by Joanna Neil
‘I know it would be a huge step for you after you’ve spent the last few months getting yourself back on track, but you did so well looking after Josh—I think you proved yourself then.’
‘Maybe.’ She was hesitant. Was she really ready for it? He seemed to have a lot of faith in her.
‘How is Josh?’ she asked, switching off the hose and laying it on the ground. ‘His foot was in a pretty bad state, wasn’t it?’
‘Yes, but he went up to Theatre and Andrew Simmons pinned it with plates and screws, and did a bone graft. It’ll take a while to heal, and he’ll need physiotherapy, but I think he’ll be all right eventually.’ He gave her a look of new respect. ‘You saved his foot, Saffi. If you hadn’t restored the circulation he could have been looking at an amputation.’
‘I’m just relieved that he’s all right.’ She was thoughtful for a second or two. ‘One thing I’ll say—it’s definitely put me off kite-surfing. Are you sure you want to go on doing it? I was worried sick when I thought you might have been hurt.’
‘Were you? I’m glad you care about me.’ He ran his hands down her arms in a light caress. ‘I understand how you feel about trying it out. That’s okay. And as for the other—I’m always careful to avoid going close to cliffs or rocks. You don’t need to worry about me.’
‘That’s a relief.’
He studied her briefly. ‘So what do you think about going back to work?’
‘I don’t know. Perhaps I could do it…but I always thought I would know when the time was right because I’d have recovered all of my memories. It doesn’t seem to be happening that way, though, does it?’
‘Amnesia can be strange,’ he murmured, ‘but, actually, you’ve been doing really well. You’ve remembered your aunt and your career, and all the time, day by day, you’re getting small flashes of recall. Perhaps by going back to your job things will begin to come back to you more and more.’ He shooed a hen out of the flower border, where she’d been trying to eat one of the plants. ‘Go on, Mitzi, back with the others.’
‘You could be right. I don’t know why it matters so much to me…but I feel…it’s like I’m only half a person.’ She looked at him in despair, and he took her into his arms.
‘I can’t bear to see you looking so forlorn,’ he said. ‘You mustn’t think like that—anyway, you look pretty much like a whole person to me,’ he added in a teasing voice. ‘So much so that I think about you all the time…I can’t get you out of my mind. You’re beautiful, Saffi…and incredibly sweet. Look how you coaxed Ben to come out of himself.’
He gave her a gentle squeeze, drawing her nearer, and his words came out on a ragged sigh. ‘It’s getting more and more difficult for me to keep my resolve. Every time I look at you I want to show you just how much I want you.’
Having his arms around her was a delicious temptation but she couldn’t give in to it, could she? Much as she wanted to believe every word he said, she had to make a strong effort to resist. At least, she had to do better than she’d managed up to now.
‘Hmm…’ She looked into his smoke-grey eyes. ‘From what I’ve heard, that’s what you say to all the girls.’
He pressed a hand to his heart as though she’d wounded him. ‘It’s not true. Would I do that? Would I?’
‘I think that’s open to debate,’ she murmured.
He gave her a crooked smile. ‘You’re gorgeous, Saffi, and that’s the truth, and I feel great whenever I’m with you. I have to keep pinching myself to believe that I’m actually living right next door to you.’
He was saying all the things she wanted to hear, but did she really want to end up as just another conquest? She couldn’t get it out of her head what the paramedics had said. He had a way with women.
‘You certainly do live next door—and that’s another thing about you that confuses me,’ she commented on a musing note, trying to ease herself away from him. ‘I still haven’t figured out why my aunt would leave part of the house to you. It doesn’t make any sense to leave a house to be shared by two people who aren’t related.’
She rubbed her fingers lightly over her temples in a circling motion to get rid of a throbbing ache that had started up there. Having him so close just added to her problems. She couldn’t think straight.
‘It’s just another of those mysteries that I can’t solve…’ she murmured, ‘but perhaps one day I’ll get to the bottom of it. At the moment my mind’s like a jigsaw puzzle with lots of little bits filled in.’
He became serious. ‘I’m sure things will come back to you if you start to live the life you once had. I mean it. Going back to work at the hospital could be the best thing for you. I need another doctor on my team, and you would be perfect. You could work part time if it suits you—in fact, that would probably be the best option to begin with.’
‘You need someone? You’re not just trying to find a job for me?’
‘We’re desperately short of emergency doctors. I’d really like you to say yes, Saffi, not just for me but also for your own well-being. We’ll get clearance for you to work again from the powers that be, and maybe arrange for someone to work with you for a while. I’d keep an eye on you to begin with until you get your confidence back.’
He looked so sincere she knew he would watch over her, and part-time work did seem like the ideal solution for her at the moment. It would give her the best of both worlds and allow her time to adjust.
She swallowed hard. ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I’ll do it.’
‘Yay!’ He swooped her up into his arms once again and kissed her firmly, a thorough, passionate kiss that left her breathless and yearning for more.
‘That’s wonderful, Saffi.’ He looked at her, his grey eyes gleaming, his mouth curved in a heart-warming smile. ‘We should celebrate. Let me take you out to dinner this evening.’
She smiled back at him. ‘I’d like that,’ she said, ‘except…’ she frowned ‘…I’m expecting a visitor at around nine o’clock. He’s bringing some stuff I left behind in Hampshire—a few books, my coffee-maker, glassware, things like that. My flatmate has been looking after them for me, but Jason offered to bring them here. Apparently he’s coming to Devon to take a few days’ holiday.’
Matt frowned. ‘Jason? You know this man? I thought you didn’t remember anyone from where you lived?’
‘No, I don’t know him. I mean, I did, apparently, according to my flatmate. She’s the only one I recalled after the accident, but even that was just bits and pieces that came back to me before I left Hampshire. Jason’s a complete blank in my mind.’
‘It seems odd that he’s coming over so late in the evening?’
‘I suppose it is, but he told Chloe He has to work today. He’ll head over here as soon as he’s finished.’
‘That makes some kind of sense, I suppose.’ He was still doubtful, a brooding look coming into his eyes as though he was already weighing up Jason as some kind of competition. His dark brows drew together. ‘He must be really keen to see you if it can’t wait till morning. Did your flatmate tell you anything about him?’
She could see he was suspicious of the man and his motives. ‘No, she didn’t, not really…not much, anyway. She mentioned something about us dating a few times. I remember he came to see me when I was in hospital, but I was getting distressed whenever I had visitors—they were all strangers to me and I was a bit overwhelmed by everything that was happening to me. I think the doctors advised her to let me remember things in my own time.’ A feeling of unease washed through her. ‘I feel bad about it…all those people I was supposed to know…’
‘It wasn’t your fault, Saffi.’ He held her tight. ‘Look, how about this—we could go for an early dinner. What do you think? I really want to spend some time with you. I’ll make sure you’re back here in time to meet up with this Jason…’ he pulled a face ‘…even though I’d rather you weren’t going to see him.’ His eyes darkened. ‘I don’t like the idea of him taking up where you left off.’ Once again, he
was at war with himself. ‘I hate the thought of you dating someone else.’
‘I’m not dating him. I don’t even know him.’ She nodded thoughtfully. ‘An early dinner sounds like a good compromise. But what will you do about Ben…or will he be coming with us? I don’t mind, if that’s what you want.’
He shook his head. ‘His father’s going to look after him. He’s back from sorting out the latest crisis, and he says he’s going to stay home for a few days.’
‘Oh, that’s good news.’ She smiled. ‘Ben will be really happy to see him.’
‘Yeah. Let’s hope he doesn’t get unsettled again when James has to leave.’
She winced. ‘You’re right, he’s really come out of himself this last couple of weeks. Do you think James will take him to see Gemma in hospital?’
‘He said he would. He wants to know the results of the CT scan they’re doing.’
Of course…they would be doing the scan today. Matt had told her about it. He must be worried sick about what it might reveal.
He checked his watch. ‘I have to go. It’s almost time I was back on duty. I’ll see you later. Dinner for about seven o’clock? Would that be all right?’
She nodded. ‘I’ll look forward to it.’
‘Good. I’ll book a table.’
It was only after he’d left for work that she realised she’d done it again—that she’d agreed to spend time with him when she should be putting up some barriers between them. Did she really want to end up like Gina, still hankering after him years later, when their relationship had run its course? And how would she get on with Gina if they had to work together? Had she made a mistake in agreeing to it?
She shook her head. It was done now, and she may as well throw caution to the wind and look forward to the evening.
What should she wear? After she’d showered and started her make-up later on in the day, she hunted through her wardrobe and picked out a favourite winecoloured dress, one that she’d brought with her from Hampshire. It was sleeveless, with a V-shaped neckline and pleated bodice, a smooth sash waist and a pencilline skirt. She put the finishing touches to her makeup, smoothing on a warm lip colour and adding a hint of blusher to her cheeks.
When Matt rang the doorbell at half past six, she was finally ready.
‘Hi,’ she said. ‘I wasn’t sure you’d make it here on time. I know how things can be in A and E. It isn’t always easy to get away.’
‘I handed over to my registrar.’ He gazed at her, his eyes gleaming in appreciation as he took in her feminine curves, outlined by the dress, and her hair, which was a mass of silky, burnished curls. ‘You look lovely, Saffi. You take my breath away—you’re the girl of my dreams.’
Her cheeks flushed with warm colour at the compliment. He looked fantastic. He must have showered and changed as soon as he had got home from work because his black hair was still slightly damp. He wore an expensively styled suit that fitted perfectly across his broad shoulders and made him look incredibly masculine.
They went out to the car and he drove them along the coast road to the restaurant. He was unusually quiet on the journey, a bit subdued, and she wondered if something had happened at work to disturb him. Was it something to do with his sister? Or perhaps he was simply tired after a stressful day. She remembered feeling like that sometimes after a bad day at work.
It might not be a good idea to bombard him with questions right away, though. If he wanted to talk to her about whatever it was that was bothering him, he would be more likely to do it after he had relaxed into the evening a little.
He took her to a pretty quayside restaurant, and they sat at a table by the window, from where they could look out at the boats in the harbour.
‘It’s lovely in here,’ she said, looking around. ‘It’s very peaceful and intimate.’ There were screened alcoves with candlelit tables, a glass-fronted display cabinet showing mouth-watering desserts, and waiters who hovered discreetly in the background. ‘It makes me want to skip the meal and go straight for the dessert,’ she said, eying up the assortment of gateaux and fruit tarts.
He laughed. ‘You always did go for the dessert.’
‘Did I?’ Her brow puckered. ‘Have we done this before?’
He nodded cautiously. ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he said. ‘Just relax and enjoy the food.’
She tried to do as he suggested, but at the back of her mind she was trying to work out why, if they had been a couple at one time, they had drifted apart, with her working in Hampshire and Matt here in Devon. What wasn’t he telling her?
Through the starter of freshly dressed crab served with asparagus spears and mayonnaise they talked about her starting work in a week’s time, and then moved on to generalities, but Matt said nothing about what might be troubling him. They chatted and she could tell he was making an effort, being as considerate and thoughtful as ever.
He ordered a bottle of wine, and Saffi took a sip, studying him as the waiter brought the main course, sirloin of beef with red wine sauce. ‘You’re not yourself this evening,’ she said softly, when they were alone once more. ‘What’s wrong?’
He blinked, and then frowned slightly. He wasn’t eating, but instead he ran his finger around the base of his wine glass. ‘I’m sorry. It’s nothing. I’m just a bit preoccupied, that’s all, but I didn’t mean to spoil the evening.’ He smiled at her. ‘You were saying you were thinking of buying a new car?’
‘Well, I’ll need one if I’m going to start work. But that’s not important right now. I want to know what’s wrong, Matt. Something’s troubling you. Is it your sister?’
He sighed heavily and then nodded. ‘I’ve seen the results of the tests and the CT scan. They’ve diagnosed Zollinger-Ellison syndrome.’
She pulled in a quick breath. ‘Oh, no…no wonder you’re feeling down…I’m so sorry, Matt.’ It was bad news. She laid her hand over his, trying to offer him comfort, and he gave her fingers an answering squeeze.
She really felt for him. Zollinger-Ellison syndrome was an illness caused by a tumour or tumours in the duodenum and sometimes in the pancreas, too. They secreted large amounts of the hormone gastrin, which caused large amounts of stomach acid to be produced, and in turn that led to the formation of ulcers. It was a very rare disease and there was around a fifty per cent chance that the tumours might be malignant. ‘How is she? Does she know about it?’
‘Yes, she knows. Obviously, it was a huge shock for her, but she was trying to put on a brave face for Ben.’
‘Will they try surgery?’
He nodded. ‘As a first stage of treatment, yes. The Whipple procedure would be the best option, but it’s difficult and very specialised surgery, as you probably know. If the tumours have spread to other parts of her body they won’t even consider it. We’ll just have to take things one step at a time.’
‘It’s hard to take in. I’ve heard it might go better if the patient has chemotherapy before surgery as well as afterwards.’ She reflected on that for a while, know a doctor to remembering just how terrible it must be for Gemma and Matt to have to go through all this heartache.
She said, ‘If there’s anything I can do…does Gemma want any more books, or magazines, anything that will help to take her mind off things? I could perhaps find her some DVDs if she’d prefer?’
‘Thanks, Saffi. I think she still has some of the magazines you sent last week. Maybe some comedy DVDs might help to take her mind off things for a while. Perhaps we can sort something out between us? I tried taking her fruit and chocolates but, of course, she has to be careful what she eats. Some things disagree with her.’
‘We’ll find something.’
They went on with their meal for a while, but somehow the pleasure in tasting the perfectly cooked meat and fresh vegetables had waned. She said quietly, ‘Do your parents know?’
‘Yes, I phoned my mother this afternoon. She was at work—she’s a vet up in Cheltenham. She was so upset she said she was leaving everything and coming ove
r right away.’
‘I expect that will be good for Gemma.’
He nodded. ‘My father’s a GP in Somerset. He’s going to try and get a locum to cover his practice for a while.’
‘Your parents are divorced, then? I hadn’t realised. Did that happen a long time ago?’
‘When I was a child, yes.’ His eyes were troubled. ‘I was about eight years old when they broke up. Gemma was younger. It was fairly traumatic for both of us… though I suppose it often is for the children if it’s a fairly hostile split.’
He leaned back in his seat as the waiter came to clear the dishes and take their order for dessert. He swallowed some of his wine, and then refilled Saffi’s glass.
‘We chose to stay with my mother—Gemma and I. My father could be distracted by work and we didn’t always get to see much of him.’ He pulled a face. ‘Then about three years later my mother had a sudden illness that affected her kidneys and we were taken into foster-care for a while.’
Saffi sucked in a breath. ‘Is she all right now? It must have been a double blow to go through the break-up of your family and then to have that happen.’ She frowned, trying to imagine what it would have been like to endure such an emotional upset.
‘I think she’s all right. While she was in hospital, they managed to prevent the worst of the kidney damage, but she has to take medication now to control her blood pressure and cholesterol, to make sure there aren’t any further problems. She sees a specialist once a year, and things seem to be going well for her, as long as she follows the dietary advice he’s given her.’ He was quiet for a moment. ‘I think she’s the reason I wanted to study medicine.’
The waiter brought dessert, a pear tatin with vanilla ice cream, and Saffi ate, almost without knowing what she was eating. ‘I’d no idea you had such a troubled childhood,’ she said. ‘But I suppose it was better for you once your mother was out of hospital?’
‘Yes, it was.’ He toyed with his food. ‘Gemma and I had been in separate foster-homes for quite a long time, and that was tough. We were taken away from everything that made us feel safe.’ He lifted his glance to her. ‘But I don’t suppose it was much worse than what you went through. After all, your parents died, didn’t they?’
