For a Roman's Heart

by Denise A. Agnew

  “Celsus.”

  “Ma’am. May I come in?”

  She moved back from the door. “Of course.”

  Celsus wore his traditional helmet, the formality of his dress when he came to visit a bit unusual. The ladies had become friends with him, and he felt an obligation to check on them weekly.

  “Is Longa here?” he asked.

  “Yes. She’s upstairs. Would you like me to get her?”

  “Please.”

  “Come this way.”

  After she saw him seated in the main living area, she hurried upstairs. Longa came downstairs, concern heavy on her features. Adrenia’s sensibilities told her something bad had happened. She twisted her fingers together in anxiety as they entered to find their guest standing at a window looking out. He’d removed his helmet and placed it on a table.

  “Can we offer you food or drink, Celsus?” Longa asked after greeting him.

  He gestured toward a couch. “No, thank you. Please sit down. I have some news to impart.”

  Adrenia hated the suspense, and as she sat down next to Longa, they glanced at each other with genuine apprehension.

  Adrenia’s hands felt clammy, her heartbeat picking up speed. She placed one hand over her stomach and absently caressed the bump there, as if she could soothe and protect her unborn babe. “Tell us.”

  Celsus paced over to stand in front of the ladies. “This news pains me greatly, but it must be said. I have grave news, Adrenia. Terentius has been killed in battle.”

  At first the words didn’t make sense to Adrenia. Her heart didn’t understand them and her mind refused to hear.

  “What?” she said, her voice a thin thread of sound.

  Longa reached out for Adrenia, but she stood quickly and walked away from them both. She stared back at them. Their faces were etched with genuine pain, especially Longa’s.

  Celsus held up one hand. “Capito was wounded, and Victor was also killed.”

  “Oh, no.” Longa’s hand went to her throat. “How is...are Capito’s wounds serious?”

  Celsus shook his head. “Not that I’m aware of. He is on his way back. The campaign in the area is stable. He’s...” As if he remembered Adrenia, he turned back to her. He held one hand out, as if he could offer comfort. “Adrenia, if there is anything I can do.”

  She stepped back, bumped into a table. A sharp pain tunneled through her stomach. She gasped and placed both hands over her midsection.

  Tears rushed into her eyes. “Did you just say that Terentius isn’t coming back to me?” A sob slipped from her mouth as tears spilled in a torrent. “No. No.”

  Darkness mingled with a soul-searing mental pain and sent her into oblivion.

  Two months later

  “Adrenia?”

  Pella’s concerned voice cut through Adrenia’s thoughts, and Adrenia noticed the wagon had halted in the forum in front of her shop. Pontius often helped them on fair and market days and drove the wagon. Pella sat next to him, while Adrenia sat in the back. Longa had returned to living with Capito at the fort a week ago when he’d returned. Capito, with his limp from a leg wound, didn’t seem quite right. The liveliness within him hadn’t returned...at least not yet. She remembered his words when he’d seen her again for the first time, when he’d held her to him and spoken in broken tones.

  “Dear Adrenia, I’m so sorry. I...we looked for Victor and for Terentius after the battle. Their shields were found, but somehow, in the confusion...we never located their bodies.”

  Adrenia had pushed away from him and managed to choke out her consolation, that Capito returned safely to Longa. Then she’d fled to her room for the rest of the night, a heartsick feeling so excruciating she thought it would tear her apart.

  Back in the present, Pella’s voice rang out. “Adrenia?”

  “I’m fine. You go ahead. I want to sit here a while,” Adrenia said.

  Her friends exchanged looks that said they worried for her. She knew she’d done some odd things since hearing of Terentius’s passing. Sometimes she’d find herself staring off into space, her memories of time with Terentius her only thoughts. She worked long hours to produce as many garments as possible. She’d eaten well in the last two weeks, even though her appetite hadn’t returned. She must keep up her strength to produce garments. To survive even when the pain of living without her love seared her breath from her lungs.

  At the same time, she had found a new strength. When she’d awakened after hearing of Terentius’s death, she’d feared for her baby. But she hadn’t lost her child. And with the promise of new life inside her, she made a vow. She would ensure that her child never wanted for the love and affection she had lacked as a child. Her babe might lack a father now, but Adrenia would see that her son or daughter would know only the best her mother could give.

  Pella reached for her hand and squeezed it. “You are sure you’ll be all right?”

  Adrenia smiled, happy to sit here and relax. “I’ll be along shortly. I just want to notice the hustle and bustle. The life in this place.”

  The lines between Pella’s eyes said she didn’t believe Adrenia, but they headed into the shop without her. Adrenia watched them walk away, then climbed from the wagon. She leaned against the side while the two horses at the front puffed in the cool air. She drew in a deep breath and savored spring’s return. She closed her eyes and tried to remember what it had been like last year when she’d escaped Sulla and Terentius had rescued her from the crowd during the pandemonium. At the thought of Terentius, who was never far from her mind, she felt an ache in her midsection. She placed her palm on her rounded stomach.

  After she’d lost Terentius, the world had narrowed for weeks into a dim place where nothing would come right again. Only in the last two weeks had she ventured out much. What would she have done without the love of her friends? They’d nurtured her when she’d gone quiet and still as the tomb she planned to erect for Terentius. She took one day at a time, one step in front of the other, even when sometimes it seemed she couldn’t do one more thing, last another more minute.

  Adrenia closed her eyes again and listened to the world. Despite her loss, life went on. Despite the pain grinding a hole inside her day after day, others found the strength to do and be. She would live for Terentius, to keep his memory alive for as long as possible. Tomorrow she would honor him by taking his belongings, a few things she believed she could part with, and sacrificing them in the river to the gods. She would ask the gods and goddesses to praise him and keep him in their arms in comfort and rest. It was the least she could do. She kept his statuette in a small bag at her waist, the one she’d kissed every day and that resided at her altar each night. She prayed, still, every morning and night.

  “Well, will you look at who is here?” a female voice said, snide and scathing.

  Adrenia’s eyes popped open. She would know that hateful inflection anywhere. Cordia stood not five feet from her, along with her mother, Nerva.

  Adrenia didn’t find their presence unnerving. Since Terentius’s passing, Adrenia worried less about minor things. Some things, though, could not pass unnoticed.

  “Cordia. Nerva. How nice to see you.” She kept her tone neutral. “What brings you to the forum?”

  “Certainly not to see you,” Cordia said, her eyes snapping.

  The words bounced off Adrenia as if she’d never heard them.

  Nerva stepped forward. “Cordia, come away. Leave her in peace.”

  “Nerva, I’m sorry to hear about Cordus passing. He was a good man,” Adrenia said. “I hope you will visit me at the shop when you are up to it.”

  Though the woman looked surprised, she nodded. “I will. Thank you.”

  Right then she heard a male voice calling her name, and it shook her to the core. She was going mad. Surely, most surely, the gods tortured her.

  “Adrenia!”

  She jerked her head to the right. There, striding across the square at a good clip, was—

  “Terentius?”
The word came as a single breath, so soft Adrenia knew no one else could hear.

  He smiled, and the love and relief in his face turned everything on its head. Walking behind him, some distance back, was Capito, Longa, Pella and Pontius. Their smiles equaled Adrenia’s. Adrenia started to walk toward Terentius, the disbelief still warring with amazement, with profound joy. She broke into run. Terentius crossed the space with arms held out to her, his strides quickening.

  Just as they met and his arms went around her, she heard his voice whisper her name as reverently as he might praise a goddess. Tears poured down her face as she buried her face in his shoulder. His embrace crushed her to him, and then he tilted her face upward. Their lips meshed, then parted, then meshed again.

  “Please tell me I haven’t gone insane?” Adrenia said, her throat so tight she could barely speak. “Are you a ghost? Tell me this isn’t some dream sent to torment me.”

  “No my dear, sweet Adrenia,” he whispered. “I’m here, and I love you. I love you.”

  “I love you, Terentius. With everything inside me.” She laughed and cried some more as his words sent her heart singing with an overwhelming delight she never wanted to leave. “What happened to you? We thought… I thought…”

  “I know.” He kissed her forehead, her nose, her lips. “Everyone thought I was dead.”

  Adrenia sensed her friends clustered nearby. She heard their excited voices, their happy whoops and laughter.

  She cupped his face. He looked tired but otherwise healthy and hearty. “What happened?”

  “It’s a long story, my love. A very long one. I saw Victor stabbed, then I was attacked and stabbed as well. But my armor kept back most of the force.” Terentius’s gaze took on a faraway look for a moment. “At one point I dreamed that Victor dragged me into a ditch to hide me. When I came to, I was in a ditch some distance away from the battle, but there was no sign of Victor. I had a head injury and broken ribs. My guess is I crawled into the ditch to hide, but I don’t remember doing it. By the time I awakened everyone had stopped looking for me. I tried to make my way back to the legion, but it took several days of walking, and in between I hid from the enemy. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of returning to you.”

  He kissed her again, this time deeply and with sexual promise.

  “Terentius, I am with child.”

  Tears overflowed his eyes as he placed his hand upon her belly. “I know, sweet one. Capito told me when I reached the fort. He also told me about Sulla.” He pressed more kisses to her face. “My wonderful Adrenia. So brave. So reckless. When I think what you’ve been through.” He buried his face in her neck and mumbled. “I vow to the gods I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” He whispered hotly into her ear. “And after our child is born, I’ll give you many more babies. Many more.”

  She laughed and then pressed kisses to his face. Terentius loosened his grip on her long enough so that she could look around and see her friends. Capito held Longa in his arms. Longa cried, as did Pella. Pontius smiled widely. Cordia and Nerva stood off to the side. Cordia looked devastated.

  Terentius lifted Adrenia’s left hand, and he kissed the ring she wore. “I will make this official. Will you marry me, Adrenia, and spend all your life with me?”

  Sharp, wonderful happiness filled her and she answered. “Yes, Terentius. Yes, yes, yes.”

  As Terentius eased from Adrenia’s body, his breath harsh with completion, she settled into his arms with a sigh. For a long time she listened to his heartbeat as she snuggled into his embrace. Arms so powerful and sheltering held her tight. Deep into the night, the town had turned quiet. She couldn’t hear a dog barking, or horse hooves traversing the street outside. They might have been the only people in Durovigutum, and she liked the thought of staying this isolated for days and days. She traced her hands over his hard form, savoring a return to his beautiful masculine body and territory she hadn’t forgotten. His firm skin over strength, his tenderness despite power—ah, yes. It all filled her with satisfaction and elation.

  “Adrenia?”

  She propped up on one elbow and watched light from the oil lamp flicker over his face. “Yes?”

  “There is so much to catch up on. To know.” His eyes flashed. “Would that I could have spared you such pain. The fact that Sulla attacked you—”

  She placed her index finger over his mouth. “Shhh. Do not say it. It was horrible, and I thought I was dead. But I fought for my baby. I fought to stay alive for you. I fought to make him pay for what he did to those women.”

  Terentius caressed her face, his eyes alight with tenderness. “You’re so strong. Do you know how brave you’ve been? I admire that more than I can say. I have never met another woman like you.”

  She smiled. “Good.”

  “And the money you’ve accumulated while I was gone. Incredible and wonderful. I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become.” He kissed her with a soul-searching intensity. He drew back and pinned her with a serious stare. “Before I left for Germania I was unkind to you.”

  “In what way?”

  “How could you forget? When you had the vision of Victor and I in Germania. The vision came true just as you said. Then I saw...” He swallowed hard. “I saw you lying against a wall with blood down the front of you. That’s when I was stabbed.”

  Adrenia gasped softly. “Then you had a vision of me after Sulla’s attack.”

  “It would seem so.”

  She smoothed her fingertips over his brow. “Then trust me in this. As we made love tonight, I saw another child for us.”

  “How many?”

  “At least three boys and two girls.”

  He grinned, then growled softly as he nuzzled her neck. “I love making babies with you.”

  She giggled, then slowly sobered. She took a deep breath. “You can’t imagine the agony when I thought you were dead, Terentius. The horrible, horrible agony.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Was it awful waking in that foreign land hurt and alone?”

  He nodded, and somehow she knew it would take him considerable time to explain his feelings in full. “My worst thought was if the enemy caught me, I’d never see you again. That was my number-one purpose and it’s what kept me alive. I’d do anything to be with you again.”

  Adrenia tasted his forehead, his nose and finally his lips.

  “Do you mourn Victor?” she asked after a time.

  He nodded. “Very much. I searched for him but never found his body.”

  “Could he be alive?”

  “Unlikely. The fighting was fierce, the wounded and dead thick on the ground—”

  “Then he could still be alive.” Hope surged upward. “After all, Capito couldn’t find you and that’s when everyone thought you were dead.”

  Terentius’s eyes went thoughtful. “Anything is possible. The chances are slim for his survival, but if anyone could find their way out of there in one piece, it might be Victor.” He drew her down into his arms again, holding her so tightly he squeezed her ribs. “In the morning we shall make dedications at the river to give thanks for our good fortune in finding each other again. And, if Victor was so blessed, for our friend’s safe return.”

  So, in the morning, when the sun rose high, they rode a horse to the river near Durovigutum. Terentius helped his beloved soon-to-be wife climb from the horse. He’d hooked one of Victor’s helmets onto a pack on the back of the horse. He carried the helmet with him to the river’s edge.

  “Today is so beautiful.” Adrenia turned her face up to the sky and closed her eyes.

  Warmth filled him from every corner. Her hair flowed around her shoulders, and he recalled how delicious it felt to bury his face in the blue-black beauty of it and breathe her scent.

  “Stand close to me, Adrenia.”

  She moved nearer. She took the two diminutive statues of Abandinus and Coventina from the pouch at her waist.

  Holding the statues over the trick
ling, clear water, she recited words from the heart. “Goddess Coventina and god Abandinus, we thank you for bringing us together and returning us to each other’s side. We dedicate these to you and vow to honor you with new statues and new prayers each day.”

  With a gentle toss, she threw the statues into the babbling water. Terentius watched them roll over and over before the river took them away.

  He held Victor’s helmet over the water. As pain scored him, he drew in a shivering breath and managed words. “Minerva, Jupiter and Mars, Abandinus and Coventina, I bestow this helmet upon you for safekeeping. It belonged to my friend and optio, Domitius Quintus Victor. He was a true and honorable friend and fierce warrior. We honor him forever. And if by chance he survived the battle, keep him safe and return him to us one day.”

  He tossed the helmet into the river and watched the gleaming metal tossed up and down in the current until it disappeared around a bend.

  Terentius turned to Adrenia, peace overtaking him. He drew her into his arms and kissed her with passion. When he released her mouth, her eyes contained the enjoyment of a well-loved woman.

  One thing remained unsaid. “Adrenia, I’ll love you to Elysium and beyond.”

  She smiled and cupped his face. “And I will love you forever, no matter where this journey takes us. I would do this all again for you, for my Roman’s heart.”

  Epilogue

  Present Day

  Huntingdon Museum

  Huntingdon, England, not far from Godmanchester, once known as Durovigutum

  As the archaeologist uncovered their recent finds, Denise Acone admired the tombstone more than the other finds they’d discovered this season. As an American amateur archaeologist, she also never expected to participate in a great find like this. The tombstones, recently unearthed in a field near Godmanchester, had thrilled the small team of Cambridge University archaeologists. Several amateurs gathered around the large wood table that held two tombstones of similar size and construction. Most remarkable was their pristine condition. Buried for so long under deep earth near the site of a second century villa excavation, the stones had remained virtually undamaged for hundreds of years.