Collide Series Box Set

by J. C. Hannigan

  “Wow, Jax!” My eyes widened with astonishment. This apartment was a labyrinth of surprises. I couldn’t believe that I’d lived in the same house since moving to Ottawa, and I’d never known this place had a patio. I suppose I wouldn’t have; the patio was on the east side of the house, and I had no access to it.

  I stepped outside, taking in the view of houses and treetops around me. Jax came to stand behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me toward him.

  “There’s a fire escape too. A ladder that slides down,” Jax explained. “It’s pretty cool. One of the reasons why I readily grabbed this place up.”

  I hummed my approval again and closed my eyes for a moment, feeling Jax’s warmth as he held me while I envisioned what it would be like to live with him.

  I wanted to move in with him then and there, but I couldn’t leave with my friendship in shambles. I stiffened in his arms, swallowing hard.

  “Hey, don’t act so excited,” Jax joked, nipping lightly at my earlobe. I could feel his smile against my skin, and I shivered with desire and pulled away from his embrace so I could turn to face him.

  “Well, let’s go bring your bedroom furniture up. What are you going to do about the living room?” I asked, purposely changing the subject. I didn’t want to get distracted from the task at hand: moving Jax in.

  “I was hoping you’d help me with that.” Jax grinned. “Tomorrow we’ll hit up IKEA, if you’re up for it.”

  “IKEA, huh?”

  “Hey, I’m not completely made of money.” Jax shrugged. “I just need somewhere to park my ass on occasion.”

  “Jesus, Jax. This thing is heavier than it looks.” I grunted, trying to keep my hold on the heavy dresser we were struggling to get up the stairs. He was at the bottom, carrying most of the weight and gently instructing me on how to lead it.

  I was failing miserably at this job. I made a mental note to add more arm days to my gym schedule.

  “You’ve got to lift with your legs and your arms. You’re lifting with your back,” Jax answered, his voice straining. “Here, set it down for a minute.”

  I obeyed, carefully setting it down. We weren’t even at the second floor landing yet, and I was dripping with sweat and huffing like I’d run a marathon.

  The deceivingly heavy dresser was the last thing to get upstairs, and naturally, it was the hardest. I’d already helped Jax carry up his dismantled bed, his desk, his night stands and his box spring and mattress without any issue.

  Jax grinned at me, keeping his hand on the top of the dresser to prevent it from sliding back down the stairs. “Are you ready?” he asked.

  “Yeah.” I huffed, getting back into position again. My hands were clammy, and it felt as if I was already losing my grip. “Wait, no. Can we put it down for a minute?”

  “Yup,” Jax exhaled, lowering the dresser again.

  The door to my apartment swung open and Jenna stepped into the hallway. She had her black leather leggings on and a fancy top; she looked like she was headed out for some drinks at the bar. Her head was turned and she was speaking to someone behind her. My jaw almost hit the floor when I saw who.

  “Oh, you’re the owner of the fancy ass shoes,” I said matter-of-factly, as if this made all the sense in the world. Only, it didn’t, because Kyle Russell was not someone you expected to see waltzing out of your apartment. He was blocked in by the massive dresser that Jax and I were struggling to get up the stairs. Or rather, the dresser that Jax was struggling to carry up the stairs, as I’d proven myself pretty much useless.

  “Hey, yeah. I guess that’s me: fancy ass shoes.” Kyle smiled his megawatt, charming boy next door smile that had graced several magazine covers and gossip websites and made the better half of the female population swoon. He was dressed in his usual getup of designer jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a brown jacket. “Do you need help with that?” he added, looking between Jax and me.

  “Do you mind?” Jax asked. “I think Harlow’s pretty much tapped out.” I glowered at him and he winked at me. “Save your energy, darling,” he added meaningfully. I rolled my eyes, attempting to hide the smile.

  “Sure thing,” Kyle said, nodding to me as he took my position. I stood out of the way, quietly watching as they maneuvered the dresser up the last remaining flight of stairs.

  “Do you want to come up and see it?” I asked Jenna. She stood in the doorway of our apartment, clutching her purse in her hand and looking at me warily. It was obvious that she hadn’t completely forgiven me yet.

  I could see the indecisiveness warring in her eyes. On the one hand, I knew she was every bit as curious about Jax’s new place as I had been. On the other, she was still very mad at me and didn’t exactly know how to process that anger. “I don’t know. We were going to go out for dinner…”

  “It’ll just take a minute,” I pleaded, feeling like an idiot. I was wearing my need for Jenna to forgive me like a goddamn cloak and she knew it. “I miss you,” I added, my voice barely above a whisper.

  She sighed, looking sad and resigned. “Fine. But just for a minute.” She glanced towards the stairs. Jax and Kyle were already gone. It had taken them less than two minutes to carry the dresser the rest of the way up the stairs to Jax’s apartment, and there certainly wasn’t a lot of effort behind it, either.

  “Okay,” I exhaled, unaware that I’d been holding my breath. I started walking up the stairs, hearing Jenna on my heels. Jax’s door was open, so Jenna and I went straight inside.

  “Nice little place you got here,” Kyle was saying to Jax. Jax had offered him a beer, and the two of them were standing in the empty dining room, assessing the place.

  “Thanks.” Jax grinned. “Beats renting a room from a house,” he added, winking at me.

  “Yeah, that can’t be fun.” Kyle shuffled from foot to foot, seeming a little uncomfortable. I watched him carefully, trying to get a read on him.

  I’d entertained Jenna’s quirky online friendship with Kyle Russell because I honestly hadn’t expected anything like this to happen. Not even after watching them flirt with one another at the concert, not even after knowing Jenna spoke to Kyle quite often on the phone. I just assumed that Kyle was toying with her.

  I was curious, and I was skeptical. Jenna was my best friend and I had watched her go through hell and back, and recently…I pushed her right back to hell. The last thing I wanted was to see some celebrity with an inflated ego rip her tender heart out and stomp on it.

  I knew I was the last one to talk about ripping Jenna’s heart out, but hypocrisy is a funny thing.

  “I’m sure living on a tour bus isn’t any fun either,” Jax pointed out.

  Kyle saw the frosty look I was giving him, and promptly turned back to Jax. He was uncomfortable, and I wanted to know why. Was he uncomfortable because I knew his game?

  “Yeah, it can be. Luckily, they’re pretty easy people to travel with. I grew up with them.” Kyle shrugged, his discomfort growing.

  “Knock it off,” Jenna grumbled in a low voice, elbowing me. She gave me a warning look that clearly told me to stop pestering Kyle with my dagger eyes.

  I smiled innocently at her before I turned my attention back to Kyle. “So, what brings you back to Ottawa? I thought you guys were touring in the States.”

  “We are,” Kyle answered, forcing a tight-lipped smile. I got the impression he didn’t like me very much. It probably had something to do with the mega bitch vibes I was throwing out at him. “We had a week off, so...most of us came back home.”

  “Where were you guys from again?” I tilted my head innocently. “You’re all from the same town, right?”

  “Newcastle.” Kyle shoved his hands into his jacket pocket.

  “Why don’t you show me around, Harlow?” Jenna demanded, gripping my arm a little harder than necessary. “We’ll let them finish their beers.”

  “Alright, fine.” I sighed, tugging my arm free. I put on a show for her, giving her the most monotone tour in the hist
ory of tours. “This is the living room, the kitchen, and here’s the bathroom.” I pushed opened the door and flicked on the light.

  “Oh my GOD. He has a claw foot tub?” Jenna exclaimed, forgetting for a moment that she was extremely angry with me. Her eyes widened as she looked at it. “What a lucky bastard! Why don’t we have a claw foot tub?” she added, almost whining.

  I felt a spark of hope in my chest, hope that Jenna and I could put this whole thing behind us and move forward. “Just wait,” I murmured, knowing she’d be just as envious of the patio. I led her into Jax’s bedroom. The bed was pushed against the far wall. We made our way around it to the patio door and I pushed it open. With the sun fading fast, it was difficult to make out the entire view, but I gathered from Jenna’s sharp intake of breath that she was just as impressed with it.

  “So, when are you moving then?” Jenna asked, the bewilderment falling away and leaving her discontent with me in its place.

  “I didn’t want to move until we figure things out with us,” I answered. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure if she even remembered our conversation on the couch. She’d had a lot of wine.

  Jenna stared at me, a thousand thoughts expressed on her face at once. She sighed, dropping her gaze. “I know you didn’t mean any harm, Harlow. But that doesn’t erase the fact that you caused harm. You hurt me. You kept something huge from me, for rather selfish reasons. You’re my best friend…I wasn’t expecting to ever feel betrayed by you and that hurts.”

  “I’m sorry—” I attempted to speak, but Jenna cut me off by lifting her hand, and I fell silent, my heart gripped with fear and anxiety. I didn’t know what I would do if Jenna couldn’t forgive me.

  “I’m angry with you, and I’ll probably be angry with you for a while. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to cut you out of my life for it. I just need time to process.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, trying to blink away the pesky water droplets forming in the corners of my eyes.

  Jenna considered me for a moment before her face scrunched up with unshed tears of her own. She sniffled and stepped forward to wrap her arms around me. “Don’t cry. You never cry. If you cry now, I’ll just feel guilty for being mad and I don’t want to feel guilty for being mad.”

  I laughed, shaking my head as I put my arms around her. “I’m sorry. I just... I never wanted you to hurt about it. I know you think you would have told me if the roles were reversed but, it’s easier in theory to think that. If you watched me fall to pieces at each letter, if you watched me quietly shed tears when I thought no one was looking—you’d feel a little differently about telling me something that could shatter me.”

  Jenna’s tears were beginning to soak my shirt. I patted her back awkwardly; I hadn’t meant to make her cry again.

  “I know, okay?” she hiccupped, pulling away from me. She wiped the tears from her eyes, careful to avoid messing up her makeup. Her eyes seemed darker, heavy with sorrow. She straightened her shoulders and drew in a deep breath.

  “We should probably stop crying now,” I managed, wiping my own eyes.

  “Yeah.” Jenna snorted. “I have a date with a celebrity. I can’t look like Dawson for it.”

  “Who knows, maybe he’s into Dawson. With that hairstyle…I wonder,” I joked. Jenna tried to give me a stern glance, but she ended up snorting. We fell into a fit of laughter, and I felt for the first time in weeks that things might end up being okay between us.

  * * *

  It was nearly ten by the time we took a break from setting up Jax’s bedroom furniture to eat pizza. We’d pushed his bed against the far wall between the two windows and shoved his dresser against the opposite wall.

  “I don’t think it’s going to fit in here,” Jax finally said, grabbing another slice of pizza from the box on the floor between us while he glared at the desk. We’d spent the better part of an hour trying to figure out a place for it. It was currently sitting in the middle of the living room, while Jax and I sat on the floor against the wall that separated his bedroom from the living room. “I forgot how big my bed was.”

  “And yet, it still feels like a single bed when we’re both in it,” I joked. “Why don’t you put the desk in the dining room?”

  Jax rubbed his fingers along his jawline, looking at me sheepishly. “I wanted to get a table and chairs.”

  “Okay…what about here, in the living room?”

  “Once I get a decent sofa in here, that’ll basically be all the space,” Jax pointed out. “I’ve never had my own place before—a real place. I’ve rented rooms before but... maybe I’m going a bit overboard with things.”

  I froze with my slice of pizza halfway to my mouth. Jax hadn’t been tight-lipped about his past, but he also wasn’t an open book in that regard. I got the feeling he worried I couldn’t handle whatever he had to tell me.

  What I did know about Jax was that he’d had a rough childhood, and as soon as he could get away, he did. He travelled for a bit, spending time in hostels in Europe and working on a work visa. When he came to Ontario, he moved into a room in a house for university students and started school.

  “Well, screw the desk then. You mainly needed it at your last place to do homework and eat on, and you’ll be getting a table so…” I trailed off.

  “That’s true.” Jax said. “What would I do without you?”

  I shrugged. “You would have figured it out.”

  “Doubtful.” Jax grinned. “I didn’t really picture myself staying around in Ottawa after I graduate.” He said this factually before taking a huge bite of pizza.

  “What do you mean?” I questioned. Jax was lounging with his back against the wall while I sat cross-legged across from him. His knees were drawn up and loose, and his left hand rested on his left knee. He appeared comfortable and at ease.

  Jax finished off his pizza and took a swig of his beer before answering. “I wasn’t going to stick around.” he shrugged, his eyes drinking in my face. He looked at me with unrestrained desire and depth, hiding nothing.

  “What were you going to do?”

  “I still wanted to open that program for troubled youth, but I wanted to do a little more travelling. I didn’t know where I wanted to settle down.”

  “Why did you change your mind?” I asked. He was setting me on fire with his eyes.

  His tongue ran across his lips quickly, his eyes focused on my lips. He slowly raised them to meet my gaze. “Because I found something worth changing it for,” he replied simply. His eyes were endless pools of intensity. I could fall away into those eyes, into him.

  My heart skipped a beat in my chest, and I inhaled slowly. “So, you’re staying here because of me?”

  “Yes, and no,” Jax answered. “I will be running a gym soon.”

  “That’s true.” I laughed. My voice was shaky and my palms were sweaty. Jax often told me about the depth of his feelings for me, but I still wasn’t used to it. “I’d just hate to think that you felt you needed to stay here because of me,” I added. I wasn’t even sure where I wanted to go after graduation.

  He scooted forward so that his knees were on either side of me, and we were close enough to kiss. His hands cupped the sides of my neck, the pads of his thumbs brushing across my jaw. “It feels right, being here. It feels like home now, and it has since I met you. I have a feeling it has less to do with the location and more to do with you, but for now…Ottawa works.”

  “What about travelling?” I whispered. My heart was pounding so frantically, I was sure Jax could feel it.

  Jax smiled. “I can still travel—but I want to travel with you.”

  Jax kissed me then, his lips and tongue turning the burning lingering beneath my veins into lava. The minutes slipped away as Jax’s fingers tangled pleasantly in my thick hair. He broke away for a moment, looking at me with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Do you want to break in my new place?” he asked.

  “Like you even have to ask,” I murmured.

  * * *


  “That’s kind of ugly,” I remarked, my nose wrinkling at the sight before me. Jax was eyeing a glass table set from IKEA.

  “Really?” His head shot up, surprise lining his expression almost comically. “I thought chicks liked glass stuff.”

  “Maybe Cinderella.” I smirked. “But I can see you dummying this thing in under a week.”

  “That may be so.” Jax pointed a finger at me, the corner of his lip lifting up. I knew exactly where his thoughts had gone. “Okay, you pick.”

  “It’s your place!” I raised my hand defensively. I shouldn’t have said anything about the glass table; it was his decision to make.

  “It’ll be yours too,” Jax brought to my attention. “Unless you’ve changed your mind about moving in with me.”

  “I haven’t,” I said quickly. Waking up in his arms, in the apartment that he wanted me to move into, had been incredible. I had lain in his arms while he still slept and watched the sunbeams dance across the floorboards as I imagined it, hoped for it. But I couldn’t move in just yet…not until I knew things would be okay between Jenna and me. “But it’s your money.”

  “It is. I should totally get the glass table.” Jax winked, but he turned away from the glass monstrosity and started eyeing up a solid birch table. It came with three chairs along one side, and a bench side along the other. “This one looks sturdier,” he remarked, leaning on it a little. I wisely kept my mouth shut, letting Jax figure out what he wanted.

  While he was busy trying to decide between the gray sectional couch and the fake leather three-seater, I found myself staring at a carpet, thinking that it’d look great in the living room. I ran my fingers across the material and shook my head, smirking. I never used to think like that; to run my hands over a rug and picture it in a place I wanted to live with a man I’d let myself fall so completely for.

  I never let myself imagine a future with a guy. Even Iain. When I was with him, thinking about the future was just…painful. I couldn’t see it. There was no way we could come out of the shadows without him risking his job. His morals would have been questioned if we came forward with our relationship, even if we hadn’t been caught.