The Longing Within (Desire for Discipline Book 3)

by Kole, Isabella

  “We’re getting married in a few months. I think it’s time I show a little more interest, don’t you?” he asked with a grin.

  She walked to the closet and found a pair of dressy sandals. When she had slipped them on her feet, she went to her jewelry box and found the perfect necklace and earrings to accent the dress. Looking through the box, she finally located a gold bangle bracelet and slipped it on her wrist before picking up her hairbrush and running it through her long, blonde hair.

  “You look ravishing,” John said as he perused her from head to toe.

  “You clean up well yourself,” she said as she took note of his khaki trousers, black shirt and striped tie. He was a good-looking man, with dark hair and a good, solid frame. He was slightly taller than she was and together, they made a striking couple. His dark features made the perfect complement to her blonde ones.

  In the car, on the way to the restaurant, she thought about how he had taken charge in choosing her dress for her. Could she get used to that? She really hadn’t minded, after the initial shock. The next few days could prove to be very interesting. It seemed as though John had every intention of introducing her to the lifestyle in small doses. In fact, she thought it might be rather nice not to have to make any decisions for a change. Lord knows, she made plenty of them from Monday through Friday each week.

  Dinner was perfect, romantic and delicious. The restaurant John had chosen was one Lyndsey had never been to. The ambiance was soft and the conversation was good. “Do you like my surprises so far?” he asked after they were seated.

  “I do,” she answered demurely as she pretended to be interested in the menu.

  “Let me order for you,” he suggested when she couldn’t make up her mind a few minutes later.

  “Of course, go ahead. I’m curious to see what you come up with,” she said as she laid the menu on the table.

  When the waiter arrived to take the order, he ordered salads with house dressing, steaks cooked to a medium degree, twice-baked potatoes and a bottle of the house wine.

  The waiter returned with the wine, opened it, and poured a small amount into a glass for John to taste and when her date nodded, the waiter poured a glass for each of them. Soon after that, he returned with a basket of rolls, butter and their salads. “Will there be anything else right now?” he asked.

  “I believe we’re good, thank you,” John replied politely.

  “This is a wonderful place, how did you know about it?” she asked.

  “Actually, it’s a chain, and there’s one near me. I looked it up online to see if there was one here and when I found there was, I called and made a reservation for us.”

  “Are you ready to move?” she asked as she buttered a roll.

  “I’ve got things in place. If all goes well with Jarrod, I can start moving the office as soon as he agrees to allow me access to the space. How soon can we talk to him about a condo?” John asked.

  “I mentioned it when I talked to Jill about the office. I decided not to wait for Bryan to return. And Jill and Jarrod are who we really need to speak to if we’re serious about wanting to buy one of them. She said the condos will be finished in about a month.”

  “That’s great timing. Hopefully, when I meet with them, we can discuss both.”

  When the main course was brought out, the waiter asked them to cut into their steaks before he left the table. After he was told they were cooked perfectly, he left them to enjoy their dinner.

  “Shall I go with you to meet with them?” she asked a few minutes later.

  “Yes, if you can get away from the office, I think you should,” he replied.

  “That won’t be a problem, now that we are past that pesky deadline we were having so many issues with.”

  They spent the rest of the dinner discussing the wedding details. When they arrived back at the apartment and had settled into her queen sized bed, the subject she’d been avoiding all day finally came up.

  “Have you given any thought to what we talked about the day after the wedding?” he asked as he pulled her close, “the idea of a D/s marriage?”

  “Yes, John, I’ve been giving it quite a bit of thought over the past few days,” she replied. “I’ve done some research and I’ve done some very real soul-searching.”

  Chapter Five

  He looked over at her. It was several minutes before he responded. When he spoke, it was in a low, slow voice. “What did you come up with?”

  “I’ve thought a lot about what you said. You’re right about something.”

  “What’s that?” he asked cautiously.

  “I have a very high stress job. In my professional life, I am in control of a lot of things. A lot of people depend on me. I often work strange hours, it goes with the territory. Perhaps it would be nice to come home and not have to worry about bills and repairs to the washing machine and the many things that are required to keep a household running. Maybe I do need someone to take care of the little things for me. You are your own boss and even though your job does require some travel and some odd hours occasionally, you are more capable of handling life’s little stressors than I am.”

  “In any marriage, both parties should be willing to help the other,” he stated.

  “That’s very true, and although I would like to be a part of major decisions that will ultimately affect both of us, I would like it you were the head of our household.”

  “That being said, what about the other aspects of a Dominant/submissive relationship?” he asked.

  “I’m all for experimenting in the bedroom. I’m not so sure I’m crazy about the punishment part of it. I’d like to think I wouldn’t ever need that.”

  “The relationship can be anything we want it to be,” he pointed out.

  “I don’t want to address you as Sir,” she said quietly.

  “You don’t have to. I’m just happy you’ve taken the time to do your homework and think about it.”

  “I’m glad you finally came forward and told me about your prior involvement. I’d like to ask you a question. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but it’s something I need to know, for my own peace of mind.”

  “What is it?” he asked as he reached over and gently caressed her arm.

  “Your former subs, where are they now? Are they still in your life?”

  John drew a deep breath before replying. He gazed deeply into her blue eyes, so deeply; in fact, she had to look away for a moment.

  “Look at me, Lyndsey,” he commanded softly.

  She turned, so that her face was once again nearly touching his, their eyes locked.

  “You are the only woman in my life, the only one I want in my life. The others no longer exist for me. They’ve moved on. That part of my life is over. It was over the day I met you.”

  “I believe you. I want our marriage to be a real marriage, just you and me, no one else.”

  “It will be,” he assured her. He leaned over and kissed her.

  “There seems to be a longing, deep within me, to be cared for. I think it may stem from the fact I lost both my parents at a very early age,” she offered.

  “Bob and Maeve treated you well, though, didn’t they?” he asked with concern in his voice.

  “They treated me very well. I was like a daughter to them, although they never legally adopted me. One reason is because they always had the notion that Bryan and I would someday marry. I guess my parents and Bob and Maeve used to joke about it when Bryan and I were toddlers. Bob and Maeve always held to it. They thought it was what my parents would have wanted. It took a lot of cajoling on my part and Bryan threatening to marry Janis, with or without their blessing, to convince them it wasn’t meant to be.”

  “I remember,” John replied with a scowl.

  “They treated Janis abominably the first time she met them. I’m surprised she was ever able to forgive them. Then she overheard Bryan and me talking about me coming clean about you and she misunderstood. I thought it was really over f
or them after that. But, in the long run, that misunderstanding is what truly made Maeve and Bob see the truth.” She continued, “They raised me, bought me nice things, Maeve taught me to cook. You know she’s a fabulous chef. They paid for my education, all out of their own pockets. They never once used any of the inheritance I received from my parents. It’s still in an account, available for me when I choose to use it.”

  “That was decent of them. You know, they could just as easily have used that money for your education, or this fancy wedding Maeve insists on throwing us.”

  Lyndsey shook her head. “I offered to use some of that money, but they insisted on paying for my wedding.”

  “I, too, have an inheritance. My mother passed away when I was sixteen. Dad was killed on the job when I was twenty-five. I sold their house and used that money to start my agency. The rest of the money is in an account, probably much like yours.”

  “Mine was put into a trust that I could access at age twenty-one.”

  “You have no brothers or sisters?” she asked.

  “I had a brother. He contracted meningitis when he was seven and lived three days after the illness hit him. It was a horrible time for my family. I didn’t think my mother would survive it. I was five at the time, too young to totally understand, but old enough to know something wasn’t right.”

  “I’m so sorry. That must have been terrible. I was four when my parents were killed. Bryan was six. That’s why he is like a brother to me.”

  “It must have been very confusing for you.”

  “John…how…how did you get into the BDSM scene?” she asked warily.

  He smiled. “Quite by accident, really,” he began. “Before I started my own ad agency, I worked in a larger one. Some of the guys I worked with, all older than I was at the time, invited me to go out with them one night to a club. Little did I know what I was getting myself into that night. The “club” turned out to be a BDSM club in Philadelphia. I was shocked, to say the least, and totally unprepared for what I saw that night. Later, we went out for drinks and one of the guys asked me what I thought. He said they were all members and they could get me in if I was interested. The catch was I would have to take part, not just watch.”

  “You said yes,” she replied.

  “Not right away,” he said with a grin. “I was quite young, just out of college, was having fun playing the field, but didn’t think that was the lifestyle for me.”

  “What changed your mind?” she asked with interest. She leaned up on one elbow to hear his answer.

  “A few months later, I had just gone through a bad break-up with a girl I’d been seeing pretty steadily. I was down and out and one of the guys asked me if I’d like to go back to the club with them that weekend. At that point, I thought what did I have to lose, and I agreed. That time, I actually took part in some of the activities and the next week I became a member. After that, it just seemed natural to me. I didn’t have to worry about getting my heart broken by another girl, I could have fun, exercise my dominant side, that until then, I had no idea even existed. I found that I enjoyed the role playing and the parties.”

  “It became a way of life,” she said thoughtfully.

  “Exactly, until the day a beautiful blonde from Tennessee came to my office to work on ads for her company. The more time I spent with that smart, independent lady, the more I began to think that maybe, just maybe, there was more to life than parties and subs. I thought maybe it was time to try a monogamous relationship again. After all, I wasn’t getting any younger. We hit it off; we had fun together, fun without all the sex and games. And when we finally did reach that part of the relationship, I was satisfied with vanilla sex, for the first time in a long time.”

  “Yet, you’ve asked me to enter into a D/s marriage with you,” she commented.

  “Only if you want to,” he reminded her. “I didn’t feel right about keeping my past from you. When I told you, I decided it was best for you to make your own decision. I knew I ran the risk of losing you. You could have run. You didn’t. I saw the stress you are under with your high pressure job. I could hear it in your voice over the phone. It made me think that maybe I could make your life a little easier by taking control of the household when we begin our life together. I can still do that without the D/s.”

  “I fear you’ll someday tire of the vanilla life and yearn for more,” she said quietly.

  “I don’t want you to agree to this because you think that will happen.”

  “But can you guarantee me that won’t happen?” she asked.

  “There are no guarantees in life. You and I both know that. Every couple that says “I do” runs the risk of failing. I don’t have a crystal ball, but I can tell you that I love you and I want to make a life with you. A marriage, possibly a family someday,” he said honestly. “I don’t want anyone but you. I have every intention of entering this marriage and staying married to you for the rest of our days. If we fail, it won’t be because I’ve wandered back into that life.”

  “Wow, I guess you really laid it all out there,” she said.

  “I’m just being honest. You don’t have to worry about me missing that life and going back to it, so don’t base your decision on that. My life is with you, no matter what.”

  They talked into the wee early hours of the morning about their relationship and what each of them expected of the other. Rules were discussed, among other things. By the time they were all talked out, Lyndsey had made her decision.

  John kissed her goodnight and started to roll over.

  “John?” she asked.

  “Yes?”

  “Make love to me.”

  He turned to her, gently lifted her chin with his hand and raised her face to his. With the moonlight streaming through the window, giving the room a romantic glow, he kissed her. It was a gentle kiss, light, but the mere touch of his lips on hers sent shivers through her relaxed body. His hands caressed her shoulders, gently pushing the thin spaghetti straps of her nightgown down. Without uttering a word, he undressed her slowly. Her hands went to the elastic band of his boxers and she slipped them down over his legs and feet quickly. They lay next to each other, skin to skin, for several moments, drinking in the moment. When his hands began the familiar exploration of her luscious body, it was different, there was no urgency. He was gentle and left no area of skin untouched. She was on fire for him, but he was in no hurry. There would be no toys, no cuffs, and no blindfolds this time. Vanilla sex, pure and sweet, was what the moment warranted. When he inserted a finger inside her wet, waiting core, she melted. Her hips began to move, urging him on.

  John ignored her urgings, taking his time with her, bringing her to climax slowly and deliberately before he finally rolled over, pulling her with him. She didn’t hesitate, but immediately took him inside the warm, velvety opening that waited for him. As she moved up and down slowly, following his lead from before, she marveled at the way he filled her. When the first waves began to roll, she threw her head back and cried out.

  “That’s it, baby,” he coaxed. As he released his seed inside her, she felt complete.

  Later, lying in his arms, drowsy from the hour and their sweet lovemaking, she heard him say, “See, I can do vanilla and it can be perfect.”

  She smiled to herself and said, “Tomorrow we’ll try something else.”

  They slept until nearly ten. When she woke up and looked at the clock on the bedside table, she jumped out of bed. “John, get up. We only have enough time to grab showers and coffee and get out of here if we’re going to make the meeting with Jill.”

  “What?” he asked sleepily as he looked at her as if she were crazy.

  “Come on, get up! We overslept!” She yanked the covers off him.

  “You do realize it’s Sunday, don’t you? Our appointment is tomorrow,” he said matter-of-factly, suppressing a chuckle.

  “Are you serious? It’s really Sunday?” she asked. “I’m so embarrassed. I guess since we were awake most of
the night, I am all mixed up.”

  He held out the blanket for her. “Come on, crawl back under the blanket and I’ll make the coffee. Now that you’ve scared me awake, I won’t go back to sleep.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “No need. It’s time to get up anyway. I’ll be back with coffee. Then we’ll get up and go out for brunch.”

  Over coffee later, they shared a laugh over her excitement when she thought they had overslept. He treated her to brunch at a local restaurant and they decided to take in a matinee after that.

  They cooked dinner together later and spent the evening relaxing in front of the television. It was a very domesticated scene and one that Lyndsey thought she could get used to.

  The next morning they were up in plenty of time to make their appointment with Jill. Lyndsey had put a call in to her assistant; informing her she would be in that afternoon. Now that the current deadline was behind her, her hours were a bit more flexible for a few days.

  “So how are you going to occupy yourself while I’m slaving away this afternoon,” she asked during the drive to the Baine office.

  “I brought some work with me. I figure I can get some hours in on a campaign I’m working on. I might surprise you and have dinner waiting for you.”

  “I hate that I even have to go in to the office while you’re here, but I’m saving my vacation for the wedding and honeymoon.”

  “Have you thought about where you’d like to go?” he asked.

  “It doesn’t have to be anyplace exotic. It’ll be nice just to get away for a week or so,” she replied.

  “I’ll work on that. Since Maeve is handling everything else, I’ll plan the perfect trip for us.”

  “I have no doubt you’ll do just that,” she said with a giggle as he pulled the car into the parking lot.

  “Here goes…one new office and one new condo…coming right up,” he said with a grin as he opened her car door.

  Chapter Six

  Lyndsey looked around the lobby as they waited for Jill to join them. The marbled floor and glass reception desk gave a modern flair to the area. Jill was a competent decorator. It was apparent from the flower arrangement adorning a glass table to the lamp which gave off a soft glow on another table. Comfortable, fabric covered chairs completed the picture.