My Song for You: A Pushing Limits Novel

by Stina Lindenblatt

  Lines formed across Jared’s forehead. “What do you mean you don’t have time for friends?”

  “Just what I said.” I reached for my drink. The clouds decided now was a great time to release their load. Neither Jared nor I moved. As a kid, I used to love running outside in the rain and splashing in the puddles, even when I didn’t have my rubber boots on.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done that.

  The lines on Jared’s face deepened. “Do you have friends?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Like who?”

  “Seriously? You’re gonna ask my friends’ names just ’cause you don’t believe me when I say I have friends?” I did what I could to sound indignant, when in reality he had nailed the truth. In high school and college I’d had a number of friends I’d hung out with. Now the number of friends I had could be counted on two hands, if you included Beckie, Sharon, and my co-workers, none of whom I had time to do anything with. Beckie and Sharon were the only ones I shared with about my life, and even then I kept it to a minimum.

  Raindrops dripped down my face, but I still didn’t move.

  “It’s not that I don’t believe you,” he said. “It’s just I don’t get why you don’t want to be friends with me.”

  “And I don’t get why you’re so desperate to be friends. In case you’ve forgotten, I have a child. I’m not like your single friends who have time to party and pick up women.” I cringed at how petty that sounded. “We have very different lifestyles, Jared. I don’t know why you think mine will fit neatly with yours.” I grabbed my drink. “I have to get back to work.” Where his girlfriend was waiting for him.

  I opened the door and entered the building. He didn’t say anything, but I could sense him following me. I ducked into the staff room and quickly changed into a dry uniform. Since I couldn’t delay it any longer, I returned to the table where Jared’s latest girlfriend and her friends were, and picked up their empty dessert plates.

  He wasn’t there. His girlfriend jumped out of her seat and stepped around me. I turned around and before I could blink, her arms were around Jared’s neck, her body pressed against his damp clothing.

  “Where did you go?” she asked. “You didn’t even stop to say hi.”

  He didn’t?

  He opened his mouth to respond but didn’t get that far. Her mouth slammed into his. It was like watching a horror movie when you knew something bad was going to happen but you couldn’t look away. All you could do was watch the carnage. Except in this case, the only one to die an excruciating death was me.

  Jared grabbed hold of her arms, but instead of pulling her closer, he pushed her away. Not hard, but with enough force to separate them, and that included their mouths.

  “I missed you,” she said, loud enough for everyone at the table to hear. She smiled, but it was tentative at best.

  Chapter 10

  Callie

  I bolted to the kitchen, unable to escape fast enough. And yes, I might have stayed in there slightly longer than necessary.

  When I finally emerged with the desserts I’d been pretending to wait for, Jared was gone. The girls left soon after.

  “Callie,” Alice said, “Josephine called in sick. Beckie’s covering her shift tonight until the rush is over, but she can’t help me tomorrow. I need you to pull a double shift.”

  I itched to tell her no, that my child came first, but I couldn’t. I needed this job and I owed her. It was the least I could do after I had taken so much time off when Logan was hospitalized with meningitis. And let’s not forget the multitude of medical, physical therapy, and audiology appointments, plus the numerous school meetings that I had missed work for during the past two years.

  “Okay.” I hoped Sharon could look after Logan; if not, I was screwed.

  Beckie waved goodbye to me, a secretive smile on her face. “Have a good night.”

  “You too.” I hurried out of the diner and came to a sudden stop. Jared was standing on the wet sidewalk, watching the door. I glanced back in time to catch Beckie grinning. “What are you doing here?” I asked him. The sidewalk was empty of his girlfriend and her friends.

  He nodded at the diner. “One of the waitresses told me when you get off. I thought I’d walk you home.”

  “That’s not necessary. This is a safe neighborhood and it’s daylight. Nothing’s gonna happen to me. Besides, wouldn’t you rather be with your girlfriend?”

  “What girlfriend?”

  “The one who was kissing you.”

  “She’s not my girlfriend.”

  “Really? Because apparently she’s very intimate with your tongue and all the great things it did to her girlie parts.”

  He slowly shook his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  I choked back a laugh. Did I seriously need to spell it out? “You went down on her.”

  He frowned. “She told you that?”

  “Well, not me directly. I was lucky enough to be serving drinks to the table when she bragged to her friends about your gifted tongue. Trust me, it wasn’t something I wanted to hear.” I began walking down the busy street. The rain had taken a break at some point while I’d been working. Too bad. Maybe it could’ve washed from my brain the image of him going down on her.

  Jared caught up with me. “I never went down on her or had sex with her.”

  “Are you sure about that?” I shrugged, doing my best to make him think I didn’t care one way or another. “Maybe you just forgot her.”

  “No, I haven’t forgotten her. Whatever she told her friends was a lie. Nothing like that happened.”

  Something about his reaction made me believe him. Besides, he didn’t have a reason to lie to me. We weren’t dating. He wasn’t cheating on me. “I guess you get that a lot. I mean groupies who say they’ve slept with you just to impress their friends.”

  “Maybe. But that’s the first I’ve heard of it happening.”

  “So you’ve never had sex with a groupie?”

  “I wouldn’t go as far as saying never. I’m not a monk. Never claimed to be.”

  “Okay.” I turned down a side road that quickly became a residential street. On either side of the road, large leafy trees provided a canopy against the sky.

  We kept walking, not saying much. It reminded me of when we used to hang out together. It wasn’t awkward at all. Just the opposite. Besides, what was there to say that I hadn’t already said the other night?

  I was just relieved he hadn’t asked about my family. I couldn’t go there with him. Not now. Maybe one day, when their deaths weren’t still fresh wounds on my soul.

  It also meant I avoided asking about his. I knew that if I did, he would reciprocate.

  “So it must be cool seeing all those different places while touring,” I said.

  “Not really. Usually we don’t see much of anything. We drive to the next city, maybe do radio interviews while the roadies set up the stage, meet some of our fans, perform, get back on the bus, and drive to the next location.”

  “That sounds kind of…” I left the sentence hanging as I searched for the right adjective, one that sounded more upbeat than the word that first came to mind.

  “Boring? Yeah, it is. But it’s worth it to see the fans and see how much they appreciate the music. I mean, we get that they do, based on our album sales, but that’s nothing compared to seeing them live and seeing their enthusiasm when we play.” His face beamed as he spoke, and it was easy to see how much his job meant to him. He lived for it.

  And that made me smile. At least one of us had been able to follow his dreams.

  “What are the guys in the band like?” I’d heard rumors, but they were based on the media, and I wasn’t sure how much was based on reality.

  “They’re great guys. Mason can be a bit of a handful at times, and he enjoys pulling pranks on the unsuspecting, but overall he means well. He’s had some problems in the past, but he’s keeping that part of himself in check.”


  “What kind of pranks?”

  “One time he put rubber snakes in a drum case for a roadie to find. Unfortunately, Paul was terrified of snakes after a rattler bit him as a kid.”

  My hand flew to my mouth. “Oh my God! Was he okay?”

  “He did get over it eventually. And there was that time when Mason told our tour bus driver that Kirk was taking a nap. It took us two hours to realize that we had left him in Tucson. He had actually told Mas that he was going for a run.”

  The laugh bubbling inside me broke free. “Poor Kirk.”

  “He eventually got over it too.”

  “So you’re telling me you aren’t ready to kill your bandmates yet?”

  He laughed. “Definitely not. I can always rely on those guys to watch my back, like I’d do for them. They’re like the brothers I never had….Which reminds me. My mom says hi and was wondering how your parents are doing.”

  The not-yet-healed wound tore wide open, and I swallowed back the pain and the tears. I opened my mouth to answer, but the lump in my throat prevented the words from forming. “They’re dead,” I finally whispered. “They died in a car accident a few years ago.” I kept my eyes on the path ahead of me, willing my legs to keep moving.

  “I’m so sorry, Callie. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I’d rather not talk about it.” The words came out rough, weary.

  Jared stopped and gently grabbed my arm, forcing me to also stop. “Hey, you know I’m here for you, right? We were once friends. If you need to talk, I’m here for you.”

  But that was where he was wrong. Everything had changed.

  I gave him a soft smile and started walking again. “You remember when I failed my fourth-grade math test?” I asked a minute later. “I was really upset and wanted to run away and join Cirque du Soleil?”

  “Are you gonna tell me that you recently did join them? Because the Callie I remember wasn’t very talented when it came to cartwheels.” He flashed me a teasing smile, and my heart lightened at how easy he was making this for me.

  I shoved his arm playfully. “I wasn’t that bad.” At his raised eyebrows, I added, “Okay, I admit I wasn’t great at them. I guess that’s why you tried to convince me that I was better off running away and joining Bon Jovi on tour. You even tried to convince me to take you with me.”

  “You didn’t expect me to let you meet the band without me, did you?”

  “Have you met them?”

  We reached the entrance of my apartment building and I paused at the door.

  “Not yet. Maybe one day. So far we haven’t been in the same place at the same time for it to happen.”

  I grabbed the handle of the glass door. “Well, thanks, Jared. I guess I’ll see you around.” I didn’t really mean it. It just seemed like the right thing to say to someone, even if you were planning to never see them again. As much as I would’ve loved to see him again, I knew I couldn’t.

  “Hey, don’t I get to at least say hi to Logan?”

  “Why would you want to do that?” I asked, panic seeping in.

  “Because he’s a cool kid. Why wouldn’t I want to say hi to him?”

  “Because we’ve already had this discussion. I don’t want you to hurt him.”

  “How is saying hi hurting him?”

  The elderly woman from the apartment a few floors above mine walked past. Jared said hi to her and opened the door to let her in.

  “Thank you,” she said, and entered the building.

  Jared turned back to me and missed the woman appraise his very nice ass. She grinned at me and nodded her approval. I snickered. She did have a point.

  “You see?” he said with a smirk, having no idea why I was laughing. “I said hi to her and she didn’t get hurt.”

  I rolled my eyes. “That’s not the same thing.”

  “So explain to me why my saying hi to Logan is going to hurt him.”

  That was the thing…I couldn’t.

  “All right,” I said on a heavy breath. “You can come up to say hi.” I wanted to add But then you have to leave, but I was too tired to come up with a logical reason he couldn’t stay longer than that.

  We entered the building. I unlocked the inside door and let him in. As we approached the elevator, the door slid opened. The elderly woman who had appreciated Jared’s ass stepped in first, and we followed. I pressed my lips together as we rode up to my floor, doing my best not to laugh as she checked out his backside again.

  On my floor, I unlocked my apartment door to the sound of coughing from inside, and it was like hooking me up to an IV and rapidly infusing freezing liquid into my bloodstream. It took me a second to realize it wasn’t a child coughing. I quickly opened the door and entered. Jared followed, clicking the door shut behind him.

  I didn’t have to wait long before Logan came charging from his bedroom. Sharon followed soon after, moving at a much slower pace. The cold chill returned full blast. This morning she had looked like she was coming down with a cold, but now she looked a hundred times worse. All I could do was stare at her as Logan wrapped his skinny arms around my legs.

  I hugged him and kissed the top of his head, ignoring for the moment everything else. The exhaustion. Sharon being sick. The extended shift tomorrow. My feelings for Jared.

  Sharon started coughing again. “Sorry,” she said once the coughing fit finally subsided.

  “Are you okay?” Unconsciously I tightened my hold on Logan, as if that would be enough to shield him from getting another serious illness.

  He squirmed, and I reluctantly let go. “Why don’t you go into your room and I’ll be there in a minute?” I said and signed.

  “Jared play with me?”

  “Can Jared play with me?” I corrected.

  “I can do that,” Jared said. “Why don’t you show me your toys?”

  I mouthed, “Thanks.” He gave me his standard you’re-welcome nod. Logan grabbed his hand and led him into his bedroom.

  “Are you okay?” I asked Sharon again, my mouth suddenly dry. Maybe it was due to my paranoia after everything Logan had been through, but I had a feeling she was far from okay.

  “It’s probably nothing more than a cold. But just to make sure”—her gaze darted to Logan’s room—“I have an appointment with my physician in an hour.”

  “How are you getting there?” She didn’t own a car.

  “The bus.”

  “I’ll drive you.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know how long I’ll be, and the doctor’s waiting room is the worst place you could take Logan.”

  “You can’t take the bus. You’re too sick.”

  “And I can’t have you drag Logan to that office and risk him getting sick too. I’ve done my best to minimize the chance of him catching whatever I’ve got, but you won’t be able to do the same there.”

  She was right, but I was right too.

  Jared stepped out of Logan’s room. “I can stay with Logan while you take Sharon.”

  “You can’t do that,” I blurted out.

  “Why not?”

  “Because…um…”

  “It’s a great idea,” Sharon said, her voice a little brighter.

  I flashed her a look that I hoped conveyed more to her than it did to Jared. While I didn’t doubt for a second she was sick, she was up to something.

  But I also didn’t have a choice when it came to Jared looking after Logan. Sharon was right. I couldn’t bring him with us, but I couldn’t let her take the bus.

  I let out a hard breath. “All right, but are you sure about this?” I asked him. “You don’t exactly have experience looking after kids.”

  “We’ll be fine. In case you’re forgetting, I used to be one.” That was hardly reassuring. “Plus, I have a niece. So I’m not totally inept when it comes to kids.”

  I told them I’d be right back and entered Logan’s room. “I have to take Mrs. Rogers to the doctor’s. Are you okay if Jared stays with you till I get back?”


  “Jared plays with me, yes?”

  “Yes, Jared is going to play with you.”

  He grinned, and I could’ve sworn in that moment I’d never seen him look as happy as he did at that news. A pang in my heart warned me this was a bad idea, but I really didn’t have a choice.

  —

  At the sound of the man a few seats down coughing with that phlegmy noisy that always made my stomach churn, I subtly turned my body away from him and flipped the magazine page. A familiar model stared back at me, her makeup and glossy black hair making me feel grossly inadequate. Not that her micro-mini and sequined halter top helped much either. But even if she’d been wearing the same baggy jeans and long-sleeved T-shirt as me, she would have looked sexy.

  She would have looked nothing like me.

  But while Tiffany Grainger might’ve been a supermodel and might’ve had guys drooling over her, I had one thing she didn’t—Logan. Sure, she never had to worry about a guy turning his back on her because she had a child. But she also didn’t know how it felt to have a child love her like she was the most important thing in his world.

  Too bad Logan was the only male who would ever look at me that way.

  I closed the magazine and searched for one that wouldn’t remind me just how lonely I really was. Which meant no magazines with articles on finding Mr. Right or how to give Mr. Right an orgasm he’d never forget.

  As I was deliberating whether it would be better to read the home-decorating magazine or the five-month-old issue of Sports Illustrated, Sharon walked over to me.

  I stood up. “What did she say?”

  “I have pneumonia.”

  “Pneumonia?” I squeaked. “Will you be okay?” Of course, you idiot, she’ll be okay. She has pneumonia, not stage four lung cancer.

  “I’ll be fine. She prescribed antibiotics and told me to rest until I’m feeling better.” She cringed at what that meant.

  I gave her my most reassuring smile. Or at least I tried to. “Don’t worry. Logan will be fine. I’ll figure something out.”

  I was completely, utterly screwed.

  Chapter 11

  Jared