by Leigh, Ember
He sniffled, and the mom responded for him. “This is Darian. We think he broke his leg when he fell off the jungle gym at the playground.”
“Aw, poor guy.” She nipped at his elbow, and he nuzzled into his mother’s chest, a slight sob escaping him.
“We’re going to get him into X-ray in just a few minutes,” Lila explained, tugging the vitals machine toward them. “But first, I have to get your secret information!” She gasped playfully, bending down to look him in the eye. “Can you help me find out what your numbers are?”
Lila prompted him to provide his arm and fingertip as needed, without him being any the wiser that he participated in scary hospital things. She smiled warmly at Darian, though her chest tightened. It was hard seeing babies in pain. Becoming a mother had softened that edge in her—permanently.
“You’re doing so well,” she whispered to Darian, tousling his hair. “You want me to get you a sticker? I know where some really cool stickers are.”
Darian sniffled, looking up at her through a break in the tears. And then he nodded. The hint of a grin told Lila she’d at least distracted him for a moment. And that was a success.
Once his vitals were taken, she squeezed his hand, sending him one last reassuring smile. “I’m going to get a wheelchair, plus about eighteen stickers, and we’ll go for that X-ray.”
Her phone buzzed again in her pocket, and she slipped—allowed herself to shake the work mindset, get lost in the breathy wonder of what might be waiting on her phone. Lex had a way of doing that, unlike any other man she’d met in her life. After their break-up, she’d vowed to keep it simple and boring, but secretly she knew that nobody else could set her pulse racing like him. It was like ancient knowledge, bone-deep, that blossomed only when he was around.
He could conjure and coax feelings out of her that bordered on dangerous. And she wouldn’t let him stake a claim so easily on her personal life. Not after so much time apart, not after so much work to be responsible, professional, and successful.
She moved through the rest of her shift quickly—getting Darian in for X-rays, and then wrapping up his charts before the next shift of nurses came on. Tapping in her clock-out code on the main computer, she grabbed her purse, hurrying away from the nurse’s station.
“Bye, ladies…see you tomorrow!” She waved over her shoulder, excitement thrilling through her. She hadn’t felt this way about a guy since…Lex. The first time around.
Lila sprinted to her car, leaning against the driver side of her red sedan as she assessed her phone. Her heart pounded in her chest, but not from the short sprint. Lex had sent three messages. She inhaled sharply as she read them.
“Hi Lila…it’s me…Lex. I’ve been trying to write this message for hours…this shit is hard. What can I even say after five years?”
“I want to see you. Desperately. You came back into my life, and I’m not ignoring it. Let’s hang out on Friday…there’s this party I’m going to for the series premier, you should come.”
“P.S. You look fucking killer. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
She stared at the messages and read them and reread them and giggled and put her phone down then picked it up again and did it all over again. Oh, Lex…you’re too good. She finally mustered the attention to search for her keys and opened her car, sliding into the driver’s seat with shaky legs, feeling like she’d just run a marathon.
There it was again—that telltale pulse. The sneaky way Lex’s claws could dig in, the way he could make her teeter from sane to over the top with just a few goddamn words. She turned the car on, hands shaking. This physical reaction came from a text. What the hell would happen if she actually started seeing him again?
She drew a slow breath, unable to fight the grin on her face. Saying no to him wasn’t an option. Of course she’d go with him on Friday. She wasn’t a freaking saint made of steel purity.
She turned her car on and backed out of her spot. As she backed up, a response came to her. She braked and fished her phone back out of her purse, typing furiously.
“Yeah Friday sounds good. I’m excited to know you as a friend, Lex. Let’s keep it platonic.”
She could imagine the Pinocchio nose sprouting from her face. Goddamn, she wanted his hands all over her. But she had to play it smart. If he was going to be in her life, it would be at arm’s length.
She maneuvered out of the hospital parking lot, easing into the evening traffic slowly, joining the thousands of other people in their metal boxes headed for some final destination. The sun blazed orange and red in its descent, gorgeous enough to wipe her mind for a moment, to let her hang suspended in the quiet reverence of the sunset.
Her phone buzzed. She snapped to attention, reaching for it as she sat in stopped traffic.
“Whatever you want, as long as I can see you.”
Energy thrummed through her. The twelve-hour shift she’d just completed didn’t even register as she crept through traffic, as hopped up as if she’d just had a cup of coffee. She flipped the radio on, letting rock music fill her car, angsty chords becoming the soundtrack to her thoughts.
She wanted to know him as a friend…something she’d never been able to pull off. They met their senior year when she’d tutored him, and he’d been a half-cocked hellion, alternately sweet and doting, and distracted and raging. But they’d always gotten along—even when he’d show up bruised and battered after raucous weekends of proving himself.
Their friendship existed only because Lila kept it that way. Lex tried his damnedest to be with her. His efforts paid off about a year after high school graduation. When he tried to kiss her on the beach, she let him. And it was just a downhill race from there.
Like it would be again, if she gave into those damnable lips.
She gripped the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turned white. Some girls had it easy—their exes stayed gone or lost interest. But already she could tell the slightest waver would have Lex hounding her for more.
And she’d give in to it. Because she wanted to.
She always wanted to give into it with him. But now, it was more important than ever that she keep him at arm’s length.
Because she was a mother to a little boy, and God help her if she let in this man who would just end up disappearing, or deciding otherwise, or worst of all, returning to the lifestyle that had driven them apart in the first place.
Lila and her little boy, Lane, deserved better. They deserved a man who didn’t moonlight as hired muscle. They deserved a man who stayed a mile away from cocaine.
She wouldn’t give Lex an inch until he could prove he’d earned it.
Chapter 6
THEN
Lex pinned her to the cement block wall of her dingy dormitory. She giggled through a kiss, loving how just a couple days apart felt like an eternity. Was there anyone she’d ever been more excited to see in her entire life? Lex had visited her weekly during her first semester, inviting her to dinner, hanging out while she studied. And now, toward the end of second semester, closing out her first full year as an official pre-law UCLA student, she could count herself as someone’s girlfriend, too.
“Come on. No PDA in the hallways.” She tugged at his hand, stomping down the dull blue carpet. They passed through the student lounge area, where a couple students were clustered around the microwave. They barely spared glances as she and Lex walked through.
“Fine. I’ll keep my PDA to the bedroom.”
“Then it won’t be PDA,” she countered, sending him a mischievous grin.
“Still is,” he insisted, a hint of his cologne reaching her. His olive skin shone in the yellow lighting the hallway, his long dark lashes the stuff of fantasies. Lex was so pretty even while so masculine, something she never failed to notice, even after two years of knowing him. While she fumbled to find her room key, Lex pressed himself up against her. “Private Display of Affection…duh.”
She giggled, pushing the door open. Her roommate was gone for the weeke
nd, which meant she and Lex were two unsupervised nineteen-year-olds with a bunk bed and a supersized box of condoms at the ready.
“You get all your studying done?” Lex hooked her around the waist, his sturdy body like a steel beam against her. She smiled up at his square jaw, the dark stubble on his chin.
“Yeah. The weekend is all ours.” She ran her thumb over his cheek. The black eye he’d gotten a few weeks ago had receded to a wisp of light blue high on the cheekbone.
“Good. You got some ramen noodles in here?” He kicked the door shut behind him with his foot. “Because I’m not gonna stop fucking you until Sunday, and we’ll probably need to eat at least once.”
Giggles rocketed through her, turning into a shriek as he swept her into his arms.
“How much weight do you think we’d lose if we fucked for two days straight?”
“Only one way to find out.” He tossed her onto the bottom bunk, and she bounced softly, the mattress creaking beneath her.
Lila grabbed the hem of his shirt, tugging him down on top of her. “I’d be so sore I couldn’t walk.”
“That’s sort of a turn on,” he murmured into her jawline. The heat of his breath sent shivers up and down her spine.
“Crippled by your immense, erect love,” she said, laughing through a kiss.
“Not my fault you make it get so big,” he countered.
Lila hummed with happiness as his kisses trailed over her neck, leaving a damp path down to the valley of her breasts. She never could have imagined this back in high school. Lex had seemed such a staunch rebel. Now, he was about to enroll in a community college to study business. He visited her every spare second. They’d even talked about moving in together.
Her brain was finally starting to toy with something her heart had known for much longer: this man might be the only man for her.
Lex sealed his lips to hers with a kiss that wiped away her thoughts. She melted back onto the bed, letting him consume her, the heat of his body confirming her every desire.
“You know,” he whispered into her ear, knotting his fingers into her hair, “I decided what our first baby girl’s name is gonna be.”
She laughed, delirious and thrilled. They shouldn’t be talking about babies. They shouldn’t be talking about any of this. “What is it?”
“Lucy,” he said. His hands crept underneath her T-shirt, making swirls over her low belly.
“Hmmm. Okay. And if it’s a boy?”
“We’re having both a boy and a girl,” Lex said, his kisses dropping to her stomach. “At minimum. And if it’s a boy…we’ll name him Lane.”
Another laugh rippled out of her. It felt too right. She couldn’t even argue with him. “Okay. I like the names. I’ll do it.”
He bit her hip, his eyes swirling with mischief. “We’ll be a family of L’s.”
“And when will we start this family?”
“Later. Much later.” He unbuttoned her jeans, yanking them down over her hips. “Like, when we’re thirty.”
Tears pricked her eyes, for some stupid reason. Maybe because he was voicing something she’d only dared imagine in the darkest corners of her mind. Maybe because the plan sounded solid. Maybe because she was about to start her period.
“Okay,” she whispered, running her fingers through his hair. “We’ll be a family of L’s.”
Chapter 7
Lex sped into Lila’s parking lot, jerking to a stop in a spot near the door. He’d been dying to get here since the beginning of the week. And at nine on a Friday night, it felt like he’d waited a full month to see her. His skin roiled at the thought of seeing her again, begging for the nearness. He jetted out of his car, jogging up to the main entrance, taking the steps up to her floor two at a time.
At her door he gave a soft rap-rap-rap and then crossed his hands behind his back. He was so excited he might black out. This shit didn’t seem normal at his age. But then again, he and Lila had never been normal. Not even close.
She pulled the door open, peering out. A smile crossed her face, and she pulled the door open all the way. “Hey you.”
He cocked a grin. “Sup, Lila?”
She turned, a low-waisted black skirt swishing as she headed for her bedroom. “Just finishing up. Come in. I got off work a little late, so I’ve been rushing to get ready.”
He shut the door behind him, eyes fastened on the sliver of skin visible between her high-cut black shirt and the low waist of her skirt. She loved to dress in black—it always looked so good on her.
“How was your shift?” He eased into the couch, taking in the sight of her apartment again. It was cozy and interesting, stuffed with books and baubles and strange trinkets and moody tapestries. But knowing Lila, everything had a specific spot. Anyone who tried to reorganize or even carelessly misplace something of hers could cause a high-grade panic attack. He knew better than to touch.
“Busy.” Her voice was distant from inside the bedroom, which made him stand up and follow it. “I did some tests today. Part of my maybe getting promoted. And my day was sad too. Couple gunshot wounds that were pretty gnarly.”
She glanced at him as she pushed a dangling earring into a lobe. He leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms.
“Promotion?”
“I’m going to be the Director of Nursing.” She flashed a smile, but it didn’t look real. Didn’t have the same sparkle as her normal smiles.
“Hey, that sounds cool. I mean, seeing gunshot wounds and shit probably gets old.”
She nodded, squinting into the mirror, and she brushed something off her cheek. “You get used to it, though. The hard part is when they die. Or maybe worse, sending them back into the environments that brought them there in the first place.”
His gaze skated over the lushly outfitted king-sized bed, the dozens of throw pillows lining the headboard. She was a freak for comfort and small luxuries; it was nice to see that hadn’t changed. Maybe he’d even get to try out her bed someday. Gonna have to try hard to crack her open again. She’s not exactly pro-Lex anymore.
And that was the truth—her request to be platonic was like asking him to not breathe for a few hours. The two of them…they’d never done platonic well. Not as adults. They had a chemistry that might as well be gunpowder.
But he’d try. Because a little Lila was better than no Lila. Especially while he got busy showing her all the ways he was worthy of her.
“Isn’t the ER so crazy though?” He drew on the handful of first-hand glimpses in his life: the time he got his nose busted open. The time he broke five ribs fighting. The night he got black-out drunk and broke a mirror at a friend’s house because Lila dumped him. It had been years since he’d graced the inside of an emergency room, and he intended to keep it that way.
She grinned into the mirror, applying a final coat of mascara. “It is. But that’s what I love about it. I think I’d die if I had to work in an office somewhere.”
“So when you’re Director of Nursing, you’ll still be on the floor?”
“Well, no.” She paused, a strange look passing over her face. “It’ll be more administrative stuff.”
He blinked. “So…you don’t really wanna leave the ER, do you?”
Her mouth twisted into a strange frown. He’d pegged her. He already knew.
“It’s a mix of the floor and office.” Her eyelashes fluttered as she examined her reflection, twisting from the left to the right. “Enough to keep things interesting.”
He fell quiet as he watched her finish her makeup, his heart twisting. Lila you’re so beautiful. He’d watch her all day if he could. She’d never stop captivating him.
She looked over at him, color already creeping into her neck. “What are you looking at?”
“You.”
She pursed her lips, rummaging through a small box on the vanity. “I’m almost ready.”
Lex looked around her room, at the wide, wooden dresser, the ornately framed art on the walls, the hamper bursting with clo
thes. A framed photo above her dresser caught her eye: Lila and a little kid. “Who’s that?”
She followed his gaze to the picture frame, and her mouth fell open, staring at it. “Oh. Him?”
“A nephew or something? Did your brother have a kid?” That would explain the mysterious box of toys he found the morning he searched for his keys. Tucked away like she’d wanted nobody to find it.
A grin ghosted her face and then fell away. “Mm-hmm.” She turned back to the vanity, flushed. “He’s a sweetie.”
“Your place is really cool. You buy everything yourself?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Good job.” He wanted to hug her, pull her tight against him. “I’m really proud of you, Lila.”
She yanked her gaze away and fiddled with a tube of lip gloss. “Thanks.” After a moment, she reached for a purse on the bed. “I’m proud of you too, Lex. You’re doing really cool stuff.”
When she came near, he didn’t move, just reached out and snagged her at the waist. He couldn’t help it—it was a reflex. Surprise shone on her face, and he gave her hip a little squeeze. His mind went cloudy, like a dense fog rolling in.
“Platonic, Lex.” Her voice had an edge to it that made the fog clear right up.
“Sorry.” He cleared his throat, straightening, letting his hand fall away. “Force of habit.”
“After five years?” She cocked a brow, sauntering past him through the doorway.
He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, not trusting himself with her so near. “Yeah, it’s weird.”
Her heels clicked against the tile of the kitchen as she gathered a few last things and stuffed them into a sleek black purse. “Okay, I’m ready.”
He jerked his head toward the door. “Let’s go. Your chariot awaits.”
They shared a private smile and left the apartment, Lila pulling the door shut behind her. They ambled down the hallway, hugging opposite walls. Lex knew if he got too close, he’d slip up again. Try to touch her or flirt more. And already that would be happening too much tonight. Best to mind his manners when he could.
