Collide Series Box Set

by J. C. Hannigan

  Jenna stood beside me, holding Lucas's hand and almost trembling with nervousness. She bounced on her shiny red heels, dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and halter top.

  I couldn't help but feel anxious and nervous. The last party I’d been to was one at the beginning of twelfth grade. It was the very party that I'd walked into a room and found Andrew Cooper sexually assaulting Jenna.

  I knew I could have told Jax the real reason why I didn't want to attend this party, but I remained silent. It wasn't my story to tell, it was Jenna's, and she was standing on the porch with us, not complaining at all. I knew she was nervous; parties always made her nervous since that night, but she also refused to let it dictate her life.

  When I told her about the party a couple nights before, she asked if it would be okay for her and Lucas to go. I swear, I looked at her like she had grown an extra head.

  "I don't want to live in fear anymore," she had answered my unasked question. "And...I've never been to a University party. If we go in a big group, we'll be okay. Plus, there's no way we wouldn't feel safe with Jax around," she added, laughing.

  She was right. Jax had an aura of safety and protection about him. Even still, I didn't have a good track record with parties. Aside from the horror of that night with Jenna, the last party I had attended before that one had not been any better.

  That party ended with my best friend dying on the side of the road. It was impossible to not think about Lauren every time I put myself into the party setting. Most of my heavy partying days were with Lauren by my side.

  I had good reasons for the anxiety I was feeling. The anxiety that welled up in the pit of my belly, poised like coiled snakes, waiting to strike out at any moment.

  I took a deep steadying breath as the door opened and Jenna's hand found mine for a quick yet reassuring squeeze. I looked at her when she released my hand and she was smiling at me. I knew she knew where my thoughts had gone, and I was grateful to her for pulling me back.

  Brianna leaned drunkenly against the door, blinking slowly as she stared at Jax. "Oh my God! You showed up!" she slurred before running at him for a hug. She didn't even acknowledge the rest of us. Jax untangled himself from her sloppy embrace as quickly as possible, casting a bemused look over his shoulder at me.

  "Hey, Brianna! You look great," Crimson said, smiling genuinely.

  "Thanks." Brianna's voice held no warmth. She fixated her gaze back on Jax before flickering it to the rest of our group. "Who are they?"

  "Jenna and Lucas," Jax replied, bemused.

  "Where is your girlfriend?" she added, looking hopeful at the prospect that Jax's girlfriend hadn't shown up.

  Unfortunately, I was there. I was standing behind him, blocked by his large size. I stepped aside, smiling sarcastically at her while I wrapped my arms around Jax's waist. "Oh, I'm here against my will," I muttered.

  "I thought you said you weren't together?" Brianna pouted, looking up at Jax as if he had lied to her and seriously hurt her feelings. I bet she only had one feeling: self-righteousness.

  Jax shrugged, his arm instinctively enclosing around my shoulders. "We weren't together at the time. We are now."

  "Interesting. Well, come in...I guess." Brianna pursed her lips with disdain. She stood aside to let the five of us pass. Jenna exchanged a look with me, her eyebrows raised as she mouthed what a bitch. Brianna's cold blue eyes swept over our group once more, narrowing in on Crimson. "I don't see your boyfriend anywhere, Crimson. Are you sure he exists?"

  "Wow, that was bitchy." I frowned at her, but Crimson kept a gentle smile on her face.

  "I'm sorry, what was that?" Crimson asked, tilting her head sideways.

  "Never mind." Brianna rolled her eyes, walking into the foyer. Jax and I followed suit, exchanging a glance with one another. I could tell he was seriously regretting coming to the party. I knew he expected it to be a chill event, probably toss back a beer or two and maybe dance a little with me.

  Parties involved alcohol though, and alcohol, especially when mixed with catty women, involved drama. I sensed that from the beginning. How could I not, with Brianna involved? I didn't know her, but I knew her type.

  "We'll leave if this sucks," Jax said, loud enough for Jenna, Lucas and I to hear. Crimson had already followed Brianna to the kitchen, likely to grab herself a drink.

  "It's going to," I promised him, rolling my eyes. "Let's just go now."

  "Oh come on, Harlow," Jenna interrupted, zeroing her gaze in on me. "We just got here. Let's dance a little, try to have some fun instead of acting like a perpetual forty-year-old."

  I snorted. "A perpetual forty-year-old? That's fresh."

  "Besides, Crimson looks so happy to be here," Jenna added, gesturing her head towards Crimson. She was walking back from the kitchen, clutching a red solo cup in her hand and grinning from ear to ear like a kid at Disney Land.

  "Give it time." I sighed deeply, following her gaze and watching Crimson as she mingled. She did look happy, but it would only be a matter of time before someone here said something cruel to her and she caught it. That someone was likely going to be Brianna. Her scowling, dark mood and bitchy comments when we first walked in aside, she seemed like the exact kind of girl that Crimson didn't know how to handle. Double edged words, two-faced.

  "Dance with me," Jax whispered, his breath hot on my earlobe. He dragged me out to the makeshift dance floor. I went willingly, biting my lip slightly. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Jenna's wide smile as Lucas led her to the dance floor as well.

  Jax's moves had me forgetting all about everything else. My heart drummed nervously along to the beat of Miley's latest single. I couldn't even scoff at the fact that I was dancing to Miley Cyrus, not with the way Jax moved against me. He was skilled and erotic, telling the familiar tale of how skilled he was in other areas.

  "You know, Jax, if you wanted to grind up against me, I totally would have been fine with that. You didn't need to take me to a lame party to do this," I remarked, loving the feel of his body against me. It was lethal, the way he moved his hips and pelvis against mine. He gripped my hips with his hands, leading me in the rhythmic grinding.

  "I know." Jax grinned. "It would have been so much easier to do that...but it was more of a challenge to get you to come tonight. And, to be honest, I didn't want Crimson to have to come alone."

  He gestured over to where Crimson was standing with Brianna and Alissa. Brianna was ignoring her, scowling in our direction, but Alissa was smiling at something Crimson said. Crimson was holding a red cup, drinking tentatively from it every so often.

  "I know," I grumbled. I couldn't be mad at him when I felt the same way. Crimson was...innocent. She was caring, bubbly, and a little overbearing most of the time, but I still found myself wanting to protect her, to make sure that nobody made her feel bad.

  "Plus," Jax added, placing his hand against the small of my back and drawing me closer to him. "I wanted to feel you grind up against me. Tease you through your clothes and drive you wild."

  His words set my skin on fire and he made good on his promise, torturing me through his moves and touch.

  The song ended, and a slower one came on. Jax raised his hand, using the pad of his thumb to trace my jaw line, starting just below my ear lobe. He paused on my lips, his thumb lingering there. As if in a trance, he leaned towards me and kissed me. I kissed him back slowly, enjoying the minty taste of him. I don't know how long we kissed, swaying gently to Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran. We only stopped when a tentative tap on my shoulder reminded us both that we were in a very public place. Smiling against his lips, I pulled away to face the person who had tapped my shoulder.

  Crimson grinned at us. "Guys, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend!"

  Still smiling at the lingering tingles Jax's kiss left upon my lips, I looked at the tall, lanky guy standing to her left.

  I felt the air leave my lungs in a whoosh as I stared into the face of a person I hadn't seen in six years, a person I never thought I
would see again.

  Cole Carmichael stared back at me, just as stunned as I was. He paled, his jaw opened and his eyes widened as if he had seen a ghost. I suppose, in a way, he had.

  The demons of my past reared their ugly head up at me as I stared at the face of my first boyfriend. Cole hadn't really changed in six years. He had lost the chubbiness in his cheeks, and had gotten taller. His pale green eyes and even the way he wore his hair remained unchanged. I shook as that night rushed back at me in tattered images, my stomach rolling with disgust and rage.

  "You!" I flew at him in a fit of rage. I felt the sting of my knuckles coming into contact with his jaw, and my fists kept flying at him, pounding every inch I could get at while I screamed at him. "You ruined me!" I screeched, tears of anger pouring down my face, my eyes narrow slits of anger.

  I felt strong arms pulling me off, and Jax's voice in my ear. "Relax, breathe," he repeated. I saw Jenna rushing over, concern apparent on her face. The entire room was silent, everyone turned to watch the drama unfold and the music was silenced at some point during my attack.

  "What the hell, Harlow?" Crimson exclaimed, utterly shocked. She had both her hands on Cole's arms, comforting him while she stared at me with confusion.

  Cole started to talk "I'm sorry –“

  "I don't want to fucking hear it," I shot back, raising my finger menacingly at him. I stepped forward, but was held in place by Jax's arm. "You drugged me, you and your friends. You ruined me, you took a part of me that I will never get back!" Jax's grip around my waist tightened as his muscles tensed.

  Cole's shoulders slumped in defeat at my words. Jenna looked back and forth from Cole to me, understanding crossing her face. She put her hand on Jax's shoulder.

  "Get her out of here," she instructed gently. "I'll be right behind you guys."

  I pulled away from Jax, storming out of the house. I could feel the eyes of everyone on me, and I couldn't stop shaking. Tears poured down my cheeks without constraint. I knew I would regret flying off the handle later, but I couldn't even process anything over the roaring of my blood in my ears.

  Jax caught up with me as I raced down the walkway. He gently tugged on my arm, pulling me back towards him. I crashed into his chest, allowing him to comfort me while the tears fell.

  He held me, stroking my back and hair, saying nothing for the longest time. Not until my tears slowed and my hysteria ebbed.

  "Harlow." He pulled me away so that he could look at me. "What just happened?"

  I took a deep, steadying breath. I couldn't meet Jax's eyes. I was afraid to, so I looked over his shoulder. "That asshole and his friends drugged me and raped me when I was fifteen. I guess I've never forgiven them or come to terms with it." I laughed bitterly, desperately wiping away the tears from my cheeks. I felt his hands tighten around my arms, and I finally looked at him.

  His jaw was clenched in anger. His brown eyes had darkened, and he rolled his neck as if trying to reign it all in.

  Before he could say anything, Jenna and Lucas were flying down the walkway towards us.

  "Time to go," Jenna said, taking one look at us. She probably feared that he would turn around and go inside, after Cole. I had never seen him look so menacing, but Jax was a fighter, a defender.

  Brianna and Alissa's house was located a couple blocks away from our apartment, so we had walked over. I didn't bother asking if Crimson was coming. I frankly didn't care anymore. She had chosen to stay there with him, so she was on her own.

  Jax held my hand the whole walk home, but I felt numb and exhausted from my outburst. By the time we were walking into the apartment, the embarrassment set in. Jenna bit her lip, studying the both of us.

  "Lucas and I will be in my room if you need anything, Harlow, but I think the two of you really need to talk..." Jenna sent me a look, trying to communicate with me. I nodded, watching the two of them disappear down the hallway.

  The silence seemed to stretch on forever. I heard Jax sigh and walk over to me. He put his arms around me, pulling me against his chest again. "Harlow, talk to me. Don't shut me out, please?" he pleaded against my stiff posture. I forced myself to relax, breathing in his scent and closing my eyes.

  "I'm sorry I went completely postal back there," I said. I was desperately trying to get control of myself again. I felt vulnerable and weak, and stupid. Of course I had planned on telling Jax about my past...eventually, at the right time and in the right way. Normally, I could have that conversation and remain composed and in control. But I hadn't had to face Cole in years.

  I broke away from Jax's embrace, walking over to the couch. I sat down, keeping my eyes trained on the Ikea coffee table. "Cole was my first boyfriend. He was one of the popular guys, a part of the basketball team. Everybody loved him everybody thought he was so amazing. When he asked me out, I was ecstatic. We dated for a couple of weeks, but I wasn't ready for sex. I told him that, and I thought he respected it. Then one night, after a winning basketball game, I met up at Cole's house for a little after party. It wasn't anything big, just a small gathering to celebrate the win. I was the only girl there, only I didn't think there was anything wrong with it...I had hung out with them all before. Cole got me a drink. I drank it. It was roofied, and I blacked out. I faded in and out of consciousness, but I remember the pain. I remember...when there wasn't darkness...crying and begging them to stop."

  Jax walked over, sinking down beside me. I couldn't raise my eyes to meet his.

  "After that...night, rumors started to fly around the school about me...about how I'd slept with the whole team and Cole broke up with me because I was such a whore. The whole school believed it. I ended up switching schools because I got tired of nobody talking to me, of everyone judging me, of walking up to my locker and seeing "SLUT" written in lipstick on it."

  "Harlow." I could hear the anguish in Jax's voice. He pulled me into his arms, and I rested my head against his shoulder. "It's not your fault."

  I laughed, almost bitterly. "I know that. It's my fault for not reporting it though. I should have gone to the police. I should have told somebody, anybody. But I didn't. I couldn't. I was ashamed. My biggest regret is not going to the police."

  Jax didn't know what to say to that. What could he say?

  We sat in silence, Jax's fingers tracing warm circles on my shoulder. My eyes grew heavy from his warmth and comfort; I was emotionally spent from the night. I drifted off to sleep, lulled by his nearness.

  * * *

  I woke up to the sound of Jenna and Lucas speaking in hushed tones, saying their goodbyes. I waited until Jenna closed the door and retreated to her bedroom to stretch and pull away from Jax.

  I thought he had fallen asleep too because he was so silent, but Jax was staring at me, wide-awake.

  I ran my hand through my hair. I still felt vulnerable.

  "Don't," Jax told me, catching my chin with his hand. He forced me to look at him. "What happened tonight doesn't change how I feel about you," he said, his voice full of sincerity. His eyes searched mine, making sure that I understood.

  I bit my lip, knowing that there was much more to my history than that, knowing that some of my secrets would make Jax run.

  "I have more skeletons than that." I sighed heavily, feeling the weight of my own secrets.

  His lips brushed against mine, gently at first. Then when I didn't pull away or tense, he deepened the kiss. His hands tangled in my hair, the gentle tug coaxing an almost inhuman sound out of my throat. He pulled away, resting his forehead against mine.

  "Your skeletons don't scare me," he said softly.

  * * *

  Jax left around two in the morning. I went to bed, but tossed and turned, unable to shut my mind off enough to get a decent amount of sleep. When my alarm went off at seven, I had barely slept at all...except for in Jax's arms on the couch.

  I knew I had to keep busy, to keep from shutting down and retreating. I wouldn't give Cole the power. I had changed a lot since then; I wasn't the same scared
little girl. I hadn't let my feelings of what happened to me stop me from moving forward in so long. I suppose I had Lauren to thank for that.

  After the thing with Cole and the basketball team, and after enduring weeks of shame at my old school and spiraling into a deep depression, I begged my mom to let me switch schools. I chose Trafalgar's, mostly because it was an all-girls school but also because it was removed enough from my old school that nobody would know what happened. Nobody would know who I was.

  I met Lauren on my first day there. I was sitting by myself at a picnic table at lunch, with my journal in front of me. My journal was my only friend for the last several months. I spilled all of my secrets within its pages, and I felt less alone for doing so.

  Lauren saw me sitting by myself and walked up to me with purpose. She was wearing the same school uniform, the tartan kilt, the navy blue Blazer with the Trafalgar crest, the monogrammed white blouse and the navy knee-high socks. She wore black dress shoes and looked exactly like the model on Trafalgar's brochure, what with her beautiful smile, bright green eyes and white blond hair.

  "You're new here," she said, sitting down across from me.

  "Yeah...and? What’s your point?" I responded, my voice guarded as I met her gaze with a steely edge. I let the girls at my previous school walk all over me, and it wasn't my intent to allow the ones here to do the same. I closed my journal, pulling it away from her sight.

  Lauren had just smiled and tossed back her head, laughing at my response. "I'm not going to bite."

  I raised an eyebrow at her, sizing her up. She looked like trouble, she acted like trouble, but I could also see beneath her facade that she was kind at heart. There was warmth, understanding and compassion in her bright green eyes.

  "Why did you transfer?" she asked, tilting her head with curiosity.

  "I wanted to." I shrugged.

  "Nobody wants to transfer to an all-girls school, unless you're like...a lesbian or something." She laughed again. "Are you a lesbian?"