Collide Series Box Set

by J. C. Hannigan

  "Oh, that's fresh," I sneered, feeling the anger surge up through my veins. "You didn't 'mean' to drug me. You didn't 'mean' to force yourself on me. You didn't 'mean' to let your friends all have a go. Must have just been an accident, huh?"

  "It wasn't like that," Cole started, attempting to explain. I held up my hand, silencing him.

  "There is nothing you can say that will ever make me forgive you. You put my safety at jeopardy. You knew I wasn't ready to have sex, and you drugged me and did it anyway. Worse still? You let your friends do it too. You let everyone call me names and think I was a massive slut. You are a monster, you don't deserve my forgiveness or understanding. You deserve to suffer for this—every single day. Go rot in hell, and get out of this store."

  Cole listened to my verbal attack with his head down, accepting the lashing I was given him. When I finished speaking, he looked up. His eyes were dead, as if all hope had left him. The expression chilled me worse than encountering him to begin with. "I'm sorry, Harlow. For all the pain I've inflicted on you." he said simply before turning around and leaving the store.

  I was still trying to catch my breath when the door chimed again. This time, it was Jax. From the look on his face and the way his fists were clenched tightly at his sides, he had seen Cole leaving.

  "Are you okay?" he demanded, approaching me quickly, his eyes assessing my face. His hand gently traced my jaw, as if touching me would reassure him. Even though I was shaking from the encounter, I suddenly felt better in his presence.

  "Yeah, I'm fine," I said, waving away his concern. Jax nodded, tense. "He apparently came to apologize and tell me that 'I don't understand'."

  "What did you say?"

  "I told him to get the hell out. I won't listen to any apologizes, Jax. There's no excuse for what he did." I turned around, crossing my arms in an attempt to warm myself against the chill of the memory of the emptiness in Cole's eyes. I went back to work, getting Jax a coffee that I knew he'd want.

  Jax parked himself at his usual table, close enough to the counter that we could still talk and see each other. With the store dead, we had plenty of time to talk.

  "We'll have to meet up with the rest of the group soon," Jax warned as I finished shutting off the last of the machines. I nodded, turning off the lights.

  "I know, another thing to look forward to," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. I wasn't looking forward to dealing with Crimson again, especially when it would definitely get back to her that I was mean to poor Cole again.

  We still hadn't really talked to each other. I sat as far away from her as I could, and she didn't dare try and talk to me about anything outside of our mutual group project. Even that was awkward. I knew a full group meeting was inevitable, but I still wasn't looking forward to it. At least Jax and I had finished our half of the project.

  "We should set it up after the Thanksgiving break," Jax said, yawning.

  "Speaking of..." I paused for a moment so I could lock up the store behind me and punched in the alarm code. I started to walk, knowing that Jax was following closely behind me, waiting for me to finish my sentence. I adjusted my scarf, sending him a playful smile. I knew my delay was driving him nuts.

  "Yes...?" Jax grinned, motioning for me to continue. I took a deep breath, drawing in the chilly early October air, and reached out to hold Jax's hand. It's now or never, I thought, trying to give myself a little pep talk.

  "Do you want to come to North Bay for Thanksgiving dinner with me?" I finally asked, looking up at him tentatively.

  "Hmm..." Jax considered, puffing out his cheeks and exhaling. "Well..." I waited several more seconds, raising my eyebrows with impatience.

  "Well what?" I asked, nudging him hard with my hip. He barely felt the impact, and certainly didn't stumble.

  "I guess I could go," he finally said, grinning down at me gleefully. "I'm curious to meet your mom and step-dad."

  "We're planning on leaving Sunday morning. As much as I don't want to have to spend the night at my parents’ house, it looks like I can't avoid it. We'll be leaving Monday morning. You'll have to sleep in the guest room. Larry is very religious."

  "I wouldn't have dared tried to sleep anywhere else," Jax assured me, pulling me towards him to kiss me on my forehead. "As much as I'd love to spend another night holding you, I don't think it would leave a good first impression on your folks."

  "Probably not." I shrugged. "But you're a step up in their eyes, so who knows?"

  Jax laughed. "I'm a step up? Me with my long Metal-head hair and juiced out muscles? That's sad."

  "Not really." I thought about Iain's profession...and age. "Wait, you don't do steroids, do you?" I demanded, my eyes widening with surprise.

  Jax stopped walking abruptly, as if he was deeply offended by my question. "No, I do not...thank you very much," he answered.

  "Good, they make your junk shrink, and I happen to like yours the way it is." I laughed, pulling him towards my building.

  * * *

  "Are you ready yet, Harlow?" Jenna's voice rang down our apartment hallway as I paced around my bedroom, packing my overnight bag. I knew Jax and Lucas were waiting on us, but I was in the middle of having a panic attack about the whole thing.

  It was a stupid idea to say I would go home for Thanksgiving, and an even stupider idea to invite Jax. What was I thinking?

  As if Jenna could sense the coiled thoughts whirling around in my head or hear my panted breathing, she appeared in my doorway with a sympathetic look on her face.

  "I can't do this," I hissed, waving my hands toward the half-packed overnight bag. "I don't want to go back there right now."

  I hadn't been back, not since my last painful dinner the first year of University. I never wanted to go back. Sure, I had some good memories there, but most of those good memories were encased with bad ones. Bad experiences that tainted the good things that had happened. Mainly Iain.

  I didn't want to go back and be thrown right into those memories, and I definitely didn't want to have Jax there to witness the possible destruction.

  "Harlow, relax," Jenna said, her voice soothing and gentle. She approached me slowly, as if afraid I would startle.

  "What if..." I trailed off, thinking of all the possibilities at once and unable to grasp even just one to use as an example. I glanced over to my dresser where the necklace Iain had given me still rested. I hadn't put it back on. Every so often, I walked over and picked it up just to look at it again, but putting it back on felt like a step backwards. I didn't want to go back, but I was about to head straight to where it all began.

  "Relax, breathe," Jenna told me, gently squeezing my shoulders with her hands. "It's going to be fine. Your mom and Larry aren’t dumb enough to screw this up. You haven't been back and they know why, trust me. They will not screw it up."

  "I'm not worried about them saying anything," I confessed, sitting down on my bed beside my overnight bag. In fact, I was positive Mom and Larry wouldn't whisper a word about Iain. They wanted to forget about him, and they were ecstatic that I had finally moved on—or at least was trying to move on. My hand absently sought out the necklace I no longer wore.

  "Don't let memories consume you," Jenna advised, a pained look crossing her features. It was as if she was speaking to the both of us. Going back to North Bay wasn't easy for Jenna, either, but she did it because that was where her family was. She wasn't going to let the demons of her past dictate where she would go.

  My demons in that town were a broken heart and wounded pride. Drawing strength from Jenna, I stood up. I wouldn't let them dictate where I would go either.

  "Okay," I said slowly, resuming the task of packing. "Okay," I repeated, more to myself. It didn't take me long to finish tossing the necessities in my overnight bag, and before I knew it, we were in Jax's truck and on the highway headed to North Bay.

  The drive was a long one—nearly five hours. With Lucas and Jenna in the back seat, and me up front with Jax, it didn't seem as bad. We list
ened to music, talked about random topics from the latest trends (square beards and people photographing their food and posting it to social media) and passed the time laughing over the silly stories Jax shared about his time visiting Amsterdam.

  Soon enough, we were waving goodbye to Jenna and Lucas as they walked up to Jenna's house. Jax reversed his truck, pulling carefully back out onto the crowded street. Seemed like everybody was home for Thanksgiving.

  My old street was no different. An abundance of cars lined the street, making maneuvering his truck a slight challenge. Or it would have been, had I been the one driving. As it was, Jax showed no sign of being stressed. He pulled into the driveway as I directed him.

  It was nearly four, and I knew Mom would already have dinner pretty much almost finished. The porch light was on. Mom's car was missing from its usual spot, likely parked in the garage so there would be enough space in the driveway for Jax to park.

  "Are you alright?" Jax questioned when I didn't immediately move to get out of the truck. He didn't seem nervous at all to be meeting my parents.

  "Have you done this before?" I asked, wondering if I was the only one anxious about the whole thing.

  "Yeah, once or twice." Jax shrugged. "What...you've never brought a guy home before?"

  "Nope," I said. "First time for everything, right?" I added over my shoulder before I climbed out of the cab.

  I waited for Jax to join me. I had absolutely no idea how this whole meeting my parent’s thing was going to play out. I had lectured my mom a billion times on how not to embarrass me, but I still wasn't overly confident that she would pull through. And Larry...his overzealous personality was a lot to handle.

  Jax took my hand and gently tugged, leading me up towards the front porch. I didn't really know what to do since I didn't actually live there anymore. Just walking in seemed wrong, especially with a new guest. Ringing the doorbell seemed too impersonal. Instead, I knocked tentatively.

  My mother threw open the door with fervor. "Harlow! Honey! It's so good to see you!" she said, her voice breaking slightly. She pulled me into her arms for a massive hug. Her hands stroked the back of my head, like she used to do when I was a small child. I could feel her shaking with emotion, and when I looked at her, I was surprised to see her eyes damp with unshed tears.

  "Aw, Mom, don't do that..." I said, uncomfortable. I knew she missed me, and that having me away at University was strange for her.

  It was the longest that we had gone without seeing each other since the day I was born. I hadn't realized just how difficult that was for her. Seeing her standing in front of me, a wide smile on her face as she struggled to keep her tears from flowing freely, well...it opened my eyes to what she must have been going through while I was busy isolating myself and putting the miles between me and this town and her.

  "I'm just so happy to see you," she said, trying to wave away both my discomfort and her emotional reaction. Her eyes rested on Jax and she smiled. "You must be Jax. It's so nice to meet you!"

  "Yup, I am. Thank you for having me, Mrs. Stevenson," Jax said politely, extending his hand to shake hers.

  "Call me Lisa," Mom said warmly, clasping his large hand with both of her dainty ones. "Larry! Harlow and Jax are here!" she called over her shoulder, presumingly to where Larry was. "He's turned the basement into a 'man cave'. Now I can scarcely get him out of it!" she explained, rolling her eyes.

  We heard the tell-tale sound of footsteps on a stairwell, and the basement door opened to reveal my step-father.

  Larry had lost some weight since the last time I saw him. He was balding a little more and the remaining hair had turned gray. He was still rocking a thick mustache and the tweed pants and button up shirt.

  He kept his distance from me, putting his hands in his pocket as he nodded in welcome. "We're glad you could make it home, Harlow," he said formally. I nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

  "This is Jax," Mom said, gesturing to him as if he was difficult to detect behind me.

  Larry was silent for a moment, assessing Jax with his dark eyes. "Welcome to our home. Lisa's made up the guest room for you to stay in, Jax. If you want to put your bags in it."

  "We'll do that later," I said, gently putting my hand on Jax's arm. I insisted on leaving our bags in the truck so we could escape if things got weird. Jax could sense where I was coming from, and he gave me a reassuring smile.

  "Well, come in," Mom said, standing aside.

  The house hadn't changed much from the days when I lived there. Mom and Larry had a very traditional way of decorating, and everything remained the same. I sank down on to the couch, Jax sitting beside me.

  "Can I get you two anything to drink?" Mom asked, looking back and forth from Jax to me.

  "Water would be good," Jax said while I mumbled an incoherent no.

  Mom nodded at Jax, smiling tightly as she disappeared into the kitchen to grab the water. Larry sat down in his arm chair, pressing the palms of his hands down against the arm rests as he critically inspected Jax. I knew he was taking in Jax's tall and broad stature, and the long hair. Jax's hair, while longer than what Larry thought was traditionally appropriate for a male, was never unruly or uncooperative. Not a strand was ever out of place; I was pretty sure Jax could be stuck in a hurricane and once the winds died down, his hair would return to its usual perfection.

  "So, tell us about yourself," Larry broke the silence when Mom returned with a glass of water for Jax and a brandy for Larry. He accepted it and smiled his thanks to her before returning his stern gaze to Jax. "Is Jax short for something?"

  Jax grinned, as if caught doing something embarrassing. "Yeah, it's short for Ajax."

  "I didn't know that," I remarked, looking at him with amusement. He shrugged without apology.

  "I don't often admit it." He winked at me.

  "How old are you?" Larry's question prompted me to freeze. My eyes widened as I looked back and forth from Larry to my mom and held my breath.

  "Larry," Mom said sharply, but Jax smiled.

  "It's alright, I'm twenty-five," Jax answered, entertained.

  Larry nodded once in approval before moving on with his interrogation. "Where did you grow up?" he asked.

  "Lake Cowichan, British Columbia." Jax seemed unaffected by Larry's questions. He probably knew what to expect, after all...he had done this before.

  "Does your family still live there?" Larry continued, swishing the amber liquid in his tumbler slowly, never taking his eyes off of Jax's face.

  "Yes, Sir, they do," Jax stiffened ever so slightly, but relaxed again when Larry moved on.

  "What are you in University for?"

  "I'm almost done my final year. I'll be graduating with a Bachelors of Science in Psychology. After that, I hope to get funding to open a Mixed Martial Arts Gym that specializes in helping troubled youth."

  Larry's eyebrows arched; he was impressed with Jax's thorough answer.

  "Honey, why don't you come help me in the kitchen?" Mom suggested, smiling at me as if to say this might take a while.

  "Yeah, sure," I muttered, standing up and abandoning Jax to Larry's clutches. He didn't seem bothered by it in the slightest. I followed my mom into the kitchen, the scent of a deliciously cooked meal making my taste buds dance with anticipation. Everything was already prepared, and Mom's kitchen was spotless. She was never one to leave a mess, even in the middle of the chaos of cooking a huge dinner.

  She walked over to the counter and picked up the dish towel, absently wiping at the already gleaming counter top. "I've missed you a lot, Harlow," she said, her back to me.

  "I know. I've missed you too, Mom," I replied, feeling guilty.

  "I understand why you left, and why you haven't been back," Mom continued, pausing so she could take a deep breath as she turned to face me. "I just hope you know that you are always welcome here, and that I—we—love you very much."

  "I know. I've just been...busy." My excuse was weak and we both knew it.

>   "Well, you're here now. That's all that matters." Mom stepped forward, putting her arms around me for another hug. I was still at first, but then my arms tentatively wrapped around her too.

  My mom and I had never really had a relationship like that, where we could just hug each other out of the blue. When I was a kid, sure, but when I got older...I think she was afraid to try.

  I was an unpredictable, unpleasant teenager. I felt bad for it now, for hurting her and lashing out at her, but I couldn't change my past.

  "I'm sorry," I whispered, my head against her shoulder. She knew what I was apologizing for. The years of punishing her, for lashing out at her when I should have tried to let her in.

  "It's okay, baby," Mom said softly, rubbing my upper back as she had when I was a child. She released me, stepping back to look at me. "Jax seems sweet." She smiled.

  "Yeah, he is," I said. "I...I like him a lot."

  "That's good, honey." Mom hesitated, looking as if she had something she wanted to ask. She shook her head, deciding against it. Instead, she smiled at me again. "I hope you're being safe."

  I knew she was talking about sex. I rolled my eyes, exasperated. "Yes, Mom, I've got it under control."

  "Good, because I don't want any grand-babies until you're done University and married."

  "Really, Mom?" I raised my eyebrow, trying not to smile at her. I definitely thought it was way too soon to be thinking in terms like that, but I supposed mothers thought differently. They probably saw grand-babies everywhere.

  "Really, Harlow." Mom turned towards the counter and picked up a dish of beans. "Let's get the food to the table."

  "See? I told you it wouldn't be terrible!" Jenna said from the back seat on our drive home Monday morning. I rolled my eyes, smiling.

  "Yeah, I guess not. What did you think?" I asked Jax, curious. I still didn't know what other questions Larry had asked, or if anything else was even said after Mom and I went into the kitchen.

  "They're nice." Jax shrugged, looking at me for a moment and smiling. He returned to staring at the highway.