Ben was clearing his throat. Mum gave me a questioning look, as if I’d organised this without mentioning it to her.
‘So, here we all are,’ Ben said. Lila’s face registered alarm, and she too looked at me, panicked. Of all of us on the top table, Ollie was the only one who remained relaxed, sipping from his glass of Champagne. Ben cleared his throat and began to speak.
‘Lila’s always got what she wanted –’
I desperately wanted to do something – snatch the mic from him, make it all stop. But he was two guests away from me, and if I moved it would be evident to the whole room that something had gone wrong – and I didn’t want to risk that. Not yet. I had no choice but to watch on anxiously.
Lila looked confused, as if she too imagined that I had some greater plan here.
When I’d run through the list of potential hazards for the wedding and embarked on damage-limitation I had failed to think about Ben. I had connected him only with not caring – upsetting Lila by not turning up – so the moment I had received his RSVP I thought we were out of the woods.
‘And it seems she set her sights on a nice guy –’ His words were slow and considered, dragged out by the wine he’d been drinking – his cheeks were unusually flushed and he had beads of sweat on his forehead, ‘– this time – ,’ he continued, to a room that had fallen awkwardly silent.
Please stop, I thought. Please don’t say anything more.
‘Don’t worry,’ he said, meeting my eyes. ‘I’m not going to embarrass anyone. They’re a wonderful couple, and I’m very, very proud of my sister today.’
‘Nice speech your brother gave,’ Ollie’s best man Eliot said to me, his fiancée Gemma by his side. ‘I haven’t seen that side to him at work,’ he added. I couldn’t work out if he was being sarcastic, but I felt desperately relieved that my worst fears hadn’t played out.
‘Let’s hope everything goes as smoothly for us, eh Eliot,’ Gemma said.
‘It can’t be long for you guys now,’ I said.
‘Probably not,’ Gemma said. ‘We haven’t managed to agree on a date yet, or, well – anything else much.’
‘She’s very hard to please,’ Eliot said, laughing.
‘I am not,’ she said. ‘Anyway, can we go out for that smoke now? I’m dying.’
‘Old habits,’ Eliot said, apologetically. ‘I think we must be the only people in the country who still smoke. But it’s kind of a romantic thing for us. Gemma works in the bank opposite mine, and that’s how we met.’
‘Sheltering under the Pret awning as it poured down with rain,’ Gemma said, laughing at the memory.
‘Yep,’ Eliot said. ‘I don’t think she was immediately convinced I was The One.’
‘You persuaded me in the end,’ Gemma said. ‘Right. Out we go.’
I didn’t know Eliot or Gemma well but I’d warmed to them. They were the kind of people you felt at ease around quickly.
The reception all went smoothly. Lila and Ollie had danced their first dance to an admiring crowd of friends and family. Lila hadn’t simply danced, she’d glided – and while Ollie wasn’t a professional, it hadn’t showed, she’d carried him somehow.
The pace had picked up now, and Amber and I were dancing with a few friends to the soul band I’d arranged – it was a relief and a joy to see how popular they were, both with the guests our age, the kids, and our parents’ generation.
But I was distracted. After his attempt at a speech, Ben seemed to have disappeared – and while I was unsure of his whereabouts, I had a lingering feeling of uneasiness. There was something weird about the way he was acting, and I couldn’t ignore it.
I left the dance floor and went back out into the area where we’d all been seated for the wedding breakfast.
My brother was staring down at his phone in the semi-darkness, the screen lighting his face with a blue-white glow. When he glanced up at me I saw that his eyes – green like mine, like Lila’s, were slightly red and bloodshot.
‘That was a nice thing you did back there,’ I said.
‘You sound surprised.’
‘I guess I am, a bit,’ I said. I hadn’t known what was going to come out of my brother’s mouth. That’s how distant we’d become.
He shrugged, cast his eye back to his phone.
‘Put that away for a minute, Ben.’
Out of surprise, more than obedience, he pocketed the phone and looked back at me.
‘What’s going on with you lately?’ I asked.
‘Nothing.’
‘You were vague about coming today, kept us all guessing, and then . . . I don’t get it, Ben.’
‘It’s nothing.’
I raised an eyebrow.
‘OK. It’s complicated.’
I thought of the familial bonds that had brought us all together under one roof that day and realised how very fragile they were. I put a hand on my brother’s arm and tried to bridge the gap. His gaze was cast down, and I thought for a moment that something in him had softened. Looking at his face, crumpled and weary, I thought of the times at the house when we were young. When he’d trip in the garden, gravel embedding itself in his knees, and I’d pick him back up, hold him close until his sobbing slowly subsided. Back then his heart and skin and soul had felt part of mine, just like Lila’s did. I guess I wanted him to feel better, because that was my job. Making things right with him was the only way I could feel OK about being me.
‘I think it’s time I went home,’ Ben said.
When Ben left, in a taxi, I returned to the party, but the buzz of excitement I’d felt earlier had disappeared, replaced with a strange new sadness. The music that had sounded so sweet just half an hour ago now just seemed loud.
‘Here you go,’ Amber said, passing me a Champagne glass. My heart lifted at the sight of her friendly face, and of the drink. ‘Bellini,’ she said. ‘I think you’ve earned it.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. I smiled, but my mind was still reeling. However, one glance across the dance floor to where Lila and Ollie were standing, arms around each other and both laughing, their faces close, confirmed that everything that really mattered today was going OK. I thought of Lila and Ollie’s faces when I’d handed over my wedding present to them – the set I’d made of their wedding. I’d worried they might think it was silly, but Lila’s eyes had lit up when she saw it. She and Ollie said it was the perfect way for them to remember the day.
Amber and I danced for a while, and I started to push aside my concerns about Ben. He couldn’t ruin today – nothing could – and if he wanted to deal with whatever anger or problems he had on his own, then so be it.
‘Cheeseboard’s out,’ Amber said, nudging me. I was about to follow her over, when I heard my name.
It was his voice. So familiar. Gravelly, but you could always hear a smile in it. Sam. Dressed in a suit and clean-shaven. He looked more mature, in a good way. His hair was close-cropped, with short sideburns, and apart from the dark metal ring high in his ear, the skater boy was all but gone.
‘Hi,’ I said, my voice barely sounding. Then I remembered my manners. ‘Amber, Sam. Sam, Amber.’
‘I’ll leave you guys to catch up,’ Amber said, excusing herself. ‘I’m afraid I’m not missing that cheeseboard out of courtesy.’
‘Sorry to get here late,’ he said. ‘There was crazy traffic on the motorway. Your sister looks amazing,’ Sam said.
‘Doesn’t she?’ I said, smiling proudly.
‘And you don’t look so bad yourself,’ he said. He smiled, then cast a glance at my bridesmaid’s dress. His eyes drifted over the full skirt, the floaty fabric. I felt silly – like a little girl dressed up as a princess for a party.
A flush crept onto my cheeks. He was being polite. This really wasn’t the kind of look he’d ever dug – we both knew that.
We were standing apart from one another, and his posture was awkward. Our friendship and easy way with one another seemed a world away now. My heart felt heavy. He must have felt the same
way, as he gave me a hug, slightly rigid and out of sync, but a hug all the same, and it felt good to be close to him again. The trace scent of the coconut hair wax he used that reminded me of summer.
‘Great party,’ he said. ‘Lila told me you’re the one responsible for making it all happen.’
‘Lila and Ollie had the vision,’ I said. ‘I just sorted a few of the details.’
‘Whatever you say. Do you want to go and get a drink?’ Sam said, pointing over at the bar. ‘It would be good to chat.’
It would be good to chat. The words lingered as I tried to find a way to reply. It would be the best thing ever to chat, I thought. It would be incredible to chat. Chatting to you again is pretty much all I’ve thought about for the past few months.
‘Sure,’ I said.
Chapter 14
Back in London on Sunday evening, with the wedding still fresh in our minds, Amber and I were sitting in our living room, in t-shirts and jeans, drinking tea. Since Lila’s wedding the smile had barely left my face – all of the time planning had culminated in an unforgettable day.
Lila and Ollie were off on their honeymoon in Paris, and I was left feeling proud that I’d been part of a day that had meant so much for her and Ollie. And I also felt a warm glow at the memory of talking to Sam again.
‘It was AMAZING,’ Amber said, lying back on the nest she’d made from sofa cushions. ‘From start to finish, definitely the best wedding I’ve ever been to.’
‘The cake was a total hit. I think you probably picked up quite a few future customers, if you’re looking.’
Amber smiled. ‘Not right now, but maybe one day.’
‘Anyway, I’m looking forward to a decent night’s sleep tonight – it’ll be the first one I’ve had since Lila and I started planning.’
‘What was up with your brother at the wedding?’
‘So you noticed he was acting weird too?’
‘Yes, I heard him on the phone at one point,’ Amber said, as if she was just recalling it now. ‘He seemed upset about something.’
‘Probably lost a few quid on the stock exchange. That’s all that seems to matter to him these days.’
‘No,’ Amber said. ‘It wasn’t that. I don’t think it was to do with work. He said they had to make a decision, or he was going.’
‘A woman?’ I said. Ben hadn’t talked about anyone – not for years. I’d started to wonder if maybe city life had turned him celibate.
Amber shrugged. ‘I probably shouldn’t have said anything, I only caught a few words. But it just seemed odd, at such a happy occasion. I thought it was worth mentioning.’
‘Right,’ I said. ‘Thanks.’
Amber got to her feet and started to tidy the kitchen. I went into my room and got out my phone to call Ben.
There’d been a time when I wouldn’t have thought twice about calling him. And yet now – I braced myself for Ben’s likely response to my call – guarded, cynical.
The ringtone went on, and in spite of myself I felt a little wave of relief when it switched to answerphone.
‘Hey, it’s Ben. You’ve just missed me. Leave me a message and I’ll call you right back.’
Tears sprung to my eyes. I hadn’t heard his voicemail for a while, so rarely did I call him, but – unlike Ben himself – it hadn’t changed. There on that recorded message was the calm, funny and kind man that I’d grown up with.
I was caught out by the beep, and it was a second until I composed myself enough to leave a message. When I did speak the words came out haltingly.
‘Ben, hi, it’s me. Hazel. I wanted to . . . I guess I just wanted to say. If you . . . I hope you’re OK. Anyway, I’m here. If you ever want to talk, I mean. You can call me.’
I hung up before I could make any more of a mess of it. I don’t know what I’d really intended to say but it had definitely come out wrong.
Ben wouldn’t ring back. I knew that already.
An hour or so later I climbed in bed, pulling the duvet up over me, taking a paperback from my bedside table to read. Everything felt quiet now that the wedding was over.
I was so immersed in my novel, I barely registered my phone buzzing with a new message. I got to the end of my chapter, and picked it up. My heart lifted when I saw there was a new message from Lila. I hadn’t expected to hear from her, given that she was on her honeymoon.
Hey Sis. Thank you again! What a day. Having the best honeymoon ever, too. Oh, by the way can I pass your email on to Eliot and Gemma? They’re interested in having a chat.
Lila xx
The joy in Lila’s voice seemed to come right into the room with me. She sounded like herself again.
Chapter 15
‘So – how was the big day?’ Josh said on Monday morning, leaning over the edge of my desk. ‘Don’t tell me you had all that cake and no leftovers.’
‘Nothing,’ I said, laughing. ‘I’m sorry, Josh. You haven’t met my family – they are animals when it comes to baked goods. And Amber’s cake was a triumph. Utterly impossible to resist.’
He smiled. ‘So – tell me, how did it go? Did all your planning pay off?’
‘Spectacularly, if I do say so myself. Have a look at this.’ I passed him my iPad, showing the unofficial photos that Amber and I had taken.
Josh swiped his finger over the screen. He nodded, impressed. ‘Woah, it looks great,’ he said. ‘What a brilliant venue. Did your sister and Ollie enjoy themselves?’
‘They had the best day of their lives.’
‘The place looks fantastic – and her dress is great too. I’ll have you know I’m not normally good at saying stuff like that – but that really is a great dress.’
Laughing and talking with Josh again felt good. Things were back to normal between us, with not a trace of the strangeness that had come about when I was worried about Lila.
‘Do you think you’ll ever do it?’ I asked.
He shrugged, and smiled. ‘It’s complicated.’
‘OK, I’ll stop prying.’
‘There’s no big secret,’ he said with a shrug. ‘Sarah just seems keen one minute, dead against it the next. It’s not always easy talking about the future with her.’
‘She’s better with the present?’
‘Yes. She’s a free bird. Lives moment to moment.’
‘Maybe we could all benefit from being a bit more like that,’ I said.
After lunch, I saw there was a personal email in my inbox, alongside the work ones. It was from Eliot, with Gemma CCd in. I opened it, curious.
Hi Hazel,
Great to see you at the wedding. Gemma and I loved what you put together and were so impressed when Ollie told us you’d managed it in a matter of months. We’ve decided that we’d like some help getting our day perfect – it’s all relatively last-minute . . . hence us needing an extra pair of hands, but we were wondering if you’d be up for the job?
I felt a burst of excitement as I read the email – they were offering me work – for money – doing something that for me was a pleasure.
Keen as I was to do it, I held myself back from pressing reply. This was someone’s wedding day – if I said yes, I had to follow through properly. I should think about this, over a cup of tea at least.
As if she’d read my thoughts, an instant message from Amber popped up in the corner of my screen.
From: Amber
Priority heads up. Muffins in the kitchen. You have two minutes to get there before the whole office email goes out. I’ll put the kettle on.
I looked over at Amber and she gave me a smile.
I got up and walked over to the kitchen.
Wedding planning. It made such good sense, I don’t know why I hadn’t considered it earlier. I’d been enjoying planning Lila and Ollie’s big day – it was really just like decorating another set. So why shouldn’t I look at doing it professionally? So many people in London were money rich, time poor – but didn’t want to compromise on the most important day of their lives. I could he
lp make it easy for them. OK, so there were plenty of people doing it already, who had more experience . . . but perhaps last-minute weddings could be my USP?
‘Cinnamon and raisin,’ Amber said, as I arrived at the kitchen.
‘Yum.’ I picked one up and took a bite.
‘How’s your morning going?’ Amber asked, as she poured tea for us both.
‘Good, thanks. Just had a bit of a surprising request, as it happens.’ I lowered my voice to a whisper. ‘Eliot – Ollie’s best friend, has just asked if I’ll plan his wedding for him,’ I said, feeling instinctively that this was something I could share with Amber.
‘Interesting,’ she said, tilting her head. ‘Flattering too. So you’re thinking of going into business, on the side?’
‘I don’t know. I haven’t replied.’
‘It’s only one wedding,’ Amber said. ‘You could carry on working here, as normal, and just see how it goes.’
I took in the suggestion and mulled it over.
‘It’s completely doable,’ Amber reassured me, sensing my unvoiced doubts. ‘Have a chat and see how it all fits. What have you got to lose?’
When I got back to my desk, ten minutes later, a stampede of our colleagues headed into the kitchen as word of the muffins spread. I took the moment of quiet as an opportunity – and tapped out a reply to Eliot saying that I’d love to meet. As I did, my neck prickled with anticipation. I was going to do this. And I was going to do it well.
I met Eliot and Gemma after work the next day, in a café near Liverpool Street. I’d stayed up until the early hours the night before, trawling through the websites of the UK’s top wedding planners and seeing how they did it – from contracts to pricing structures. After squinting at the calculator on my phone for what seemed like hours, I’d settled on a rate that seemed right, with a deposit upfront and more to pay after the event. I hoped that Eliot and Gemma would agree.
We greeted each other and sat down at a booth in the corner, away from the loud chatter of the other customers.
The Winter Wedding Page 9
