Shards of Honor (Vorkosigan Saga)

by Lois McMaster Bujold

  “With Dubauer? Heavens, no! I’m no cradle snatcher. He was a good kid, though. I’d like to get him home to his family.”

  “Do you have a family?”

  “Sure. My mom and brother, back home on Beta Colony. My dad used to be in the Survey too.”

  “Was he one of those who never came back?”

  “No, he died in a shuttleport accident, not ten kilometers from home. He’d been home on leave, and was just reporting back.”

  “My condolences.”

  “Oh, that was years and years ago.” Getting a little personal, isn’t he? But it was better than trying to deflect military interrogation. She hoped fervently that the subject, say, of the latest Betan equipment would not come up. “How about you? Do you have a family?” It suddenly occurred to her that this phrase was also a polite way of asking, Are you married?

  “My father lives. He is Count Vorkosigan. My mother was half Betan, you know,” he offered hesitantly.

  Cordelia decided that if Vorkosigan, full of military curtness, was formidable, Vorkosigan trying to make himself pleasant was truly terrifying. But curiosity overcame the urge to cut the conversation short. “That’s unusual. How did that happen?”

  “My maternal grandfather was Prince Xav Vorbarra, the diplomat. He held the post of ambassador to Beta Colony for a time, in his youth, before the First Cetagandan War. I believe my grandmother was in your Bureau for Interstellar Trade.”

  “Did you know her well?”

  “After my mother—died, and Yuri Vorbarra’s Civil War was brought to an end, I spent some school vacations at the Prince’s home in the capital. He was at odds with my father, though, before and after that war, being of different political parties. Xav was the leading light of the progressives in his day, and of course my father was—is—part of the last stand of the old military aristocracy.”

  “Was your grandmother happy on Barrayar?” Cordelia estimated Vorkosigan’s school days were perhaps thirty years ago.

  “I don’t think she ever adjusted completely to our society. And of course, Yuri’s War …” He trailed off, then began again. “Outsiders—you Betans particularly—have this odd vision of Barrayar as some monolith, but we are a fundamentally divided society. My government is always fighting these centrifugal tendencies.”

  Vorkosigan leaned forward and tossed another piece of wood onto the fire. Sparks cascaded upward like a stream of little orange stars flowing home to the sky. Cordelia felt a sharp longing to fly away with them.

  “What party has your allegiance?” she asked, hoping to keep the conversation on a less unnervingly personal plane. “Do you stand with your father?”

  “While he lives. I always wanted to be a soldier, and avoid all parties. I have an aversion to politics; they’ve been death on my family. But it’s past time someone took on those damned bureaucrats and their pet spies. They imagine they’re the wave of the future, but it’s only sewage flowing downhill.”

  “If you express those opinions that forcibly at home, it’s no wonder politics come looking for you.” She poked at the fire with a stick, freeing more sparks for their journey.

  Dubauer, sedated by the painkiller, fell asleep quickly, but Cordelia lay long awake, replaying the disturbing conversation in her mind. Still, what did she care if this Barrayaran chose to run his head into nooses? No reason for her to get involved. None at all. Surely not. Even if the shape of his square strong hands was a dream of power in form …

  She awakened deep in the night with a start. But it was only the fire flaring up as Vorkosigan added an unusually large armload of wood. She sat up, and he came over to her.

  “I’m glad you’re awake. I need you.” He pressed his combat knife into her hand. “That carcass seems to be attracting something. I’m going to pitch it into the river. Will you hold a torch?”

  “Sure.” She stretched, got up, and selected a suitable brand. She followed him down into the watercourse, rubbing her eyes. The flickering orange light made jumpy black shadows that were almost harder to see into than plain starlight. As they reached the water’s edge she caught movement out of the corner of her eye, and heard a scrambling among the rocks and a familiar hiss.

  “Uh, oh. There’s a group of those scavengers just upstream to the left.”

  “Right.” Vorkosigan flung the remains of their dinner to the middle of the river, where they vanished with a dim gurgle. There was an extra splash, a loud one, not an echo. Aha! Cordelia thought—I saw you jump too, Barrayaran. But whatever had splashed didn’t show above the surface, and its ripples were lost in the current. Some more hisses, and a shattering shriek, came from downstream. Vorkosigan drew the stunner.

  “There’s a whole herd of them out there,” Cordelia commented nervously. They stood back to back, trying to penetrate the blackness. Vorkosigan rested the stunner across one wrist and let off a carefully aimed burst. It buzzed quietly, and one of the dark shapes slumped to the ground. Its comrades sniffed it in curiosity, and moved in closer.

  “I wish your gun had more of a bang.” He aimed again and dropped two more, without any effect on the rest. He cleared his throat. “You know, your stunner’s almost out of charge.”

  “Not enough to flatten the rest of them, eh?”

  “No.”

  One of the scavengers, bolder than the rest, darted forward. Vorkosigan met its charge with a shout and a rush of his own. It retreated temporarily. The breed of scavengers that ranged the plains was slightly larger than its mountain cousins, and if possible, uglier. Obviously, it also traveled in larger groups. The ring of beasts closed tighter as they attempted to retreat toward the valley rim.

  “Oh, hell,” said Vorkosigan. “That does it.” A dozen silent, ghostly globes were drifting in from above. “What a foul way to die. Well, let’s take as many with us as possible.” He glanced at her, seemed about to say more, but then only shook his head and braced for the rush.

  Cordelia, heart lurching, gazed up at the descending radials and was illuminated by an idea of awesome brilliance.

  “Oh, no,” she breathed. “That’s not the last straw. That’s the home fleet, coming to the rescue. Come, my pretties,” she coaxed. “Come to Mama.”

  “Have you lost your mind?” asked Vorkosigan.

  “You wanted a bang? I’ll give you a bang. What do you think holds those things up?”

  “Hadn’t thought about it. But of course it would almost have to be—”

  “Hydrogen! Bet you anything those darling little chemistry sets are electrolyzing water. Notice how they hang around rivers and streams? Wish I had some gloves.”

  “Allow me.” His grin winked out of the fire-streaked dark at her. He jumped up and hooked a radial out of the air by its writhing maroon tendrils, and flung it to earth before the approaching scavengers. Cordelia, holding her torch like a fencer’s foil, thrust toward it at full extension. Sparks scattered as she jabbed two, then three times.

  The radial exploded in a ball of blinding flame that singed her eyebrows, with a great bass whoom and an astonishing stench. Orange and green afterimages danced across her retinas. She repeated the trick at Vorkosigan’s next snatch. One of the scavengers’ fur caught fire, and it led a general retreat, screeching and hissing. She poked again at a radial in the air. It went off with a flash that illuminated the whole reach of the river valley and the humping backs of the fleeing pack of scavengers.

  Vorkosigan was frantically patting her on the back; it wasn’t until the smell caught her that she realized she’d set her own hair on fire. He got it out. The rest of the radials sailed high into the air and away, except for one Vorkosigan captured and held by standing on its tendrils.

  “Ha!” Cordelia war danced around him in triumph, the adrenaline rush giving her a silly urge to giggle. She drew a deep breath. “Is your hand all right?”

  “It’s a little burned,” he admitted. He took off his shirt and bundled the radial into it. It pulsated and stank. “We might want this later.” He r
insed his hand in the stream, and they jogged quickly back to their campsite. Dubauer lay undisturbed, although a few minutes later one stray scavenger turned up at the edge of the firelight, sniffing and hissing. Vorkosigan put it to flight with torch, knife, and swearing—whispered, so as not to wake the ensign.

  “I think we’d better live on field rations for the rest of the trip,” he said, returning.

  Cordelia nodded heartfelt agreement.

  *

  She roused the men at the first gray light of dawn, as anxious now as Vorkosigan to complete the trip to the safety of the supply cache as quickly as possible. The radial held captive in Vorkosigan’s shirt had died and deflated during the night, turning into a horrible gelid blob. Vorkosigan of necessity took a few minutes to wash it out in the stream, but the stinks and stains it left made him the unquestioned front runner in the filth-collection contest Cordelia felt they were having. They had a quick snack of their dull but safe oatmeal and blue cheese dressing, and started on their way as the sun rose, sending their long shadows racing ahead of them across the rusty, flower-strewn levels.

  Near their noon halt Vorkosigan took a break and disappeared behind a bush for biological necessity. In a few moments a string of curses came floating around it, followed shortly by the speaker himself, hopping from foot to foot and shaking out the legs of his trousers. Cordelia gave him a look of innocent inquiry.

  “You know those light yellow cones of sand we’ve been seeing?” Vorkosigan said, unbuckling his pants.

  “Yes …”

  “Don’t stand on one to piss.”

  Cordelia failed to strangle a giggle. “What did you find? Or should I say, what found you?”

  Vorkosigan turned his trousers inside out and began picking at the little round white creatures running among their folds on cilia-like legs. Cordelia appropriated one and held it on the palm of her hand for a closer look. It was yet another model of the radials, an underground form.

  “Ow!” She brushed it away hastily.

  “Stings, doesn’t it?” snarled Vorkosigan.

  A burble of laughter welled up within her. But she was saved from a lapse of control when she noticed a more sobering feature of his appearance.

  “Hey, that scratch doesn’t look too good, does it?”

  The claw mark of the scavenger on his right leg that Vorkosigan had collected the night they’d buried Rosemont was swollen and bluish, with ugly red streaks radiating from it up as far as his knee.

  “It’s all right,” he said firmly, beginning to put on his de-radialed pants.

  “It doesn’t look all right. Let me see.”

  “There’s nothing you can do about it here,” he protested, but submitted to a brief examination. “Satisfied?” he inquired sarcastically, and finished dressing.

  “I wish your micro people had been a little more thorough when they concocted that salve,” Cordelia shrugged. “But you’re right. Nothing to be done now.”

  They trudged on. Cordelia watched him more closely, now. From time to time he would begin to favor the leg, then notice her scrutiny and march forward with a determinedly even stride. But by the end of the day he had abandoned subterfuge and was frankly limping. In spite of it he led on into the sunset, the afterglow of the sunset, and the gathering night, until the cratered mountain toward which they had been angling was a black bulk on the horizon. At last, stumbling in the dark, he gave up and called a halt. She was glad, for Dubauer was flagging, leaning on her heavily and trying to lie down. They slept where they stopped on the red sandy soil. Vorkosigan cracked a cold light and took his usual watch, as Cordelia lay in the dirt and watched the unreachable stars wheel overhead.

  Vorkosigan had asked to be waked before dawn, but she let him sleep until full light. She didn’t like the way he looked, alternately pale and flushed, or his shallow, rapid breathing.

  “Think you’d better take one of your painkillers?” she asked him when he rose, for he seemed barely able to put weight on the leg, which was much more swollen.

  “Not yet. I have to save some for the end.” He cut a long stick instead, and the three of them began the day’s task of walking down their shadows.

  “How far to the end?” Cordelia asked.

  “I estimate a day, day and a half, depending on what kind of time we can make.” He grimaced. “Don’t worry. You’re not going to have to carry me. I’m one of the fittest men in my command.” He limped on. “Over forty.”

  “How many men over forty are there in your command?”

  “Four.”

  Cordelia snorted.

  “Anyway, if it becomes necessary, I have a stimulant in my medkit that would animate a corpse. But I want to save it for the end, too.”

  “What kind of trouble are you anticipating?”

  “It all depends on who picks up my call. I know Radnov—my Political Officer—has at least two agents in my communications section.” He pursed his lips, measuring her again. “You see, I don’t think it was a general mutiny. I think it was a spur-of-the-moment assassination attempt on the part of Radnov and a very few others. Using you Betans, they thought they could get rid of me without implicating themselves. If I’m right, everyone aboard ship thinks I’m dead. All but one.”

  “Which one?”

  “Wouldn’t I like to know. The one who hit me on the head and hid me in the bracken, instead of cutting my throat and dumping me in the nearest hole. Lieutenant Radnov seems to have a ringer in his group. And yet—if this ringer were loyal to me, all he’d have to do is tell Gottyan, my first officer, and he’d have had a loyal patrol down to pick me up before now. Now who in my command is so confused in his thinking as to betray both sides at once? Or am I missing something?”

  “Maybe they’re all still chasing my ship,” suggested Cordelia.

  “Where is your ship?”

  Honesty should be safely academic by now, Cordelia calculated. “Well on its way back to Beta Colony.”

  “Unless they’ve been captured.”

  “No. They were out of your range when I talked to them. They may not be armed, but they can run rings around your battle cruiser.”

  “Hm. Well, it’s possible.”

  He doesn’t sound surprised, Cordelia noted. I’d bet his secret reports on our stuff would give our counterintelligence people colonic spasms. “How far will they pursue?”

  “That’s up to Gottyan. If he judges he can’t possibly catch them, he’ll return to the picket station. If he thinks he can, he’s bound to make maximum effort.”

  “Why?”

  He glanced sidelong at her. “I can’t discuss that.”

  “I don’t see why not. I’m not going anywhere but a Barrayaran prison cell, for a while. Funny how one’s standards change. After this trek, it will seem like the lap of luxury.”

  “I’ll try to see it doesn’t come to that.” He smiled.

  His eyes bothered her, and his smile. His curtness she could meet and match with her own flippancy, guarding herself as with a fencer’s foil. His kindness was like fencing with the sea, her strokes going soft and losing all volition. She flinched from the smile, and his face fell, then became closed and grave again.

  Chapter Three

  They walked in silence for a time after breakfast. Vorkosigan broke it first. His fever seemed to be eating away at his original taciturnity.

  “Converse with me. It will take my mind off my leg.”

  “What about?”

  “Anything.”

  She considered, walking. “Do you find commanding a warship very different from ordinary vessels?”

  He thought it over. “It’s not the ship that’s different. It’s the men. Leadership is mostly a power over imagination, and never more so than in combat. The bravest man alone can only be an armed lunatic. The real strength lies in the ability to get others to do your work. Don’t you find it so even in the fleets of Beta Colony?”

  Cordelia smiled. “If anything, even more so. If it ever came down to
exerting power by force, it would mean I’d already lost it. I prefer to maintain a light touch. Then I have the advantage, because I find I can always keep my temper, or whatever, just a little longer than the next man.” She glanced around at the spring desert. “I think civilization must have been invented for the benefit of women, certainly of mothers. I can’t imagine how my cavewoman ancestors cared for families under primitive conditions.”

  “I suspect they worked together in groups,” said Vorkosigan. “I’ll wager you could have handled it, had you been born in those days. You have the competence one would look for in a mother of warriors.”

  Cordelia wondered if Vorkosigan was pulling her leg. He did seem to have a streak of dry humor. “Save me from that! To pour your life into sons for eighteen or twenty years, and then have the government take them away and waste them cleaning up after some failure of politics—no thanks.”

  “I never really looked at it that way,” allowed Vorkosigan. He was quiet for a time, stumping along with his stick. “Suppose they volunteered? Do your people have no ideal of service?”

  “Noblesse oblige?” But it was her turn to be silent, a little embarrassed. “I suppose, if they volunteered, it would be different. However, I have no children, so fortunately I won’t have to face those decisions.”

  “Are you glad, or sorry?”

  “About children?” She glanced at his face. He seemed to have no awareness of having hit a sore point dead on. “They just haven’t come my way, I guess.”

  The thread of their talk was broken as they negotiated a rocky stretch of badlands, full of sudden clefts opening at their feet. It involved some tricky climbing, and shoving Dubauer through safely took all her attention. On the far side they took a break by unspoken mutual agreement, sitting leaning against a rock in exhaustion. Vorkosigan rolled up his pants leg and loosened his boot top for a look at the festering wound that was threatening to slow him to a halt.

  “You seem a fair nurse. Do you think it would help to open and drain it?” he asked Cordelia.

  “I don’t know. I’d be afraid messing around with it would just make it dirtier.” She deduced the injury must be feeling very much worse for him to have mentioned it, confirmed when he took half a painkiller from his precious and limited store.