Collide Series Box Set

by J. C. Hannigan

  "The world needs more of that," I said instead, my tone a little clipped.

  "Do I make you feel good?" Jax asked, his eyes penetrating right into my soul. I hesitated, my mouth opening and closing for a minute as I struggled to answer truthfully. Jax smiled, seeming to read me as easily as I had read him. "I do, but I also scare you and make you uncomfortable," he answered for me.

  "You don't scare me," I scoffed, meeting Jax's gaze steadily. It was a lie, of course. He did scare me and made me more than a little uncomfortable. Mainly because he was evoking feelings in me that were resting since Iain.

  "Whatever you say." Jax smiled, nodding his head in the direction of theater twelve. "Let's go get seats."

  We started to walk, weaving around clusters of people. Jax was holding the large popcorn and his drink in his left hand, his right hand finding mine almost timidly. Our fingers wove together and I bit my lip, looking away from him. He didn't notice, intent on leading me safely through the group of jostling teenagers.

  The simple act of holding Jax's hand was stirring emotions in me that had been in hibernation. I felt them coming back in waves: desire, intrigue, warmth, giddiness. I frowned, frustrated with myself.

  It wasn't that I hadn't realized that I had returned to what Jenna dubbed "the cold zone." I knew that I was numb and had been since my first letter to Iain was met with silence.

  I didn't want to be the girl that needed a guy to come into her life to wake her up and help her feel alive, and it angered me that maybe—just maybe—I was that kind of girl.

  "Where do you want to sit?" Jax asked, pausing at the bottom of the stairs in theater twelve. The theater was nearly empty.

  "The top," I answered, pulling my hand free and walking quickly up the stairs. I made my way down the back row of seats towards the middle. Jax followed, sinking down into the seat beside me.

  "Really? You prefer the top? That doesn't surprise me," he joked, turning to face me. His eyes were heated and there was a smile on his face that suggested his comment was clearly an innuendo. I smirked, enjoying his flirtatious behaviour, and the tingles of desire that shot up my spine at the thought of me on top of him.

  "Subtle." I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling it over my right shoulder, and squinted towards the front of the theater. I needed to look anywhere but at him. Otherwise, I risked the danger of climbing onto his lap.

  The screen was displaying the typical pre-show trivia questions. The theater seats were starting to fill up quickly, the wave of people coming from the concession line up.

  Jax took his finger and started tracing my spine. "I thought you would have a tattoo here as well," he said huskily, intrigued. Goosebumps erupted in response to his touch. I shivered with pleasure then shrugged away from his hand. He grinned at me playfully.

  "Nope. Sorry to disappoint," I replied, trying to keep my tone unaffected. My body was surging with desire, but I didn't want him to know that.

  I leaned back in my seat, feeling it rock slightly with the movement. It had recently been updated to allow for more comfortable seating. The armrests went up too; I discovered after testing mine.

  I caught Jax watching me, and I pursed my lips in annoyance. It was aggravating how undoing it felt to have just his eyes on me. I was beginning to regret my decision to go on a date with him. I was suffering through one of those times where I wasn't sure I wanted to wake up from the numbness.

  In fact, I knew I didn't. I didn't want to feel anything that could potentially lead to pain, and this sort of thing always did. My emotions and desires were already running rampant.

  But I knew that I needed to break out of the numbing reality I had fallen into over the past couple of years. I needed to force Iain from my mind as he had done to me, and my body had gravitated towards Jax.

  "You think a lot, don't you?" Jax remarked, leaning back in his own seat and using his hands as a headrest. He didn't look at me again, but I knew he was watching me out of the corner of his eye, waiting for my response.

  "I do," I admitted. There was no harm in that. My past decisions were made without much thought. I had always been the kind of girl to just pursue what she wanted to have and do what she wanted to do. I had never really thought out consequences to my actions.

  Needless to say, I had learned my lesson after the last time. Seeing someone you really cared about, someone that you loved, go to jail over simply being with you was enough to open my eyes. Actions equaled consequences.

  In the past two years, I'd had a lot of time to think about those consequences, and although I truly believe that what I had felt for Iain was love...if I could do it over again, I would never have showed up on his doorstep that night demanding to know his feelings for me. I would have never entertained the thought of being with him—with my teacher. I wouldn't have opened Pandora’s box, even if it had given me some of the happiest memories of my life so far. I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't have wanted to ruin someone's life like that.

  Teenagers and young people in general think that bad things won't happen to them. I used to fool myself into thinking I was one of the wise ones. I knew bad things could happen; I knew reality was a stone cold bitch, but I honestly hadn't thought my happy time with Iain could come to an end, especially one like that. I hadn't thought people would care enough to put up a stink about it, not quitting until the "evil teacher that prayed on little girls" was behind bars.

  "I would love to know what’s actually going on in that head of yours," Jax said, turning his head to truly look at me again. Like every time his eyes fell upon my face, I felt as if he could truly see me. It was unnerving.

  I offered him a tiny smile. "Maybe one day, I'll let you in enough to," I replied, trying to keep my voice playful and light. Part of me didn't want that, part of me wanted to remain on my safe little island. But there was another part of me, and this part was growing rapidly, that wanted to invite him in with open arms and just see what would happen. After all, it wasn't like I could ruin his life.

  "I would like that," Jax whispered, drawing his face closer. His lips were several inches away from mine. I closed my eyes as the warmth of his minty breath flitted across them.

  The movie trailers started to play, and suddenly the warmth of Jax's breath was gone. I opened my eyes, blinking once to clear my mind of the disorienting sensations his nearness had created. Jax was staring straight ahead, his lips lifted in a soft smile.

  I turned to face the screen as well, moments before he placed his arm around my shoulders.

  * * *

  It was difficult to pay attention to the movie with Jax's arm across my shoulders. It was a gesture that was so date-like and innocent, and yet it made me feel...well, a lot of different things.

  When the credits finally rolled and the lights slowly started to turn on, I had to blink a view times to wake myself up from the daze Jax's closeness always seemed to put me in.

  This was the part about movie theaters that I hated: the part when every single person tried to get out at once. A swarm of people, almost mob-like, pushing towards the exits as if staying behind was dangerous; the mentality to get out and get out fast caused anxiety in me. Usually I was the first to leave, purposefully pushing my way out the doors, lest I get trapped inside. I tried to stand up, but Jax's arm across my shoulders was anchoring me to my seat.

  It should have made me panic more—being trapped under a heavy arm with this need to escape sitting heavily on my chest—but it somehow calmed me.

  "What's the rush?" Jax asked, looking at me gently. "The exit doors will still be there in a minute or two, and they won't be so packed."

  I exhaled, focusing on the sensation of his arm and the butterflies in my stomach. I looked up at him through my long lashes, blinking a few times. I licked my lips, feeling nervous energy. I was beginning to panic. I could feel it bubbling in my chest.

  That's when Jax kissed me. I felt his lips touch mine, pausing the world around us and making all of the chaos and noise fade
away to nothing. My heart stuttered in my chest, then frantically increased in tempo as he deepened the kiss. His tongue sought entrance, and I gave it without thinking, returning the kiss with the same intensity. The need to connect to him consumed me. His hands rose, getting lost in the mane of my hair and finding the nape of my neck. I grabbed his wrists with my own hands, clenching onto them as I moaned.

  Jax let out a primal growl, deepening the kiss even more. I hadn't thought it was possible to kiss him any deeper, any harder, but he channeled all of his desire and need into it, and I poured mine in as well. It was explosive. I saw stars, the bubble of lust and need in the pit of my stomach exploded, and I wanted him then and there. I could feel every ounce of control that I had melt away.

  I pulled away from him, almost panting. My eyes were wide, panicked from everything I felt in that single kiss. Jax slowly dropped his hands, but not before he brushed my cheek with the pad of his thumb. I closed my eyes, breathing heavily and trying not to cry.

  I felt like an emotional mess of hormones and heartbreak.

  I stood up so quickly that I almost stumbled. "Looks like the coast is clear," I said, my voice shaking slightly. Jax frowned, confused and concerned at my behaviour. He ran his hands through his hair, exhaling deeply.

  "What?" I asked, almost impatiently.

  He grinned, completely unashamed. "Give me a minute, okay?"

  "Oh." I snorted. It was obvious that our kiss had evoked strong feelings in Jax as well. My stomach rolled with desire again and I sighed, tapping my foot against the floor as I tried to bite back a smile.

  Grinning, Jax stood up and took my hand without asking, as if the simple act was natural to him. He led me down the stairs towards the theater exit.

  The hallway was still full of people coming for the next viewing, but it wasn't as congested as it would have been had I tried to escape right after the movie ended. With my hand in Jax's, we headed towards the parking lot, our arms swinging slightly with each step.

  Jax pulled his keys out of his pocket with his free hand, hitting the unlock button on the remote. Up ahead, his truck headlights blinked. I dropped his hand, walking around the length of the truck to the passenger side, and reached my hand out to open the door. Jax had gone around the other way and beat me to it.

  "And they say chivalry is dead." I crossed my arms, smirking at him as he held the door open.

  "Certainly not." he winked, offering me his hand. I took it, using it to push myself up into the truck. He watched me with appreciation before closing the door once I was safely out of the way.

  I was at war with myself. On one hand, the kiss we shared in the movie theater was making my head spin and causing me to want to run far away. On the other hand, I didn't want the night to end. I wanted to kiss Jax again and feel all that I was feeling amplified, just like it was in the movie theater.

  It was probably safer to just head home, so when Jax asked if I wanted to hit up a pub for a drink or two, I politely declined. "I need to get home,” I said. “I have a lot of homework to do tonight. I work the rest of the week and won't have a chance to catch up on it."

  Jax nodded, understanding and accepting my excuse. He knew how packed our one Psychology class together was. The rest of my course load was just as ridiculous.

  He drove me home, respecting my need for silence. When he pulled to the curb in front of my apartment, he turned off the engine and climbed out before I had a chance to tell him I could walk myself up.

  Sighing, I opened the passenger door, hopping out before Jax could assist me. I didn't resent his desire to help me; I just didn't need it. He had caught me off guard the first time, and I didn't particularly like being caught off guard. As amazing as his large hands felt when he held me...I found myself sliding into a dangerous zone that I wasn't ready to be anywhere near.

  We walked up the stairs side by side, neither of us talking. When we reached my door, I turned to face him.

  "I had fun tonight," I said, speaking the truth. I did have fun. Lots of fun. Even if I wasn't comfortable with the things I was feeling. Too much too soon.

  Jax gently cupped my chin and tilted it up, looking into my eyes. "I did too, Harlow. Kissing you was my favourite part. I would like to do that again...and often."

  "What a line," I remarked, smirking again. He brought it out in me.

  Jax grinned, tilting my chin a little more so that his lips could easily find mine. He kissed me softly, gently exploring the curvatures of my lips with his. My heart thudded loudly, and I felt the familiar roll of desire snaking over my skin. "Fuck it," I muttered, grabbing the collar of his coat and pulling him towards me as I deepened the kiss. I gently bit down on his lip, pulling it slightly and purring in response to his moan.

  His body pressed against mine, pinning me to the door. His hands roamed my waist, finding their way to my hips. He squeezed gently, causing my pelvis to thrust in response.

  Suddenly, I felt myself falling backwards as the door opened. Jax caught me in an odd looking dip, the same kind of move he had pulled before outside when I had stumbled on the sidewalk. I tilted my head back to glare at Jenna, my head almost upside down and my long hair nearly touching the floor. She had her hand clasped over her mouth and was trying to stifle her giggles. I'm sure it looked like we were practicing some kind of dance move.

  "I'm sorry." She snorted, trying to reign in her amusement. "I heard someone at the door and...well..."

  Jax stood up, dragging me along with him, and laughed.

  I huffed, stepping out of Jax's embrace. I put my hand on his chest, gently pushing him out the door. "I had a wonderful time. I'll see you around," I said, closing the door in his laughing face.

  I turned around, glaring at Jenna before stomping to my room. I knew she would follow me, and she did.

  "I'm sorry for interrupting your goodbye," she said, looking guilty.

  "It's fine." I sighed, kicking my heels off. "It's probably better that you did."

  "Why?" Jenna sat down on my unmade bed, drawing her legs up to her chest. She was wearing her pajama bottoms and a tank top.

  "I was...I don't know." My brow furrowed as I tried to think of an explanation. The problem was, I couldn't think. My lips felt swollen from his kiss and my nerves were on fire. I wanted to crawl out of my own skin to escape all the feelings of lust. It was too much too soon. I wasn't ready for that kind of thing. I didn't think I could handle it. In fact, I knew I couldn't.

  Now that I was free from Jax's presence, Iain was slithering his way back into my memory.

  "You're feeling guilty," Jenna accused, reading my mind. "Don't feel guilty! You have nothing to feel guilty about!"

  I turned my back on her, slipping out of the dress and pulling a large band t-shirt over my head. It was pretty much all I slept in.

  "I know that," I said finally, sighing again. "And I didn't while I was with him. It's all so confusing. My head feels messed up."

  "Looks like somebody's a little love sick." Jenna grinned.

  "I am not love sick." I stared her down. "I am...lust sick. And I can't be."

  "Why not?"

  "I'm not ready for it," I said softly, my fingers instantly going up to my collarbone to touch the necklace, my thoughts absorbed by Iain.

  I made it my mission over the next few days to stay as busy as possible. I picked up extra shifts at work, jammed more activities into my already jammed schedule so I wouldn't have time to think about all the things I was actively avoiding thinking about. Jax texted me and I replied back but avoided the idea of seeing him again. Monday was too soon to see him, and it was approaching fast.

  Thursday night, I was working the closing shift at The Bean. It had been a long, boring, uneventful shift. I did so much cleaning that I was certain Jamie and Mark wouldn't recognize the place the next morning. I closed up shop without any incident. I was just throwing on my jacket and grabbing my purse when someone knocked on the glass pane of the door.

  My heart jumped with fear
as I whipped around. Jax stood on the other side of the door. The dark stubble was back, dusting across his strong jaw line. I wanted to run into his embrace, to touch him and taste him.

  I frowned as I opened the door, shaking my head to try and calm my raging hormones. I was definitely lusting after him badly.

  "I told you that I would see you on Monday," I said, trying to ignore my increased heartbeat. At first, my heart jumped with fear, but now the steady, speedy rhythm had everything to do with the man in front of me.

  "I know," Jax replied, his hands in his pockets. He was wearing faded jeans and a dark brown leather jacket that I couldn't help but appreciate; his hair was down and tussled from the wind. I found myself envisioning my hands tangling in it, pulling his head down toward me.

  I knew that Jax wasn’t a mind reader, but he definitely seemed to know the direction my thoughts were heading. He smiled at me, his eyes dropping down the length of my body slowly before he raised them to rest on my lips.

  "Then why are you here?" I asked.

  "I take it you haven't been paying attention to the news lately?" his smile faded and his expression grew serious.

  "No." My heart jumped in my chest once again. There could be a million news stories he was referring to, a rerun of the scandal that rocked North Bay being one of them.

  "There's someone attacking females at night in this area," Jax answered. "I didn't think you should walk home alone this late."

  "I’m fine." I rolled my eyes, trying to not show him my fear. "I've got pepper spray and I'm pretty sure I could kick some serious ass if need be."

  "Have you taken self-defense classes?" Jax asked curiously, stepping towards me. I stepped backwards in response.