The Proposal

by R. R. Banks

  At least it was supposed to be.

  Chapter Eleven

  Gabriel

  When Cherry and I got home from the party, she walked directly to her bedroom, flinging off her shoes as she went. She had barely said a word to me the entire evening. She had smiled and said all the right things to everyone around us, holding onto my arm and pretending to be the perfect newlywed wife. But when it was just the two of us, she seemed distant. This is how it had been since a few days before our honeymoon ended. I didn’t know what had happened or why she was acting like this. I had asked her countless times if she was okay or if she wanted to talk about something, but she always said she was fine. But I knew that wasn't true. She had closed herself off from me and I had no idea why. When we were away from the house we now shared, she was the image of the perfect wife, charming everyone she met at the various functions and social events we had to go to. When we invited people to the house to entertain, she was a gracious and welcoming hostess. But as soon as it was just the two of us, she shut down again.

  I couldn’t understand what was wrong or what she was going through. I tried to tell myself that it was pregnancy-related, but it seemed like something much more. It was frustrating, but it also hurt me to see her this way. I was watching her body change, her belly became rounder and more distinct as our daughter grew, but I felt like I was experiencing it from the outside instead of with her. She was distant, like she was in another place mentally, and even when we went to her check-ups, I barely felt like we were in the same room together. I wished I could understand what was going on. I wanted to know what had changed.

  I knew that something had changed for me. The feelings I had for her were so much stronger now that I couldn't imagine a day without her. Even when I felt like she looked right through me, and she went to her own bedroom at night rather than sharing a bed with me, I wanted to keep trying. I wanted to reach out to her and find a solution to whatever she was facing. Because she was right there. I was looking right at her. And yet she was somewhere else. It happened in what felt like an instant. Our honeymoon was more than I could have ever wished for and I had started to think that marrying her was the best decision I had ever made. We had spent long hours wrapped in each other's arms, talking about ourselves, our hopes, and dreams. I felt like I learned more about her in those few, short days than I had in the decades I had known her. She looked happy and relaxed, as glad to be there with me as I was with her. Then it was over.

  The second to last day of our honeymoon, something changed. All the happiness seemed to drain from her and I felt like she had put up an invisible wall between us, preventing me from even getting close to her, much less touching her. We had started that morning in each other's arms, enjoying the feeling of ocean air coming through the open windows, seeming to reassure us that everything was right with the world. We ended our honeymoon with Cherry sleeping on the sofa in the living room of our bungalow, not even allowing me to sleep on the sofa and give her the bed. She wouldn't explain to me what had happened to cause this sudden shift in her mood. All she would say was she needed time to herself. She did say one thing to me that lingered in my mind well after we got off the plane and came back home.

  "You don't have to stick around here with me all day, Gabriel. It's not like this is actually our honeymoon. It's not real, remember?"

  We had been back from our trip for two months when I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn't handle any more of the cold indifference that Cherry was showing me. This wasn't how things were supposed to be and I couldn't stand the thought of facing even one more of these long, miserable days of not knowing what was different between us. Emma had made dinner for us before leaving for her night off and Cherry grabbed her plate, heading for the parlor where she now ate her meals while reading rather than with me. This time I didn't let her go without a fight.

  I stepped in front of the door, blocking her path.

  "What are you doing?" she asked, sounding slightly startled, as if she had forgot I even existed and was shocked by my sudden appearance in front of her.

  "I can ask you the same question."

  She looked at me impatiently.

  "I'm going to eat my dinner," she said.

  "Then you should come sit at the table with me."

  "Why would I do that?"

  I let out an exasperated sigh.

  "Is it so crazy to imagine that a wife would want to eat dinner with her husband?"

  "Suddenly you're my husband?"

  Pain gripped my chest.

  "Of course, I'm your husband. I have been for a couple of months now. What's in the hell is going on with you?"

  Cherry shook her head and tried to walk around me, but I stepped to the side to block her again.

  "Get out of my way, Gabriel," she said through gritted teeth. "I don't want to be in here with you anymore."

  I stepped out of her way to let her pass, but I turned around and fell into step right behind her, following her into the parlor. A Christmas tree sparkled in the corner where Emma and Harlan had set it up, just like every year. The feeling in the room, though, was far from festive. Cherry wouldn't even look at me as she placed her plate on the coffee table and curled into a corner of the couch, wrapping a quilt around herself and picking up the book that she had left perched on the arm. She stared at the page in front of her, but I noticed her eyes weren’t actually moving.

  "Cherry, look at me." She didn't move so I took a step closer to her. "Look at me."

  She dropped the book to her lap and glared.

  "What, Gabriel? What do you want?"

  "I want to know what's wrong with you. I want to know what happened."

  "What do you mean what happened?"

  "Everything was so great when we were at the resort. Then you shut down. You won't hug me, you won't kiss me. You'll barely even talk to me. Most of the time you don't want to be in the same room as me."

  "It's just too hard, Gabriel," she finally replied.

  "What's too hard?"

  I sat down on the other end of the couch and looked at her imploringly.

  "I let you be as involved with the pregnancy as you want to be, don't I?"

  "Yes."

  "And I'm a good wife when we're in public? I'm sufficiently doting, and I get you the attention that you want?"

  "Yes, but…"

  "So, I'm exactly what you want me to be. I'm carrying your child and giving you the image of the perfect family man. That was the agreement. That's what you wanted. I can't give you any more."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Every time that you look at me, every time you hug me, every time you try to kiss me, it just makes it harder."

  "I don't understand."

  "I can't let myself feel close to you, Gabriel. I can't pretend that this is real. I need to focus on getting through this obligation I have to you, deliver this baby, and then move on with my life. I need to be able to heal."

  "What do you mean?"

  "I promised myself from the beginning that I wasn't going to let myself have feelings for you. I was never going to admit I fell in love with you when I was ten years old and have never stopped loving you. It was my fault that I let my emotions get the best of me. I started to feel like there might be something real between us, but I realized nothing had changed on our honeymoon."

  "I thought that our honeymoon was amazing."

  "It thought so, too," she said. "Until I saw you on the boat with those women."

  "What women?"

  "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."

  "I really don't know what you're talking about."

  "I had slept in because I was exhausted. When I woke up I was planning on requesting a picnic from the kitchen, so we could bring it to the waterfall I had painted a few days earlier. I wanted to show it to you and finish the painting. But you weren't in the bungalow. I went looking for you and when I got outside I saw you out on
the water with four beautiful women in skimpy bikinis on the boat with you." She gave a mirthless laugh. "I guess I should be impressed. Up until then, I thought your record was three."

  I thought about what she said, trying to remember what she could be talking about. Suddenly it occurred to me.

  "The Thompsons."

  "Who?"

  "The Thompsons. They're sisters. They're the daughters of one of our best clients. I’ve known them since we were teenagers."

  "Isn't that cozy."

  "Cherry, nothing happened. I didn't do anything with them. Any of them. I haven't even looked at another women since you came back into my life, and I won't. I am committed to you and want to be a good husband to you."

  I meant it with full sincerity, but Cherry didn't seem to care. She barely seemed to hear me.

  "I know the type of man you are, Gabriel. You said it yourself. You aren't a family man. You never wanted a wife. I just need to keep that in mind so that I don't get hurt. At least any more than I already have."

  "Yes. I told you I never thought of myself as having that kind of life, but if there was ever going to be a woman who could convince me I should, it was you. And I meant that."

  "How romantic. If you’re forced to deal with something you never wanted, at least you might be able to tolerate it with me. I'm so touched."

  "That's not what I meant, Cherry."

  "I know what you meant. Just be honest with yourself, Gabriel. This all started because you needed an heir to take over the company. If we hadn’t happened to reconnect, you would have found someone else. You always do. You're not known for being discreet. We just need to accept this for what it really is and move on. You can live the life that you want to. That's fine. I'm not going to worry about it anymore."

  "What's that supposed to mean?"

  "I think it's time for me to move back in with my mom."

  I felt my heart sink.

  "What? Why?"

  "There's really no point in me being around here and I know that she would appreciate having me around, especially with the holidays coming up. I don't want her to be alone. This is her first grandchild too. Let's face it, this will probably be her only grandchild. She wants to be more involved with the pregnancy and help me prepare for our daughter to be born. I can still come with you to parties and be here if you are entertaining anyone, but I don't feel like anything more than is actually necessary. Besides, with as much as you're going out of town on business the next two months, it wouldn't seem strange at all for a first-time expecting mother to want to be with her own mother rather than in a big house all alone. You can have your space and do whatever you want in it, and I can have mine. I think that it would be best for everyone."

  "I don't want space from you," I insisted. "I don't want to be away from you."

  "I'm sorry, Gabriel. I can't do this anymore. Maybe it won't be so hard on me after the baby's born…"

  Her voice trailed off and she shook her head, standing up. She put the book back on the arm of the couch and walked out of the room, leaving her dinner untouched on the table.

  I wanted to tell myself that it was going to get easier after Cherry moved out. I tried to convince myself that although it would take some getting used to after she left, I would eventually get accustomed to being alone again. That didn't happen. The truth was that it got harder every single day to wake up and even make it out of bed. And honestly, that wasn't even the half of it. To go to bed and not be able to tell her goodnight killed me. I hated how everything had happened between us. Everything had all gone so well at the beginning and I had truly convinced myself that it would turn out differently. And now I found myself feeling like everything – my marriage, my family, my future, my entire fucking life – was falling apart around me. I couldn't bear the thought that I had ruined everything with Cherry. I didn't want to think that I could cause her any more pain than she had already gone through. I knew she didn't trust men. Her heart had been so broken that she just didn't believe in love anymore. And even in those moments when she did believe it existed, she questioned whether she was worthy or if she had even found it. I knew the answer to that. She was more than worthy of love and she had already found it. With me.

  But I felt like I had confirmed everything that she had ever thought about the men in her life. She believed that her father and Brent were the only truly good men she had ever known. That she will never find a man she could trust and who would love her like she deserves. As much as I knew that wasn't true, I didn't know if I would ever be able to get her to trust me again.

  After Cherry moved out, I didn’t hear from her for nearly two weeks. When she finally messaged me, it felt like it had been so much longer. I had texted her over the holidays, but she hadn’t replied. Gifts for her still waited in the Parlor. I still hadn’t taken the tree down yet. I didn't want our first Christmas together to be over without ever actually happening. It was a few days after the new year when I received a message from her. It only read "two months to go." Attached to it was a picture of her most recent ultrasound. It frustrated me to miss one of the final appointments, but it was scheduled during a planned business trip. I looked at the picture and felt my heart ache. Nothing had improved since she had left. She was still cool with me, still keeping her distance. Seeing the image of our baby girl, so close to coming into this world, really hit me. Reality set in and I couldn't deny it anymore.

  This marriage wasn't going to work.

  Three days later I stalked into my father's office and stood in front of his desk. He gestured at the seat that I usually took, but I shook my head.

  "There's something I need to tell you," I said.

  "Alright," he said. His voice sounded cautious, as if he already anticipated that whatever was coming couldn't possibly be good. "What is it, son?"

  "My marriage to Cherry, the wedding, everything, is a ruse," I said.

  "A ruse?" he asked. "What do you mean?"

  "I mean it wasn't real. We didn't get married because we actually wanted to. We got married because you wanted us to. I did it because you said I needed to have a wife and a child before I was good enough to take over the company. And I was stupid enough to go along with it. But I'm not going to do it anymore."

  "But the baby…"

  "The baby is real," I assured him. "She'll be here in less than two months and I can't let her come into the world with the entire family convinced of a lie. I can't fake my life anymore, Dad. I shouldn't have done it to begin with. You should have trusted me with the company regardless of the way I lived my life. My choices don't have anything to do with how well I know the business or how hard I work. You should have accepted me for who I am and trusted that I would live the life that was best for me without fixating on the company. But I never should have let you manipulate me like that, either. So, we're both to blame. But it's over now. I love my daughter and I'm going to be the absolute best father for her that I can possibly be. But I'm not going to disrespect Cherry anymore by carrying on with this fake relationship. She deserves so much more than that. I don't care about inheriting the company anymore. I wanted to carry on the family legacy, but if you have such a huge a problem with me and how you think that I make you look, then I don't want it. "

  I waited for his reaction. I waited for him to explode and lash out at me. But he remained completely calm. Finally, he spoke.

  "I'm so proud of you" he said.

  "What?"

  "I'm proud of you," he repeated. "You're a good man, Gabriel. I was wrong, but you were strong, and you stood up for yourself, and you want to do the right thing."

  "Not soon enough, though."

  "It's never too late to do the right thing, son. It's harder to have to face the fact that you made a mistake and admit it, than actually fixing it. I didn't mean to manipulate you. I never wanted you to feel like I didn’t love you or I didn’t think that you're good enough. I know that what happened when you were younger was ha
rd on you and led you to make some bad decisions. I should have been there to help you find your way back. But I wasn't. It shouldn't matter if you’re married or not. It shouldn't matter to me whether you want to have a child or not. You're right about that. You are driven and talented, and extremely good at what you do. Most of all, you're my only son. That should have been all I took into consideration. I'm sorry that it wasn't."

  "Thank you, Dad. That means a lot to me."

  "Now, I can't say that I'm thrilled with the idea of your marriage to Cherry being fake. I really like her, and I think she is a wonderful match for you. But I'll support you in anything that you think is right. Just let me know what I can do to help you."

  I nodded, drawing a breath. I felt a tremendous sense of relief, but there was also a pit of anxiety in my stomach as I thought about what I had to do next.

  "I would appreciate it if you could get me in touch with your lawyers."

  Chapter Twelve

  Cherry

  "Alright, Georgia, time to go for a little walk. We're going to waddle all the way down to the mailbox today. "

  I rubbed my belly, amazed at how big I had gotten just in the last couple of weeks. It seemed that my body was changing every day and I was becoming increasingly aware of how close I was to delivering my daughter. She made it known that she was beginning to anticipate her arrival as well. It seemed that she rarely slept, spending all day and most of the night rolling and flipping around, kicking me in the ribs over and over again. It felt like she was stretching her little arms and legs as far as she possibly could, just to see how much more space she could find inside of me. I didn't know how much longer I would be able to accommodate such an active tenant. But at the same time, I wasn’t ready for my pregnancy to be over. Not yet. I loved the way it felt to carry her. I loved knowing she was safe inside me and that everywhere I went, we were together. All too soon it was going to be over, so I made sure to cherish every minute I had left.