by Leigh, Ember
Probably for the same reason Lex used to find the underground world so addictive.
Just something he had in him. A barbarism tempered only by release.
He awoke early, feeling jittery but drained, like he’d already drunk too much espresso on too little sleep. The natural adrenaline of having Lila in his life, coupled with poor sleep. As he brushed his teeth and washed his face, his mind made lazy laps around the thought. His barbaric release these days was the same as it had always been. Fighting.
But the structure made all the difference. Eating right, caring for himself, giving a damn in general. Punching bags instead of other drug-addled men drifting through life. Taking his aggression out on a schedule. He never would have thought, even five years ago, that channeling the energy inside him in a certain way could actually be productive.
He headed for the kitchen, strides breaking through the shafts of light hitting the wood floor from the skylight. Barely eight thirty. He texted Lila anyway.
“Ready when you are, babe.”
He didn’t work until two p.m. Hopefully she’d want to meet early. And hopefully she’d want to keep meeting him at all. Her hesitance rooted deep, even though she gave in to him. He could feel it like a knife blade on the back of his neck. She had more reason than anyone to be suspicious of him…he couldn’t deny that. He wouldn’t trust him if he were her. But he was ready for the only name on his lips to be Lila again.
She’d always had that effect on him, practically since the day he laid eyes on her. There was something so soft and sweet about her, an innocence that he felt primally called to protect. Even though she didn’t need him and made sure he knew it…that just made him want to protect her more. On his sappy days, he felt down to his bones that he was made for her.
Or maybe he’d just never gotten over that sweet, shy tutor from senior year. There were loves like that in life.
Lex popped out twenty pullups before he toasted multigrain bread and then sliced an avocado; once that was down, he made his standard protein shake for the morning. Simple, healthy. Just as he liked it. While he stroked himself to thoughts of Lila in the shower, his phone pinged with a new message. He abandoned the self-pleasure and rushed through the rest of the shower. It had to be Lila.
As he toweled off, he peered at the screen. She had sent a short message.
“Meet me for a run at Griffith?”
Griffith Park had always been her favorite running destination for the sheer amount of trail options. If he left now, he could make it there, have a few hours with her, and then get to work right on time. It would make his work day a little more pressed than usual, but Lila was worth it.
Lex changed into some loose shorts and a gray muscle shirt, then packed his bag for work. As he gave his apartment a once-over before heading out the door, the same thought struck him as it did almost every morning when leaving his new place: this is mine.
He texted Lila that he was leaving as he headed for the car, smiling to himself. Would Lila like staying at his place? If he indulged a little, he could already imagine the soft imprints she’d leave in his life. Lazy half-dressed mornings, a toothbrush left behind, the soft fragrance of a forgotten shawl or jacket over the back of his couch.
Lex crept through morning traffic, and after nearly an hour of stop-and-go progress toward Griffith, he pulled into the parking lot nearest to the trailhead for Glendale Peak. Lila was already there, foot swinging out the open driver’s side door.
He revved into the spot next to her, the silly smile already plastered to his face.
“Hey, you.” Her voice sounded sultry as he stepped out of his car.
If he could start out every day with this voice in his life, he’d die a happy man. “Sup, Lila?” He headed for her, wrapping her in a hug before she could protest. He lifted her off the ground a few inches, relishing the way her giggle swelled through him.
“You ready to run?” She swatted his shoulder and he squeezed her hips in response. This woman was a drug.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Her fingertips danced down his bicep, her gaze traveling over his chest. “You look so damn good, Lex.”
“Are you coming on to me?” He squinted playfully.
She pursed her lips into a curious smile. “Just being honest.” She jerked her head to the trailhead. “Let’s go.”
There weren’t many other cars in the parking lot. As they launched into a jog on the gently inclining dirt path, their steps were the only ones scuffing along the ground.
“Looks like we get the trail to ourselves today,” Lex said, falling into step beside her.
“I like it better that way,” Lila said. “Makes me feel like I’m actually in nature and the city is far away.”
Lex took a deep breath of the air, which felt considerably crisper as they jogged past tree stumps and sagging trees. The dirt path cut through the rusty landscape, coastal sage scrub spread over the sharp incline. “I haven’t been on this path in a long damn time.”
Her smirk was knowing. “You still remember how to get around?”
“I got my guide. I think I’ll be fine.” He nudged her with his elbow. They shared a smile and then fell into a quiet pace, broken only by their breathing and the occasional rustle of birds in the trees. After about a half mile, they’d elevated enough to catch a glimpse of the skyscrapers of downtown in the distance, barely breaking through the light haze of the morning. Walnut trees stretched in the small valley below them. Lila sighed contentedly.
“This is a nice way to start the day,” Lex remarked.
“How do you normally start the day?”
“Avocados and pull-ups,” Lex said.
Lila snorted. “Really?”
“I gotta maintain this physique somehow.” He nudged her again. “What about you?”
“Coffee.” She sent him a wry look. “And running, when I can. They make you eat like that at Holt’s place?”
“Nah, it’s just the way I like to eat now.”
“I’ve never seen you so healthy.”
Her words sank into him heavier than he could even process. “I’ve never been this healthy before, babe.”
Their steps went scuff, scuff, scuff for a few moments before she spoke again. “How long have you been living like this?”
“About four years.” He still remembered the day he vowed to get out of the underground fights. It came on the heels of an opportunity to start fighting bigtime in an MMA league, but he couldn’t do both. Besides, Lex had needed a push to give up the money and the addiction cycle. He’d been wanting to break out but didn’t know where to start. The league gave him that nudge. The Kings had surrendered him. “Took me a while to get off the gear, though.”
Lila nodded. She knew all about his “gear,” the common term used for steroids. “That’s how you met Holt, right? He helped you go pro?”
“Yeah. Helped me ditch the gear, too.”
She watched the ground as they ran a bit further. Maybe they’d gone a mile already. Bushes crowded the sides of the path, the hill stretching out higher above them against the blue morning sky.
“You make good money with the gym?”
Lex smirked. This felt like a job interview. And maybe in a way it was. “Fuck, yeah. I have a lot of good clients now. I take care of them, they take care of me.”
“Like with Coglietti’s reservations,” she said.
“Exactly.” It was getting harder to keep his breathing even as they ascended another slight hill. He drew deeper breaths as he struggled to make this look effortless and natural. Lila the long-distance runner probably wouldn’t even blink until they hit mile five. “I know it’s probably hard for you to believe, but I’m actually stable.”
He didn’t mean it sarcastically, but the look she sent him gave mixed signals. Somewhere between amused and anguished.
“It’s not that I thought you couldn’t do it,” she said in a small voice. “I just couldn’t wait around for it.”
/> Her words hit him like a sucker punch in the gut. He tripped on a small rock jutting out of the path, swearing as he almost bit the ground. Well if she hadn’t reached straight for the throbbing heart of the matter… He let her words circle inside him a few times before responding.
This, right here, had been the crux of his rampage for so long after she left. How could the love of his life abandon him in his time of need? How could she just ditch him? How could she turn her back on him? He’d wrestled with these questions to eternity and back.
“I’m not gonna act like it didn’t suck when you walked away,” he said carefully, keeping his eyes on the winding dirt path beneath them. Suck didn’t cover it. “But you shouldn’t have stayed.”
A desperate sound whispered past her lips, like a sob trapped in a sigh. “I wanted to, Lex. Trust me.”
He balled his hands into fists, focusing on the rhythm of his feet hitting the path. “I believe you. I mean, I wouldn’t have five years ago. But I do now.”
A heavy silence fell between them as their jog continued. Lex raked through the conversation in his mind as the path jagged to the left, and then rounded out to the right. Lila slowed after a while longer, pressing the heel of her palm between her eyes.
“You okay—” he began.
“Do you hate me, Lex?” Lila put her hands on her hips, looking up at him with so much pain on her face that it stole his breath. Fuck. He hadn’t realized she’d been sitting on this.
“No,” he said, his chest heaving. “I could never hate you.”
She watched him for a moment, her face clouded with something he couldn’t read. “But I didn’t support you when you needed me. I fucking…” She drew a deep breath, walking over to the edge of the trail. “I’ve just assumed that you hated me for what I did. I hated myself.”
“Lila.” He stepped closer. “You did the right thing. I don’t think I could have gotten clean if you’d stayed. I needed to figure it out on my own.”
She looked up at him, nodding, her eyes brimming with tears. “Yeah. Exactly. That’s…that’s what I always told myself.”
“I wouldn’t have made you climax at Coglietti’s if I hated you,” he said in a lower voice, squeezing her elbow. She laughed suddenly, wiping at her face.
“I know.” She drew a long breath, surveying the distance. “But it could have a been a revenge orgasm.”
He snorted. “Right. Show you what you’ve been missing out on, then bolt? That’s low. Nah, Lila, these orgasms are from a pure place, I swear.”
“But that’s the problem.” She swung to face him, her face pinched into confusion. “This here,”—she gestured to the space between them—“has always been pure. Now that you’re back…I don’t know how to do anything but be crazy about you, Lex.”
The air fell dry and expansive around them, the distant caw of birds barely registering to him as he let her words sink in. He felt like they were the only two people in the world. “Doesn’t sound like a problem to me.”
She smirked. “Maybe it isn’t. But I…I just can’t be with you, you know?”
Lex rested his hands on his hips, trying to read between the lines here. She had a hang up. A big one. “We can take it slow—”
“No. I mean…” She sighed tersely. “I’m afraid of losing myself in you, Lex. And it’ll happen.”
They watched each other for an intense, swollen moment, one in which every emotion flashed across Lila’s face. Fuck, he knew the depth of her words, because he felt it too. She was a goddamn ocean that he wanted to jump into headfirst. But for her…she had a fear of water. She needed a raft.
“Why can’t we try?” His voice sounded small and unsure inside the raucous immensity of the silence.
Lila dragged her gaze to the ground, swallowed hard, and then started running again. He jogged to catch up and keep pace at her side.
“Lila.”
“I shouldn’t talk about it anymore,” she said, her voice sounding pinched. “I didn’t want to get so heavy. I just wanted to go for a fucking run.”
“Sorry, babe, but we’re heavy people. Don’t you know that by now?”
She shot him a look. “I’ve been trying to change that about myself.”
He snorted, but when her look turned lethal, he squinted into the distance. “All right. I respect that.”
Their run continued in silence for a bit longer, until the tension that had drawn thick between them finally dissolved. The trailhead veered off, leading them to an unsightly mess of earthen stairs. They scrabbled up the uneven steps together, laughing and slipping, kicking up small dust storms. When they reached the path above, the view arced out and around Los Angeles, all the way to the ocean miles away.
“Almost there,” she said, resuming their brisk jogging pace.
“Is there a prize at the top?” His calves had started burning.
“The view,” she cracked. “And your sense of accomplishment.”
“Yeah, I guess that’ll do. At least I can brag to my coworkers I scaled a mountain before coming into work.”
“This is hardly scaling, Lex. We drove our cars to a marked path and ran forward.”
“You shush. Let me tell the story how I want to.”
Their eyes met, and amusement glittered in her gaze. His chest tightened; he missed these sweet looks, the meaningful moments. His fingers twitched at the thought of wrapping an arm around her shoulders, bringing her in for a kiss.
“You look like you want to eat me alive.”
“I do,” he said simply.
“Ugh. You aren’t helping.” She made a display of tipping her head back and sending a prayer up to the heavens. Her words rang in his ears: I don’t know how to do anything but be crazy about you.
“Babe, I’m just being me.”
“That’s the problem.” Her breath came out in exaggerated spurts, but he suspected it wasn’t from the exertion. “I fucking want you.”
She pushed at him suddenly, driving him off the path. He laughed with the surprise of it, and then suddenly she was grabbing at his shirt.
“Why do you make me do these things?” Their steps slowed, following a partially obscured path that wound around toward a rocky ledge. Thick bushes hid them from the main drag. “Look at me. Harassing you like this.” She bit her bottom lip, tugging at his hand, leading him deeper down the path.
“Willing victim, here,” Lex said, his heart racing as he followed in her footsteps. Once their dusty steps led to a small clearing, complete with a bench overlooking a view of the mountains, she pushed at his chest, sending him backward onto the bench.
“Running makes me horny,” she said suddenly, pinning him to his spot with her thighs on either side of his legs.
“Oh, yeah?” His breath came out reverent and low, sliding his hands over the silky fabric of her running shorts. He traced the curve of her ass, down over the ridges of her hamstrings, his cock twitching in his pants. “You make me horny. What should we do about it?”
“Let’s just get it out of our system,” she whispered, her voice hot at his ear. “Nobody will see us here.”
The grin threatened to split his face in two. This was his lascivious Lila, always pushing the envelope, finding new and interesting places to shack up. “You already know my answer, doll.”
She groaned, grabbing his face in her hands. They shared a desperate, urgent kiss, one that made his cock swell, pressing against the mesh of his shorts. Lila slid onto her knees, straddling him lip-locked. He cupped her ass cheeks, welcoming her weight. The pressure of her on top of him felt like a long-lost remedy, a recipe for something that he hadn’t been able to taste in too long.
“Oh, Lex.” She cinched her arms around his neck, jerking on top of him. His breath came out in hard spurts at her ear as she rode him briefly, the heat of her pussy sinking into him despite the layers.
“It’s been too fucking long, babe.” He squeezed the flesh of her hips, his eyes fluttering shut as she grappled at the waist of his s
horts. He wiggled his hips, helping push his shorts and boxers down far enough for his cock to spring free. The expression on her face as she took him in for the first time, after so long, was enough to undo him. She drew a low breath, her cool hand caressing the length of him.
“I know. I missed you.” She traced her bottom lip with her tongue, a move that made his cock jump in her hand. “I missed this.”
“Fucking on park benches?” he cracked, burying his nose in the crook of her neck.
“You know what I mean,” she said with a laugh.
“How you wanna do this?”
“I came prepared.” She lifted a brow, tugging back the crotch of her shorts, exposing the soft lines of her pussy. Lex groaned, replacing her hand with his, the heat and feel of her nearly making him come.
“It’s so stretchy.” His heart thumped as he grazed his thumb over the swollen nub of her clit.
“Mm-hmmm.” Her eyes fluttered closed. “I’m on birth control, Lex.”
The words were simple. Final. The secret password giving access to the pleasure that would be only theirs. Desire thrummed through him, hot and churning. He stilled her at the hips, urging her downward. “Sit on it, babe.”
She wet her bottom lip, clutching his shoulder as she eased down.
“Take all of it,” he said through gritted teeth. The damp folds of her pussy brushed against his cockhead, sending a spasm through him. She whimpered when the tip pushed inside.
“Like that?” Her voice was a sexy purr. A sweet playfulness pulsed between them.
“Just like that,” he said, cupping each breast through her workout shirt as she enveloped his cock with her silky, slick pussy. Sparks skated over his skin as she wiggled downward. He dug his fingers into her sides, pushing her down, every nerve ending in his body lighting on fire.
“God, babe. I love it when you’re on top,” he said, his voice coming out coarse, unhinged. “It fucking sends me into outer space.”
Lila hooked her arm around his neck, her pussy tightening around him as she sank to swallow the final few inches of his dick. She was primed and dripping, as if she’d been waiting for this as long as he had.
