Well Hung Over in Vegas: A Standalone Romantic Comedy

by Kimberly Fox

  “Wron moar,” he grunts, bringing the whip back.

  Out of nowhere, the lock on the door clicks and my eyes whip up to it just in time to see it open. No! My heart nearly stops as the door handle turns, and the door swings open.

  There’s no time to react. There’s no time to move.

  All we can do is stand there helplessly as Mack and Nick barge into the office. They both skid to a stop when they see Tyler with the ball gag in his mouth, whipping his almost naked wife who’s bent over his desk with her bare ass in the air.

  Nick is grinning. Mack is standing there in shock.

  I hear Tyler swallow hard behind me. “Roops.”

  Roops is fucking right.

  20

  Brother Solarion

  The night…

  “Breathe in slowly,” I say softly as I look at all of the peaceful faces looking back at me. “One, two, three. Three, two, one.”

  Every one of my beautiful brothers and sisters follows my words as I guide them through our nightly chants. All twenty-six members of the Sunshine Happy Church are giving over to the bliss, giving their souls over to the Sun Gods whom we worship.

  The soft instrumental music is playing in the background as we all focus on our breathing, letting the lingering light from the sun fill up our souls in the most beautiful way. The sun gives life. It is our savior, but it is the Gods of fire who live inside the bright star who we are letting into our hearts.

  “Open your minds,” I sing softly, swaying as I sit on the floor with my legs crossed. “Open your hearts and let the Gods of light enter your bodies to purify your souls.”

  My twenty-six brothers and sisters are sitting crossed-legged in front of me, swaying from side to side as they let my holy words penetrate them.

  We are the true believers, the only ones on the planet who know the truth. The Gods of fire, Franesca and Lukania, live in the center of the sun and are waiting to take the true believers back to an eternity of bliss and pleasure where we belong.

  When the day of reckoning comes, the non-believers will perish in horrible ice as we will be warming our feet with the eternal flames alongside the only true Gods.

  “One day the Prophets will come,” I whisper as we breathe slowly, in and out, in and out. “The Gods of fire, Franesca and Lukania will send them with a message. They will tell us how to reach the center of the flaming star. And when we follow their holy instructions, the day will come when we will ascend from this planet of cold and hate into the warmth of the center of the sun.”

  “We bask in the light of Solaris,” they all chant as one.

  “We must do what we can to save others,” I whisper, looking around the rooms. My brothers and sisters are devoted and hardworking. They have donated all of their money and worldly possessions to the Sunshine Happy Church, and they have recited the vows. They have shaved their bodies of every last hair, which is necessary to enter the heavenly ball of fire. But we must do more. When the Prophets come, and they will, all of the non-believers will perish. We must save as many of them as we can. Every soul who enters Solaris will please Franesca and Lukania, the only true Gods.

  “There are boxes of flyers by the door,” I whisper to my family. “We must reach more people. We must try to save their souls, because that is what Franesca and Lukania demand.”

  “We bask in the light of Solaris,” they all chant as one.

  “Sunshine Happy Church is our new family,” I whisper. “Our old families laugh and criticize the Church, saying we believe in false Gods, but if they only kne—”

  The door explodes open, upsetting the peacefulness of the room. All calm eyes open abruptly and dart to the two non-believers who are bursting into the room, making a mockery of our Holy Church.

  “Aliens!” the female non-believer says, pointing at my brothers and sisters.

  “I know this place!” the male says as he looks around. “You rub their bald heads for good luck.”

  The male and female rush around the room, rubbing the heads of each of the true believers.

  “Excuse me!” I shout, but they do not listen. They do not stop until they’ve touched every shaved holy head.

  Their clothes are wet and torn, their eyes are wide open like bugs. Their arms are shaking, and they can’t seem to hold their attention on anything for longer than three seconds.

  “Look!” the girl says, pointing to our large statue of the sun in the corner of the room. “It’s an Easter egg!”

  My brothers and sisters are all looking to me for guidance as the two non-believers rush over to our Holy relic, pawing it with their sinister hands.

  “Break it open!” the girl says, pointing to it. “I want chocolate!”

  “Do not break it!” I shout as I stand up.

  They turn and look at me, seeing me for the first time. “I know you,” the female says, staring at me. “You’re one of the guys in the Blue Man Group, but you peeled your blue skin off.”

  Her words pass through me as I’m seized with awe. The shock of seeing them hits me like a solar flare. It can’t be!

  But it is.

  A gasp tears from my throat as I fall to my knees in front of them, staring up at the two Prophets with a heavy feeling in my stomach but with a floating feeling in my heart.

  They are the true Prophets.

  I’m surprised they have hair, but who am I to question the Gods?

  They have the other sign of the Prophets: wet clothes.

  I stare up at them in shock as my heart races. Their clothes are wet from the waters of Franesca and Lukania. They doused them with water so they could pass through the surface of the sun without getting burned to deliver the Holy message to us.

  This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for. This is the moment we’ve given up everything for. And it is more beautiful than I can imagine.

  “Is there chocolate in here, Mr. Blue Man Group?” the female Prophet asks me.

  The warmth of the sun radiates through my trembling body as she speaks to me. The Prophet is speaking directly to me!

  It’s too much to handle. I drop to the floor and bow, raising my hands up and down in a show of worship. My twenty-six brothers and sisters drop to the floor as well, chanting together now that they’ve recognized the male and female as the true Prophets.

  They will tell us how to reach heavenly Solaris so we can spend all eternity with Franesca and Lukania in the center of the sun. They will tell us the steps we have to take to get there.

  The male punches his powerful fist through the statue of the sun, and every last one of us cheers in excitement.

  “Yes!” I shout as he pulls his hand out of the hollow statue. “That is where we want to go. Into the sun like your fist. Please, blessed Prophets, please tell us how to get to Solaris.”

  “Do they have chocolate there?” the female asks.

  My sister Solarip stands up and takes a flyer from the box. She slowly walks up to the female Prophet with her eyes on the floor.

  “Praise Franesca and Lukania,” Solarip says, handing the Prophet a flyer. When the Prophet takes it and shoves it in her purse, Solarip takes off her flower necklace and places it over the Prophet’s head.

  “We bask in the light of Solaris,” my brother and sister believers all chant as one.

  We all cheer and cry, hugging each other in pure happiness as the blessed moment has finally come.

  The male Prophet breaks off a piece of the statue, puts it in his mouth, and then spits it out. “This is not chocolate,” he says.

  It is better than chocolate. This is the moment. It’s pure bliss.

  I turn and hug a sister and then a brother as happiness fills every cell in my body. I am going to the promised land. I am going to Solaris!

  After hugging each member of the Sunshine Happy Church, I turn back to the Prophets so they can tell us the path to eternal life. The path to Solaris.

  I gasp when I don’t see them. “Where did they go?”

  The door is wid
e open, and they are gone. A thousand questions fill my head as everyone looks to me for guidance.

  Are they coming back? Why would the fire Gods Franesca and Lukania send the Prophets only to take them away before telling us the true path?

  I swallow hard as I stare at the open door.

  We have to find them. It is our only way into the center of the sun where we can bask in Solaris for all of eternity with the two true Gods, Franesca and Lukania.

  They are the path to get there. They are the path to endless bliss.

  And we won’t stop until we find them.

  21

  Dahlia

  Everything looks the same, but it feels different.

  “Hi, Dahlia!” Martha says, waving as I bike past her bakery. “How was Vegas?”

  “Interesting,” I say, cringing as I pedal past her.

  “Come back on your lunch break. I want to hear all about it,” she says, tapping the ashes from her cigarette as I hurry down the street. “The coffee is on me!”

  I wave to her as I keep biking through the town of Summerland, breathing in the cool morning air on my way to work.

  What part does she want to hear? The part where I got married to a stranger, or the part where I got caught by my boss and father-in-law having sex with that same stranger at work?

  She probably wants to hear it all, but I definitely don’t need that story getting out around town. I’m taking that one to my grave.

  I close my eyes and shake my head as I pass the small diner where Audrey is writing down the daily specials in chalk on a blackboard.

  “Hi, Dahlia,” she says, smiling at me.

  I say hi back to her, but I don’t stop. I don’t feel like talking to anyone this morning.

  It’s my first day back at work in Summerland, and I should be happy and relieved to be home, but I’m not. The familiar town that I love feels different.

  Maybe it feels different because I’m different now.

  Or maybe I’m just upset.

  I turn onto Blueberry Lane, waving to John who’s walking down the sidewalk as I head to work.

  There’s a heaviness in my chest as I pedal down the beautiful streets, ducking my head as I roll under the huge maple tree on Lou and Cynthia’s front lawn.

  He never came to say goodbye.

  It still hurts.

  Yes, it was humiliating to get caught by his cousin and his father, and yes, we weren’t married by choice, but we had still been through a lot together, and he should have come to say goodbye.

  But he didn’t.

  I usually look around, enjoying the beautiful view as I bike to work, but today I’m just looking forward with an empty stare. I didn’t realize how much I liked having Tyler around until now. And now it’s too late.

  He’s not going to want me around after what happened.

  I still cringe every time I think about it. Tyler and I sitting in front of Mack’s desk with our eyes in our laps while he tore us a new one. I’ll never forget sitting there with no panties on, my inner thighs sticky wet, the taste of Tyler’s come still coating my mouth, all while the head of the company I work for blasted us for being immature, sexual freaks.

  I can’t imagine what he must have been thinking when he walked in and saw his son with a ball gag strapped to his mouth, whipping his half naked wife with a whip in the office that he built from the ground up.

  My knuckles turn white as I squeeze my handlebars, thinking of Nick and the satisfied smirk on his face as he watched us trying to explain what we were doing while we got dressed in a panic.

  He had a key to Tyler’s office. He was the one who opened the door hoping to find us in a compromising situation, and he hit the fucking jackpot.

  After chewing us out for half an hour, Mack told us both that we would be fired if it ever happened again. He then turned to Tyler and told him that he just used up his last chance. If Tyler did one more thing to displease him at work, he’d be out of the running for the top position at McMillan Worldwide Inc.

  I left the office shortly after that and just hung around in my hotel room feeling sorry for myself, waiting for the phone to ring. It was my last night in Vegas, and I was hoping Tyler would come over for some support. Some comfort.

  Some anything.

  But the phone never rang. The door was silent.

  He never came.

  I got on my plane the next morning, and here I am, back in the town that I love, which now feels strangely empty and distant.

  The factory comes into view as I turn down Foresthill street on my old bike. I returned the Ferrari to the dealership before I left and had the money refunded to Tyler’s account.

  It was impractical anyway, and I just couldn’t keep it after what happened.

  And what can I say? I love my bike.

  “Hey, boss!” the security guard, Michael, says, coming out of the booth as I approach. He has a big smile on his face as I skid to a stop in front of him. “How was Sin City?” he asks with a grin as I step off my bike. “I know, I know. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

  I wish that was true, but unfortunately the tattoo on my ass refused to stay on the West Coast.

  “That’s right,” I say, forcing out a smile as he takes my bike and places it on the bike rack for me. “Anything happen while I was gone?”

  Michael shrugs. “Nothing but a pesky raccoon who keeps trying to get into the garbage cans.”

  I smile. Nothing ever happens in Summerland. Just the way I like it.

  We wish each other a good day, and I join the line of workers who are walking into the factory. The huge Hospitech sign has been taken down over the entrance and has been replaced with a shiny new sign that says McMillan Worldwide Inc.

  I keep my head low and my shoulders up as I take the stairs up to my office. I’m still upset at how the Vegas trip ended, and I don’t really feel like having fifteen hundred and ninety-two people asking me how it went. I just want to sneak into my office, lock the door, and get back to work while I still have a job to get back to work on.

  With Tyler likely out of the running for Mack’s promotion, this factory will probably get closed down, and I’ll probably be let go along with it.

  I take a deep breath as I arrive at my office and pull out my key. I stick it in the lock, but the door is already open. That’s weird.

  “Good morning, Mrs. McMillan,” a familiar voice says as I swing the door open.

  I jump back, swallowing a scream as I see Tyler sitting in my chair with his feet on my desk. It takes a second for my confusion to dissipate, but when it does I’m smiling like a crazy person.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, staring at him in shock.

  He smiles as he takes his feet off my desk and stands up. “I came to see my beautiful wife,” he says, looking ravishing in a dark fitted suit.

  I tilt my head and raise an eyebrow as I narrow my eyes on him. “Great. And what’s the real reason?”

  “You kept raving about Summerland, so I decided to come have a little visit.”

  “And?”

  He nods as he walks to the window and looks out. “It’s cute. I can see why you like it.”

  My heart starts pounding as I slowly walk over to him and look out the window as well. The workers are still pouring into the factory, holding their coffee thermoses and lunch boxes.

  “So, are you here on vacation?” I ask, watching him from the corner of my eye. He’s wearing a black suit with a gray tie, looking gorgeous as usual. He’s beautiful by Vegas standards, but in Summerland, he’s a full-blown God.

  “Business,” he says, turning to me with a smile. “And of course, to see you. You really came through for me last week, and I appreciate it, even though it didn’t work out quite as we had planned.”

  “Is your father still mad?”

  He laughs. “Furious.”

  I close my eyes, wanting to die of embarrassment.

  But Tyler just laughs. “It’s not the first time he’s ca
ught me having sex. The first time was in grade ten with Rebecca Forrester. He got over that time, he’ll get over this time too.”

  “But the promotion?”

  “We’ll see what happens,” he says with a sigh. “But it’s not looking good.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say, feeling awful.

  He shrugs. “It was my idea,” he says, looking back out the window. “We should have stayed professional like you wanted to.”

  I decide not to remind him that it was me who put the ball gag in his mouth and strapped it to his head.

  “So, what are you doing here?” I ask, feeling my stomach harden. “Closing the factory?”

  He shakes his head. “Not exactly. I’m here to live up to my side of the deal. You went along with everything back in Vegas, so now I’m here to help you find a way to save the factory. Plus, it seemed like a really good idea to lay low and stay away from my father for a few days.”

  “A few days?” I ask, feeling my pulse start to race. Tyler is going to be here for a few days?

  “What ten-star hotel are you staying at in Summerland?” I ask with a laugh. There are zero hotels within an hour’s drive from here.

  He smiles as he looks down at me. “Aunt Wilma’s Inn.”

  “Oh,” I say, laughing at him. “Fancy. She makes delicious crumpets, but I’ve heard there’s no hot water past seven a.m.”

  “Good to know,” he says with a nod. “Thanks.”

  The thought of Tyler staying at a place like Aunt Wilma’s Inn keeps making me giggle. I keep wondering how he likes the dusty flowered curtains and the small bathrooms with the separate faucets, one for hot and one for cold. If I was out of my element in Vegas, he is definitely out of his element here in Summerland.

  “Come,” I say, hooking my arm around his. “I’ll show you around.”

  “Please do,” he says, following me with a grin. “I want to see where my wife is from.”

  “You expect me to ride on that?” Tyler asks, staring at my bike.

  “What’s the problem?” I ask with a laugh as I ring the bell on the handlebars. After spending the day touring the factory, introducing Tyler to the workers, and unsuccessfully trying to find a financial solution that would allow the factory to stay open, I’m taking him back to Aunt Wilma’s Inn. And we’re taking my bike.