Still, my eyes were drawn to it. A girl with long, dark hair was walking away down a twisted, windy dark pathway. The surrounding landscape was dark and sad. The cover was both ominous and regretful. It was beautiful, and it made my heart ache.
I forced myself to look away and headed into the staff room to get rid of my coat and purse. Jamie was waiting for me out front when I returned. He eyed me critically. “Are you okay?”
I wasn’t sure if Iain had told Jamie about Jenna’s connection to them, or if he’d just told Jamie about my angry words on the street. I suppose it didn’t matter, although my heart ached each time I thought about my angry words, about how they’d twisted the knife I’d put in Iain’s heart, damaging him even more than his disappearance had damaged me. I’d called a man that I once loved a predator. I insinuated that he’d preyed upon me when that wasn’t the case. I was just as guilty of our mutual actions.
I pushed those thoughts away and pasted on a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Jamie tilted his head, trying to piece it all together. “Okay, well. The signing will start in half an hour. Iain’s supposed to arrive any minute.”
I nodded, resisting the urge to purse my lips. “How did yesterday go?”
“Very good!” The pride was evident on Jamie’s face as he smiled. “Lots of people showed up to buy the book and got it signed. Today is kind of a big deal.” Jamie paused, studying me again. “The local news station is coming in to take pictures and interview Iain.”
I whistled, my eyes widening. “How did he manage that?”
“His agent.” Jamie shrugged. “I don’t really understand all that crap, all I know is that we will definitely be mentioned in the paper. It’ll be great for our business and for Iain too.”
“Good,” I said. My voice sounded hollow. Jamie looked as if he wanted to ask me again if I was okay, but something in my expression made him stop.
“Right then.” Jamie nodded curtly. “I’m going to go see how Mark’s doing in the kitchen.” He left me out front to tend to the customers.
I focused on serving the lineup in front of me. When the last person received their coffee and a quick smile from me, I glanced up towards the table and noticed Iain was there. He was standing near the table, speaking to a woman I didn’t recognize. He gave her the tiniest fraction of a smile and she touched his arm, nodding at him while she spoke soft words I couldn’t hear. She was beautiful with caramel skin and dark hair, and eyes that seemed to only see him.
I ignored the small part of me that felt jealous by this sight, and instead focused on making another pot of coffee.
Within ten minutes, the café was bustling with people there for Iain’s signing. I could see him out of the corner of my eye; each time he wasn’t engaged with someone, he would look at me.
Halfway through my shift, I glanced up to see Jax weaving his way through the bodies to get to the counter. His smile eased my frazzled nerves.
I had mentioned to Jax that I had to work today, during Iain’s book signing. I didn’t think for a moment that he was staking his claim though; from the gentle way his eyes assessed me, he was just checking in to make sure I was okay.
“Hello, beautiful.” He smiled, his thick lips spreading into that wide grin that did unspeakable things to my heart.
“Hey, handsome. What brings you here?” I asked, arching a brow.
“Mostly you, but also coffee.” Jax grinned. I smiled in response, reaching for a paper cup. “I need to head to the garage for a bit, and then I’ll swing by your place…if Jenna’s okay with that?”
“She should be.” My smile faded slightly as I thought about Jenna. I knew forgiveness was a stretch, but at least she didn’t hate my guts for my actions. After our heart to heart, after we had cried together last night on the couch, she went to bed. She was gone before I woke up this morning.
Thinking about Jenna made me think about Iain. I glanced toward the table, meeting Iain’s eyes for the briefest of moments before I broke away to pour Jax’s coffee. Iain had a sad look in his eyes, and his jaw was clenched. My hands were trembling, and I knew Jax noticed. I held his coffee out to him and his hand covered mine for a moment. I looked at him, feeling the instant warmth radiating from him, covering me like a blanket.
“I love you,” he said, giving me a crooked smile.
“I love you too,” I told him. Jax grinned, his entire face lighting up. I didn’t think he’d ever get tired of hearing me say that.
He glanced at the clock over my head. “I’ve got to go.” He sighed regretfully. “I’ll see you tonight.”
I watched with a smile as he weaved his way back through the crowd. He glanced towards the table, his jaw clenched. Iain was watching him too, and I saw Jax’s left hand ball up into a fist. But Jax wasn’t one to give in to male displays of testosterone—neither was Iain—and Jax walked out of the café without further incident. Iain and I both watched the door close before turning to look at each other.
I busied myself wiping down the counter and Iain went back to signing books and posing for pictures. For the rest of my shift, I tried not to think about how Iain was achieving great things because of a book that I’d inspired.
Iain’s signing ended shortly before my shift. I tried to grab my stuff quickly, but I ran into him anyway. He was waiting for me by the door.
“Do you mind if I walk you home?” he asked, giving me a wistful smile.
“That depends,” I replied, my brow furrowing as I contemplated him. “What’s your angle?”
“I don’t have one.” Iain shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “It’s not a good idea.”
“Why? Don’t trust yourself alone with me?” Iain challenged. He knew how much I detested turning down an opportunity to prove someone wrong.
My eyes narrowed. “I think we’ve said all we need to say to one another,” I corrected, my spine straightening. I needed to feel taller.
“I think you’re wrong about that,” Iain said softly, his eyes dropping to my lips.
I looked him straight in the eye to drive my point home. “I don’t, Iain,” I said before I walked around him and headed for the door. It pained me to walk away from him, but I didn’t know how many times I had to say it.
Until you believe it, a tiny voice in my head whispered as I pushed open the door and stepped outside.
* * *
Over the next two weeks, my inability to sleep increased. With things still awkward between Jenna and me and the nightmares, I found that any time I did fall asleep, I felt as if I was losing my mind.
It got to the point where I felt like I could use an outsider’s opinion, someone who wouldn’t judge me or get mad at me for my decisions. Which is exactly why I’d finally gone back to see Dr. Philips.
I walked to the bus stop a few blocks away from Dr. Philips’ office, thinking about the appointment. I’d finally opened up the floodgates. I’d finally told her every stinking thing there was to tell about myself; so much crap that our hour had run over and then some, and she didn’t stop me. It was as if she’d known that by stopping me, she’d never hear the rest of it. So, she let me talk.
“Think of it this way,” she’d said, once my steady flow of words had finally trickled off into nothing. She was sitting across from me in a winged back leather chair, her notebook balanced on her knees. She pushed her square rimmed glasses further up on her nose and gave me a gentle smile. “All the secrets are weeds in the gardens of your relationships with other people. You need to talk about them, and that action is pulling the weeds out of the garden. Sometimes, the weeds are deeper than they appear. You really have to work at it to get them out. But, once you’ve tugged out their stubborn roots, your garden will be free of weeds.”
I still didn’t know exactly what she meant, but I got the gist of it: honesty was important. Lies and secrets were weeds and they needed to be pulled.
Her words turned over in my mind as I took the
bus to my house. The bus stop was several houses down from our place. I was surprised to see Jax’s truck out front, along with a moving trailer that he was casually leaning against.
February was a short month, and with so much of it gone to drama, anxiety, and the weirdness between Jenna and me, it had flown by. It was the twenty-seventh, two days before Jax was supposed to move in. He’d called me last night with the news that our landlord, Richard was allowing him to move in two days early, given that all the work with renovations he’d been doing were finally completed.
I knew what this meant for us, and while I was excited to move forward with Jax, I didn’t want to leave things with Jenna the way they were. I didn’t want Jenna to think that I was walking away from our troubles—from our friendship. Even though things were complicated right now, I held on to the hope that they would improve.
“Hey, babe. How was your appointment?” Jax asked. I’d told him that in the morning I had an appointment with Dr. Philips. He hadn’t flinched or pressed for answers; he just accepted it for what it was.
“It was good,” I murmured, looking up at the Victorian house. I could see the kitchen window. “Is Jenna home?”
“I don’t know, I just got here,” Jax confessed. I nodded, accepting his answer. He reached out, gently tugging my hand, pulling me towards him. His large, strong arms wrapped around my body, holding me close. I rested my head against his jacket, inhaling his scent and melting into him. He held me for several minutes, and I nestled in closer to him. “So…I’ve pretty much brought up all of the boxes. All that’s left is my bedroom stuff. Think you could help me carry that up the stairs, or should I call for backup?”
“Who would you call for back up?” I asked, intrigued. Upon first glance, Jax seemed to be friends with just about everyone…and I suppose he was. He got along with everyone, he was the life of wherever he went, but he didn’t have many people that were close to him. He didn’t seem to have a best friend, or someone he hung out with all the time. Granted, Jax didn’t get a whole lot of spare time and he spent what time he did get with me.
“Either Stephen or Keith,” Jax answered. I snorted. Stephen worked at the gym and nearly wet himself whenever he was around me (probably because I glowered at him), and Keith was Jax’s other boss—the one that owned the mechanics garage. He was forty and seemed nice enough, but I definitely didn’t want either Stephen or Keith crashing in on the only alone time Jax and I had managed to carve out for each other all week.
“I can do it,” I scoffed. “It’s only two flights of stairs.”
“That’s my girl.” Jax grinned. His arm came up to encase my waist, and he pulled me closer.
“Well, let’s do this,” I said, trying to free myself from Jax’s heavy arms.
“Don’t you want to come up and see it first?” he asked, amused.
“Well, duh. I want to see how badly you butchered the renos,” I joked, smirking at him.
Jax threw his head back and laughed. “It didn’t need much. It mostly really needed to be painted. There was this god-awful burnt orange in the bedroom, like the colour of those thick shag carpets from the 70s. It wasn’t pretty.”
“You really think that I would have cared?” Eyebrows arched, I looked at Jax as if he had sprouted an extra head. “Maybe Jenna, but I’m practically colour and design blind.” Mentioning Jenna stung. I swallowed hard, forcing the smile to stay on my lips.
“That may be true,” Jax allowed, pushing open the door that lead to the house. “But it would have bothered me.”
“You’re so particular.” I chuckled, shaking my head. “Mind if we stop in at my place for a minute? I want to check in,” I added as we came to the second floor landing. Jax nodded and I pushed open the door.
I didn’t notice that anything was off. The apartment was just as clean as it’d been for the last two weeks. After her falling out with me, Jenna had taken her frustrations out on the house. Angry cleaning, as I called it.
“Jenna!” I called out rather timidly, standing in the doorway with Jax. I knew she was home; she didn’t work and only volunteered at the woman’s help line on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and it was Friday. I figured she was likely in her room, doing homework and continuing to ignore my existence.
Jax nudged me, gesturing to the floor to the left of the door where a pair of unfamiliar shoes sat neatly on the mat…a pair of Air Jordan’s I’d never seen before. They were unfamiliar shoes, male unfamiliar shoes.
Panic bubbled in my chest, and I flew down the hallway without thinking. Had I thought about it a little more, I would have realized that an attacker wouldn’t have carefully placed his expensive, almost brand new looking shoes on the mat by the door.
Jax tried to stop me by reaching out, but I was quicker. He called after me, but I ignored him as I raced down the hall. Many things were going through my mind at this particular moment. There were memories of that party all those years ago in high school, where I walked in on Andrew Cooper raping Jenna, along with memories of Andrew attacking me several months ago in this very apartment. My adrenaline was so high; I couldn’t hear a damn thing but my own panic.
I pushed open Jenna’s door hard and it smacked against the door stopper. Jenna let out a terrified yelp.
“Jenna! Are you okay?” I demanded, trying to get my eyes to adjust to her dark bedroom. Impatient, I flicked on the overhead light.
“Jesus, Harlow!” Jenna screamed angrily, pulling her blankets up over her head. Her bed seemed a little lumpy, but there wasn’t anybody holding a knife to her neck. “I’m fine!”
“Who the hell’s fancy shoes are in the hallway? You gave me a goddamn heart attack!” I felt disoriented and a little faint on my feet. The adrenaline rush I’d flown in on disappeared just as quickly as it had come, draining me.
Jenna snorted with laughter beneath the blanket, and I realized that she wasn’t alone in her bed. “Um, I have a friend in from out of town this weekend…” Jenna’s voice was muffled.
“Right, okay. Well. I’m glad you’re not getting attacked or anything. Maybe next time let me know if you have company so…right. Anyway, I’m going to head up to Jax’s place now…so…yeah.” I flicked the light off again, my face a deep shade of red.
“Fine, great. Bye,” came Jenna’s muffled, short reply. She sighed, and I heard the low murmur of a voice I definitely didn’t recognize.
Jax broke out in laughter when he saw the look on my face as I approached him. “I tried to warn you.” He shrugged helplessly.
“Whatever, let’s just go,” I muttered, aggravated and stunned. That kind of behaviour just wasn’t Jenna. Jax seemed amused though, and he laughed again before leading the way up the final set of stairs to his new apartment. There was a small landing at the top of the stairs that was big enough for just the two of us to stand on while he unlocked the door.
“Welcome to the love shack.” Jax grinned, playfully opening the door with a flourish. I whistled while I looked around. The apartment was incredible. The door opened up to the open concept living area, similar to my apartment with Jenna. It had beautiful, dark hardwood floors throughout. Jax’s living space was a little smaller than ours, the recently updated tiny galley kitchen was half the size of ours, and he didn’t have an island.
I stepped inside, my gaze continuing to sweep around the room. The far wall was made up entirely of white built-in shelves that went from the ceiling to the floor. Across from the galley kitchen was a dining area, and the shelves on that half of the room were closer together. The lower half of the wall had cabinets. On the other side of the room, the built-in shelves had enough space between them to fit a decent sized flat screen TV.
“Holy shit. Were those here before?” I demanded, gesturing to the shelves.
“Nope,” Jax answered. “I added them. This apartment does lack in storage space, so I improvised.”
“You didn’t tell me you were a wood worker too.” I eyed him suspiciously.
“I’m a man of ma
ny talents.” He winked. “Come check out the bedroom.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully at me and I laughed, shaking my head as I followed him.
There were two doors on the far side of the apartment and both of them were closed. Jax approached the first door and opened it. “This is the bathroom,” he explained while I peeked inside.
I expected to see a tiny, cramped bathroom, but I saw just the opposite. The bathroom had a large claw foot tub and shower combination, a toilet, and a sink with more than enough counter space to leave a curling iron. It was clean and neat, new white tiles glistening on the floor.
“You scored a claw foot tub too?” I asked, astonished.
“That’s not even the best part,” Jax promised, taking my hand. He led me back out of the bathroom to the last door—the bedroom. He opened the door and stood aside, letting me in first.
“Wow.” I whistled again, looking around. The bedroom was a lot bigger than I expected it to be; even the sloped roof didn’t take away from the vastness of it. “I thought you said that this place was small.”
“It is small,” Jax answered. “Well, compared to some of the other places I was looking at.” I hummed, my finger brushing against the freshly painted walls.
Jax’s room in the student house he used to live in had been white and sparse. He’d painted the walls of his apartment various shades of earth tones, each room a slightly different colour but each complimenting the last. His bedroom was an inviting, warm milk chocolate colour. It reminded me of his eyes. It was him. I loved it.
“This is probably my most favourite part,” Jax said, motioning to a door on the left side of the room. He opened it, revealing a tiny rooftop patio that faced the backyard. It was roughly the same size as his bathroom, small enough for a bistro patio set and a barbeque.
Collide Series Box Set Page 63
