cameron said, and closed her door.

  Jesska giggled.

  Cameron slid into the driver’s seat and started the car, pulling out onto the street and heading to the church on Ankeny. It didn’t take long and the parking gods were watching out for them. Someone pulled out just as they arrived and they got a spot very close to the entrance.

  “Your parking magic still works, I see,” Cameron said.

  Jesska laughed and they climbed from the car. Her brother wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze, and they made their way inside.

  Several of Jesska’s friends were at the service and they rallied around her, pulling her…no, dragging her back into the fold. It was as though she’d never left. No judgment, no pity, just her friends happy to see her. She glanced at her brother and smiled. He gave her his told-you-so look and grinned. She took a few minutes to introduce him to a few of the people who hadn’t met him yet and then it was time to head into the service.

  There was a guest speaker rather than the regular pastor, and Jesska tried not to be disappointed. She’d hoped that Dan, the main teaching pastor, would be there, but Cameron smiled reassuringly and tapped her shoulder with his.

  Worship was awesome; it always was, especially when it was possible to pull quality musicians from the huge pool of a mega church. The congregation sat down, and Jesska’s world closed in around her.

  The speaker walked up to the podium. “Good morning, everyone. Thanks for having me. Today I’m going to be speaking on my favorite verse. We’ll look at it, dissect it, and, I trust, give you something to be hopeful for when you leave today.

  “Please turn in your Bibles to Jeremiah 29:11, where the Lord tells Jeremiah, ‘For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

  Jesska stopped fidgeting, her focus now fully on the stage. This had once been her favorite verse. One she used to hold on to daily…until that happened and she’d abandoned it, along with her heart. By the end of the service, she’d used all the tissues in her purse—luckily, Cameron came prepared—and received a new perspective on heartache and God. She’d confessed in her heart, made her peace, and realized just how much she’d been protected, even in her choice to be angry. She leaned against her brother, felt him kiss her temple, and heard him praying quietly as they sat through the final song.

  She managed to pull herself together enough to say her good-byes as she and Cameron filed out of the church with everyone else, and then they were on their way back to the hotel for Jesska to freshen up. Lunch needed to wait until she didn’t have mascara caked on her face.

  Cameron pulled up to the hotel and squeezed her hand. “I’ll wait here, okay?”

  “Thanks, Cam. I won’t be long.”

  Jesska climbed from the car and rushed to the elevator, arriving at her floor slower than she would have liked. Nodding to Jóvin, she let herself into her room and headed to the bathroom. She’d just wiped the mascara from her cheeks when she heard a knock at the door. She wasn’t surprised and knew who it was. Jóvin would have called Kaspar as soon as he saw her. She opened her door and smiled.

  “Are you okay?” Kaspar asked as he walked inside. “I thought you were going to lunch.” He tipped her chin gently. “Why have you been crying?”

  “I’m fine, I am going to lunch after I freshen up, and I’ve been crying because I realized I’ve been angry for a really long time and I’m done being angry.” He studied her for a few seconds before she pulled away from him and made her way back to the bathroom. “What’s your plan today?”

  Kaspar followed her. “I have a couple of meetings before dinner.”

  She smiled at him in the mirror. “Do you ever not work?”

  He grinned. “I haven’t worked much since I met you, baby. I have things to catch up on.”

  Jesska giggled, turning to face him. “Are you blaming me?”

  “Absolutely,” he said, settling his hands on her waist.

  “I just wanted to be clear.”

  He leaned down and kissed her, and Jesska wove her fingers into his hair. Breaking the kiss, she wiped his lips with a sigh. “That shade of lipstick doesn’t really suit you.”

  “Worth it, though,” he retorted. “Do
you want me to walk you down to your brother?”

  “Code for: I’m forming my demand into a question, so Jesska thinks she has some say in the matter.”

  “Don’t tell me you have me figured out already.”

  She tapped his cheek and sidled past him to grab her purse. “Come on, baby. Protect me from the monsters lurking in the elevator.”

  Kaspar laughed and took her hand. “I am but a lowly knight at your service.”

  * * *

  Monday morning, Jesska slid from Austri’s car and walked into the lobby of her office building. She couldn’t believe she’d only been away from her job for two days. It felt like an eternity. After her lunch with Cameron the day before, she’d arrived back at the hotel to find Kaspar had booked her a massage in her room, and then spent the rest of the evening showing her how special he thought she was. He’d poured wine, served her ice cream, and watched Ever After with her, only complaining twice about Drew Barrymore’s pseudo-British accent.

  “Isn’t he supposed to be a French prince?”

  “Yes,” she’d said.

  “Then why do they have English accents, or I should say, very bad English accents?”

  “I have no idea,” she’d admitted with a giggle. “It always seems to me that American films portraying anyone European are done in an English accent.”

  “And this is your favorite movie?” he’d asked in disbelief.

  “One of them, yes. Dougray Scott is gorgeous.”

  “So you watch it because you think he’s gorgeous?”

  She leaned back and smiled. “I’m not sure I should answer that.”

  “I’m not sure you should either.”

  Jesska ran a finger along his jaw. “He’s nowhere near as gorgeous as you are.”

  Kaspar had smiled and kissed her, settling her closer to him as they returned to the movie. She’d fallen asleep on him again, and woke up to find she was in her bed, tucked in, and without Kaspar. He’d arrived that morning with breakfast, which she could only manage a bite or two of, and drove with her to work, kissing her quite thoroughly before she left the car. She hummed as she rode the elevator to the eleventh floor and then headed to her cubicle.

  “Hey, Jess,” Kim said, popping her head over the partition.