by Leigh, Ember
One two three one two three one two three.
The iron-clad grip of confusion lessened the deeper he entered into the trance of his workout.
He wanted to call her. He wanted to stop over. At this point, he’d do almost anything to see her again. Just to look at her.
But he resisted those urges like the plague. That couldn’t be the game these days. Not after so much work. Not when she had a bat-shit crazy thing going on with that cop. That’s not a place for you to get involved.
Rationality. A hard-won character trait, cultivated from careful steps and plenty of failures.
One two three one two three Lila two three.
Besides, she left him when he needed her the most. Who said she wouldn’t do it again? He furrowed his brow and punched harder. So he’d stay away from her. Far, far away. With time, thoughts of her would lessen. They had to.
The past two nights had been mostly sleepless, recalling all sorts of long-forgotten memories of their relationship. The shameful lows. The blissed-out highs. Then all the tiny, heartbreaking things in between the two extremes, like the way she’d hug him so tight it felt like a grounding rod to the core of the earth. Their kisses, which had been desperate, as if quenching an ages-old thirst.
Their passion. Holy hell, the passion that only they knew how to sate.
Stop it now stop it now stop it now.
Hopeless. He abandoned the round with a grunt, propping his boxing gloves behind his head. Time for a breather—at least he’d gotten a little quiet time in there, elbowed in between thoughts of Lila. He breathed heavy, pacing the far edge of the gym. Shoes squeaked as other gym-goers practiced on the line of punching bags. Grunts punctuated the air, a synchronistic melody forming from the sounds of the gym.
He wiped his forearm against his face to remove some of the sweat near his eyes. Then he lunged back into his practice, one two three one two three, his thoughts receding into a pleasant buzz in the background.
He stood firm, punching with all his might, biceps aching distantly, until someone approached.
Lex stopped swinging immediately, stilling the bag, breathing heavy as Lila came near. Jesus Christ, what is this? She smiled nervously as she approached, hands dug into the pockets of a zip-up hoodie.
Chest heaving, he watched her come closer, beads of sweat trickling down his chest. As frustrating as the past few days had been, the sight of her wiped it clean. Made him forget that he’d ever felt or looked at anything other than her perfect face.
“Hey, Lex.” She stopped a few feet away from him, glancing around the gym. “Do you have a minute?”
He stared at the clock on the wall. Like it mattered at all. He’d give her all the time in the world. “What’s up?”
She nibbled on her lip, eyes skating over the punching bag. “I wanted to see you.”
He nodded, looking across the room, not trusting himself to meet her gaze. “Okay. Here I am.”
“Um…” She scuffed her foot against the gym floor. “I’m sorry for what happened at my place Saturday morning.”
He slipped his boxing gloves off, nodding. “Sure. No worries.”
A moment passed, and their gazes met, awkward and stilted. “It was dumb for you to be in that position. Totally unnecessary, actually.”
“Hey, if you like guys who treat you like that, not my business.” His heart wrenched in his chest, her words ringing in his ears from the other night: We used to fuck sometimes. That’s all. The way she acted, seemed like it was way more complicated than that. And he didn’t have time to get messed up in it.
A strange expression crossed her face, and he immediately regretted the words. But what could he say? Her life, her choices.
“Yeah. Well, I don’t like guys who treat me like that either. And I kicked him out of my apartment. Not that you care, but…” She shrugged. “I wanted to apologize to you. It was nice of you to take me home. To look after me after…so much time.”
Lex’s heart thudded in his chest. “Don’t worry about it.”
She searched out his gaze and held it, questions swirling there. “OK. Well…nice seeing you.”
She offered a tight smile then spun on her heel. Stay where you are. Let her walk away. He watched her make it halfway to the gymnasium doors. Panic gripped him. You’re losing her, you pushed it too far, get her back here.
“Hey, where you goin’?” His voice came out gruff.
She stopped walking, turned back to him. “I’m gonna go for a run before I leave.”
“You signed up at the gym?”
She nodded. “Today, yeah.”
Gears started churning in his head. She’d be hanging around here. She wants to see you. She wants to be around you. Maybe it was just the fantasy the softest parts of him clung to, but it pushed him through his indecision. “Can I come for a run with you?”
She relaxed, the hint of a grin showing on her face. “If you want.”
He jerked his head into a nod, tossing the boxing gloves into the bin they came from. “Let’s do it.”
He followed her into the hallway, her shy grin making his belly flop. He stayed at the edge of the hall, dragging his fingertips along the wall, letting her lead the way. Didn’t want to seem too eager. Didn’t want her to know how fast his heart was beating.
She headed for the indoor track, glancing at him over her shoulder, those blue eyes snagging him like a fishing line. He followed her inside, the air musty and sweet, the track room always a full ten degrees cooler than the rest of the gym. He cleared his throat, surveying the runners.
He actually fucking hated running, but it had to be done once in a while. Especially when Lila had once requested to be buried in her favorite mauve running shorts, no matter the age she passed away.
She unzipped her hoodie, peering up at him. “I’m surprised you want to run.”
He laughed a little. “Well, I don’t, actually. But it’s good for the body, right?”
Lila tugged off her hoodie, stuffing it into an empty cubby. “Damn straight.” Her breasts filled out the teal sports bra nicely, but she hid her torso under a loose white tank top. God, it would feel good to smooth his hands over her body. Grab a handful of that lush breast, bring a nipple to his lips. Hear her breathy sighs again. Just one more time.
“Lex?”
He jerked his gaze up to meet her. That knowing smile told him she liked to catch him staring. “What?”
“I asked you if you’ve been running more.”
He rested his hands on his head, stretching from side to side, hoping the flex of his abs might do the same to her that her body did to him. “I have. Here and there. You know me, though—it’s a chore.”
Lila pulled her hair back into a short ponytail and grinned. “It’s the best thing there is.”
No, you’re the best thing there is. But he couldn’t respond. Her smile fell, revealing uncertainty. The same thing swirled inside him. What was he doing? The past five years felt like nothing now that she was in front of him. But when he looked away, truth sizzled at the periphery. Reminding him.
She headed for the track, initiating a slow jog. He fell into step beside her, finding the rhythm, the slap-slap-slap of his feet irritating but manageable. Running had benefits. Most of them were physical, but today, the best benefit was her.
Lila was a distance runner. She could lap this building a thousand times and still want more, something he couldn’t get into if his life depended on it. But he loved it about her. Admired the way it served as her sane, safe space, just as he could find his in punching the shit out of something.
They jogged together quietly for a while. The more his brain calmed, the more a single thought rolled around. Without realizing, it leapt out of his mouth. “So you broke up with that douchebag.”
She glanced over at him. “If you can call it a break-up.”
Silence stretched between them as Lex weighed what to say next. Whether to hit where it hurt most—So, remember when you left me in the mi
ddle of the night and never looked back?—or to use this unexpected reunion as a blank slate.
“Surprised you didn’t just walk out in the middle of the night.” Snark won. Lila’s sharp glance told him all he needed to know. Her cheeks flushed. And not from the running.
“Yeah, well, I guess with him I did it a little worse.” Her mouth turned into a thin line. “Just stopped calling back.”
“You gonna change your number for this one or nah?”
She slowed and hurt slashed across her face. Maybe he’d gone too far. Maybe she deserved it. “Lex.”
He swallowed the hurt that had roared to life. He’d practiced a million different retorts over their time apart. A million different ways to hurt her. And now, it all felt lame. The time to rehash was long, long gone.
“Just curious.” He elbowed her, urging her forward. “Because if you change it again, I’ll need the new number.”
The air between them on the track bloated. He could practically hear the confusion clanking around in her head.
“Sorry. Once you’re blocked, you’re blocked,” she deadpanned. And this time, he didn’t know if she was serious. His stomach pitched downward.
“Then why’d you show up? Trying to break your own rules?”
This time, she stopped running altogether. Hands rooted on her hips. “I don’t know. Okay? Maybe I thought it was a good idea to see you again.”
He stopped running too, running his hand over his upper lip. He approached her slowly, and she took a step backward.
“Come on, Long Distance Lila. Don’t stop now.”
She eyed him uneasily, like older kids watch the jack-in-the-box before it pops. And then her glow returned. The one that preceded shit talking. “Thought you might need a breather. Shitty runner and all.”
He fought a grin, shaking his head. They resumed a slow jog. The space between them felt crisp and light, like a summer rainstorm wiping away dense humidity. “So why were you with him?”
She let a couple jogs go by before she answered. “It’s complicated.”
He knew that all too well. The past three girlfriends of his were the textbook example of complicated: drama-filled, angsty, and untrusting. The opposite of what he wanted.
“All right. So you’re single.”
Her sly grin made his breath shrivel. “Yeah. I am.” A few moments of silence stretched between them, punctuated only by their soft breaths. “Why does it matter to you?”
“It doesn’t.”
This time, her brows drew together to form a straight line. “Okay.”
“Still blocked, ya know? Not much I can do.”
The swish of her ponytail was a blonde metronome. “You’re right.”
An ache formed in his deep calves, one to match the ache that had blossomed suddenly in his chest. She had come to see him. That meant she still wanted him…on some level.
She glanced over at him, searing him with a meaningful look. “But sometimes, rules are meant to be broken.”
His gaze traveled up and down her body, remembering how it felt to have her heat against him the other night as she curled up to him, drunk on the couch, fitting into his arms like they were puzzle pieces instead of two separate people. The memory haunted him. It was like wandering for too long without water and then taking a sip of the coolest waters possible.
“We’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” he said, pushing himself to keep pace with her. “It’s been a long damn time.”
She looked over at him, face totally flushed. He suspected it wasn’t from the run which, by her standards, barely qualified as a walk in the park. “Too long, maybe.”
That was an opening in the doorway, if only a slight one. Through the glass windows overlooking the hallway, he saw Jenni, the front-desk girl, coming toward the track room. No doubt his next client had arrived, meaning the Lila daydream had to end.
“So your new number. You can tell me it,” he said, running faster to get in front of her and then jogged backwards, grinning at her. “I won’t forget.”
She laughed but didn’t say anything.
He stumbled. Running backwards was hard shit. “I won’t send any nudes, either.” He paused. “Unless you want me to.”
She burst out laughing and slowed, shaking her head. “You’re being optimistic.”
The main door swung open, and Jenni poked her head in. “Lex, your one o’clock is here.”
He nodded at her from across the room and gave her a thumbs up. He straightened his path and caught the sly grin Lila sent his way.
“Look at you. Falling all over yourself the second you find out I’m single.”
He bit back a grin, keeping pace beside Lila. “I haven’t fallen once.” When they neared the doors and cubby area, he slowed. Lila slowed with him—a good sign.
Lila sized him up, hands on her hips as they stood near the doors. “You got your phone on you?”
He scrambled to get it out of his pocket. “Go for it.”
She rattled off the number, and he put it in his phone, heart beating faster from her nearness than the five laps they’d done. Once he had it saved, he pocketed the phone and beamed at her.
“No nudes,” she warned playfully.
“Unless you ask real nice,” he said, turning toward the door. “Hey, what are you doing this Friday?”
She shrugged. “Might be working. Why?”
He cocked a grin, narrowing his eyes at her. “Nah, I’ll text you about it. See you later, Lila.”
A whoosh of warm air greeted him when he tugged open the door, and he jogged toward the front of the gym, head spinning and light like it was full of helium.
He had her number…but more than that, he saw the look in her eyes.
The spark was still there, and this conversation had been kindling. He’d coax it to a fire.
Because despite the pain of the past, she was still Lila. The woman he’d do anything to have at his side.
Now he knew. Something about today had wiped the muck from the window. Her reappearance was a second chance. And this time, he’d show her all the ways he’d become the man she always believed he could be.
* * *
Lex finally texted during work the next night. The relief that stormed through Lila’s body was all the sign she needed: she’d been desperate to hear from him, achingly aware of every second passing since giving him her number.
Just like they were eighteen again and he’d asked for her number after a tutoring session. She’d kept the phone within finger’s reach then the same way she did now. Except she was in the middle of a busy shift at work, and the pace didn’t slow down for anyone in St. Vincent’s ER.
Lila didn’t open the text, just saw enough of the preview on her main screen to know it came from him. Texting during her shift was a strict no-no, and she had a stroke patient whose charts were overdue.
Besides, if the department manager saw her texting during her shift, Lila could kiss this promotion goodbye. She’d been putting in long hours, picking up extra shifts, working herself to the bone to prove her aptitude. There would be no question in anyone’s mind: the most qualified candidate was Lila. She launched into her charting, thoughts of Lex fading into the background but still present, a quiet buzz in the back of her mind.
The ER was chaos tonight, and luckily, she had only one more hour until freedom. Her managerial-proving workload was generally eight a.m to eight p.m., though occasionally she’d take an overnight shift by request. Hospital life was so taxing, however, that her four-day weeks were essential for maintaining peace of mind. She tried to schedule her three, or sometimes just two, days off consecutively, as much as possible, so that she wouldn’t lose hope for humanity…or an ounce of compassion for her patients.
“Lila, new arrival in room six, broken arm.” The charge nurse, Alice, tossed a terse smile her way as she hurried through the nurse’s station.
She jerked her head into a nod, not ripping her eyes from the laptop screen as she finished the
final piece of her chart. “Be there in five.”
Buttering up Alice was an important step to snagging the promotion. Responding to every little thing she wanted would get Lila the recommendation she needed. Most of Lila’s competition was external: applicants coming from other hospitals, probably way more qualified and experienced.
In a few years, she’d be thirty. Exactly the age her father had made his first million, as he always liked to remind her. Her own bank account betrayed just how far away from her first million she truly was, but part of her still thought she could turn things around. As Director of Nursing, she could make her first million by thirty-five. And wouldn’t her dad just love that?
Her phone buzzed in the front pocket of her scrubs, and excitement trickled through her. Wondering if it was Lex. What he might say. Whether he’d just jumped to sending the nude anyway.
But no. Not now. She typed furiously to finish her chart and then saved everything twice, closing out of the patient’s file and moving to the new one. She scanned the info on her screen as she headed for the patient room. She loved the fast pace of the ER and all the different challenges it presented in a single shift. It was the only job where twelve whole hours could feel like one.
And it was perfect for days like these when she wanted to not think about something…like Lex, and all the ways she still wanted him, despite what a bad idea it was.
Rapping lightly on the door, she poked her head in before pushing through. A mother with a shocking spray of curly black hair smiled up at her, while a small boy whimpered in her arms.
“Hello, I’m nurse Lila.” She set her laptop down and immediately approached the boy, bending down to look him in his watery eyes. “I’m happy to see you two today. What’s your name?”
